Minn. mom fights church ban on her autistic son - church has obtained a restraining order

[Kadie]

Minn. mom fights church ban on her autistic son
By DAVE KOLPACK, Associated Press Writer
31 minutes ago


BERTHA, Minn. - Carol Race thinks it's important for her 13-year-old son to be in church for Mass on Sundays.
Leaders of the Church of St. Joseph once felt the same way, but not anymore. They say Race's autistic son Adam is disruptive and his erratic behavior threatens the safety of other parishioners.

The northern Minnesota church has obtained a restraining order to keep Adam away, an action that has been deeply hurtful to the Race family and has brought them support from parents of other autistic children.

"My son is not dangerous," Carol Race said. The church's action is "about a certain community's fears of him. Fears of danger versus actual danger," she said.

In court papers, church leaders say the danger is real. The Rev. Daniel Walz wrote in his petition for the restraining order that Adam — who already is more than 6 feet tall and weighs more than 225 pounds — has hit a child, has nearly knocked over elderly parishioners while bolting from his pew, has spit at people and has urinated in the church.

more...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080601/ap_on_re_us/church_autistic_child_1




Adam Race, 13, receives a playful hug from his sister, Chiara, 12, as his brother Joshua, 15, looks on Thursday, May 29, 2008, in Eagle Bend, Minn. Adam Race was banned from a Catholic church in Bertha, Minn., after the family and parish could not agree on accommodations for Adam, who is severely autistic.
(AP Photo/Dave Kolpack)

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. The bad guy in this story

is the mom. She is doing both her kid and her church a disservice.

[Occulus]

3. Really? How so? n/t

[Name removed]

6. Deleted message

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[RedCappedBandit]

12. Who are you to call others idiots?

scum

[Name removed]

25. Deleted message

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[jwirr]

15. Are you really a Democrat?

[Name removed]

29. Deleted message

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[fla nocount]

23. Please don't tombstone this one.

This cretin could provide a lot of fun on a slow Sunday.

[jwirr]

36. What he/she was doing was not fun to a parent. Sorry if I spoiled yours. nt

[TomInTib]

7. Well...

from the article:
"Adam is one of five children. The family's home in nearby Eagle Bend has separate study rooms so the other children can read books and use crayons that Adam could otherwise destroy.

Carol said Adam has two favorite spots in the house, the prayer room and the kitchen table. "He likes to eat," she said, laughing.

Adam is prone to anxiety attacks. Carol said some of those outbursts force members of the family to sit on him to calm him down, or restrain his hands and feet with a strip of felt.

In his court petition, Walz said that after one service Adam got into another family's car, started it and revved up the engine while there were people in front of the vehicle. "


You know, that sort of thing.

My sister is a total lunatic and, as a child, would always disrupt services at our little church. My parents eventually gave up and quit taking her along.

[proud2BlibKansan]

9. It is obviously not a good setting for him

I work with disabled kids and they often have different boundaries from non-disabled kids. We work to make them comfortable in order to optimize the experiences we are providing. If this kid was comfortable in church, he wouldn't be acting out like he is. Mom chooses to take him there, so I call her the bad guy.

[Occulus]

22. Wow. Paging Dr. Frist. n/t

[proud2BlibKansan]

37. Oh good grief.

Exaggerate much? LOL

[goddess40]

4. Maybe the church should help her get treatment for her son

Autism is not covered by insurance because they lie and say it's an educational issue and schools don't do a great job because they simply don't have the funds. If the church were a true caring community, which most claim they are, they should reach out and help this boy instead of just throwing him away.

[proud2BlibKansan]

10. How do we know that they haven't done that?

And really, regardless of what the church should be doing, Mom is the primary responsible party.

[goddess40]

27. you obviously don't have an autistic child

It takes more than what one person has to offer. If the church had offered help they would have said so.

[proud2BlibKansan]

38. So I have to have an autistic kid to understand what is going on here?

Did you even bother to read the article? This kid urinates on people at church. Clearly he is not comfortable there.

Perhaps the church told the reporter they had offered to help but the reporter left that out of the story.

[jwirr]

11. In Minnesota every child like him has treatment if their families take

it. As the parent of a severely disabled child here in MN it sounds to me like the family controls him at home but is not willing to take measures to do the same in the public. If he is that big he can cause damage very easily accidentally. He does not have to be mean just free to act. Running down elderly is a real danger. I have also seen a mildly disabled child get in a car and drive it into a pole. All of this merely calls for increased supervision.

[goddess40]

28. Autism is a special disorder -since insurance doesn't recognize it

I would check into if autism is covered in MN - I wouldn't be surprised if it was excluded.

[jwirr]

35. If that were the case we have a government program that covers

long term illnesses for families who cannot get insurance any other way. Now I will admit I have not kept up with changes since pawlenty got in.

[colinmom71]

43. It depends on the insurance...

If the family had private health insurance, then yes it does not tend to pay for respite care and/or developmental disability issues past the age of 5 to 10 (as per several policies we've been under). The general reasoning by private insurers is that since the federal IDEA laws provide for special education and therapeutic treatments, such as physical and speech therapies to address developmental delays, they are not obligated to cover the same or similar services under medical coverage past a certain age (usually 5 yrs when the child tends to enter public special education programs, though some do provide services to age 10 as habilitative treatments).

They also tend to cite the fact that Medicaid also covers developmental issues completely, which is great if the family qualifies for Medicaid either by family income, through SSDI qualification, or by one of the many waiver programs that all states utilize under Medicaid programs. If the child qualifies for SSDI, Medicaid and some other public services (food stamps, living assistance, etc.) are automatically awarded to the disabled child. SSDI usually tends to review qualification every year, with a global re-qualification every 3-5 years (IIRC, it's been a while since I've had to deal with this...). Then there are the waiver programs...

Waiver programs were brought about in cases where a disabled child has been declared to have medical and/or disability issues so extensive that otherwise they would be required to be institutionalized (via hospital, residential facility, etc.) if the family had not been able to care for their needs at home and/or within community based services (medical appointments, therapy appts., etc.). Once that issue is determined to be applicable to a disabled child, they are granted Medicaid due to the severity of their disability issues and not based on family income. You can look up how these waivers came about by researching the term "Katie Beckett Waiver" though most states now call it either the Deeming Waiver or have other various waiver programs aimed at certain types of disabilities, such as mental retardation, orthopedic issues, and I think some states also do have autism specific programs now. My disabled son is on the Deeming Waiver program with Medicaid as a supplemental insurance to our private family health policy.

Now, most private insurers do have general programs or at least limited coverages for certain forms of autism - usually for the older, more classically known forms of autism disorders or issues due to brain damage (birth accidents or prematurity). But some of the newer diagnoses, like PDD-NSO (Pervasive Developmental Disorder of Non-Specific Origin) which have no known medical or organic cause, can spell the death knell for services under private insurance. For medical insurance to cover an autism span disorder, you generally have to show a medical cause to justify covering the rehabilitative treatments as being required to improve loss of function after a medical crisis.

But different insurers offer differing policies according to what the contractee (an employer usually) is willing to pay for. For example, my husband works for a very large corporation that offers several different insurance plans besides just a cheaper but restrictive HMO. The most expensive option to the employee is classical reimbursement style insurance - reimbursement for 80% of all costs (more for some "preferred" medical providers) with a decent sized deductible per year (~$1500-2500 IIRC). The middle option consists of two POS/PPO (Point of Service/Preferred Provider Option) plans. It covers almost everything within "preferred networked providers" with fairly modest co-pays and deductibles for major services, with all non-network providers covered at a flat 70% of cost. As a result, the costs within this plan are mitigated pretty well so covered services are far better than most HMO's, such as a very comprehensive women's care program (it even covers elective abortions and various infertility treatments) and it also covers therapies solely for any developmental disorders until age ten. Needless to say, we went with this middle cost option and have been quite pleased with services for several years now... Colin's durable medical equipment is covered at 100% and we have never had one moment's fuss or issues with covering things like new ankle braces or wheelchairs from just our private insurer...

But yeah, it can often be a "luck of the draw" as to whether a family with an autistic child will receive good insurance coverage absent qualifying for Medicaid or SSDI. And that's not how it should be... I'm very grateful that we've managed to always have good coverage for Colin and that's how everyone else dealing with the painful alphabet maze of childhood disability should have it too.

[colinmom71]

41. Honestly, if it's the case that this boy is fine at home...

Then clearly he is getting overstimulated by that church's environment and that is what is triggering outbursts. I'd be willing to believe the boy functions better at home, a familiar and less overwhelming environment than a church full of people and activity between sermons and such. Maybe it's just that the mom doesn't see that as the case...

If he's already harmed church property and/or members, then the church is acting rightly to protect fellow members from his actions... Mom should seek out respite care for the boy so that she can attend church without issue. And where's the dad? Can't they take turns and alternate church services on weekends? From what I can see, the church has attempted to make every reasonable accommodation to both allow them to be in the church and to protect fellow church members.

[mike_c]

2. tempest, meet teapot....

:shrug:

[Name removed]

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[gatorboy]

8. Anyone see the original CNN broadcast.

The family had the back of their van caged in. Wonder why that is?

[noel711]

13. How is this being 'church'?

My theology says that 'church' is for everyone who wants to be there.
Especially young people that the world thinks are disruptive.
Church isn't about being prim and proper and so-called 'well behaved.'
church is for all God's people...Jesus didn't give his disciples a test to see
if they'd pass the Miss Manners exam.

Many young people with ADHD, autism, other disorders need what church offers;
many times if these young people are given something to do within the liturgy,
that they are made to feel useful find a way to channel their energy and impulses
because they are made to feel important. Even if they pee on the floor...

(Case in point: At one of my parishes, this happened many times.. we had a huge day care,
and we had special children's liturgies where all the kids had a role/job. After worship,
the sexton and I would clean up.. and if there was a puddle, we'd laugh: "Here is the incarnation!"
I'd rather have a church where kids laugh out loud, and maybe have accidents,
then not have young people there at all. )

What can learning disabled kids do?
They can be a 'greeter' at the front door, and tell people
"Hi! Welcome to our church!"
They can tell people where the rest rooms are, or the nursery.
Help distribute church bulletins and hymnals.
They can help escort older people to their seats.
They can help lead the singing.
They can help collect the offering with others.
They can bring up the gifts (bread, wine, etc)..
they can help bring folks up for communion.
They can turn pages for the organist.
They can help open doors, and turn on and off lights.
They can be the chief handshaker or hugger during the sharing of the peace.
They can help set up tables, pass out napkins at coffee hour.
they can help with sweeping the floor.
(I've noticed that worship is often a calming experience for disabled youth;
the music, the chanting, the prayers are soothing.. and it calms them..)

Perhaps the parents should approach the pastor/priest, and work to have a 'family' liturgy where
young people can be who they are.. and feel welcomed.
People who prefer a 'quiet' liturgy could attend another mass/service.

There's a specialized ministry in the Lehigh Valley called "Rejoicing Spirits"
a program of worship and spiritual growth for families with disabled adult children.
They have terrific worship experiences where all participate, many of the disabled
lead the prayers, sing, dance, and help. It is wonderful to hear them and worship with
them.. because its THEIR church. And their parents too...

I grieve for this family.. they desperately need someone to meet their needs,
and if their church isn't or won't help their spiritual needs, they might
look at other churches.

[RedCappedBandit]

14. Problem: Kid apparently does not want to be there

Solution: Mother should stop forcing her will on him.

[Arugula Latte]

16. That's probably fine most disabled people

(although personally I think churches in general dish out a big steaming load every Sunday, but some people enjoy it). However, this kid has physically harmed several people in the church. This solution doesn't sound like something that would work for him, specifically.

[noel711]

17. If the child is a danger to himself or others...

that is different. But I wonder how much has been tried to help him understand...

And does he not want church... or does he not want THAT church? I wouldn't either.
And if that church was more gracious towards him (and other kids) perhaps he would.

If Mom is the one wanting church, perhaps she should go by herself.

"Big steaming load.." Some churches I'm sure, but not all.
It's a shame that 'church' is synonymous with crapola.. coz that's not the truth.

[proud2BlibKansan]

18. This kid isn't learning disabled

He's autistic.

[DUgosh]

19. I lost my disabled son in 2005

He was twenty. I probably was a raging Mother. It would have been great if family members, church members and the church would have helped our family. I truly needed community support. A meal, a respite, a nights sleep, a smile, a shoulder. Most help came from strangers. I never felt welcomed anywhere we went, and I'm crying as I write this.

[Bunny]

24. I'm so sorry, for your loss and for your experience.

:hug:

[Blue Diadem]

30. I'm so sorry DUgosh,

for the loss of your dear son. :hug:

[Kadie]

34. I am so sorry DUgosh.

:grouphug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

39. I am so sorry

[Rosemary2205]

20. We've had this in my church

We have a family with 2 autistic kids they adopted. God bless them. One of the kids grew to be enormous. By 16 he was a good 6'3" and well over 250lbs of pure uncontrollable muscle. The whole church was supportive of what they family was trying to do. We looked out for the little kids and helped clean up messes. Most other parents explained to the kids about being patient and understanding.

Then one day Charlie bolted from his parents and mowed down an 82 yr old man in a walker trying to get through a doorway. The old man bounced off the concrete, broke a hip, an arm and shattered a cheek - not to mention all the bruises and other pulled and sprained things. We had to ban Charlie from the property from that point on. We hated it. But we had no choice - a special place to keep Charlie seperated where he couldn't hurt anyone was not an option and his parents had been unwilling to consider keeping their family seperated in the "cry room" for years. They insisted Charlie have interaction just like everyone else.

I feel for the family in that article. And I feel for the parish, and I feel for Adam. But expecting everyone to sit by while a big kid smacks around little kids and old folks, and gets behind the wheel of a car is asking too much.

[varelse]

21. The problem is

he's dangerous. He doesn't mean to be, but he is. If, for reasons not revealed in the article, the family and the church can not work together to find a way to minimize the very real threat that this child poses to the other members of the congregation, then church is in no way out of line in banning him.

Still, I get the feeling that all options have not been explored. Sequestering the family in the basement with a live feed can't be the only compromise that could be worked out. Then again, maybe mom isn't ready to compromise, and wants the kid to be treated "like everyone else" even though he can't possibly be held to the same standards of behaviour expected from his peers. Neither position is reasonable, in my opinion. Perhaps the court case will stimulate discussion and negotiation of other solutions - if it doesn't cause bitter and lasting division in the parish, that is.

[cbc5g]

26. I do therapeutic riding and an autistic kid was thrown out for striking and spitting on the helpers

Until guardians and doctors get their illness under control they shouldn't be around other people like that. It's a sad story both ways but a violent disruptor cannot be allowed to participate. I side with the church here (and I'm not religious).

[madrchsod]

31. my wife works with the autistic,

mentally and psychically handicapped people of all ages. it`s a tough call and what is right or wrong but the best she has found is to try to come to an agreement that is in the best interest of both parties. my wife takes people to church,sporting events,and many other social events. if someone acts out she is trained to deal with it.

[proud2BlibKansan]

40. "she is trained to deal with it"

Exactly. The church is not trained to deal with this kid.

[madrchsod]

32. thank you for removing that......

[dflprincess]

33. This story is a few weeks old and, per older accounts,

the church did try to work with the family. They even offered to bring in a third party mediator, which the mother refused. Adam has become threatening to other parish members, whether he means to be or not. He also disrupts the service. If a 3 or 4 year old were behaving in a way that disrupted the Mass, we'd all think the parents were remiss for not removing them from the sanctuary.

[Name removed]

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[Skittles]

44. agreed

and if anyone gives me grief, I have an autistic brother and am well aware of autism -

[DUgosh]

46. I am ready to give you grief

But I won't because you are an drafted sibling. My daughter bless her heart was barely able to deal with what we asked of her. I spent every dime I had to send her to college as far away from her brother as we could afford. 314 miles to be exact. It was the first time in her life that she was freed from the responsiblities, limitations and stigma of our family. I thought she would choose interior design or something as far away from the world of disability as possible. Who knew she would become a VI teacher for the blind and visually impaired. I her Mother sure didn't. It's the last thing I would have wanted for her. But what do I know...... But it's what she wanted, of her own free will and without the least bit of encouragement from me. Sometimes thats just the way it's supposed to work out. Mysterious ways. or something like that. She's amazing by the way if your interested.

[Skittles]

48. I got a lot of my "kick-ass" attitude very young

dealing with people staring at my brother when we went out - "WHAT THE F*** YOU LOOKING AT" I would yell at them - yup

[Name removed]

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[LeftyMom]

47. You know, you don't get to go off half cocked and attack people for disagreeing with you.

Now go read the damned article, the mother says that he has to go because missing mass is a sin. I didn't make that shit up to attack some stranger, I read the fucking thing first and then offered an informed opinion.

[Skittles]

49. that's what I did too, LeftyMom

yes INDEED