$500/month and your kids will be taken care of for life.......

[Mind_your_head]

Would you 'buy' into that deal?

(I'll post why I ask this tomorrow ~ Friday).

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. I'd need to hear quite a few more details...

before I'd even consider buying into whatever scheme this turns out to be.

:shrug:

[Mind_your_head]

2. You're a 'good person/kind soul' Peggy.......

thanks for answering (so you don't understand this question...but there are LOTS of people who 'DU').

[tkmorris]

3. McCain's first wife?

[TheWraith]

4. For how long, and what benefits?

I too would have to hear complete details.

[Mind_your_head]

6. Well....I don't want to reveal too much, :sarcasm:

but your kid asks for a fish and you give him/her a stone? That's NOT a parent

[Selatius]

5. I need to know the terms of the agreement before signing off.

For all I know, I get 500/month after I sign on the dotted line that gets me sent to a hellhole inside Iraq that ends up claiming both my legs leaving me in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

[Mind_your_head]

7. Oh no.....if you're a guy......this 'deal' is irrisitable (sp?)........

[Mind_your_head]

8. Okay....as 'promised' on Friday.....here's the "deal"

You get divorced from your wife.....she 'gets' the kids .....you are ORDERED to pay her $500/month. Which, in the case of my "ex" he does.....

But, ehm, I'm paying WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than $500 a month in order to support these three wonderful/academically acheiving kids (whom I dearly love, btw)...but I have to carry the burden of the shortfall that $500 that he pays DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER! AND HE MAKES MORE MONEY THAN ME! AND he married a "honeypot"( In fairness, the honeypot shouldn't have to pay for HIS kids, but he lives with her for FREE! And I have a mortgage to pay!)

I am sooooooooooo screwed! (but I love these kids of mine....I'm gonna have to die early, b/c I certainly can't afford a retirement after I will have TRULY "given my all" (and HE hasn't done sh*t)

Women take on such more burden than men, and yet we women are CONSTANTLY put down/lacking support. Men get sooooooooo many 'passes'. It's TERRIBLY unfair.

I would LOVE to go into court and ask the judge that I pay HIM $500/month and HE pays for everything else....but NO that just would NEVER happen. I would be getting a much much BETTER financial deal. btw, if any astute divorce attorney wants to contact me to attempt this, I'd be willing to consider it.....b/c I'm (and other mothers like me) are getting financially ripped from limb-to-limb all b/c we really LOVE our children! Mothers 'sacrifice'....most fathers don't, that's what I see these days....

Peace,
M_Y_H

[Orrex]

9. Out of curiosity, how old are your kids? Is the "ex" their father?

And does he pay you alimony?

I don't mean to seem petty, but it occurs to me that these factors could, unfortunately, have affected the judge's decision.

[Mind_your_head]

11. Not that it means anything b/c I've been divorced since 1997.....

my children are currently aged 14, 16, and 20.

$500/month.....doesn't EVEN begin to cover what they cost vs. if I were "alone" (like HE is)......

[shanti]

14. try raising a teenager

on a whopping $33 dollars a month! that is, when you get it. thankfully, he turned 18 2 weeks ago, so that's done.

i do understand tho...

[Orrex]

15. And it's been $500 all along? That's pretty damned outrageous.

That's $167 per kid per month, and that's only assuming that the father's income was static for 10+ years.

The 20-year-old is likely out of luck at this point, as long as your ex made the ordered payments up until that child's 18th birthday. If not, then he or she can sue for outstanding payments owed.


The system is fucked up. The monthly $500 might reasonably be sufficient to cover food, medical costs, and clothing, and that's fine if those are the only costs! But reality generally demands that you pay rent/mortgage, utilities, etc., and all of these are intrinsic to the raising of a child.

You have my sympathies.

[Lorien]

25. It is. My mother got $600 a month for the two of us in the 1970s and 80's

and she still often came up short at the end of the month. We always shopped with coupons and got our cloths at Goodwill, but still...

[Orrex]

26. I'll have to ask my mom how much she got for us. It wasn't a lot.

I'm thinking like $140/month for each of us. That was between '83 and '89 or so.

[Mind_your_head]

16. Yes, my ex is their father.......

nothing weird or complicated about it. I've never re-married (he has though :eyes:)

I've been a 'good girl' and I am totally SCREWEN!!!! (so much for living a good honest life! THANKS guys!!!!! men make the rules.....)

[LordJFT]

10. Yeah, but would you rather have the money or your kids?

I think both parents get screwed by the twisted divorce system. Fathers not getting their kids and Mothers having to pay more and generally having low-paying jobs.

[Mind_your_head]

12. Well, that's my point....the dads "give up the kids" so that they can keep the money

Men have many more advantages and so much less responsibility as to 'home life'. (However I WILL ADMIT that in the work world, men are vicious with each other....and *I* don't like to 'play' in that world.....but I must too)

on edit: to say 'I don't envy the role that men must play either. I, as a woman, don't like it....but for men I guess it's more natural (if not brutal?)....I dunno

[LordJFT]

17. I don't know about your situation, but not all men give up their children willingly

All I'm saying is that the problem with societal gender roles is that often it makes the men lose the kids and the women lose the, which doesn't leave any winners.

[Orrex]

13. That's not a fair question. And neither parent is screwed as badly as the kids

That's not a commentary on the current discussion nor on the parenting skills of anyone going through a divorce; instead, the situation itself is so aggressively toxic to the children that I am inclined to sympathize with the kids more than with either parent.

For the record, the father in a divorce who doesn't support the children and contribute meaningfully to their upbringing is, by definition, abusing them.

[Ikonoklast]

What a pantsload. Get over yourself.

I am the custodial parent of three.

Ex-wife: Not ONE THIN DIME PAID FOR SUPPORT. EVER. Even after ordered to do so by the court.


Quit her job to avoid paying anything. She made a good living.
State did nothing.
Kids got NOTHING.

NOTHING.

At least you got something.


You get to play the victim.

[Ikonoklast]

What a pantsload. Get over yourself.

I am the custodial parent of three.

Ex-wife: Not ONE THIN DIME PAID FOR SUPPORT. EVER. Even after ordered to do so by the court.


Quit her job to avoid paying anything. She made a good living.
State did nothing.
Kids got NOTHING.

NOTHING.

At least you got something.


You get to play the victim.

[Ikonoklast]

18. What a pantsload. Get over yourself.

I am the custodial parent of three.

Ex-wife: Not ONE THIN DIME PAID FOR SUPPORT. EVER. Even after ordered to do so by the court.


Quit her job to avoid paying anything. She made a good living.
State did nothing.
Kids got NOTHING.

NOTHING.

At least you got something.


You get to play the victim.

[MrSlayer]

19. Dude must be a loser if the support is that low.

What does he work at McDonald's or something? Support is usually based on the income of the one who must pay. $125 a week for three children is way low. I know guys that have to eat tuna on crackers five days a week because of the support they have to pay and we make $45 an hour.

[gulliver]

21. Take him back to court.

Have some receipts...they'll probably make it fair. Even the threat of taking him to court on it would get you more dough. Call a lawyer immediately.

[Maine-ah]

22. in my sister's divorce

they split custody, and he pays support. Also, since she was a stay at home mom she also landed half of his retirement cash. Which he was court ordered to pay and it's been 4 years and he still hasn't payed her. He's getting remarried in August, wants to take one of the kids (a minor) out of the country. My sister is refusing to sign off on the passport until he pays. They'll being going to court over it soon.

Divorces usually are not clean. Rather messy all the way around imho, and someone always gets screwed.

[whosinpower]

24. OK, your angry and bitter

And I suspect it has little to do with the money....it has to do with you ex getting remarried to a "honeypot" (your own term) and you want him to suffer for the hurt he has caused you.

I don't blame you - but put it into perspective.....and then let it go.

Your kids are almost grown - can go out and get jobs and become responsible adults. That is your job as a parent to make sure they succeed. These things are not made possible by money. They are made possible by instituting the right attitudes/ethics within your kids. Blaming the ex for the financial challenges you may face is not addressing how to live with less - recognize what is really important and show your kids that a loving stable environment comes from the heart and not the wallet.

I will tell you a true story of woman who was beaten and abused to the point where she felt her life was in jepardy. In the 60's, she took her three children, packed up one suitcase each and ran away clear across the country. She had never worked a day in her life other than being a mother and housewife - and had 3 young children under the age of 10. You want to talk about hardship? She was too afraid to go to family - so she came out here, where no one knew her, and where she had NO support.

What she did have was a desire to start a better life, and provide her kids with a loving and stable enviroment. She succeeded by the way - and in those days - it was no easy feat. She worked two jobs, went back to school and raised her babies. I will always remember her with the greatest of admiration and fondness. She found a way to put the negative stuff behind her and focus on what was really important.

I know you will work this out in your mind and do what is best. But don't hug that bitterness for too long. It has a way of working into your very soul and this is harmful to yourself and everyone you cherish.

[bean fidhleir]

20. The stats: after a divorce, men do better than before, women do worse

There are multiple contributing factors, including societal sexism in job/income distribution, who "should" raise the kids and therefore pay most of the costs, who pays more for (e.g.) car repair, and so forth.

[Xenotime]

23. I would ask for more. $500/ child