The Fundies are deathly afraid of the Liberal Agenda. Here it is...

[Jackpine Radical]

They just absolutely know that we have a master plan to wreck America, and we're itching to enact it.

Now, you have maybe never heard of the Liberal Agenda. Or if you've heard of it, you don't really know what's on that agenda. It's high time you found out. So, in the interest of full disclosure, I'm gonna lay it out here for you.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE IT IS:

:bounce: :bounce: THE LIBERAL AGENDA :bounce: :bounce:


All NASCAR events will immediately be outlawed.

Alcohol will no longer be served in public places, but tavern and bar owners may apply for re-licensure to serve marijuana and effete coffee-based beverages.

Abortions will be available on demand for everyone, and will be mandatory for any pregnant woman who is not a card-carrying Democrat.

Gay marriage will be legalized, as will inter-species domestic partnerships.

All military vehicles such as tanks, airplanes and ships will be painted in rainbow colors to signify inclusiveness, and will be emblazoned with pink triangles.

Atheism will immediately be proclaimed the State religion. Anyone refusing to evolve into an atheist will be sent to a Darwinian re-education camp.

Illegal immigrants will be given preference in federal hiring.

Church services will be outlawed everywhere and replaced with Sunday-morning sensitivity training and yoga.

All guns will be confiscated immediately. People who voluntarily turn in three or more firearms will be awarded free surfboards.

All faith-based charity funding will cease immediately, and the funds will be diverted to the new Adopt-A-Terrorist programs that will be starting up in every state.

[rucky]

1. The Statue of Liberty will be replaced...

with a Jane Fonda statue of the same size. (Barbarella)

[Vickers]

7. OK, I'm actually cool with that one.

:thumbsup:

[EFerrari]

2. Home schooling will be restricted to future

Planned Parenthood clinicians!

:bounce:

[rwenos]

3. Sex will take place for purposes other than procreation

And by people who are not married. Everyone will be FORCED to have sex.

[Indiana_Dem]

4. You know, I'd send that to some of my family & friends but

they'd actually believe it and take it seriously. That's pretty sad.

[lonestarnot]

5. Abortions will be available on demand for everyone! Men too!

:evilgrin:

[Bob Dobbs]

6. That all sounds good to me.

Bring it on!

[SeattleGirl]

8. Magnetic ribbons on vehicles will be illegal.

Anyone caught with one will be sentenced to spending a week in Starbuck's, sipping lattes.

[Jackpine Radical]

17. Except for breast cancer & AIDS ribbons, of course.

[SeattleGirl]

22. Of course.

I was referring only to the "Support the Troops" variety.

[jmowreader]

27. I met this trucker once...

Truckers spend a lot of time looking at the backs of cars, and after seeing all the ribbons he decided they were the new kitsch. So he started buying two of every ribbon he could find, and sticking one on his sleeper. When I saw him he must have had a hundred of them. I'm sure there's more now.

He even had the hard-to-find and exclusive Nuke the Gay Whales one--it's rainbow colored with a mushroom cloud cutout in the middle--and the even better white one with fuzzy black outline that says "some asshole stole my support ribbon!" Actually, he probably had the NTGW one made, but the "stole my support ribbon" one I've seen on a lot of other cars.

[HughMoran]

9. lol - good deal

:rofl:

[Kerrytravelers]

10. SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! You weren't suppose to give away plan OB08.

*ATTENTION LIBERALS*

The donkey has landed. I repeat. The donkey has landed.

Phase TWO is going ahead as planned.

Be strong and take care. :patriot:

[Raster]

11. "The donkey has landed!"!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Jackpine Radical]

13. The Donkey has Landed? Shit.

I thought the message was "The honky's abandoned." I wouldn't have spilled this if I had heard the message right.

[Mr. Blonde]

12. I'm not sure why we are banning alcohol

but if we were and replacing it with weed, what exactly is wrong with that?

Seems like a good tradeoff to me.

Now if we try to just ban alcohol and fall through on legalizing another mind altering substance, the saying "from my cold dead hands" comes to mind.

[Jackpine Radical]

14. Ya want war, ya serve booze.

Ya want peace, ya light 'em up.

Any other questions?

[DBoon]

19. YOU CAN'T BAN ALCOHOL!!!!

you will have to pry my glass of Russian River Chardonnay out of my cold, dead, liberal elite hands!!

[Swamp Rat]

15. All registered republicans will have to go to Iraq to clean up THEIR mess,

and they cannot return until they find Osama Bin Laden... in Iraq. :D

[Lugnut]

16. That works for me.

:evilgrin:

[DBoon]

18. and if you turn in 10 guns....

... you get a brand new Toyota Prius

[mdmc]

20. and everyone will have health care

even the ones that don't feel like working, God Bless Them.

[DBoon]

29. and people who don't feel like working ..

will have a warm clean place to sleep and nutritious food to eat everyday

THE HORROR!

[Speck Tater]

21. NO! Say it isn't so!!! No more pot and wine tasting parties! NT

[Solly Mack]

23. Sadly, this is now being passed about by some idiot as real and legitimate

I'm laughing...


lolol

[SeattleGirl]

24. What a bunch of idiots.

I wish they could open their minds more.

[Solly Mack]

25. but you know they believe it to be true

lololol

I wouldn't be shocked if this made it to snopes for debunking...lololololololol

Can you imagine being that stupid? that fearful of nothing?

[SeattleGirl]

26. Oh, I know.

And that makes me heartsick.

[jmowreader]

28. Oh, come on. Really.

I thought THIS was the Liberal Agenda:

1. Ban prayer in church.

2. Eliminate "abstinence only" sex education, and also "comprehensive" sex ed, and replace it with "complete" sex education. The school supplies list for "complete" sex ed includes a mattress.

3. Introduce "Acapulco Seasoning" to spice aisles at supermarkets everywhere. Acapulco seasoning is like Italian seasoning, but Marijuana replaces the Oregano.

4. Remove "Ten Commandments" monuments, and replace them with electronic signs that scroll this week's "Top Ten Conservative Idiots" list.

5. Mandatory abortions for Republicans.

6. Get rid of the "free toaster oven for a homosexual recruitment" program, and replace it with the new and improved "espresso machine for a homosexual recruitment" one.

7. Introduce "Leviticus 18 Marriage." The fundies will love it until they realize the part in Leviticus 18 about not having sex with your mother, and also not having sex with your father's wife, really means your father was married to several women at the same time and you're not supposed to screw any of them.

[countryjake]

30. GRAVE DANCING...THE NEW LIBERAL RAVE!

Cemetery desecration and headstone vandalism optional!

Pamphlets with lists and detailed directions to graves of all social conservatives, right-wingers, neo-cons, and questionable media shills will be made available, upon request.

Free transportation on weekends.

[orleans]

31. i also think we should create "free republican zones" whereby

each state has a designated area where republicans are allowed to roam around free and unrestrained--within the restraints of course. this way they can continue to be a danger/hazzard--but only to themselves and each other.