Fake headline: Vice pres. dick cheney found dead in his office.

[Philosoraptor]

Fake headline: Vice president dick cheney was found sitting on his toilet in his office at 3:45 a.m. in an undisclosed location near D.C. Details are still sketchy, but a maid reported the vice president was found naked, covered in light sweet crude and hundred dollar bills and a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken nearby.

Accolades and tributes are already pouring in from all corners of the world. President bush called dick, 'my best friend and confidant, a real peach of a human being'. 'He was like America's grandfather', cried a grief stricken republican on the street, 'always there with a kind word, always brimming with a sunny disposition and a cheery smile, I'll really miss the big ol' Teddy bear'.

'He loved making people smile', said joe lieberman, and lindsay graham called cheney 'the sweetest man I ever met, who'd give you the very shirt off his back'. 'America is in a state of deep mourning over the loss of such a great statesman and public servant', said Nancy Pelosi, who also noted that despite their political differences, 'dick was always charming and helpful in every way, a really noble and compassionate human being'.

A national day of mourning will be announced by the president, who is even now in negotiations to pick a replacement VP. 'No one can ever replace dick cheney, his kindness and generosity are legendary in the DC area' said the president.

An anonymous source says that 'beneath dick's rough exterior was a man of deep compassion, a man who loved people and loved his family, and a man of unfathomable charity, filled with the milk of human kindness and an unswerving desire to serve America'.

America now goes through a grieving period of many months, an awful hole is left in our souls at the loss of this great and patriotic man, who brought so much joy and peace to the world. God bless you mr. cheney, may angels float you to your just rewards.

----Other comments:

"He really loved puppies".

"He was the kind of a guy I'd like to have a beer with".

"He mowed my lawn when he was a kid".

"His family loved him".

"He always had a kind word and a smile".

"He helped America through it's darkest hour".

"He left America better than he found it".

"He responded so gloriously on 9-11".

"He sent over 4000 brave soldiers to early graves over lies, he robbed the treasury of trillions of dollars, he ordered prisoners of war to be tortured, he rendered the constitution moot, he raped habeas corpus, he decreed a million innocent people murdered in Iraq and perpetrated a coup de tat in the U.S., and he sneered that withering sneer with as much disdain for the citizens as he could muster all the while, exploiting the dead of nine eleven, he profited from war, he spit in all our faces with unimaginable contempt, day after day, he brought permanent and irreversible shame to our nation, but he never failed to ask you how the wife and kids were doing, and he always remembered their names, and he really loved his quail hunting".

I'm sure that big dick's burial plot is in a very undisclosed location.

[madaboutharry]

1. You have to wonder what the media will say when

that day comes. Will they say how much he loved his grandchildren and leave it at that?

[Historic NY]

2. Did his taxpayer supported medical warrenty expire?

[Berry Cool]

3. And you know what?

I'd ignore it and leave it alone. Like most people would.

I wouldn't spend five days on DU posting about how terrible he was, thinking anything I said was going to "revise history before it was too late."

What ego I'd have to have to even assume such an idiotic thing.

[baldguy]

4. He really loved puppies

roasted in butter & fennel.

[hlthe2b]

5. When that day happens, I will be unable to follow my principle

of not speaking "ill of the dead."

I can find the good in most people and think it important to note that and even, perhaps to emphasize that for the sake of those mourning the passing. But, with Cheney, I know without a doubt, that that will not be the case. So I give a free pass to anyone wishing to accuse me of hypocrisy on that day. I will have earned it, I suppose for "dancing on a grave." But, so too did Dick Cheney. Without a doubt.

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. When does the grave dancing commence?

Who knows where the damn grave even is??

[hlthe2b]

7. He'll need perpetual SS protection even then...

for the lines and lines and lines and throngs of people-- who will want to leave a little "gift" at the gravesite.... So, even then, I'm guessing he will remain at an "undisclosed location."

[mwb970]

8. Don't do this to me.

Seeing that headline out of the corner of my eye lifted my heart for a few milliseconds, before my mind kicked in and I realized it was a spoof. "dick cheney found dead". God, does that sound beautiful!

It's obvious that this man will experience no accountability or punishment whatsoever for the destruction he has wrought on our nation and our world. So, I am reduced to simply hoping and praying that he will die. How pathetic.

I have never in my entire life wanted any other person to die, until these monsters took over the country. Look what they're doing to us!

[libodem]

9. Makes me sick to think

of listening to days upon days of phony tributes to his character when he does die. He is evil and unscrupulous. I'll be relieved when he croaks from a long, lingering, painful, death.