How many of you have tried to kill yourselves?

[reggie the dog]

We have had several posts recently dealing with suicide attempts. I was very depressed when I became a teenager in the 90's and realized that the USA was a dog eat dog fuck you I got mine society where helping others is viewed as being weak. I tried to off myself 2 times, once with pills and booze and once I tried to cut my wrist open at work an make it look like an accident so my parents could get money (I missed the vein by less than a centimeter). I am better now because, as someone said in another thread, I will fight the bastards ruining the USA and the world until I die by means other than suicide. I know this poll is a bummer but I was wondering the percentage of folks here who have tried suicide at least once. Feel free to share your reasons as I am curious to know what pushes us to try. Peace and I hope that any of you contemplating suicide now can find some kind of solace other than death.

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

1. You left out one option..

Yes, and I succeeded! I kid I kid.. yes, it's in poor taste, but George Carlin would approve.

[Brinee]

2. On purpose?

Or through just plain stupidity?

[reggie the dog]

4. good question

On purpose I guess, but doing "stupid" things like blindly running across four land roads because you just don't care if you live or die could be considered an attempt of suicide I guess.

[Quantess]

66. My guess is that would be a yes, on purpose, through a type of mental illness called depression.

Stupidity has nothing to do with it.

Although, being under the influence of intoxicants could cause a person to do something really stupid, that they might not do if they were sober, like try to kill themselves.

Edit: I probably misunderstood you. :hi:

[polichick]

3. I'm glad you're still around! :)

[reggie the dog]

5. me too

I tried to off myself when I was 16 and 17 after being very sad since the age of 14. Somewhere at the university as I learned more about the world and more about people fighting the beast my urge to sleep eternally turned into an urge to change the world, even if my actions were just a tiny drop in a centuries long process. Today I am 29, married to a lovely wife who is not materialistic at all and who is a Socialist and we have a daughter whom we adore. At 16 I never dreamed I would be so happy. I encourage anyone out there thinking of suicide to either wait it out or seek help but I beg you to not give in. Even a shitty day offers hope of better days ahead (I know one can lose sight of that very easily). Death offers no more days.

[polichick]

11. I'll bet you could offer the empathy and hope it takes to change minds...

Have you ever worked a suicide hotline? I've thought of doing that.

[reggie the dog]

13. no I haven't but the idea is interesting

how do they work? Would it be paid work or a service offered for free? What kind of qualifications are necessary? I did once talk a friend out of suicide by staying on the phone for nearly 4 hours once. He helped me by coming to the conclusion that he should fight those making life not worth living instead of caving in. The others in his case were bullies.

[polichick]

18. It's volunteer work I think...

...with a community organization that offers training. I'm not really sure what the qualifications are ~ but you've already done it. That's great!!!

[reggie the dog]

22. the only problem is

that I now live in France and my French is not as great as would be necessary to do such work. In a few years though....perhaps I could run an association, here in France you can run associations and the goverment sometimes even pays you for the work being done if it is truly a community service. I would need the training though to know how to help people I did not know. I knew my buddy well and I knew what he was going through so that helped. My cousin talked me out of jumping off a parking garage too but he new me so he knew why I was walking up to the edge and got to me before I got to the edge. He told me he would kick my ass if I went further and then listened to me talk about why I was so sad. but we knew each other so that made it easier in a way.

[polichick]

24. Well, it's something to look into - I've heard France has a great health system!

[reggie the dog]

25. Sadly Sarkozy is doing his best to ruin it.

But I will fight him as best I can.

[gateley]

89. There are probably Americans living in France who need help --

Hearing another American on the phone may be helpful in itself...

[easttexaslefty]

32. Hot lines are usually volunteer

training can be provided

[bobbolink]

54. Qualifications-- You have to learn how to LISTEN.

Preaching is almost guaranteed to end in the person's death.

[reggie the dog]

69. listening

that makes sense,

[bobbolink]

85. Just got a new book. THE GOOD LISTENER by James E. Sullivan

It's short, easy to read, and has some good information in it.

There are things I think he left out, and they confuse the issue, but the bulk of it is very good, if you want to make the effort to really GET it.

[bobbolink]

53. Sermons don't "offer hope"

[Manifestor_of_Light]

94. Especially Christian sermons.

Telling you you are worthless and sinful because you are breathing and alive. It's called original sin -- a made up problem with a made up solution -- substitutionary atonement. A huge scam.

[texastoast]

6. Bless your heart

Glad you are still here and fighting the good fight.

I have a personal question for you, but it's really none of my business. May I PM you?

[reggie the dog]

8. you sure can

If you want you can ask it here too for everyone to see, ask me as you wish publicly or privately.

[leftofthedial]

7. story of my life

pretty much

[gateley]

90. ....

:hug:

[damntexdem]

9. Neither, but I did have suicide ideation.

That's not the same as contemplation.

[awoke_in_2003]

43. " ideation"

you need to stop watching IBM commercials :)

[Super Soaker Sniper]

10. I am way to vain to

even consider depriving the world of my presence. Even in the darkest of times (and believe me there have been many) I have always sought the light at the end of the tunnel not the darkness of escape.

[sui generis]

12. Considered it in the event I had a brain eating terminal disease

for instance if I woke up with a brain tumor, randomly and boisterously pooping myself, or worse, a republican, I considered how I might try to spare the people around me from my slow and messy demise and myself from their pity.

:P

Seriously, I totally support right-to-die in the case of advanced terminal disease or horrific injury, but am totally against suicide for reasons of teenage angst, coming down off a drug binge, religious nuttiness, or variations that include taking other people with you.

If you expect life to be something it isn't, you won't ever find "peace". If you expect that your death is going to help somebody else, you are deluded, and possibly dead. As long as there is a planet and as long as she keeps sending us eyeballs out to look around and be her reporters, we kind of owe it to this beautiful jewel of a planet to stick things out in deference for just being here for this brief moment.

Being alive is about trying hard to see tomorrow, about believing that you deserve to see it.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

14. Most adults contemplate suicide.

I have, but I decided to stick around to see how things turned out. Which was not nearly as bad as I thought at the time.

I'm pretty convinced that this is a one ticket, one ride, experience. I'd hate to miss anything.

[Hydra]

15. "Your application for death has been denied- try again later"

[OhioChick]

16. Yes...

Due to being put on anti-depressants for chronic pain purposes.

While those drugs may be a godsend for some......they don't mix with me.

[Quantess]

97. I have had a horrible experience with anti-depressant, Effexor-XR.

Anyone considering taking Effexor had better realize they will be having nightmarish withdrawal symptoms for at least a month, and that's the best situation even if you withdraw the dosage gradually.

[elehhhhna]

17. DON'T DOIT. My comany cleans up suicides (among other things)

and if you spent 5 minutes with their families you would never consider doing this...even to people you hate. I seriously believe that just one encounter like that would be enough to snap most suicidally depressed people into treatment.

[easttexaslefty]

33. It is a horror that most cannot fathom

[Hubert Flottz]

19. YES I Tried...

I smoked 810,300 cigarettes in about 40 years, but it hasn't worked yet. Almost did!

I have survived 2 heart attacks and a stroke, so I finally gave up smoking 3 1/2 years ago...I Can Live Without 'em!

[jillan]

48. As a smoker, I guess I should change my vote to say Yes instead of no.

Congrats on quitting. I've known people who went through alot, as you did, and never quit.

Good on you!

[Ghost in the Machine]

20. Suicide is NOT an option...

I've got a one way ticket on this rollercoaster of a ride that my life has been... hell, the only reason I *haven't* killed myself is because I want to stick around and see what the fuck's gonna happen next... I'm riding this adventure out to the very end, I'm not jumping off the ride prematurely...

[stillcool]

21. I did the pill thing..

I have had the thoughts at various times through my life. In order to be successful I need the perfect cocktail of hopelessness, energy or anger, and the means at hand. When I'm serious, I know I have to be quick about it or I'll talk myself out of it. Somehow I think that death is the prize at the end of game, or at least my ace in the hole. Someone once said here..that if you haven't thought of suicide you haven't examined all your options.

[EFerrari]

23. No one should be surprised at the results of this poll.

We have the best mental health tech in the world and it doesn't get delivered.

Hell, even if this poll were only for *caretakers* of people who suffer mental illness, the % would be high.

[bobbolink]

55. After all this time, and you still equate suicide with "mental illness"

That's why it's so high, and why it continues.

[comtec]

68. but it IS mental illness

It's the illness of hopelessness!
Been there... somehow I managed NOT to do that, but my survival instinct is too strong... believe me i've tried, but something always kept me from going that next step. It certainly wasn't my consciousness most of the time...just ... something. I've never understood that part of my psychology.. and honestly I haven't looked too hard either.
It protects me, keeps me (usually) from doing anything too stupid, or at least lethal. (I could fill a book with my stupidity)
I have been to shrinks my whole life (anger issues-i react poorly to being taunted, huh, imagine that) so I see them as a normal part of medicine (when I can find one I can tolerate).
I don't LIKE PhD, I think they're emotionless, useless walls of bullshit, so I usually goto counselors, or student shrinks who tend to actually listen, and still have their souls.

but, make NO mistake, this IS a mental illness by EVERY ACCOUNT, every way, it IS NOT NORMAL TO WANT TO DIE!

by the basic definition of what an illness is, it is something that needs to be handled with compassion and love and understanding.
The world sucks, and children are far more susceptible to it than adults.
However that sense of helplessness is what breaks people who are aware enough to see it.
The KNOWLEDGE that there is nothing we can do to change our lives...

But to deny what this is, is ignorance.

It IS an illness that can only be treated with love and hope.

[bobbolink]

84. You're the one making the "mistake", and it's a ly one.

And if you think there is "love and compassion" in a damned mental hospital, you're making another huge ly mistake.

[qb]

26. At 17 I took a bunch of pills.

I was ashamed about cutting classes and forging my mom's signature on excuse notes. I also told my dad I hated him. And God never answered my prayers to make me straight.

[reggie the dog]

31. if it is not too personal

Was it more the fear about coming out to your family or the way that closed minded assholes like me made fun of gay people in school that pushed you to the edge (I was a big homophobe/racist asshole up until I was 18 but am no longer like that now. I was sad about dog eat dog and yet I was still going after the "weaker fish" in the form of minority groups. Thankfully a gay man at the university put me in my place and called me out on it. I remember the day playing kick sack and he was advocating gay marriage and adoption. He knew I was pro cannabis legalization and when I said I was against gay marriage he called me a hyppocrate and asked why he should be discriminated against. I told him he was right and that I was convinced that gay people should be able to marry and adopt. He was shocked and I assured him that I was serious, he convinced me right there in front of a dozen people and I have not looked back since. He pointed out how much of an asshole I was, even calling me one, and that changed me, it even ended my racism. I wish he could know how much he helped me grow into an adult that day.

[qb]

39. The idea of coming out had not occurred to me.

I just felt like this was not the way I was supposed to be and I had no future. No one was out in my HS. There was ridicule of gays in general, but I don't recall anyone specific being targeted. My only firsthand knowledge of homosexuality was meeting a grocery store clerk who was shunned by her church and pitied by my parents because her son was gay.

[reggie the dog]

27. nearly 2 thirds of us thought about it???

and nearly one in 4 tried. And all the while when I was depressed I thought I was part of a tiny tiny minority. We live in a sad sad world. Feel free to share WHY you tried or thought about it. Perhaps if we talk more about suicide we can lower the percentages of polls like this that people will be asking in a decade.

[bobbolink]

56. "Perhaps if we talk more about suicide we can lower the percentages"

That's exactly right!

Actually, the laws requiring reporting of suicide "ideation" is creating more suicides... people KNOW they can't voice it, so they keep it inside until they implode.

All the preaching on this thread is a big part of it.

We are a people who not only don't know how to LISTEN, but we resist it with all our might.

[easttexaslefty]

28. Yes, twice since my son's

it was early on and the pain of losing him was more than I could bear...even though i knew the pain Danny's brought our family I just wanted to die. 9 months later I often wish I would not wake up in the morning but I am not any longer suicidal

[reggie the dog]

35. that is so sad

please hang in there. I cannot imagine your pain. Would you care to tell us how you feel? Perhaps by talking about his our your depression as well as those of us here who have also tried we can have a better understanding of the problem. I will in no way be offended if you wish to keep your private life private.

[easttexaslefty]

42. No, I don't mind

and I appreciate your thread. My oldest son,Danny, suicided 9 months and 11 days ago. His car was reposed at work. That was not the only thing going on in his life, we found out after his death, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. A friend from work brought him home and I found him several hours later hanging from the end of a rope. My life changed forever in that instant. I am haunted by the sight and long to see my 33 year old son again. I have a husband I adore and a 31 year old surviving son but I can honestly say the 2 times I tried to end my life i was not thinking about them at all. It was almost like a compulsion..I just wanted the pain to stop. I imagine it was much the same for my poor son.

[reggie the dog]

45. the idea that we are powerless to stop or go beyond the pain

we are only human and our emotions can easily trump our reasoning. And the reasoning does not always work either. You have lived most parents worst nightmare. I think your pain is a completely normal and rational reaction. I wish you all the best in the future and I truly hope you find inner peace and happines once again.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

29. People who commit suicide don't want to die...they don't want to live.

Life is tricky, painful, embarrassing, scary, joyful, enlightening, depressing, and every other possible thing that it consists of.

As a counselor, I dealt with a number of people who either contemplated or committed suicide(4), in every case they were overwhelmed by life and considered the alternative to suicide too difficult. Fortunately, most of them rode their difficulties out by using different alternatives or just doing nothing until the storm passed.

[reggie the dog]

36. I am very interested to know

If there were many people like me who felt that there was no place in the world because the greed and me society just does not click with us? Or were most of them personal and family problems?

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

38. All problems are as personal as you make them.

If I make "society" or the "world" responsible for my emotions by demanding that they conform to my wants/needs, I've decided to make myself a victim dependent on something else.

So, if I "must" have the war in Iraq cease, or world hunger end, or have the girl of my dreams, or have a different job, etc, etc, in order to feel OK, I'm putting myself into an impossible situation.

If the world, society, relationships, etc, are a mess, ask yourself this: How would my suicide help?

[reggie the dog]

41. bingo

"If the world, society, relationships, etc, are a mess, ask yourself this: How would my suicide help?"

that is the question that ended my suicidal feelings. Thankfully there are people like you.

[easttexaslefty]

44. In my experience,

in our SOS group {suviviors of suicide} in was personal and family problems. Addiction, blinding depression and/or mental illness. That is the "norm" on the parents of suicide on-line support group I am a member of as well

[Manifestor_of_Light]

30. What if your family is telling you you are worthless?

My elderly, cranky, grumpy, impossible to deal with and senile parents were telling me what a horrible person I was because I couldn't find a job. This went on for years. They said "Well we paid for that expensive education of yours. We don't know why you can't find a job.". I said "I don't know either after 3 degrees and 12 years of college". The economy was going to hell in the 90s.

The more jobs I applied for the more I got depressed. If I had temp jobs, I got fired for showing initiative and intelligence, or they would make up some totally irrational bullshit excuse.

They could have easily helped me out but refused. I found this out after investigating their bank accounts after they died. I asked them if they would rather pay for my funeral, or help me pay my bills. I told them that if I killed myself, then I would stop hassling them about my finances. They said they didn't want to pay for a funeral. I really don't know what they expected me to do. They also said I didn't need a car, and they had one they weren't driving--they were too blind to do so. But they wouldn't let me use it -- where mass transit is nonexistent.

I remember calling them up crying because the dogs were infested with fleas and had blood poisoning, and I couldn't afford to take them to the vet. They wouldn't give me money to treat the dogs. I knew that if the dogs died I would never forgive myself. Fortunately I gave them my own medication to cure them.

:banghead:

:banghead:

[Skittles]

70. your family was just plain abusive, Perragrande

mentally nuts....I know it's hard to do but you have to know - believe in you heart - it was all about them and NOT ABOUT YOU

[Manifestor_of_Light]

92. It's part of the big lie society told us.

Society said, "Work hard, get a good education, and you'll get a good job that pays well, and be successful.".

So what did I do? Worked hard, earned three degrees, including a doctorate in law, and spent 12 years in college. My parents paid for that bachelor's and paid for some of the doctorate, because they went to college and believed in education. We got into the middle class because my dad went to law school at night on the G.I. Bill after World War II, and got a 4% VA loan for a house.

The B.A. and the J.D. I got were both from those elite private schools. You know, the ones where everybody who goes there has connections, and can get a nice cushy job??? Well, I didn't have the connections. None of my multimillionaire acquaintances from law school, who were pulling in over a million dollars a year just as a partner in a law firm, could lift a finger to give me a job as a paralegal. So that was a waste of effort.

As far as improving my job prospects or my income, it was a sad, pathetic lie. A total farce.

My parents believed it and it caused them to accuse me of being a failure. When it wasn't my fault.

Cruel. It caused me to waste years of time, money and effort earning those pieces of paper. Because I thought they were worth something to an employer. And society's attitude blamed me, not their bright shining lie of the worth of a college education. SOciety has eliminated the good middle class jobs, and still pushes the idea that all those people without jobs need to "go back to school and get more skills".

Bullshit.

[Skittles]

98. I hear you

me and my friends are pretty much in the same boat in the Information Technology world -- I've worked hard all my life but it really doesn't mean anything anymore when they can just pimp my job off to the lowest bidder.

I don't have a college degree but I must tell you to try to look at your degrees as not completely worthless - education shapes a lot of who you are - I surely think of it as a huge regret that I never got one :(

[ceile]

34. Twice

Once when I was 13 and again a couple of years ago. Still can't figure out what went wrong.

[Name removed]

37. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Cleita]

40. Never tried suicide but I have drunk

nasty stuff to make myself sick so I didn't have to go to school and one time it almost did the job.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

46. It's a symptom of the general verbal abuse and humiliation that is rampant today.

We have TV shows based on humiliation and judgment by authority figures such as "American Idol" (fairly mild), Much more harsh are "Survivor", "Hell's Kitchen" and "The Apprentice".

Why anyone finds entertainment in severe competition and humiliation and degradation (eating worms) of the losers is beyond me.

Bullying in school and at work are rampant and encouraged as part of good management practices. Bosses smile and call it "constructive criticism" when it's doublespeak.

And mental health services are a joke.

Michael Moore documented the disintegration of Flint due to 30,000 layoffs at the Buick plant in "Roger and Me" many years ago.

[bobbolink]

58. You are sooooo right, but I doubt many here will want to hear what you are saying.

We do everything we can to weaken people, then degrade them because they aren't strong.

:wtf:

"And mental health services are a joke. "

ABSOLUTELY!! AND, a big part of that is because we are relying on someone else, the "professionals", to do what we should be doing... loving and accepting others as they are. And thus we come back to the criticism and judgment.

I can't for the life of me understand why we haven't learned ANYTHING from Katrina. So many sobbed while watching. Yet, when so many of those who survived the Superdome and Convention Center killed themselves because they had nowhere to live and no way to survive, where was the outrage?!

Calling the survivors of the Superdome and Convention Center "mentally ill" makes ME crazy! :grr: :crazy: :grr:

[Bjorn Against]

47. Wow, the results of this poll are very depressing.

Almost three quarters of the respondents at this moment have contemplated suicide and over a quarter of them actually attempted it. I am one of the people who has attempted it, and I don't know if this poll makes me feel better to know that I am not alone or worse because it makes me realize just how severe this problem is. I realize that this is not a scientific poll, but to know that so many of my friends at DU have been through this is shocking.

[bobbolink]

59. Yes, it's shocking. The lesson is we should be reaching out to each other instead of attacking

judging and criticizing like is so common here.

:shrug:

I guess it's not important enough yet.

[Bluerthanblue]

49. I have

more than once.

Very nearly succeeded the last time- had it not been for friends who cared more than they should have.
More than I knew people could.

This world can be a very hard and painful place.
Sometimes the ability to hang on- to hope that just maybe it'll get better just isn't there anymore.
And there seems no other answer. No better solution.

..It's a hard thing to talk about- to put into words-


I'm glad you've beaten it.

peace~

[juno jones]

50. I never tried

but one of the Mr. febs had attemted wrist slashing 6 months before he met me. He and I chalk it up to anti-depressants which he had been convinced he needed to be taking.

I've thought about tho. Especially when I was younger because this world IS fucked up.

[SCBeeland]

51. I've tried to kill myself too

And I sat here for over an hour trying to "share my reason," but I couldn't get it to come out right, so I won't explain, as I'd probably just leave people confused. Sometimes I wake up angry that I woke up. The weird thing is that the depression has been gone for years, now its just anger and apathy.

[reggie the dog]

71. you can give it a try if you want

personally I do not mind being confused. Perhaps it would help you do put the words on a screen. You could p m me if you like.

[SCBeeland]

93. well

The easiest way for me to explain is that my life as a kid was basically like (the old TV show) Full House, and all I had to worry about was having fun. Then I hit puberty and my life went from Full House to the movie Alien (my favorite movie) with the alien representing all the bad things in the world. Suddenly, I started to see just how sick people can get. The way I was raised, it is perfectly normal to go up to a total stranger who is crying and ask "hey, what's wrong?" But I found out early in my life that that doesn't happen, instead, you've got to hide the pain and suffering, because if you show any trace of it, people will destroy you. I actually wrote about 1000 more words after this, but ended up deleting them because it was more like random rambling than anything else. To make a long story short, I'd be so much happier if people would stop and think about how it might make someone else feel before they say something. And I'm not talking about "you're stupid" or "you're ugly," no, I'm talking about "I didn't fucking ask your opinion, faggot," and "get the fuck away from me loser," and "why don't you just go kill yourself?" What brings people to say such hurtful things? Oh, but if I ask that, it makes me a pussy, or a loser, or a wimp. As angry as I can get, I'd never go beyond a "just shut up," with someone else. Its like being kind is a sign of weakness, like we're wild animals. Anyone who shows kindness is looked at as strange.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

96. There's a website with a campaign for helpful words.

A campaign to make people aware of how hurtful their words can be when they insult, bully or criticize someone just because they want to.

It's part of "tikkun olam", which means "repairing the world" in Hebrew.


www.wordscanheal.org


Words Can Heal is a national campaign to eliminate verbal violence, curb gossip and promote the healing power of words to enhance relationships at every level.

At a time when so many feel that outside events are beyond their control, we offer concrete tools and know-how to dramatically rebuild our communities and relationships through the words we speak and the way we communicate. At a time of national crisis, as we re-evaluate our lives and re-order priorities, the Words Can Heal message resonates even more forcefully.

Words Can Heal has captured the imagination and commitment of an unprecedented coalition. Our board includes the top leadership, leading diplomats, Wall Street's most influential CEO's, America's leading clergy, Hollywood celebrities and community leaders of every stripe.

[BuelahWitch]

103. I had an upbringing something like that

A very loving nurturing home. My hell started when I went to school and found out that not everyone was as kind and loving as my mother and grandparents. I didn't know how to deal with the meanness and sarcasm, the whispers and rolling eyes. The sad thing is it never changes. That's why I prefer the company of animals to people. So many people are just very, very nasty.

[Juche]

52. attempted several years ago

Its a long, weird story. Suffice it to say that yeah I attempted about 8 years ago. Luckily it didn't work though.

Sadly, after you go through extremely painful experiences and feel abandoned, your entire sense of security falls apart and you have this feeling in the back of your mind that it can all go wrong in a heartbeat and nobody will come to help when it does. As a result experiences that may just be traumatic or stressful for others can feel like the end of the world.

I try hard to keep my brain healthy. I try to exercise, take tons of vitamins and supplements that are important to brain health, and eat healthy. It definately helps but I still get depressed every month or so because some things you can't put behind you or 'solve'.

[comtec]

72. Well if you had this would be a very strange conversation ;)

I have never tried... but I understand.
There was a time where my wife had let me...and I was about to do it... she called me back, and we;re doing well... but yeah I understand the pit.

the supplements and vitamins probably aren't doing that much, except for making your pee stink :)
Best to eat more salad and fruit :) Maybe a bit of dark chocolate will also help your brain chemistry :)

The best cure, is to talk about it. let it out, let it go, and that can only happen through counseling.
years ago I went to planned parenthood.
They had affordable counseling programs for families and the like.
I don't know if they still have them but it helped me a great deal, knowing I could tell this person EVERYTHING, and they could not tell another soul...knowing I could vent, and release my daemons.

I'm glad you failed. LOL There are two things in life failure is ok... one is this... taking life... the other is "making life" ;) however with the second one, MORE trying is better ;)

At the moment I'm a failure in the second one :) But I keep trying :)

And you too! Keep trying, one more sunrise... :) :hugs:

[MrSlayer]

57. I love myself way too much for that.

I make Narcissus look like a self loather. The world is dog eat dog, always has been, always will be. Just enjoy the ride as much as possible.

[reggie the dog]

74. some countries are dog help dog

France, Sweeden, Norway, Finland, Belgium, Denmark, Germany to a certain extent the UK and Canada.

[bobbolink]

60. You bring up a very important topic, and I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, it's something the admins frown on, and might very will get locked.

We NEED to talk honestly.... that's the only way to lessen this.

Thank you.

[reggie the dog]

75. I hope they don't lock it

after all suicides are supposedly up under W. That means this topic could be argued to be linked to the important elections coming up.

[mochajava666]

61. Dozens of serious attempts, hundreds of life threatening acts

Drowning, electrocution, explosions, burning, driving, and booze are some that come immediately to mind.
Started as early as my memory - first serious one at 6 - last serious one in December 2001 - that one put me in a coma for a week. Some of the attempts defy logic that they weren't successful, however it's hard to make things looks completely accidental.

My depression, IMO, is caused by genetics mostly and maybe some environment. I'm taking an anti-depressant, and it really seems to work well. Of course a whole life of deep depression can create a lot of bad mind-sets and world views. I've been working on that since 2001 (with help).

Participating in DU after lurking for years is another way for me to reconnect with the living, the present. So far, so good. I'll be so happy to celebrate with you all when a Democrat is in the White House, and the Neocon's reign of terror is over.

[Kaleko]

64. "I'll be so happy to celebrate with you all

when a Democrat is in the White House, and the Neocon's reign of terror is over."

Yeah, I wouldn't want to miss that celebration. So I guess I'll stick around even though it's getting hard sometimes to see a future worth living for.

Hi there, mochajava. And Welcome to monkey house :hi:

[mochajava666]

81. Thanks

The last serious attempt was triggered from despair over Bush stealing the election for the first time, over a personal hero of mine, Al Gore.

[reggie the dog]

76. I truyly hope you can find your inner peace mochajava666

[mochajava666]

82. Thanks, I'm working on it

That's all I can do. I think I'm on the right path, now. I think I can get there from here. That's a pretty new feeling for me.

[Quantess]

79. I'm happy that you're still here, and are contributing!

I've battled depression all my life. It comes and goes, but lately it's been going away. For me, the biggest improvement toward my mental health has come from paying attention to "self-talk", and changing the negative self-talk to something more realistic.

Anyone seen the film "What About Bob?" baby steps. :D

And also, by thinking through my deeply ingrained beliefs, and really questioning them, and examining how I came to think this way in the first place. This has really taken a lot of time, (and some counseling) and I think it will be a lifelong quest. But, I have gained so much insight and maturity, that I know I am continually becoming a healthier person.

I was taking Effexor-XR, which I bitterly regret, because the withdrawal symptoms are horrible and long lasting. I kicked that monkey off my back. Send me a PM if you'd like!:)

[mochajava666]

80. Well said, quantessd

I am also trying, with counseling, to modify my negative self talk, or as my sister says, self flagellation. I agree that it is a lifelong quest, and the baby steps toward self actualization is rewarding most of the time. My sister was on effexor also, and had a very bad experience withdrawing from it.

What I still can't figure out is why people keep on living when their lives are so sad and miserable? Is it a hope for things to change for the better? Despair goes hand in hand with depression, so hoping yourself out of depression would seem impossible. Is it fear of death? Death is an unknown, and doesn't look too painful, if done right. Is it guilt for the survivors? The pain after suicide would reside in them, but if your are staring into the abyss, you are already emotionally detached to those few who you haven't pushed away during the process.

I keep going back to fear of death as the most logical explanation. Why such a fear of death? Religious reasons? I think the will to live, or survival instinct, is some instinctual or genetic thing that I lack, maybe. I'm 48, and I plan on sticking around long enough to answer that question, among others. I also have a wife and kids that would miss me. So, doing the big sleep now isn't on my calender. I would like to see how Obama's second term does and if we actually start solving the huge problems facing us.

[Quantess]

102. Just 6 months ago I wondered the same thing.

What I still can't figure out is why people keep on living when their lives are so sad and miserable?

The reason why, is that things can, and will, get better. But, you first have to really want things to get better. You can have a better life if you want it. And from there, keep growing and improving.

You just have to believe in yourself, and believe that you can get better. All my life, I have been a naturally depressed person, with a tendency toward a negative attitude, probably inherited from my family. I'm currently feeling great, even though my situation isn't much better than it was 4 months ago. What has changed, is my attitude. It took a long time to get myself out of the negative-thinking pattern. At first seemed so corny, thinking, "you can do it!" but these positive thoughts help you have a better attitude about yourself. Now I feel like I can conquer those challenges.

Exercise helps, a lot!

I would like to think my depression won't return, but at least I have some ways to combat it. If you see it as a welcome challenge, then you're much more likely to succeed. Sorry if that sounded corny, LOL.

[dysfunctional press]

62. i turned to pot, acid, and mushrooms instead.

thankfully, it worked.

[Quantess]

73. You're lucky that drugs didn't make you more depressed.

I'm not trying to be a wet blanket, but, self medicating with drugs and alcohol often makes depression worse. The withdrawal effect of some drugs is depression, by definition. I know this from experience.

[reggie the dog]

78. perhaps

they talked to their friends about their problems while under the influence of pot acid and mushrooms.

[reggie the dog]

77. wow, that is what I did.

we argued quite a bit in past threads, and here we find we have common ground....

[dysfunctional press]

87. i contemplated it often enough, especially as a teenager- but the desire for vengeance kept me going

i didn't want to check out while all the people that shit on me along the way got to go on happy and content. luckily my drugs of choice tended to take the edge off the violent thoughts and mellow my attitude- had i gone the alcohol/tobacco route, things might have gotten very ugly.

[Dervill Crow]

63. Yes. nt

[krispos42]

65. Not beyond the academic sense

As in, seeing it on a TV show or movie and thinking "Well, that wasn't a good way to do it, he/she should have..." or "What I would have done..."

[Quantess]

67. I'll never forget the girl who stood next to me in PE roll call in high school, who killed herself.

She wasn't in my clique. She seemed to suffer from low self esteem, judging by the people she hung out with, even though she was very pretty and had such a sweet personality. I doubt there was anyone who disliked her. Some terrible turn of events must have happened, for her to drink a huge quantity of hard alcohol and then shoot herself in the head, at age 16.

[Occam Bandage]

83. Yes. Didn't work.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

86. Never tried or thought of doing it.

Although, there were times in my life where I did stupid things that could have gotten me messed up pretty bad because of my "Fuck The World" attitude at the time.

[noonwitch]

88. I thought about it, but not seriously, as a teenager.

I had a friend in high school who did kill himself-when I saw all the grief he created, I stopped thinking about it.

[deaniac21]

91. I did commit suicide but I got better.

[B.S. Lewis]

101. She turned me into a *newt*!

I got better

[deaniac21]

105. .

[Fox Mulder]

95. I seriously thought about it, but I was too much of a coward to do it.

I've thought about it for so many years. But now I'm getting better and getting a renewed interest in life.

[Eyes_wide_ open]

99. Yep

I seriously wanted to at a very horrible time in my life. What stopped me was the conviction that I would very probably screw it up ... the same way I had screwed up everything else ... and have to deal with it all anyway as a paraplegic. Can you get any more depressed than that?

To this day I don't know how I got through that awful period. Mostly just one day at a time. Learned a lot about myself and just how weak ... and how strong I really am.

[B.S. Lewis]

100. 99% of the time

I dismiss suicide as an obviously inferior option to simply running away and leavin' dis shit behind.

Once or twice I've felt that running away wouldn't be enough.

However, I've never actually attempted either suicide or running away.

[BuelahWitch]

104. I think about it every goddamned day

After 45 years of life I'm at the point of saying, "Jesus fuck, is this all there is?" Nothing to look forward to except working for shitheads, paying bills that just keep going up and my wages don't, dealing with angry people and getting old and sick. About the only reason I'm still here is because I worry about what would happen to my cat if something happened to me.