Attn: all you airline exec's! Don't forget to charge passengers

[yy4me]

a few more fees. I note in the article in the Boston Globe today that you will now charge extra to sit on an aisle seat or next to a window. You are now charging for bags, checked or carry-on. Food and drink is now a fee or non-existent.

Isn't it time to charge for requesting either the front middle or back of the economy seat section? How about a head fee?
Consider a charge per mile for walking up and down to get a little exercise on long trips.

Come on folks, lets help them out with more suggestions.

http://www.boston.com/business/personalfinance/articles/2008/06/26/flustering_fares/

[napi21]

1. Here's your answer!

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell --- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the t ips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right --- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

[Dr.Phool]

5. Didn't Hooters try something similar to that?

I don't think it worked.

But, I am willing to give them a second chance.:evilgrin:

[AndyA]

2. Well, there should be an AIR charge.

If you want to breathe, either bring your own or pay a fee to share the air in the plane.

And of course, if you want HEATED or COOLED air for your comfort, that's extra...

Is it any wonder I fly as little as possible these days? :shrug:

If it gets expensive enough, if enough fees are forced on passengers, they will quit flying, and then the airlines will want a bail out paid for by taxpayers because they're going bankrupt.

[Callalily]

3. Also, after the "safety talk"

they should pass the hat for the oxygen masks and flotation devices.

[papapi]

4. Pay toilets, don't forget pay toilets....

Of course, if you're assigned the toilet seat you'll have to put $5 in the slot in order to access your seat.

[ravencalling]

6. gambling on airplanes

Yep - put a slot machine into the backs of the seats for customers to play - turn the airplanes into flying casinos!!!

[Dr.Phool]

8. With all the flights getting grounded this year, for inspection problems

I think you're gambling, just by getting on a plane.

[janetblond]

7. Airlines CAN'T make money. That's the problem.

Thanks to jorge shrub and prick chainey's war on terror, with oil going to $200 a barrel, airlines can barely cover the cost of FUEL to get you where you're going.
Pretty soon, you can FORGET about flying.
You'll have to walk!

[SoCalDem]

9. I would pay extra to exile the kid who always ends up behind me

and kicks the back of my seat during the whole flight.. I'd pay $50 extra to put him in the baggage compartment :evilgrin:

[Earth_First]

10. Soon they'll be charging you for an oxygen mask above your seat in the event of cabin pressure loss

The airline staff will walk the aisle with the oxygen mask cart and for a $10 fee, they can install your oxygen mask above your seat in the event that the cabin were to lose pressure.

[ForrestGump]

13. No

On United flights, the overhead emergency oxygen mask system is activated by the passenger -- just swipe your card. They accept most major credit cards, except American Express, as well as (and this was decided with active-duty military personnel in mind) food stamps.

[TheCowsCameHome]

11. When a plane crashes, will they charge for an unscheduled stop?

[ForrestGump]

12. What, exactly, does an air fare cover?

The base air fare, the thing we look for on the airlines' or third-party sites and elsewhere, seems to have no real function now. It seems to me that with fuel surcharges (sometimes very expensive), airport and other fees, charges for seat assignment, charges for food (if any) and drink, and charges for not just the second bag (not so long ago the allowance in the US and internationally from US points of departure was 75 lbs per bag before any charges were applied...I think the airlines think we've forgotten that), there's nothing left in the base fare that can be justified. I mean, what else is there? I never use the toilets on planes (other than on transPacific flights, but I fly the airlines of other countries for that run), so they can't charge me for that.

And, yeah, gas prices are going up. But come on: the airlines have been mismanaged for ages, most of them, and to a degree that makes me seriously wonder how any of the top brass and their immediate subordinates ever graduated from business school. At this point, just raise the damned fares and stop it with all of these proliferating fees. Besides, the fuel 'crisis' is to at least some extent merely an excuse: for proof you need look no further than United's recent announcement that because of fuel costs they were going to begin mandating minimum stays at destinations (again, perhaps I'm missing something, but I just don't see the connection there). And when fuel prices go down you just know they won't drop any of these fees and other greedy policies. I feel sorry for people who work for US airlines, especially with the massive layoffs that some of these ineptly-run public charities have been perpetrating lately, but the people at the top (with some exceptions) should be tarred and feathered and the surviving carrier(s) nationalized.

Some examples of the recent trend by some US airlines to charge fees for everything, once they found that they could make extra money that way (some airlines don't charge for everything below, I must add, and some overseas carriers are jumping aboard to some extent):

Seat assignments
$5-$190 each way ($190 is some scheme from United, I suspect maybe membership in a 'club' that has as its privilege more legroom; the next most greedy actual fee is $35)

Baggage
(not including having lower thresholds for excess baggage)
$15 for one bag, $40 for two, each way -- in other words, on a return trip tack on another $80 if you need enough clothes and stuff for a couple of weeks (or specialized gear). The price increases sharply for overweight bags.

Curbside luggage check
$2-$3+ per bag (plus usual tip)

Fuel surcharge
$16-$90 each way, and likely to increase -- handily adds a LOT to a return flight's cost

Standby flights
Up to $50

Ticket change fee
$50-$150 on domestic flights, $150-$300 for international

Reservation via phone or in person
$10-$35

Returning frequent flier miles to your account
$50-$100

Using frequent flier miles with short advance notice (e.g., three weeks on Delta)
Up to $100
Also, American Airlines adds a $150-$300 fee when their marks guests use miles to upgrade an economy ticket bought for less than the full fare.

Pet in the cabin
$50-$100 each way

Fee for issuance of paper tickets (remember those?)
$50-$75 (to my mind, one of the most bogus of all fees)

'Administrative fee' associated with getting a refund when a fare decreases
$25 to $200+...what a racket!

Children on lap
$10 to 10% of adult fare (child is also charged the fuel surcharge, up to $90 right now, each way)

Airport fees
$4.50 to $160


This lays it all out quite nicely:

http://www.theonion.com/content/infograph/american_to_charge_for_first

[Liberal In Texas]

14. Good list. You forgot headphones. I've been charged for the headsets used to watch TV or listen to

the in flight music service.

[dysfunctional press]

15. some of them ARE charging even to reserve middle seats...

some people would rather have a middle up front, than a aisle or window towards the back.

[spartan61]

16. Come on, Guys, be nice!!!

If the airlines don't charge extra fees for just about everything, how will those airline execs get their big bonuses???

[KharmaTrain]

17. You Forgot The "Landing The Plane Safely" Charge

You'll soon find big discounts on air fares...New York to LA for only $100...the thing is that's the price for getting up in the air...it'll cost you an additional $900 to land safely.

A year ago our family was planning a vacation to Europe, but too many hassles with airlines and rising prices have not only cut that trip back, but we won't be making any trip plans that involve an airline...train or driving or no vacation at all. The airlines...with their poor customer service and the airports that have become totalitarian zones are too much for me to deal with.

[ThatsMyBarack]

18. Michael Moore...

Can make a movie about all this! ;)

[papapi]

19. He could call it " Fly In The Ointment"

or "Farenheit: 747"

[papapi]

20. Runway fees. And how about time zone change fees?

[SteelPenguin]

21. For crying out loud have these airline executives gone to business school?

having trouble making money? CHARGE MORE FOR THE FUCKING TICKET.

Can't afford to give people free drinks? Instead of charging 2 dollars for a soda on the plane....charge EVERYONE 2 more dollars. Add meal service back in and charge people 10 bucks more per ticket for the cross country trip. Just put it on the freaking ticket.

I saw one passenger configuration design where the seat was higher up and people were essentially on stools and strapped in not fully sitting, to squeeze more people on the plane. How bout instead they CHARGE MORE MONEY.

I know oil is expensive, i'm not an idiot, but at the same time these companies are acting like they expect the government to bail them out again. I hope it doesn't. I hope that these companies start dropping like flies. The new companies that come in to replace them will be more efficient, and probably have more reasonable business practices.

[kiva]

22. Just flew to Louisville a couple of weeks ago on Southwest.

Plane originated here in Las Vegas, then a quick stop in Phoenix. When we landed in Phoenix, about 15 of us who were continuing on changed seats--you know the 'good' ones in the exit row and up front. When they began to board, the first couple of guys looked pretty miffed; when I talked to one, he said he'd paid an extra $180 for Southwest's 'business class' upgrade so that he could be one of the first 5 or 10 on the plane, since he wanted to get a seat in the exit row. Nice guy, but I had to laugh--$180, probably damn near as much as the ticket, to not get the seat he wanted--oh, almost forgot, he also got a voucher for a free drink.

[Obamarama]

23. I've been non-plussed by all the extra fees, until now. Extra fees to book aisle or window seats?

I can deal with the limited or non-existent snacks and beverages. I've always thought it was a big goat rodeo anyway, tying up the aisles with carts for a bag of pretzels and a soft drink. But extra to book an aisle or window seat? That's a bit over the top.

I'm just shy of 6'5. I have a large build with very wide shoulders. Not obese or anything...just sort of "go large" size when it comes to height and stature. The only way I can survive long-haul flights is to sit in window or aisle seats. I suppose I could survive the middle seat on a short flight, but not anything more than 1.5 hours.

Well, with all these extra fees on top of increased fares due to cost of fuel, pretty soon the planes will be running so empty that all the passengers will nicely fill all the middle seats on the damned plane.