***DUzy Awards for week ending June 27, 2008***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jun-27-08 05:13 PM
Original message

Welcome to the handbags and gladrags DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to blondeatlast, bleever, Longhorn, badgerpup, ih8thegop, CaliforniaPeggy, DS1, DinahMoeHum, Brigid, devilgrrl, FlyingSquirrel, hootinholler, wryter2000, stellanoir and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

This should have appeared last week.

On a thread by midnight armadillo:

In honor of Cindy McCain, post your chocolate chip cookie recipes

response #1 by Tab:

McCain cookies??
Well...

Lots of sugar, but white only (no brown allowed).
Egg(s) on face
Holy water
Plenty of vanilla
Permanent troop quantities
Skip the sugar (yes, this is contradictory)
Sprigs of Bush as needed - discard if necessary

Instructions: Mix ingredients however you want - the recipe changes daily.
Cook for anywhere from 3 years to 100 years.

Cooking & Baking Group, June 19, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=236x45777

OP by lonestarnot:

      Did someone say the revolution was scheduled for July 4th?
or are we having crumpets with our tea? What are we doing? I'm scared! :scared:

response #3 by alyce douglas:

      and think *'ies birthday is around the corner from that very date.
what could we give to him as a present??

response #6 by lonestarnot:

      When is his birthday? That freak!
I thought he was hatched in a petri dish.

GD, June 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3494448

On a thread by gcomeau:

      Anyone noticed Obama's new Seal?

response #1 by FrenchieCat:

      Wolf Blitzer at CNN was hot and bothered by it.
Wolfie was almost panicked.....said it was too close to the real thing!

Called it pompous. How dare the man get close (I guess). :eyes:

But then we knew Wolf Blitzer was an asshole? Right? :shrug:

response #8 by madaboutharry:

      Wolf Blitzer is a tightass.
Everytime I look at him I think that his potty training must have been very traumatic.

response #19 by RoyGBiv:

      Tangent ...
Wolf Blitzer's name has always struck me as Nazi-ish, like the name some Waffen SS guy would have adopted to show how much of a murderous stud he was.

Oooh, check me out, fraulein. I am the Wolf Blitzer. I killed thousands today.

Ahem.

I probably shouldn't say that, but my brain threw up the thought, and I felt the need to share.

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GDP, June 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6392218

On a thread by Darth_Kitten:

      They tore down the Hooters in my city!!!!!!!!

response #1 by Oeditpus Rex:

      Did they have the owners' permission?

response #2 by Darth_Kitten:

      Building is gone. Toast. Finis.
hehehehehehehehe......

response #5 by Oeditpus Rex:

      Oh...
Building.

Sorry. I misunderstood.

:)

response #4 by Bennyboy:

      Well they just opened one in mine......
So tit for tat I say!

response #8 by SarahBelle:

      The poor owls!
:cry:

response #9 by AchtungToddler:

      This has the makings of a fine Springsteen tune

response #10 by ForrestGump:

      They tore down the Hooters in my city
On a hot, dry June night
And when I think of all the fun I had when I went there, baby, yeah, yeah
I said I cry with all my might
It's sad
They tore down the Hooters in my city
Oh, yes, they did
They tore down the Hooters in my city
And now there's no place left to glimpse some...um...wings
Yeah

response #17 by regnaD kciN:

      Stop acting like a bunch of boobs!
:evilgrin:

response #19 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Surely you chest!
:silly:

The Lounge, June 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7854103

On a thread by DogPoundPup:

      Wife's beer company could cause headaches for McCain

response #1 by Kristi1696:

      The trick to prevent that is a tall glass of water and an Advil gel-cap before sleeping.
;)

response #7 by ashling:

      He said he would veto the beer
:shrug:

GDP, June 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6396362

On a thread by NJCher:

      What's With All the UFO Attacks?

response #1 by Orrex:

      Mars Needs Women
What more answer do you need?

response #58 by antifaschits:

      shouldn't they go to the source then? Venus?

response #2 by seemslikeadream:

      I guess that they are just not going to wait any longer for us to take care of georgie

response #3 by flvegan:

      Why are they classified as "attacks"?
Alienphobic much?

response #26 by struggle4progress:

      I have nothing against space aliens but we do need a big sky wall to keep them from taking our jobs

response #35 by dicksteele:

      That's such bullshit. They're just anally probing the folks that "Americans" won't anally probe.
And what about all the folks who wanna be "pro photographers",
but can't take a FOCUSED photo to save their lives?
Do you see lines of NON-aliens lining up to pose for them? I sure don't!

These aliens are the BACKBONE of our once-great nation's
Supermarket Tabloid industry; one of the few industries
that hasn't withered on the vine these last 8 years.
If we got rid of the aliens, that industry would be dead
in 12 months. (Britney and Paris can only do so much; unlike
the aliens, they cannot violate Einsteinian rules of causality)

But you don't care, do you? You'd gladly destroy one of the USA's
LAST thriving industries just to feed your xenophobic phobias.

Hey, does the term "Nazca Lines" ring a bell? Those "aliens" were here
LONG before your ancestors dragged their pasty carbon-based asses
onto these shores, pal!

At this point, I've lost the thread of my narrative, and I'm not sure
just what I'm parodying anymore, so I reckon I'll stop.
I hate when this happens; thank God I'm stoned!

Richard :patriot:

response #17 by Indenturedebtor:

      Here are some theories assuming for a second that these sightings are legit
1) The aliens are testing the capabilities of our reflexes and the maneuverability of our vehicles. They're just about to invade.

2) They've been watching us for awhile and they're bored with anal probes

3) They're hoping we'll feel threatened and band together

response #63 by ret5hd:

      Now tell me...do you REALLY think...
that aliens would get bored with anal probes??? That's just silly!

response #25 by RainDog:

      The U.S. has a "secret" airbase in GBrit
and with all the talk of a first strike on Iran, my guess is these sitings are military hardware - drones, whatever.

I don't know, but it always seems best to seek the most logical answer before assuming it's something outside of our known experience.

Not to say there isn't life on other planets, but in that case, why would they want to come here with all these hateful fighting primates in charge?

response #27 by AntiFascist:

      The US will likely bomb Iran with a flying saucer...
then Bush can at least claim that the aliens are our allies. Talk about a fighting primate!

response #41 by kenny blankenship:

      The Terrists hate us for our freedoms. The Extra-Terrists hate us for our rectums.
I want all Americuns to know that your President takes your rectum, just as your freedom, very very seriously. I have instructed the Pentagon and the Department of Homeland Sekurity to cover up America's vulnerabilities to Extra-Terristshul attack, and if possible to take preemptive measures.

No one should doubt that the Extra-Terrist threat is real. No one should wonder if their government cares. They in the flying saucers and the terrar training camps are thinking up ever more complex and dieboldical plans to harm your freedoms and your rectums, and so are we.

GD, June 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3494750

OP by hedgehog:

      I would consider a VP offer from Obama if asked.
Just so everyone knows.

response #1 by Liberal Veteran:

      I suppose I could pencil it in if he asks. Assuming it's not laundry day.

response #2 by Catherina:

      Gotcha beat. I already accepted the VP offer!
Axelrod called me this morning and I humbly accepted. Boy are you guys in trouble :P

response #4 by rucky:

      We can't afford to lose another seat in the Lounge. n/t

response #8 by vixengrl:

      Ooooh, me too, me too, if hippie 35 (well, 36 on election day)
year-old, atheist working-class blogging internet supah-jeniuses are the way he wants to go.

Benefits of a vixengrl Vice-Presidency?

I are smart. I have an English Lit degree from an accredited university and speak pretty good when I recall that not everybody speaks Philadelphian.

I also know a little Spanish and Italian, but not enough to actually speak publically and embarrass myself, but enough to know what people are talking about, and I totally know some French, too. And Russian curse words. So I would be a great emissary abroad. I can do funerals without my make-up running because I don't really wear much, and I look great in black. I am also really diplomatic, because I have worked in customer service positions my whole adult life (see: English Lit. Degree.) I also have pretty serious biceps, because I have lifted weights and copy-paper cartons. Even though I am what you'd call "of size." That means I'd balance the ticket--Barack: African American, male, skinny, me, white, female--sizeish.

I give excellent interview. Most interviewers seem to want you to talk about yourself, and I can definitely do that. Endlessly. It's one of my favorite topics. Oh my figuratively-speaking God! I am totally talking about me right now! I also can bring the funny, if required. And like, intentionally, not in a Dan-Quayle funny because he's lame way. I'd be totally funny on purpose, unless something sad happened.

And then I'd wear black. Which I look good in.

VP's are kind of supposed to defend policy and respond to smack talked about the president. I can do that thing. They couldn't stop me either. I'd have Secret Service guys holding me back while they're all like, "Vixengrl, no you don't," and I'd be all like, "Yes I can," and they'd be like, "We can't stop her," and I'd be all like, "See, you made me go and respond to your foolishness," and then it would be on.

And I would dominate because my position would have been thought out days ahead of time, because I am always thinking. I do that.

I also shake hands well. Not limp and girly. Dry, warm, and kind of firm. Both sides of my mouth work, and I never war-monger. Really. Not ever. I also have no financial interest in any possible war profiteering enterprise. If I support a position, it's because I do, and not because somebody told me I should, and I'd probably defend myself before I decided I was wrong if somebody like Hannity or O'Reilly wanted to call me out. Actually I'd go on their shows. And I'd tell'em they better do it live, and kick their butts in their own house, because that's my VP-style.

I'd be sure to get over-exposed. No secret-location stuff for me. I'd always be up-front and out there and surrounded by press--why? Did not get enough attention as a child. Also, I'm super-transparent. Glassine, actually. I am a lens. I am a camera. TMZ would be all like, we saw vixengrl out and about. She was okay. Uh, that was it. She wears flats and I don't think she ever wears panty hose.

Like Michelle Obama, I don't like panty hose. It does hurt to wear them and they are not comfortable, especially if you are an odd size, like tall (her) or curvy (me). So I would rock pants and long skirts.

I'd normalize people seeing pale, slightly untoned legs. I'd probably be the first VP with tats. Problem with that? Buy yourself a laser and see if you want to make something of it. (See: Philadelphia and large biceps.) Anyone who calls me elitist would look kind of dumb.

I would inspire drinking games about pop-culture references and while I'd be thoroughly mis-trusted in the Bible-belt, I'd be the best friend education, science, the environment, and technology ever had since Al Gore. I'd wonk it highly and be upfront about debunking stupid memes and promoting reason. I'd respect that other people believe things I don't, but draw the line where some people's beliefs affect other people's freedoms. I'd be a Bill of Rights poster child. My husband would probably be more low-key, but together, we'd be really out there on Labor issues, union organization, and living wage. I'd be vocal on human rights, even if it wasn't always the best thing for foreign policy, but I'd make it up the next day by trying to reach out to other countries--talking about refugees, and social justice and feminism and the like.

And nobody would really be too eager for me to be president, so Barack could just do his thing knowing I'm no threat, just all support and vocal "happy to be here."

Wow, do I have a vivid dream-life, or what?)

GDP, June 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6396965

OP by mutley_r_us:

      For all you Bridezillas out there
I understand that this is your special day and you want everything to be perfect. Seriously, I get it. But when you stop at my desk to Bridezilla me up every ten minutes, I'm really not very interested in your problems any longer.

This has been a message from your local Please Be Nice To Those In The Service Industry, Inc.

response #4 by MrScorpio:

      And no amount of smiling and happy talk will satisfy them
Where are Valium Cokes when you need them?

response #5 by Oeditpus Rex:

      'Bridezilla'
is not a verb.

:P

response #9 by mutley_r_us:

      It is now.
:D

response #13 by Oeditpus Rex:

      Why are you dancing on the grave of language?
:spank:

response #15 by mutley_r_us:

      I am not dancing on the grave of language.
I am a language revolutionary. I will be the subject of study in linguistics classes for decades to come.

response #18 by Oeditpus Rex:

      Any money in that?
Or is it enough that you just get poked and prodded?

:D

response #46 by badgerpup:

      "To Bridezilla"...an infinitive verb
How would you conjugate that? It's probably an irregular one...

First person singular: I Bridezilla

Second person singular: (informal) You Bridezilla

Second person singular: (formal) Thou Bridezillaeth
Formal/informal usage would probably depend upon the degree of formality of the wedding ceremony itself

Third person singular: She Bridezillas
(Due to the connotations inherent in the root word "bride", I don't think that "he" is usable with this particular verb. Same with "it"...being gender neutral, using "it" in conjunction with the connotations and basic definition of the infinitive verb 'to Bridezilla' would constitute an oxymoron)

First person plural: We Bridezilla

Second person plural: same rule as for second person singular, methinks. For formal usage, add an 'ers' to the word 'Bridezillaeth' to indicate plural Bridezilla-ers (e.g. Thou Bridezillaethers!). Informal usage could include the term "Y'all".

Third person plural: They Bridezilla (dear gods...run for cover! There's a pack of Bridezillas Bridezillaing and they're heading this way!)

Future tense: hmmm...that would be the same as the infinitive "She's going to Bridezilla your ass from here to next week."

Forget what tense this is, but to be (or to have been) Bridezillaed would indicate that a person had gone Bridezilla on you.

So glad I'm not involved with anybody who's getting married... :scared: :hide:

response #26 by Kutjara:

      Weddings seem to be a reality distortion field for some people.
They go into full Bridezilla mode, run around with their hair on fire for months, make everyone's life miserable, freak out every five minutes on the actual wedding day, and then claim forever after that their wedding was "just perfect" and "so lovely." What wedding were you at, woman? 'Cause it certainly wasn't your own, which chiefly involved 200 guests not daring to speak a word or move an inch in case it sent you into a psychotic meltdown.

A lot of weddings appear to have nothing to do with the day itself, but everything to do with how the photos and video look. They're events to be remembered, not experienced.

response #76 by JustABozoOnThisBus:

      A wedding plan in two words ...
"Vegas, Baby!"

Many other great responses in the thread...

The Lounge, June 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7853949

On a thread by OmmmSweetOmmm:

      "Swiftboating" Book On Obama will be on the shelves in August.
"Publisher, Regnery. Ships to stores, July. On shelves, August. Price, $37.95. Title, the longest in captivity: 'Scorcher. The Case Against Barack Obama: The Unlikely Rise and Unexamined Agenda of the Media's Favorite Candidate.'

The so-called scorching? That his politics-of-change will be liberal politics as usual. That the Rev. Wright thing reveals a deceitful nature. That his inexperience is more dangerous than any threat we have today. That as commander in chief this non-Republican is a serious threat to our national security...."

response #5 by MannyGoldstein:

      I Read A Preview Copy... Actuallly, It May Be Pretty Damaging
Apparently, Obama regularly mingles with homo sapiens, and there's even a grainy photo of Obama at a fundraiser thrown by a known thespian.

Brutal stuff - Obama's days are numbered.

response #13 by WinkyDink:

      He's a long-time proponent of muslin.

GDP, June 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6397860

OP by ck4829:

The Republican Dictionary, 2008 Edition
A
Ally - A nation that terrorizes it's own people, uses secret and/or religious police, and kills it's own people... but at least they don't hate us
Alternative energy - Looking for new places to drill for oil
Appeaser - A liberal who wants to open up talks with our nation's enemies

B
Balance - To tip something to the right
Bipartisanship - Telling Republicans and Democrats to come together... to enact a Republian President's agenda

C
Class Warfare - Things like the minimum wage
Coalition of the Willing - Forming a coalition with nations that have been duped or forced into joining
Compassion - When Conservatives work against equal rights for GLBT people, economic freedoms for the poor, reproductive freedoms for women, and so on. See Hate
Culture of Life - Something that Republicans don't want the poor, the homeless, non-white people, or the post-born to be a part of

D
Deregulate - To let someone totally rape and destroy a valuable part of the infrastructure
Disgruntled - What your mood is said to be according to Republicans when you feel like telling the truth about them

E
Enemy - A nation that terrorizes it's own people, uses secret and/or religious police, kills it's own people, and hates us
Executive Privilege - A power that the Bush Administration uses frequently so nobody can see what it's doing. See Wiretapping

F
Facts - An invention of the West Coast Liberals and has a strong Anti-Republican bias. Often works with a creation of the East Coast Liberals, known as Reality, in order to do tag team assaults on the

Conservative Movement in general
Faith-based - A payoff
Freedom - The freedom for oil companies to drill for more oil

G
God - Money and/or Campaign Donors
Great Communicator - A conservative who wants to open up talks with our nation's enemies

H
Hate - When Liberals make fun of Conservatives. See Compassion
Healing - Pardoning dangerous criminals (Such as Elliot Abrams) who are connected to a Republican's Administration

I
I can't recall - You train for over a month to prepare your testimony in front of Congress and then you get nervous or something... Right...
Interfaith - When different denominations of right wing Christians come together to help enact the Republican agenda
Islamofascism - The GOP's best friend in the 1980's

J
Job Growth - What is happening to repo men, debt collectors, and body bag makers
Judicial activism/tyranny - Making a decision that Republicans disagree with
Junk Science - Science that Republicans say is not sound, much like abstinence education and intelligent design, but they won't talk about those two being junk science, now will they?

L
Liberal Media - Something that, for some inexplicable reason, mysteriously disappeared before the invasion of Iraq

M
Mandate - Getting 51% of the vote
Move on - When a Republican wants you to forget about his illegal or unethical activities
Moral Values - Something that is typically defined by Christian Right leaders, for some reason, it coincidentally matches the social agenda of the Republican Party

Obstructionist - What you get called when you confirm 95% of Bush's judicial nominees, but don't confirm the remaining 5%

P
Pacifist - Someone who doesn't follow a doctrine of burning down villages, capturing and raping all the women your troops find, and forcibly converting the population
People die in war, get over it! - When Blackwater murders Iraqi Civilians. See Terrorism
Persecution - When Right Wing Christians aren't able to force their religious/political views down your throat
Personal Responsibility - Only applies to you if you are poor

R
Rapture - The Christian Right's exit strategy from Iraq
Reality - An invention of the East Coast Liberals and has a strong Anti-Bush bias. Often works with a creation of the West Coast Liberals, known as Facts, in order to do tag team assaults on the Conservative Movement in general
Reform - To destroy

S
Sanctity of Life - Preventing babies from getting aborted, so 18 years later they can go fight, kill, and die in Iraq and possibly Iran
Scott McClellan - Someone who respects and admires Bush, but is accused of being a member of the Obama campaign by conservatives when he says or writes something that is a dissent from the administration
Simplify - To cut taxes for the wealthy

T
Terrorism - When Al Qaeda in Iraq murders Iraqi Civilians
Torture - Like swimming, freestyle, backstroke
Tough on Crime - Putting the poor and/or minorities in jail
Traitor - A person who was right when he/she said Iraq had no WMD, that there was no Iraq-Al Qaeda link, that Rumsfeld was a failure, that things are going to smoothly over there, and so on

V
Values Voter - A voter who is told how to vote according to the "moral values" of their religious leaders
Vice President - An enigma. Has all of the privileges, but none of the responsibilities, of the Executive Branch
Voter Fraud - The crisis of the poor and/or minorities actually voting (GASP!)

W
Wiretapping - If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear, right?
Witch Hunt - Prosecuting members of the Bush Administration

GD, June 22, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3502322

OP by arcadian:

First one of you fuckers that starts a Carlin grave dancing thread is a communist.
Not that he would probably care. RIP George.

GD, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3503593

On a thread by malaise:

Who is watching the McSame discussion with reporters
Seriously he is losing it. Talking about his oil relief, he said 'eliminate our needs'...WTF??

Protester in the background shouting!! Bwaaaaaah

on M$TIMBC

response #2 by tomreedtoon:

You sure he didn't say "I need to eliminate?"
And the answer is of course, "Depends."

GD, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3506266

OP by MN Against Bush:

In order to better represent mainstream Americans I am becoming a pundit for the mainstream media.
Sometimes people tell me that my ideas are a bit outside of the mainstream, but I am determined to change that. I have been reading a lot of blogs which refer to the “mainstream media” lately, and I have realized that if I want to be closer to the mainstream I can just model my life after one of our esteemed pundits.

The first step I will take in becoming more mainstream is to stop writing blogs, and instead get a job in which I can make millions by sitting around the table with guys who wear bowties and have really strong opinions.

Of course once I have a job as a mainstream pundit I will have to change my positions to adapt to mainstream thinking. I can’t spend any more of my time worrying about how wages are going down in this country, because the average American does not care that they are not making enough to pay their bills. Mainstream Americans are not concerned about wages; they are only concerned with ensuring that their boss doesn’t have to pay any capital gains taxes. Most Americans don’t care if their employers are ripping them off, just as long as their boss is rich as hell they are happy.

And then there is that damn issue of the environment. Mainstream Americans don’t care about clean air or water, they just want to make sure that industry doesn’t have to spend any money cleaning up the mess they make. It doesn’t matter if the water they drink is polluted, because mainstream Americans want polluted water. Taste tests show that Americans love the extra tangy flavor which comes from the water pumped downstream from the factory farm feedlot, and Americans would be outraged if they had to give up that flavor just because some environmentalist demands that factory farms stop dumping cow shit in the rivers.

Of course we can’t focus entirely on domestic issues and we don’t really give a shit about the economy or environmental concerns of other nations, so to be a mainstream pundit I have to have some understanding of foreign policy as well. Fortunately for us mainstream pundits there is really only one question that we need to be concerned about when it comes to foreign policy; which country do we bomb next?

For those of us in the mainstream media the answer to that question is clear; we must follow the advice of our maverick hero John McCain and bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran . Some people say that Iran has Weapons of Mass Destruction, and if we don’t bomb the hell out of them America will be attacked by terrorists. Don’t worry though the Iranian people will be happy if we bomb their homes, they will be dancing in the streets and handing out flowers to our troops to celebrate the destruction of their cities. We know that is going to happen because everyone that our mainstream pundits will allow on the air believes it is going to happen, and even if all of us are wrong it doesn’t matter because we will be wearing flag lapel pins and telling people that we support the troops.

I am so proud to be joining the mainstream media because as a pundit I can really have an understanding of how people in the mainstream think. While I sit in the back of my limo dining on caviar and premium red wine, I can sit and think about how those latte drinking liberals that drive Volvos are elitists that are out of touch with ordinary Americans.

Once I join the mainstream media I will know that I am in touch with ordinary Americans because as we all know mainstream Americans think exactly like pundits, and that is why we call it the mainstream media.

GD, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3507546

OP by The Straight Story:

And today, on a smoke break (not pot) it hit me....
The three places hit on 9/11 were a message... NY, DC, PA

PNAC YD - PNAC You Dumbass

Sorry, couldn't resist :rofl:

Carry on.

response #11 by Super Soaker Sniper:

An epiphany is an amazing thing.
Everything seems so clear. I had one once. It dawned on me that what my ex-wife and her instructor were doing every afternoon was not really nude yoga after all. I should have known that some of those positions did not seem right for a reason. :D

GD, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3508845

OP by rateyes:

      Rateyes says Muammar Al-Qaddafi and Hu Jintao endorse McCain.
If Laura Ingraham can make shit up, so can I.

response #1 by Rick Myers:

      We had a seance at the house last night...
Stalin endorsed McCain... It's true...

response #4 by rateyes:

      Funny. I heard that Hitler showed up there, too and refused to endorse
McCain. Said McCain was too much of a fascist even for his taste.

response #3 by anonymous171:

      My mom is a medium and last night she contacted Hitler's spirit, who says he's endorsing McCain.

response #6 by rateyes:

      You're mom's a medium? Wow.
I'm a large.

response #8 by BushDespiser12:

      Robert Goulet endorses Obama
Elvis is incensed :argh:

GDP, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6403565

OP by Political Heretic:

      I'm seriously CONCERNED that Obama is too fat to be elected President.
I support Obama, but I've very worried that he is too out of shape and overweight to get elected. Don't flame me for bring this up, it's a very important concern if we are going to win the general election!

Low-Cholesterol voters won't vote for a man as out of shape and obese as Obama!

We must address this NOW before its too late! While there's still time to do something before the convention! Please pass this concern post on to all your friends, discussion forums and blogs you can find! We need to bring this issue to the forefront!!

/drive-by

response #2 by babylonsister:

      He needs to lay off the flap jacks - STAT! nt

response #6 by hedgehog:

      He has laid off the flap jacks! He prefers waffles, despite the political
risk of being accused of waffling!

response #18 by DefenseLawyer:

       I have serious concerns concerning your level of concern.
I'm sure you can appreciate my concerns, given that we are all deeply concerned.

GD, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3509155

On a thread by L. Coyote:

KO COUNTDOWN: NSA Copying EVERYTHING, entire Internet data stream

response #3 by bananas:

Our only hope is if MPAA and RIAA go after them for copyright violations
It's time for Metallica to stand up and demand royalties from the NSA!

Political Videos, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x150725

On a thread by FLDem5:

      McCain wants you to believe that lunch REALLY DOES cost $100 a plate
"A Canadian newspaper reported Thursday that Friday's scheduled $100-a-plate luncheon speech by Sen. John McCain in Ottowa was organized in part by U.S. Ambassador David Wilkins, a former South Carolina lawmaker whom President Bush appointed in 2005.

Democrats pointed out the article late Thursday night, and alleged that Wilkins's actions could be construed as a violation of the Hatch Act, which prohibits many kinds of political activities by government employees...

He said the $100-per-person ticket price for the event is to cover the cost of the lunch and will not benefit the campaign.

'It's not a fundraiser. That's to pay for their own lunch. That is not for campaign coffers,' Brian Rogers said. 'The Ottawa speech is not in our view a campaign-related event. Thus, anything related to that is not political...'"

response #1 by blogslut:

      For that price
There better be truffles involved.

response #2 by Giant Robot:

      And hookers. n/t

GDP, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6405652

OP by Oeditpus Rex:

      When you post a poll on smoking bans in GD
and you say, "It would be great if we could discuss this without flaming the crap out of each other, no?" that's kind of like saying, "It would be great if I were doing the dishes and million-dollar bills began to flow freely from the tap."

Just, y'know, sayin'.

:popcorn:

response #2 by MrCoffee:

      Do you know how bad secondhand million-dollar bills are?
Your concern is notated and logged for future attacks, i mean reference.

response #4 by skygazer:

      Actually, having million dollar bills flow from the tap isn't all that great
I've had it happen. They clog the whole thing, they're a bitch to dry and then you're accused of laundering money. :P

response #5 by mokawanis:

      I'd be sorely tempted
to roll one of those bills up and smoke it.

The Lounge, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7861792

OP by MrCoffee:

      I want in on the Moderators forum
but I don't want to moderate, I just want to see who they're talking about in there.

Is that wrong of me?

response #8 by MissMillie:

      Note to the other mods....
MrCoffee's onto us.....

response #10 by flvegan:

      What's wrong with moderating? Not...good enough for you?
You too important to moderate? Think it's beneath you?

Uh huh.

response #11 by MrCoffee:

      flvegan, we post on a forum that has rules.
And those rules have to be enforced by moderators with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Midlo? The moderators have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the freepers and you curse the moderators. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That a freeper tombstoning, while tragic, probably saved lives. And the moderators' existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want moderators in this forum. You need them there. Moderators use words like "Locking", "Flamebait", "Oh Jeez, not this shit again"... they use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom moderators provide, then questions the manner in which they provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you email the Admins and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

response #15 by rug:

      Who moderates the Moderators forum?

response #16 by Ptah:

      The Mod Squad, of course.

The Lounge, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7861966

On a thread by texastoast:

Okay, where ARE the celebrities to benefit the Iowa flood victims?

response #6 by DS1:

Kanye West doesn't care about wet people

GD, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3511294

On a thread by CatWoman:

      Bush To Filipino President: "I Am Reminded Of The Great Talent Of Our Philippine Americans..
... When I Eat Dinner At The White House"

response #1 by Forkboy:

      The guy is clearly crazier than a box of frogs.
:crazy:

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

      And the shoe shine boy? Credit to his race.

response #3 by Mythsaje:

      If only he was reminded of the great talent
by a few moments spent as an escrimador's practice dummy.

One can dream, I suppose.

response #5 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      Yup, them thar Fillypeeners shore can whip up a good peanut butter sandwich
I'm sure the Filipino President was touched by his praise of her fellow countrymen and women.

response #6 by flakey_foont:

      speechwriters day off today?
guess the poor boob had to wing it

'ahm reminded of the great Oscar Mayer Amurkins whenever ah eat a hot dawg"

response #13 by Fuzz:

      He should probably use a food taster for a while

response #20 by KamaAina:

      So when's Michelle Malkin gonna go medieval on him?
(crickets)

(tumbleweed)

(howling wind)

(saloon doors swinging)

GD, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3513616

On a thread by babylonsister:

Even "Maverick McCain" Can't Connect with Young Voters

response #7 by LowerManhattanite:

He couldn't connect with young voters...
...if you coated him with Krazy Glue and fired him from a cannon into the first ten rows of a Panic At The Disco concert.

GDP, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6407593

On a thread by Ptah:

      America's Toughest Sheriff--> Shaq gets slapped by sheriff for rap language
"Shaquille O'Neal is losing his special deputy's badge in Maricopa County
because of language he used in a rap video that mocks former teammate Kobe Bryant.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said the Phoenix Suns center's use of a racially
derogatory word and other offensive terms left him no choice. Arpaio made Shaq a
special deputy in January and promoted him to colonel of his largely ceremonial
posse earlier this month.

'I want his two badges back,' Arpaio told The Associated Press on Tuesday. 'Because if
any one of my deputies did something like this, they're fired. I don't condone
this type of racial conduct...'"

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Does he realize Shaquille O'Neal is not an Irishman?
Just checking.

response #5 by MrScorpio:

      Rapping While Black...
The new crime sensation taking America by storm

The Lounge, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7862256

On a thread by TeamJordan23:

      Bill Clinton: I'm behind Barack Obama
"The former president says through a spokesman that he’s committed to helping Obama win the White House.

Spokesman Matt McKenna in one-sentence statement: 'President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next president of the United States...'"

response #1 by horseface:

      golfclap for Bill.

response #2 by Kristi1696:

      Yep. But if he wants a fist bump, he's gonna have to say that himself.
Not through a spokesman.

;)

response #3 by otohara:

      The Sky Has Opened, The Light Has Come Down
celestial choirs are singing and everyone will know we will do the right thing and the world will be perfect.

GDP, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6405796

On a thread by GOPBasher:

      What does "talking white" mean?

response #8 by sarge43:

      Maybe Nader thinks Senator Obama should rap all his speeches. n/t

response #24 by Major Hogwash:

      It means he wants white people to all sound like Thurston Howell III
"Oh, Lovey, can you please pass me some more coconut juice. I acquired an unusally large thirst from playing those last 3 holes on that incredibly hard 9 hole golf course that Gilligan has created for us on this dreadful island. I must have hooked 3 balls on the very first hole. And I had an extremely hard time digging myself out of that tremendously deep sand trap on the 8th hole. I'm completely exhausted now and I've missed my mid-morning nap."

GD, June 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3520469

A week after proclaiming the Chuggo and the DUzy Awards were mutually exclusive concepts, I am humbled.

OP by Chuggo:

      I post in your lounge
That's how I'm net.
5 bucks on bunco,
That's what I bet.
I stole your damn lol cat,
Now it's my pet.
I've come to get a bounty,
just like Boba Fett.

Ahhhh, C'mon fucking guy.

I've been drinking since thurday,
That's why I'm a drunk.
You started a pic thread,
That's why you're a punk.
Went to the zoo,
saw an elephant's trunk.
I see you looking at me,
Cause I'm a total hunk.

Ahhhh, C'mon fucking guy.

response #11 by sniffa:

      You're playing with fire
That's why you're hot

:rofl:

response #13 by flvegan:

      He sounds like he's high
And I'm guessing it's pot.

response #26 by puerco-bellies:

      Best Sock-puppet Ehvar!!!!
I'm totally bummed I did not think of this
:cry:

response #64 by MilesColtrane:

      Today, the Lounge.
Tomorrow, General Discussion.

eeeeeeexcellllleeeeeeennnnnnnt....

Name recognition is increasing, peeling off votes. In recent polls against a McCain/Undecided ticket, Mercer/Chuggo was up 6 points and rising among registered GOP voters.

The Mercer/Chuggo ticket is especially popular among young, first time voters identifying themselves as Republicans. In polls their most common reason for voting for the ticket was, "makes me feel sane/skilled in comparison".

Interestingly enough, those voters who call themselves independents are more likely to vote for Obama than McCain with Mercer/Chuggo in the race.

response #66 by Southpawkicker:

      Come on fuckin guy
My tolerance has ended my sensibilities offended I bet I know who you are and you aint no fucking hip hop star but you gave this punk a chuckle and I loosened my belt buckle Now come on fuckin guy lets see u fuckin cry! :rofl:

response #72 by MilesColtrane:

      Chuggo's been on the campaign trail...
His platform is Criminal Law, That's why he's raw
From his Method of Education, He can see it fucking all
A new Discipline from the Army, A political hell-cat
You wanna go against Mercer? Yo Fuck That

When Mercer steps in the place throw your hands in the sky

Aaaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

McCain can't beat him and it makes him fucking cry

Aaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

He's on the way to office in a suit and a tie

Aaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

The troops in Iraq? He'll have 'em out by next July

Aaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

Raised in Overton, That's why he's street
Representin' ARP Industrial, Other schools be weak
Mercer could a been, An NFL pro
Blew out his knee, So to the Navy he'd go

Went to Dental Trade School, Down in the Dirty South
He can bust your teeth out, Then put 'em back in your mouth
Times got tough, So Lee applied for the TANG
That's how he got the, Military Intelligence thang

Lee promises to regulate the Eye-Spy

Aaaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

He's promised American Citizens will get paid before he dies

Aaaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

"I'll solve every crime" is Mercer's war-cry

Aaaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

Business and Commerce is what he'll apply

Aaaaaaa C'mon Fucking Guy

Lee's got Doctor's degrees, That's why he's smart
But he can fuck you up, So you better not start
He doesn't trust nobody, That's why he don't blink
Says the Bushs are gangsters, Whadda you think?

He's got the ROTC, Compulsory Action
You'd better shut up, He'll put your ass in traction
If it's Eye-Spy All Three, That you hate
Vote Mercer/Chuggo, Before it's too late

C'MON FUCKING GUY!

And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread, fuckin' guy.

The Lounge, June 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7866465

Poll question by HEyHEY:

Obama's best running mate?
Fire away

:bluebox: Dizzy Gilespie

:bluebox: Shaq

:bluebox: Wayne Rogers (The guy who played Trapper in M*A*S*H)

:bluebox: Madonna

:bluebox: Mike Myers (The sociopathic killer not the comedian)

:bluebox: Mike Myers (The comedian, not the sociopathic killer)

:bluebox: Roseanne

:bluebox: Andrew Dice Clay

:bluebox: Oprah

:bluebox: Other

At press time, "Madonna" was winning with 35% of the votes.

GDP, June 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6415307

On a thread by woolldog:

      Obama throws Scarlett Johansson under the bus.
"As he headed to a Hollywood fundraiser, Sen. Barack Obama downplayed the idea that he hobnobs with actress Scarlett Johansson.

The movie star, who campaigns actively for the Illinois senator, recently told the website Politico, 'You'd imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly "on" - how can he

return these personal emails? But he does, and in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them.'

She said Obama had responded to one note about a debate, commenting to her that the questions were 'silly.'

But speaking to reporters aboard his campaign plane, Obama said the actress doesn't have his personal email address. 'She sent one email to Reggie, who forwarded it to me,' Obama said, referring to his

26-year-old personal assistant, Reggie Love. 'I write saying, "thank you Scarlett for doing what you do," and suddenly we have this email relationship...'"

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

      In the interests of full disclosure...
Scarlett Johannsen and I continue to exchange e-mails regularly.

response #30 by cliffordu:

      In the interest of full disclosure, that's actually me you are writing

with, but you can still call me Scarlett, if you want to....

response #8 by galaxy21:

      'I did not have email relations with that woman, Miss Johansson...'

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GDP, June 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6415264

OP by PCIntern:

MSM preferred copy for UNITY MEETING:
Rather than 'sitting together' (how disappointing!) they would rather be able to report:

Senator Clinton was led in in chains and gagged with the mask applied from 'Silence of the Lambs'. She was placed in a bolted seat and strapped down with 4 inch leather restraints. 16 guards with hi voltage tasers and shotguns stood watch and the caravan of 40 Humvees and personnel carriers left with helicoter gunship air cover to ensure that she would not escape. The caravan proceeded at a steady rate of 45 MPH to the destination without incident.

GDP, June 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6418745

On a thread by PageOneQ:

      Larry Craig and David Vitter co-sponsor Marriage Protection Amendment
"Two United States Senators implicated in extramarital sexual activity have named themselves as co-sponsors of S. J. RES. 43, dubbed the Marriage Protection Amendment. If ratified, the bill would amend the United States Constitution to state that marriage 'shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman.'

Sen. Larry Craig (R-ID), who was arrested June 11, 2007 on charges of lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport terminal, is co-sponsoring the amendment along with Sen. David Vitter (R-LA)..."

response #10 by Phred42:

      Speeches will be given in the Mens Room

response #21 by SpiralHawk:

      Well, that sews up the Republicon Diaper Sex With Hookers vote block
fer sure

response #30 by krispos42:

      And Bush and Cheney just jointly won the Nobel Peace Prize
Hell, why not?

At this point I'd believe almost anything.

response #33 by DiktatrW:

      And in other news...
Senators Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton have put forth new legislation aimed at repealing the 13th and 19th amendments to the constitution.

When questioned as to why, both responded with similar answers stating that blacks and women have had it too easy for too long and something must be done to alleviate the longstanding hardships on white male politicians nationwide.

I would like to write for The Onion too. :-)

response #52 by Mabus:

      I heard it was something that Craig tapped out
while waiting at an airport. And that Vitter signed on to Pamper his record.

response #55 by wryter2000:

      How I wish...
How I wish Al Franken were in the Senate already.

LBN, June 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3371626

More mirth here, starting at response #10:

On a thread by RagingInMiami:

The picture that drove a Coral Gables cop over the edge

GD, June 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3528160

OP by endarkenment:

      I'M VERY CONCERNED! I'M PUSHING A COMPLETE DISTRACTION!
MSM TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!

link here to media source

response #1 by TBF:

      You forgot a key element - the link needs to be to a right wing media source

response #3 by blogslut:

      Post containing summary of pertinent conversation overheard, in line at the grocery store
Plus link to obscure blog opinion.

response #10 by Canuckistanian:

      I'll see your obscure blog opinion
And raise you a picture of GHW Bush in the 1950's and a link to to a 9/11 conspiracy site.

response #6 by JackintheGreen:

      Sorry...what did you say?
I was watching Fox.

response #7 by Midlodemocrat:

      I'M RUNNING WITH SCISSORS!!!!!!!

response #8 by Buzz Clik:

      It is my pleasure to diminish your notion as ridiculous and petty.
Although I won't be providing any particular insight or alternative points of view, I will dish out a few insults.

response #9 by helderheid:

      KICKING AND RECOMMENDING WITHOUT READING THE ARTICLE!!!ELEVENS!!1!

response #14 by FLDem5:

      obligatory Hitler reference

response #15 by blondeatlast:

      Posting the one sentence/paragraph that contradicts your point
and proves the author said something else entirely. but getting zero resposes.

I play my role beautifully, but reside in obscurity...

response #18 by helderheid:

      Notes that your post really should be its own thread.
hug smiley

response #26 by endarkenment:

      Driveby OP shows up to claim: NOT A DRIVEBY!

GDP, June 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6405494

On a thread by gcomeau:

      Anyone noticed Obama's new Seal?

response #3 by cbayer

response #6 by FLDem5

response #11 by cbayer

response #28 by Abacus

response #35 by cbayer

GDP, June 20, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6392218

OP by underpants:

      Cindy McCain wins a Daytime EMMY!!!!

GDP, June 21, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6396508

On a thread by The Straight Story:

      He pleased 15 women in one day

response #2 by sasquatch

response #5 by ALiberalSailor

response #8 by Orrex

response #11 by sammythecat

The Lounge, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7857705

On a thread by Earth Bound Misfit:

      Caption Chimpy........

response #1 by Rick Myers

response #7 by newmajority

response #2 by Cheap_Trick

response #5 by no_hypocrisy

response #12 by aint_no_life_nowhere

response #15 by SalmonChantedEvening

GD, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3506906

On a thread by warrior1:

      Could this be photoshopped?

response #6 by ThoughtCriminal

response #14 by jmowreader

response #16 by Oeditpus Rex

response #22 by Swamp Rat

response #31 by Vickers

GD, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3508446

OP by Hippo_Tron:

      Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the official seal of the John McCain Presidential Campaign

GDP, June 23, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6404584

On a thread by elshiva:

      What is this photo about?

response #1 by Heidi

response #7 by Orsino

response #9 by JVS

The Lounge, June 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7863716

On a thread by Chuggo:

      I post in your lounge

response #17 by Starbucks Anarchist

response #39 by rug

response #41 by Tyler Durden

The Lounge, June 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7866465

Poll question by Amerigo Vespucci:

      CHOOSE the presidential portrait that should hang in the George W. Bush Presidential LIE-berry.

response #1 by Kutjara

response #2 by DJ13

response #6 by SpiralHawk

response #7 by ColbertWatcher

response #13 by KamaAina

response #11 by lame54

response #20 by dixiegrrrrl

GD, June 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3525935

On a thread by woolldog:

      Obama throws Scarlett Johansson under the bus.

response #13 by BlueDogDemocratNH

GDP, June 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6415264