Apparently you don't read your bible enough.

[Philosoraptor]

A lovely repub lady called into cspan to scold Americans who are against blowing the fuck out of Iran, and she reminded us all that we don't read our bibles enough, and we don't understand that the end of the world is prophesied plainly for all the world to see, and she ejaculated a bible passage, (always impressive) that said something about loving Israel unconditionally or going to hell.

So tell me, DO you know your bible, as it applies to the modern world? Personally, I know deep down in my heart that bush and cheney don't give a flying fuck about the bible, or the return of Christ, or protecting Israel or any of that other bullshit, we all know what they believe in, and it ain't Jesus.

[tekisui]

1. THey believe in exploiting those who are eager for the End Times.

Loony Criminals dragging loony end timers into WWIII.

[mmonk]

2. yes, the bible was written around 1860 in rural America I understand.

They still are the only Christians I hear.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

16. check out the chicago statement on Inerrancy from the 1970s

where they claim that every word is true and accurate.

[mmonk]

18. I've never heard of it. I just know them through observation.

Do you have a link?

[ChairmanAgnostic]

20. shur nuff, boss.

http://www.bible-researcher.com/chicago1.html

I like looking at that POS, just to get a laugh.

[mmonk]

21. Thanks

[jmowreader]

25. Then why do they claim drinking is a sin?

Last I checked, Jesus was known for attending parties where alcohol is served and even providing the wine.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

38. An issue of control. they more today's preachers can control,

the more money they can get for their lord.

I bet they use airmail to send it to him.

[Fumesucker]

3. Repubs Looooove the Old Testament..

And have no use whatsoever for the New Testament.

I wonder why that might be?

[n2doc]

45. Except for Revelations (always a fave!)

And some of Paul's writings that can be misconstrued as being against homosexuality. But yes, all the rest in the NT is just something to be glossed over until the Pastor gets back to the good old stuff...

[mdmc]

4. The bible mentions the 4 horsemen

but it never mentioned that famine would drive a corn-fueled auto.

I never heard Jesus pushing for war.

[shadowknows69]

6. Jesus isn't in that version of Christianity

They just use his name.

[mwb970]

5. It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

And dangerous.

Let's start using 2000-year-old medical techniques too, shall we? I'm sure nothing has changed.

[malaise]

7. Mike Pence will sound even crazier

just you wait and see.

sp.

[ensho]

40. Pence also said most americans "cherish" Israel

said it 3 or 4 times. a number of callers called him a liar. he just sat there, then changed the subject.

do most americans "cherish" Israel? or is this another of his lies?

[midnight]

8. Some bible people told me that was the reason

for NOLA flooding. Let's use this book inspired by God to help each-other out.

[fasttense]

9. Hmm, what about that pesky commandment

Thou Shall Not Kill? Seems Christian ignore that regularly. Thou Shall Not Kill seems to only apply to fetuses and stem cells.

[spin]

37. Thou shall not kill is a mistranslation...

Should have read "Thou shalt not murder".

There are several strong arguments for the case that the sixth commandment should be translated as "Thou shalt not murder." First, the verb used in the Torah commandment is "ratsah," which generally is translated as murder and refers only to criminal acts of killing. The word "kill" generally refers to the taking of life for all classes of victims and for all reasons. This
generalization is expressed through a different Hebrew verb "harag."

Another compelling argument against the "Thou shalt not kill" translation is that there are many places in the Hebrew scriptures that command or condone warfare, the sacrifice of animals, and several methods of capital punishment.

If "Thou shalt not kill" were the proper translation, no person who took the Ten Commandments seriously could kill in self defense, even if it meant loss of the person’s life, or could kill in warfare, even if his or her country were attacked. There could be no capital punishment no matter how horrible a person’s crimes were. Clearly there are cases where the Torah permits the taking of a human life. And, if it is sometimes permissible to kill another person, most people would agree that there are circumstances when it is also permissible to kill an animal.

Since the sixth commandment has been so frequently mistranslated, two prominent Jewish commentators, Rabbi Samuel ben Meir (Rashbam) and Rabbi Joseph Bekhor-Shor ,explained at great length that the Hebrew text refers only to unlawful killing. Both scholars stressed the differences between the Hebrew roots for killing and murdering.

So the sixth commandment should be translated as "Thou shalt not murder." http://www.all-creatures.org/articles/jv-isthesixth.html

[sshan2525]

10. O, how I miss George Carlin....

.....using an ancient book of fairy tales retranslated thousands of times so that any resemblance to the original text is irrevocably lost is probabaly not the wisest thing to base starting a war on.

[Vinca]

11. Bible thumpers are batshit crazy.

They interpret passages to fit their need. Want to rob a bank? I'm sure there's a passage for you. Blow a million Iranians to pieces? Covered.

[NC_Nurse]

13. SO true.

What bullshit.

[ProfessorGAC]

33. Scarrier Still

They believe in the inerrancy of the Bible as the LITERAL WORD OF GOD, and then will interpret it as you suggest.

HUH?

If it's the literal word of God, it requires no interpretation. You, oh i don't know, TAKE IT LITERALLY! If it's not the literal word of God, then everyone is free to interpret it in whatever way they feel.

So, these nutjobs insist that they have to interpret that which doesn't need to be interpreted, but if you or i interpret it they say "it's literal". How convenient, huh?
GAC

[eShirl]

12. "Blessed are the peacemakers." -- the Prince of Peace

[Javaman]

39. Blessed are the cheesemakers - Monty Python. ;) nt

[pokerfan]

14. I don't care if it rains or freezes

'Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car

Through my trials and tribulations
And my travels through the nations
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far

[MiniMe]

15. Those bible thumpers can justify just about anything by distorting the meaning

of bible verses. Who would Jesus bomb?

[zbdent]

17. I always get the feeling that a lot of Republicans quote the bible, and their

bibles are in the same condition that many of their school textbooks were ... in pristine condition, near mint if not mint, with unbroken spines ... never been opened or read ...

[Beausoleil]

19. "the end of the world is prophesied plainly for all the world to see"

Uh-huh.

New Testament = blah, blah, blah

Matthew 24
36 But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.
42 Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming.
44 Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.

Mark 13
32 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.
33 Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come."

Acts 1
7 He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or epochs which the Father has fixed by His own authority."

Obviously the Bible is like a buffet to these morans.

[zeemike]

26. Yes but you are just quoting Jesus

And the right wing hate that.
Because almost anything that Jesus said contradicts their philosophy.

[Beausoleil]

32. And they really don't like anything in Matthew

especially the "Sermon on the Mount", which basically says that you can't call yourself a Christian unless you live your life as Jesus taught. They really hate that!

[jmowreader]

28. This is my favorite one

One of the signs of the End Times is a red heifer--one with no hairs of any other color. Someone's trying to genetically engineer one.

[patrice]

22. I was surrounded by a small group of Bible idolators recently.

I managed to make it clear that they should evaluate themselves for Blasphemy.

I was raised conservative Catholic, Mass 6 days a week (with 3 Bible passages in each Mass if you count just the major readings), prayers on our knees everyday as a Family including some of Mom's favorite Psalms, Catholic school Catechism 5 days a week) I think the whole point of The Bible/Jesus is that we are supposed to get out there in the World and help one another.

Everything about The Bible inhers in concrete experience. What some people are doing with The Bible is like worshipping the details and parts of a pair of binoculars, without using them, rather than valuing what those binoculars make accessible to you.

[zanne]

23. These people live in another world entirely.

They can't be reached.

[DailyGrind51]

24. Republicans stop short of the New Testament.

Here is how Jesus said we should treat our enemies:

Luke 6:27-36

<27> "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, <28> bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. <29> If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. <30> Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. <31> Do to others as you would have them do to you.

<32> "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. <33> And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. <34> And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. <35> But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. <36> Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

I guess the word "New" in the title sounds too "liberal" for them?

[paparush]

30. Then there's that pesky passage in Acts regarding "sharing all things in common"

Acts chapter 2:

v44 All those who became believers were together in having all things in common,
v45 and they went selling their possessions and properties and distributing the to all, just as anyone would have the need.

[DailyGrind51]

41. You are speaking blasphemy, you heathen!

Those quotes are obviously from the "Communist Manifesto", OR EVEN WORSE, "Audacity of Hope"!;-)

[ThatsMyBarack]

27. Some of us are Jewish.

What are WE supposed to do?

(K&R, by the way)

[Clark2008]

29. Convert or die.

Seriously, these nutjobs only protect Israel as a strategic move. They think Jews will be shunned to Hell, as well, if they don't convert during End Times.

Corny, ain't it?

[iamahaingttta]

31. We will not survive as a species...

...unless we can completely marginalize and hopefully eliminate all religions and religious "thought."
It really is a mental virus that is killing us and we need to find the vaccination. I don't know what it is, but we have about a generation to find it.

[TNOE]

34. Did they ever stop to think

that "Israel" was created in 1948 - a couple of thousand years after the Bible was written - and stop to wonder maybe why they called this part of the Palestian land that particular name?

[On the Road]

35. The End of the World *Is* Predicted in the New Testament

It was supposed to end in the 1st century.

[yellowdogintexas]

43. Good Ole Revalation. A coded text for the Christian Subculture, Rome is the

Great Evil so it had to be coded

A former minister told us in a sermon that Revalation almost didn't get included in the Canon and he wholeheartedly wished it had not been.

He maintained that one book caused most of the world's harm since the Christianizing of Rome

[On the Road]

44. I Actually Wasn't Even Thinking of Revelation

because there are few references to any time frames.

I was thinking of passages like these, which pretty clearly implied that the second coming would happen in the lifetimes of the first Christians:

I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Matthew 24:34

"And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." Romans 13:11-12

Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." John 21:22

Those are pretty hard to interpret that the church would have to wait twenty centuries.

[yellowdogintexas]

46. a lot of this was the result of translation from what existed in the way of

source documents. Many of the key words to these passage had more than one meaning in the original Greek or ARamaic, or so I am told by persons far more educated than I. The King James (God's Own Word direct to the King of England don't ya know) was a translation of a translation of another translation.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

36. I'm sticking with Mark Twain who said....

"The Bible is a book with some beautiful poetry, a bloodstained history, a wealth of obscenity and upwards of 10,000 lies."

[Morning Dew]

42. One of my favorite Bible passages

II Kings 2:
23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.