GD Joke of the Day: What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

[XemaSab]

Trilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

Bilingual.

What do you call someone who speaks one language?

American.

(And now back to your regularly scheduled flamewar...)

[anonymous171]

1. English was good enough for Jesus.

So it's good enough for America.

[newmajority]

8. Believe it or not, that argument has actually been made, OFFICIALLY

Several years ago, the repukes in the Washington State Senate (most of them Christian Reich types) proposed an "English only" bill which would have required the State NOT to print any documents in any language other than English.

One of these idiots justified his argument by saying "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, its good enough for me!!11!!"

I was actually hoping the state would start printing documents in Aramaic, just so he could have them in the original "Jesus" language, but they didn't do it.

[Bear down under]

33. It would have been more complicated than just publishing in English and Aramaic

Sure, scholars tell us that Jesus' native language was Aramaic -- but as a Rabbi he would have had at least a working command of Hebrew, and the official language of the Roman empire was Latin. One imagines that when he quoted Scripture to the Pharisees he would have done so in Hebrew, and it is an interesting question what language his conversation with Pilate at his trial was conducted in. Latin, probably. But the documents that record what Jesus said and did, i.e. the Gospels, were originally written in Greek, so we only have his words in translation to begin with.

I've also heard the "if English was good enough for Jesus.." story in the context of a proposal before the legislature of one of the Bible-belt States to make teaching foreign languages in schools mandatory. One of the state senators is said to have said "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ it's good enough for my kids." Whether it actually happened or is an urban myth I've never been able to discover, but I always think of it whenever I hear of debates on "English only", either in the US or here.

[Wizard777]

38. Jesus preached to many people of many lands and languages.

I've heard that he could speak to a crowd of people that spoke several different languages and everyone would be able to understand him. That is considered one of his miracles. Skeptics try to discount the miraculous nature of this by saying he spoke an esparanto. Esperantos are common in boarder and port towns.

[Wizard777]

41. Aramaic is horrendous. There is no word for grass. The green upon the ground = grass

If he only spoke aramaic. The translations are probably no where near what he actually said or meant. Especially when you consider that the bible began as an oral tradition. None of it was written until at least 100 years after the apostles died. Anyone that has tried that pass the message exercize knows how that goes. The message starts as satan says money makes the world go around. By the time it gets to the end. The message is now Stan said monkeys made the world round. Whoa!

[Q3JR4]

45. .....

"None of it was written until at least 100 years after the apostles died."

Seems to discount post 38...

Q3JR4.

Edited to add:
My two cents.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

42. That was said by Governor Ma Ferguson of Texas.

She was governor of TX after her husband Pa Ferguson, back in the 1920s.

She actually said that if English was good enough for Jesus.....

[YvonneCa]

2. ...

...:7

[UrbScotty]

3. Yeah, let's lump 300,000,000+ people together and stereotype them

:eyes:

[XemaSab]

18. Like many stereotypes

this one has a lot of truth at its center.

According to the National Review:

"About 25 percent of Americans say that while they’re fluent in English they also speak a foreign language well enough to carry on a conversation (in fact, about 18 percent report speaking a foreign language at home, though not all of them are also fluent English speakers)."

So you take the number of multilingual people, and subtract the number of people who speak a language other than English in the home, and you get a bottom number of 7 percent of native English speakers who are bilingual. Then, assuming half the people who don't speak English in the home can speak English fluently when they're outside the home, you get a top number of maybe 18%. That's pretty shabby.

And the real kicker is the next sentence:

"In Europe, which is increasingly integrating societies with a large number of languages (the EU has 23 official languages), about 56 percent of the population reports speaking a language other than their mother tongue well enough to engage in conversation."

Yeah, way to drive your point home that Americans don't need to learn more languages, National Review. :P

http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=M2Y4MzcwNDcxMmY2M2E4NjVhZDc5ZDVkMzc4ZmI0ZTM=

[msedano]

4. and that one, poorly...

a unitedstatesian.

[DavidDvorkin]

5. An old and foolish joke

It infuriates my wife, who speaks and tutors German, Spanish, and French, and who has many friends who speak a variety of languages.

In our experience, Americans who do learn other languages tend to speak them better than non-English speakers tend to speak English.

[YOY]

6. I'm American. I speak 7. Some better than others but 7 none-the-less.

I still chuckle at the joke.

[zippy890]

7. I'm impressed

what languages?

:)

i speak english and smilese

[YOY]

9. I speak English, Russian, Swedish, Bulgarian all pretty well.

enough Danish, German, and Spanish to get me by (and it has.)

I can't spell worth a damn in any of them.

[XemaSab]

19. Russian is easy to spell

It's all totally phonetic.

It's easy to read aloud, too. Just pronounce it like Boris and Natasha from "Rocky and Bullwinkle," and you're golden. :D

[YOY]

21. Buth they're are not Russian! They are Potsylvanian, Dalink!

Russians not totally phonetic...Take the genetive masculine (and neutral) endings. Phonetically, it looks like it should be "-ego" or "-ogo" but it is really pronounced "evo" or "ovo".

[XemaSab]

32. There are a few tricks, yes

but compared with French or... God help us... English... Russian is a piece of cake to muddle through.

(I really don't understand how foreigners can speak English as well as they do. It's not a cut-and-paste language at all. Between the words borrowed from other languages, the sentence structures borrowed from other languages, the MASSIVE vocabulary, and all the idioms... I would think it would be a lifetime of study to move outside really, really basic baby speech. Yet you have authors like Conrad who mastered the language better than most native speakers... :shrug: )

[YOY]

37. The problem with English is not the loan words/structures

That happens in nearly every language that I've seen. Popular mass-bastardization of language is going to happen in today's global culture. That's ubernormal! :evilgrin:

Nor is it the pronunciation nor even the vocabulary or idioms. I've seen plenty of that elsewhere.

It's the f***ing verb tenses. 18 of them last I counted (passive and active, modals and phrasals). I've taught ESL and once you get a grip of just how complex the verbs are then the rest of English is pretty tame.

Other than that
Only one type of noun (single and plural)...with non-count and irregular formations but that is everywhere.
Definite and indefinite articles...relatively easier than verbs to explain, but if one comes from a culture that doesn't have them or uses them different they can be tricky.
phrasal verbs...SO TOUGH TO EXPLAIN what happens when you add a little preposition (that moves dependant on the grammatical situation) to the end of the verb. eg: Put + up, out, in, through, together...all different meanings.

English verbs suck despite not needing massive conjugation dependant on the subject (save 3rd person singular-present)...

[Occulus]

47. THAT made my head hurt.

For all I that always received atraight A's in my Engrish crasses, I couldn't follow even half of that. But, I suspect knowing the definitions of the terms you just put in your post have no real bearing on being able to write and speak properly...

edit: by the way, I recently Googled "cursing in Russian". That was a fun hour or so.

[YOY]

48. You didn't think I was ONLY about video games did you KGF?

Languages are one of my other passions.

Knowing them thar terms helps immensely in teaching English and dealing with the textbooks. Yet another of my passions.

That's not to say I never make mistakes in English grammar...

[Beausoleil]

30. In one of my favorite episodes of

"My Name is Earl", Randy asks Jasper's Russian mail-order bride Tatiana, to say "moose and squirrel".

[Canuckistanian]

44. Russian is not totally phonetic

How do you pronounce the following word?

этого

And there a a few other examples

[aspergris]

10. I went to a school

Where it was required to take a foreign language.

So, I speak two.

I'm really thankful for that. I also speak survival spanish, but I would not count that as a language, since I can only ask for medical assistance, beer, and where the waves are!

[islandmkl]

11. you don't have them in the right order.....

i assume...

[aspergris]

12. well...

The medical assistance one came in handy.

2nd degree burns all over the back of my legs from lying on a surfboard in equatorial sun.

So, in respect to the fine care by Costa Rican doctors (also a pimpage for socialized medicine), and to two days lying in a hotel room on my stomach while saucer sized blisters healed.

I list medical assistance first!

[XemaSab]

22. It's amazing how a tiny bit of language can get you a LONG ways

I lost my wallet in Nogales, AZ two years ago, and my "Lonely Planet" pocket dictionary that I threw in my bag for chuckles REALLY helped out.

"Perdi mi cartera." :P

[lpbk2713]

13. Smirky can't even speak English well. What would one call him?

A: Stupid.

[XemaSab]

20. .

:thumbsup:

[ismnotwasm]

14. I like that one

I've met immigrants from Eritrea and Ethiopia who spoke anywhere from 2 to 7 languages. It was never just one.

[XemaSab]

23. The Indian dude at the Stop & Rob down the street

speaks Hindi, Spanish, German, English, and I think one or two other languages. :P

[BrotherBuzz]

15. Were you listening to Christine Craft the other night?

I heard a collar tell that one just this week.

[XemaSab]

25. I didn't hear that

I guess it's going around. :D

[uppityperson]

31. A collar or a caller?

:rofl:

[BrotherBuzz]

43. Yes, spelling Nazi, collar

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

:rofl:

[EFerrari]

16. What about people who can read two or three languages?

Legologists? Legitisers? Multi lectomarians?



lol

[NeedleCast]

17. Is XML a language?

[skooooo]

40. I'd say that's more of a computer code...

[LeftishBrit]

24. And what do you call someone who speaks no language?

Bush!


BTW, the English are at least as determinedly monolingual as the Americans! I heard of a teacher who got a letter from a parent: "Please excuse John from doing French homework. English is the only language he needs to know!"

[XemaSab]

27. My impression is that the English are doggedly monolingual

from CENTURIES of xenophobia and general suspicion of foreigners. :shrug:

Much like ourselves. ;)

[eppur_se_muova]

46. "I speak British, American, Canadian, Australian, and South African"

"and that's enough to get by anywhere in the world."

(That's as close to a quote as my memory allows, but yes, that was PROUDLY stated by an Englishman.)

[EFerrari]

28. Does your owner class run around defending monolingualism?

Remember, ours renamed "french fries" to "freedom fries". lol

[undeterred]

26. 3 languages - - a border collie

Never have a dog who is smarter than you are.

[XOKCowboy]

29. Homer Simpson classic..

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

[paparush]

34. And if you are Bush**? I mean..he barely speaks English.....

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

35. As a proud American, I speak 2 languages fluently. English and profanity.

And, the profanity comes in several languages.

[deaniac21]

36. What do you call a cunning linguist?

[JVS]

39. Colonel Angus