JeffR

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Fri Jul-11-08 05:12 PM
Original message

***DUzy Awards for week ending July 11, 2008***

Welcome to the 50mm f/1.8 DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to Sydnie, CaliforniaPeggy, gateley, grantcart, Kerrytravelers, kcass1954, Vickers, Lars39, hootinholler, AZDemDist6, I Have A Dream, blondeatlast, KamaAina, Breeze54, scarletwoman, eridani, wryter2000 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance with this edition.

On a thread by Mika:

      "Only in America can we enjoy freedom and watch an auto race" - just now ESPN.
:patriot: :patriot: :patriot: :patriot: :patriot: :patriot: :patriot:

A friend is watching some NASCAR race on ESPN, I just overheard the commentator say that...

response #5 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      And 2000 guys named "Bubba"...
All across the US, throw their empty 16oz Bud can at the TV, scream "Hell YEAH!!!", pop another one and set to masturbating furiously.

I like auto racing a lot guys. Love drag racing. That said, I have also studied the fans. A comment like that is aimed at the lowest common denominators amongst them.

response #12 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      Which part of Tennessee is Monte Carlo in?
I forgot.

GD, Independence Day, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3566470

On a thread by BeatleBoot:

      Pringles Aren't Potato Chips, British Court Rules
"It’s official: Pringles are legally no longer considered potato chips in England—and manufacturer Procter & Gamble couldn’t be happier, Reuters reports. In an effort to avoid the UK's tax on chips, P&G went to court to argue the tube-dwelling snacks were actually more like cakes or biscuits. It turns out Pringles aren’t even made of potatoes.

Pringles are actually made from dough, P&G argued, featuring a unique taste and texture and a shape that’s 'not found in nature.' The court was convinced. 'This appeal is allowed,' the judges said, 'because Pringles are not, on the facts found, products 'made from the potato, or from potato flour or from potato starch...'"

response #5 by BushDespiser12:

      "tube-dwelling snacks"
Sounds so tasty... :9

response #9 by skooooo:

      Finally we have a decision on this!!!
You have no idea how long I've been waiting.

response #17 by Vinca:

      Not found in nature - what a shocker that is. nt

response #18 by arcadian:

      That guy they buried in a Pringles can is rolling over in his canister.
It was no problem though. I mean, it was a can after all.

GD, July 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3568615

On a thread by pocoloco:

      What do you call those critters with alligator mouths
and crawdad legs??

just checking

response #1 by asjr:

      Republicans

response #2 by Taverner:

      Ummmm....a flashback?

response #3 by Akoto:

      Crawcodile.
:D

GD, July 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3568709

OP by WCGreen:

New Urban sport for burly teens or wanton vandalism, you decide.
Car tipping. (Fox News)

A new craze is apparently sweeping the nation urban centers, especially San Francisco. Long rumored incidents of "cow tipping", a rural legend about drunken farm boys tipping over cows in the middle of the night to impress girls, has come to the Nation's Urban Centers.

Owners of small gas efficient Carbon Fiber cars are waking to find their cars on their sides or worse, tipped all the way over. These so-called Urban "environmentalists" are claiming Burly teenage "pranksters" are tipping over their small Carbon Fiber cars that weigh less than 700 lbs. in order to have sex with girls. One such "whinner" claims he was awakened by the strains of Lee Greenwoods "Proud to be An American" only to find his German Made car on its ear.

Can't anyone take a joke? What could be more all American than some good old boys tipping over a car. Maybe if these so-called-"environmentalists" got off their High Horse and stopped their needless protest against Off-Shore drilling they wouldn't feel the need to drive such puny little cars.

Back to you, Gretchen.

In other news today, the question on the minds of those in the know politically is How big does Obama's flag pin have to be and does it made have to be made in America. Fox News, we report, you decide.

I couldn't resist this one. With a tip of the Hat to this Post...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3569660

GD, July 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3570118

On a thread by Hope And Change:

McCain Battles a Nemesis, the Teleprompter
"Senator John McCain was performing relatively smoothly as he unveiled his energy plan.

He managed to limit the mechanical hand chops and weirdly timed smiles that can often punctuate his speeches. He delivered his lines with an ease that suggested a momentary peace with his longtime nemesis, the teleprompter. (He relied on a belt-and-suspenders approach, with text scrolling down screens to his left and right, and on a big TV set in front of him.)

But when Mr. McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, came to the intended sound bite of his speech — the part about reducing America’s dependence on foreign oil — he hit a slick.

'I have set before the American people an energy plan, the Lex-eegton Project,' Mr. McCain said, drawing a quick breath and correcting himself. 'The Lex-ing-ton Proj-ect,' he said slowly. 'The Lexington Project,' he repeated. 'Remember that name.'

In a town meeting in Cincinnati the next day, Mr. McCain would again slip up on the name of the Massachusetts town, where, he noted, 'Americans asserted their independence once before.' He called it 'the Lexiggdon Project' and twice tried to fix his error before flipping the name ('Project Lexington') in subsequent references..."

response #1 by ocelot:

And I'll bet his old VCR flashes "12:00-12:00-12:00," too.

GDP, July 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6458904

On a thread by keep_it_real:

Have you ever eaten fries with mayonnaise on them

response #19 by Dr.Phool:

Only a Republican would put mayo on a french fry!
What do you call them now, comrade? "Freeper Fries" or "Freedom Fries"?

The Lounge, July 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7893093

On a thread by lonestarnot:

WTF! Mark Rey who in the fuck do you think you are?
"The Bush administration is preparing to ease the way for the nation's largest private landowner to convert hundreds of thousands of acres of mountain forestland to residential subdivisions.

The deal was struck behind closed doors between Mark E. Rey, the former timber lobbyist who oversees the U.S. Forest Service, and Plum Creek Timber Co., a former logging company turned real estate investment trust that is building homes. Plum Creek owns more than 8 million acres nationwide, including 1.2 million acres in the mountains of western Montana, where local officials were stunned and outraged at the deal..."

response #1 by tanyev:

Fire sale! Everything must go!
Only 6 months left to finish looting and pillaging the country.

GD, July 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3568365

OP by grantcart:

Game time: Pretend you are interested in volunteering for McCain - guess where they send you:
To highlight the complete breakdown of the McCain campaign you can join and play:

Where in the hell is the closest state office?

Pretend you are living in any of these states and you go to their website. Guess where they will send you.

Now unless you have actually looked at the list could you ever get even one of these so to make it more interesting here are the

11 Regional offices that you could be sent to:

NV MN AZ CO MN IA FL VA MI NH NJ (There is one state office OH)

Answers Below:

1) Louisiana

2) Tennessee

3) Texas

4) California

5) South Carolina

6) Missouri

7) Utah

8) Idaho

9) Arkansas

10) Pennsylvania

http://www.johnmccain.com/Informing/StateContact.htm

Scoring:

If you get 1-2 correct you are a normal intelligent person

If you get 3-5 correct you may wish to seek counseling

If you get 6-7 correct you either have read the earlier post on the subject or have been having a laugh at the McCain site.

More than 8 correct is impossible without cheating. No logical person of any intelligence could have come up with such a completely back assward way of trying to get people connected to their campaign.

1) Louisiana volunteers report to the Colorado office

2) Tennessee volunteers report to the Florida office

3) Texas volunteers also report to the Colorado office

4) California volunteers report to Nevada

5) South Carolina volunteers report to Florida

6) Missouri which is much closer to Colorado than Louisiana or Texas is, reports to Iowa

7) Utah is a tough one because even though the west has very low electoral power it actually borders three states that have regional offices, NV CO and AZ, they go to AZ.

8) Idaho, which is only a few hundred miles away from Colorado (as opposed to LA, TX above) reports not to CO but to MN.

9) Arkansas - got you again - even though it is only one state away from Iowa reports to Colorado.

10) Well this was a trick question - Pennsylvania volunteers don't report to a regional office they are diverted to Ohio - even though Ohio is listed as a state office.

response #1 by swampg8r:

      holy crap
this is gonna be easier than i ever dreamed

response #21 by Political Heretic:

      BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT TEH MEDIAZ SAZ IT A HORS RACE!1!!!11
:scared:

response #33 by Orsino:

      Iran. n/t

GDP, July 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6460157

OP by datasuspect:

      can anyone help me streamline transaction vectors across the supply chain thereby ensuring
peak efficiency across revenue streams throughout the enterprise?

response #1 by Ikonoklast:

      Yes.
Firstly, shoot the person that uses the phrase 'transaction vectors'.

Terror will keep the other corporate catch-phrase users in line.

response #2 by BarenakedLady:

      Nah
Not today. I have a headache.

response #3 by Godlesscommieprevert:

      Are you maximizing the work-force empowerment
Or energizing the Enterprise Level Service. And for God's sake don't forget the Next Generation Framework, which will be used to Right-size the workforce in an increasingly globalized paradigm.

response #4 by Tuesday Afternoon:

      I have it all on power point --
didn't you get the memo?

response #5 by BlueDogDemocratNH:

      Use a flux capacitor. That should help.
If not, take a look at the dilithium crystals.

response #6 by lost-in-nj:

      round everything up to the next number
and forget the change.

we will be rid of the pesky penny that way

The Lounge, July 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7894775

On a thread by seafan:

      Jeb Inc.

response #15 by Aviation Pro:

      The problem with Jebidiah....
...is that he, unlike Preznit Fuckstick, is smart. (I guess the Silver Douchebag didn't drink any highballs while he was cooking in her fetid womb). The combination of intelligence and Bushstain family ruthlessness would be deadly for this country. This man should never get within sniffing distance of the White House and he must be tied to his clueless, brain dead brother until both become a rumor in American history.

No Bushes ever again.

response #48 by Binka:

      What Is Up With This Family And Their Barking Duck Lips? n/t

And see below for two Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GD, July 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3573130

On a thread by Ichingcarpenter:

GOP Blasts Obama For Accepting Nomination In Stadium, Though Bush Considered Doing Same In 2004

response #2 by Oreo:

They're just jealous
And since we broke the Invesco story at DemConWatch I'd like to announce our latest find:

The Republicans have just announced that John McCain will now make his acceptance speech in the Men's Room of the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

GDP, July 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6465387

OP by KitchenWitch:

Hey, who has my pants?
:shrug:

response #1 by CaliforniaPeggy:

I saw them running off into a movie quote!

The Lounge, July 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7898277

OP by ShaneGR:

      The NRA loses its mind, goes to war with Disney World......
They are demanding that Disney allow its employees to keep their guns in their cars. It's like a gun control advocate's fundraising wet dream. "The NRA wants Mickey Mouse packing Heat."

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/business/custom/tourism/orl-disneyguns0308jul03,0,4282076.story

response #2 by sofa king:

      Disney is a dangerous place. I heard Bambi's mom was shot there.

response #7 by TlalocW:

      101 Dalmatians would be a way shorter film
If all the puppies were packing.

response #9 by Youphemism:

      It's a small arms world, after all...
How are we supposed to know that Goofy isn't packing heat? What if an animatronic John Wilkes Booth goes ballistic in the Abraham Lincoln exhibit? Disney is famous for its rides that expose guests to potential harm, like creatures that are dangerous when they wiggle their ears and blow bubbles.

And what's wrong with a little sport hunting in the Tiki Room, anyway? Has anyone asked Dick Cheney's opinion?

response #10 by Skip Intro:

      Donald! DUCK!
:rofl:

response #14 by blondeatlast:

      Pluto's damn tired of being treated like a dog while Goofy is Mickey's BFF.
The irony is so gonna make him blow, you read it here first...

GDP, July 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6467876

OP by Bornaginhooligan:

      Breaking on DU: I've decided not to accept VP position.
After a long and careful decision making process, I've come to the conclusion that I shall not seek the VP position, or accept it if offered by Barack Obama. I just wanted to stop any rumors before they started.

response #2 by skooooo:

      You realize..
...you just cost me $500?

response #4 by ismnotwasm:

      Say it isn't so, Bo
Ah well, I'll just cancel the yard sign orders.

response #5 by yardwork:

      I'm still trying to decide one way or the other, to be honest.
I see pros and cons. One pro is that I think I would enjoy living in the Naval Observatory. A con is that I heard there's lead in the water. A pro is that, as vice president, I could probably have something done about that.

I just can't decide. I'm going to have to ask everyone to be patient a little longer...

response #7 by BOSSHOG:

      BUT
Imagine the Cheers as you enter an Arena:

YARD-WORK, YARD-WORK, YARD-WORK

response #15 by yardwork:

      That's definitely a major PRO! I hadn't even thought of that!
Awesome. Although - not to be persnickety or anything - remember I'm "Yard Hussein Work" now.

response #13 by JenniferZ:

      You're only saying that because it was offered to meeee! nt

GDP, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6470915

OP by Writer:

      Since Bornaginhooligan is refusing the VP nod, I will now accept in his place.
I know that Vice Presidentin' is hard, but I'm sure I'll do a heckuva job.

You can count on me.

:thumbsup:

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Aren't you a registered sex offender?
I think they only let in the unregistered sex offenders.

response #5 by Writer:

      I'm currently working on my unregistered sex offender status, yes.

response #3 by Guy Whitey Corngood:

      He is refusing WHAT?! Fuck it I'm not voting. n/t

response #9 by gateley:

      Last time I viewed the thread, Bornagainhooligan appeared to be flip-flopping.
Don't start ordering the new drapes yet.

response #12 by Writer:

      Drapes? I don't need drapes.
I just need a cut-out cardboard box with "VP offiss" scrawled on the side in magic marker. See? I'd save the government oodles of money.

response #10 by grantcart:

      Writer we all know you can't get vetted because of that incident on March 23rd
at 2:45 in the Pussy Cat lounge on Broadway. There are the witnesses, the reports from the officers responding, your attorneys explanations that an insanity plea led to charges being dropped and the video.

response #13 by Kerry2008:

      Can I post bad pictures of you like you do of Kerry?

GDP, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6471236

OP by SalmonChantedEvening:

A Flock of Sequels.
Iran (To the tune of I Ran – Flock of Seagulls)

In January leaving you
There’s somewhere else to bomb before I’m through
Bomb before I’m through
With Bolton’s rage and Kristol’s lies
Another batch of yellow cake for you
Yellow cake for you

Yes Iran, Iran’s not far away
And my plan, another mess to make
Before my getaway

I know your fears, I know your dread
How I love to use them against you
Use them against you
Whether he’s alive or dead
Osama is still coming after you
Coming after you

Yes Iran, Iran’s not far away
And my plan, another mess to make
Before my getaway

The propaganda is in place
The MSM knows what it has to do
What it has to do
Maybe invoke the Taliban
I’ve got a brand new curveball just for you
Curveball just for you

Yes Iran, Iran’s not far away
And my plan, another mess to make
Before my getaway

response #21 by calipendence:

Another Flock of Seagulls (haircuts) tune... Wishing -> Fishing (If I had a photograph of tubes!)
Here's another stab (the first verse anyway)...

Wishing (If I had a Photograph of you)...

Could be...

Fishing (If I had a Photograph of tubes)...

It’s not the WMD's
And it’s not bombing the Kurds,
Although we also "torture" too.
It’s more the way his oil
is what my buddies want
to control the whole world.

If I had a photograph of tubes,
That's an excuse that would help me.
I wouldn’t spend my life just fishing.

... (more to follow)

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3579380

OP by Alter Ego:

      BREAKING ON CNN: OBAMA ANNOUNCES VICE PRESIDENTIAL CHOICE
CNN reports that presumptive Democratic nominee for President Barack Obama has chosen a tuna salad sandwich as his running mate for the 2008 Presidential Election.

"We're very excited," says Democratic National Committee chair Howard Dean. "With the right amount of cracked pepper, diced celery, diced onions, and some low-fat mayonnaise, we believe this sandwich will be the perfect complement to Senator Obama's central messages of change and unity."

John McCain has also offered his two cents. "Obviously, Senator Obama's refusal to accept a ham and cheese sandwich as his running mate is indicative of his elitism and the degree to which he is out of touch with ordinary Americans."

EDIT: THIS JUST IN: The tuna salad sandwich, CNN has learned, is on rye bread.

response #1 by greguganus:

      But Dean said he could pick a fried food. What's up with the tuna? n/t

response #3 by rox63:

      They're trying for a healthier ticket
:rofl:

response #5 by Roberto1223:

      Tacos were vetted and they were deemed too hot for comfort

response #8 by Alter Ego:

      Plus, Obama likes Taco Supremes from Taco Bell most
and sour cream doesn't resonate with many Americans.

response #60 by ArbustoBuster:

      Well, Taco Bell does "resonate" with me...
...if you know what I mean.

:hurts:

(Today is my day for juvenile humor. :) )

response #9 by wyldwolf:

      Tuna salad is DLC.
I'm sure many here were hoping for lettuce wrap.

response #11 by Alter Ego:

      No frickin way--tuna salad asked Al From to take its name off the "list"
many years ago.

response #15 by wyldwolf:

      that was because tuna salad didn't want to offend the arugula-wing of the party
If you look at tuna salad's ingredients - same as any other DLC sandwich for middle-america.

response #14 by jakem:

      Mexican-style Spurkey. the only choice.
hispanic vote. hawaiian vote. health conscious. and appeals across party lines.

perfection.

response #17 by Alter Ego:

      I don't know--that could put off indies and the "they're taken er jerbs!"
vote.

I hope he finds a spot in his advisory staff for a can of SPAM.

response #30 by blondeatlast:

      UNACCEPTABLE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!
Cracked pepper and celery? I'm staying home; that'll show 'em!

response #31 by karynnj:

      Oh no! he just lost my soon to be 18 year old - who moves to another room if I make tuna sandwiches!
Also tuna has BAGGAGE

- the mercury level is too high. (John Kerry even mentioned this in his April 2008 book tour event, referencing this article -

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/23/dining/23sushi.html?scp=1&sq=sushi%20mercury&st=cse
He spoke of the fact that you can have your blood level for this and other toxins tested and that there are procedures to reduce the levels if high - as his was because he ate a lot of fish. )

- Not to mention - wasn't there an issue with dolphins getting caught by tuna fisherman.

We need a VP with no baggage - how could Obama do this to us?

response #33 by blogslut:

      What an elitist statement!
Only snotty ivy-league types use the term "tuna salad". Real Americans say "tunafish"!

response #50 by FloridaJudy:

      No the real elitists
Are still holding out for the blue-fin sushi. But we Southerners know "bait" when we see it.

response #39 by Phentex:

      It was only because Al B. Core said no...
too busy working on a sea of other projects. Go Al!

response #46 by Infomaniac:

      Spam would be a better choice.
Tuna salad is so September 10th.

response #49 by JimGinPA:

      Sounds Fishy To Me

The thread is swimming with other nourishing responses. See below for a couple of Special Visual Achievement awards.

GDP, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6469369

On a thread by Riddler:

Jesse Helms funeral services to be held at 2 pm today. NC Governor proclaims
flags be flown at half-mast until sunset...

response #1 by moggie:

Dancing lessons at 3 pm n/t

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3579409

OP by Fumesucker:

FOUND: A solution for the energy crisis (well, in Virginia anyway)
Just hook a generator to Thomas Jefferson's corpse.. :mad:

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3580948

On a thread by IDemo:

      Steamy novel based on Laura Bush stirs controversy
"There’s no question that Laura Bush provided the inspiration for protagonist in Curtis Sittenfeld’s upcoming novel, 'American Wife.' And although the tale Sittenfeld concocts is almost pure fiction, there’s enough of the first lady in it to already have created a sensation in Washington, D.C.

Radaronline.com called 'American Wife' 'a thinly veiled novel based on Laura Bush's life that is sure to send the White House into a fury.'

A review of the plot synopsis and several lurid excerpts posted by Radaronline.com show why. Alice Blackwell, the title character, is a single child who grows up to be a librarian. A Democrat, she falls for the roguish son of a privileged family of Republican bluebloods. As a high school student, she kills a classmate in a traffic accident. As a young woman, she has an illegal abortion and discovers her grandmother is a lesbian. And she describes in graphic detail sex with the president of the United States, a man whose policies she comes to utterly disagree with but whom she continues to love.

The sex scenes, which are too graphic to reprint here, include a loving description of the presidential plumbing and musings on his "cute little butt." :puke: "

response #2 by GloriaSmith:

      Sex with George? So it's a short story then??
Yeaaahhhh. I think I'll pass on that one.

response #6 by IDemo:

      Pickles sighed as Commander Guy strokalized her do-hicky...
:rofl:

response #9 by lame54:

      So, it was written by Bush then

response #7 by Turbineguy:

      Steamy sex with George
I liked the WMD story better. More believable.

response #12 by Tierra_y_Libertad:

      I'm waiting for the movie....so I can ignore it too.

response #14 by mikelgb:

      Steamed Pickles? Yuck!

response #17 by Cheap_Trick:

      Then Alice sighed as VP Rick Haney put his hoo-hoo dilly in her cha-cha......

And see below for two Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3581560

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

Is Malaki asking us to get the fuck out a 'condition on the ground'?
I'm just curious. They always say things depend on 'conditions on the ground'.

Maybe Malaki was ..... I dunno ..... on a second floor balcony when he said it?

response #1 by bkcc:

There's also the outside chance he was bungee jumping.
You never know what loophole this administration will use.
:)

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3582643

On a thread by Husb2Sparkly:

What's with TeeBonePicikins buying air time to talk abut his 'plan' to solve our foreign oil crisis?

response #7 by AchtungToddler:

Like all of my fellow Texans, he's consumed with humanitarian altruism
And no, I can't afford to buy all of you new keyboards.

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3582691

OP by TygrBright:

The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens, Episode 1
Some old-time DUers may remember a Home Page Serial called "The Supremos," featuring the adventures of that lovable gang of crooks, the Rehnquist Court. Perpetrated by a shadowy underground comedy writing collaborative known as "The Shifties," it was one of DU's more popular features for a brief, halcyon period.

Having noticed a high level of angst and unpleasant speculation and general GLOOMINESS and DEPRESSION on DU, lately, your friend TygrBright went on a safari to try and find one or more of the collaborative members, and persuade them to Lighten Up DU a little, once again.

I present this new serial, "The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens", as the result. I am allowed to bring it to DU on the condition that I include the disclaimer that I, TygrBright, am NOT a Shifty, nor do I play one on TeeVee, and I am pledged to secrecy regarding the identities and whereabouts of that sinisterly funny group.

Future episodes will appear at the whim of the collective. Read and enjoy.

The Adventures of T Boone Pickens

A Serial

Episode 1

T. Boone Pickens, legendary billionaire, is preparing for an interview on Good Morning America, aided by his assistant. The interview begins.

Interviewer: Mr. Pickens, as an oilman…

Pickens: Son, I’m not an oil man. I used to be an oil man, a long damn time ago. Then I went into the money bidness. Hell, I’m still in the money bidness. But now I’m a wind man, too. And put natural gas in there. I’m a wind man with natural gas, that’s how I’d put it.

Interviewer: I understand that wind and natural gas are the pillars of your proposed solution to our nation’s energy needs.

Pickens: Eggsactly. Let me start by sayin’ that the current crisis is not the fault of the awl companies. And it ain’t the speculators fault, either. And most important, in case you were thinkin’ it, it ain’t my fault. I’m the solution, that’s me.

Interviewer: All right. Then what, in your opinion, caused prices to skyrocket?

Pickens: Supply and demand, you dummy. Supply’s up when demand id down, and the one follows the other the way a pig follows a slop bucket.

Interviewer: Can I ask you to repeat that?

Pickens: Hell, you need to pay closer attention. It’s like my Aunt Minnie used to say, if you’re gonna boil the whole hog, you better get yourself a big damn pot.

Interviewer: What?

Pickens: You heard me. It’s time for this great nation to stop fiddling around with fatback and get to stripping off some prime bacon. You follow me? Your buddy Boone’s got the answer to the energy problem.

Interviewer: Wind and natural gas, correct?

Pickens: Nods vigorously. Yep, but don’t forget the money. Money’s gonna be the A1 sauce on this particular piece of cow. And if that damn Congress ain’t givin’ me the money fast enough, I’m takin’ my case directly to John Q. Public.

Interviewer: I see… so exactly what is your case? What should America do?

Pickens: Give me the energy budget and sit back in front of the TV. Ol’ Boone’ll take care of the rest.

Interviewer: Can we ask how?

Pickens: Wind. Natural gas. I can’t tell you more than that. Next thing you’d be sharin’ it with your readers, or the Russkies or somebody. Nope, you’re just gonna have to trust me. Hell, check my resume. How do ya think I became the 117th richest man in the world?

Interviewer: Corporate raiding and greenmail, I was told.

Pickens: True, but the bidnesses I stole was mostly awl-related.

Interviewer: I see. Following that argument, shouldn’t we just give our energy budget to Bill Gates? He’s a lot wealthier than you are.

Pickens: Naw, he’s semi-retired. You don’t want a part-timer handling that much money. I pledge that if you let me get my hands on all that cash, I will spend my waking hours figuring out how to power this great nation of ours. Except Saturdays when Oklahoma State plays, of course. Now lissen boy, I got to get out of here, there’s money to be made. I mean, policy to be set.

Pickens and his assistant leave the studio.

Pickens: If John McCain had a tenth of my pizzazz, he might be President.

Assistant: You don’t think he’ll win the election?

Pickens: If I did, I wouldn’t be spendin’ all this money on public relations. I’d just buy myself a President. But it’s gonna be the colored fella.

Assistant: Why don’t you run for office, sir?

Pickens: Considered it back in ’88. Couldn’t afford the pay cut, though. More bang for the buck from Swiftboatin’.

Editorials & Other Articles, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=103x370148

OP by Mythsaje:

Too fun not to repost
Elect the guy you'd most like to have a beer with and he turns out to be an idiot asshole.

Defend Marriage! Get married again! And again! And again! And again!

Win the War on Christmas! Protect your right to practice ancient pagan rituals in the name of your God!

Practice Republican Fiscal Responsibiity! Spend someone ELSE'S money!

Republican Economics. Government by credit card.

There's no bridge to nowhere too large or collapsed bridge too small to represent the vision and clarity of purpose of the Republican Party.

GOP: "Grant Our Pardons."

The Republican Party wasn't really trying muscle out the Democratic Party. It just has a "wide stance."

Republican Hot Air: The one renewable energy source we'll never be able to harness.

Zombie Politics: George W. Bush successfully animating the rotting corpse of Ronald Reagan to sell his "voodoo economics."

Republicanism: Man's answer to the question--"does evil truly exist?"

BU$HCO: Who says crime doesn't pay?

The Republican Party: (dis)Organized Crime.

FOX News: Fine purveyer of elephant shit.

James Dobson: Because Charles Manson doesn't do interviews.

Boss Hogg was a Republican!

John McCain for President. Because the last guy wasn't quite bugfuck crazy enough.

Any idiot can be President. We have proof.

Vote as if your life depended on it. It just might.

The Great Recession. Now it's "mission accomplished."

Bush's FEMA: For when you really want to be ass-deep in alligators.

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3582482

On a thread by emilyg:

      Merkel warns Obama not to use landmark for 'electioneering'
"German Chancellor Angela Merkel slammed a request by Barack Obama to give a speech this month before the Brandenburg Gate as 'inappropriate', her deputy spokesman said Wednesday..."

response #3 by BridgeTheGap:

      I guess if he does it, he can write off the German vote! n.t

response #6 by Jake3463:

      Merkel
This President will not grope you like a drunken frat boy at G-8 meetings... promise.

response #12 by LeftyMom:

      Maybe that's her worry. Here we thought she disliked GWB, but maybe she's just playing hard to get.
:shrug:

response #10 by Enrique:

      the media will blow this into a huge scandal
Brandenburg Gate-gate

GDP, July 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6474987

Poll question by bronxiteforever:

      Since the New York Chrysler Building was sold to an Abu Dhabi group what should the USA sell next?

:bluebox: The Constitution-too wordy for today's on the go American

:bluebox: The Liberty Bell-we would have to discount it due to it being cracked and all

:bluebox: The Bush Presidential Library-Maybe someone will think there are really books in there

:bluebox: Dick Cheney-I say look at the revenue Vlad the Impaler brings to his homeland

:bluebox: The Straight Talk Express-It is so old, we will have to sell cheap

:bluebox: Rush-This has a downside due to anticipated job losses in our Pharmaceutical Industry

response #6 by KrazyKat:

      The phony "ranch" in Crawford, Texas.
It doesn't have the cachet of the Chrysler Building, but for world-wide big money groups, Crawford should be a holy site.

response #9 by Riddler:

      I was going to suggest the White House, but it seems that was bought and paid for many times over
the past 8 years

response #12 by IDemo:

      Buy the Constitution today and get this terrific security system at no extra charge:
http://www.diebold.com/charters.htm

At press time, "The Constitution-too wordy for today's on the go American" was winning with 61% of the votes.

GD, July 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3589887

OP by DuStrange:

Allrighty then...
Bleeding from the neck down, Robert logged onto DU in the hope that someone could help him with his medical crisis. He started a thread in the Lounge (which is, of course, the best part of DU's discussion board), but it was promptly locked by Call Me Wesley. He then tried posting in GD, but once again CMW laid the smack down. He tried once more in the Lounge, but with a misleading title about someone finding bats in their bra, but CMW would have none of it. Feeling light-headed, Robert posted in the 9/11 Forum. Within five minutes, he was inundated with fourteen theories as to why his was bleeding, and how it was a result of the Bush Administration's new weapon. Before he could finish reading all of the responses, his door burst open, and in came Call Me Wesley, with the biggest mother-fucking gun Robert had ever seen. "No threads asking for medical advice. Are we clear on this?" CMW asked. He didn't even bother to wait for a response, he simply turned and left. After changing his underwear, Robert looked down to see how much blood he had on his shirt, only to realize that there was in fact no blood--the red stream on his shirt was simply his tie.

The Lounge, July 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7904508

OP by OPERATIONMINDCRIME:

I Had A Really Scary And Dangerous Moment Today When A Huge Chunk Of Something Landed On My Car.
Scared the crap out of me. I had no idea what the fuck it was or where it came from at first, but it totally jumped me out of my skin as I was drivin. But after I looked at it for a bit I thought I had a hunch as to what it was.

First thing I did when I got home was log onto DU to see if my suspicions had merit. Took me all of 10 seconds in GD to confirm my theory. Yup. The sky was indeed falling.

GD, July 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3589744

OP by cliffordu:

      FISA: Passed less than 6 hours ago and my life is falling apart already.
Bugs in the butter, sand in the meat.
Mild discomfort and bloating.
Fever, chills, rockin' pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu.
Shingles.
Gout.
Neuritis and neuralgia.

I don't know about you, but my 4th amendment went away when the Echelon program went live.

Wait: Maybe it was when COINTELPRO bugged and helped destroy the Black Panthers.
Wait: Maybe it was when the internment camps during world war II -
Wait.

Maybe it REALLY happened when the corporations started selling YOUR personal information like you are just another widget to be exploited. A "Human Resource."

FISA is just the last nail in the coffin.

You lost YOUR right to privacy years ago.

response #2 by MarjorieG:

      Despite FISA gravity, I always felt this more a data gathering effort to sell us peanut butter.

response #4 by thecatburgler:

      I guarantee that your grocer has more info on you than the US Gov't ever will.
This FISA outrage is so laughable. Already there are companies gathering and compiling data on every purchase and credit card payment you make. There are cameras monitoring you practically everywhere you go.

Your employer can demand a urine sample from you and the cops can stop you to make sure you're wearing a seatbelt.

response #9 by cliffordu:

      I HATE the fact that Safeway knows when my Hems are acting up....
:rofl:

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6479055

OP by swampg8r:

I have decided that
before my head finally explodes from all the concerned purists, i am going to sit in my wife's closet with the door closed
and kablooie

that way
when she says
"i don't have a thing to wear to the funeral"
it will at last
be true

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6478729

OP by Occam Bandage:

      And now, for something completely different...
Man: Morning!

Waitress: Morning!

Man: Well, what threads have you got?

Waitress: Well, there's Obama and FISA, Feingold and FISA, Clinton and FISA, FISA Rove and FISA, Pelosi FISA Reid Filibuster and FISA, FISA Dodd FISA FISA and FISA, FISA FISA FISA purity FISA and FISA, or a lovely discussion of the long-term global economic impact of Chinese devaluation of the yuan, specifically as regards FISA.

Vikings: FISA, FISA, FISA, FISA

Wife: Have you got any threads without FISA?

Waitress: Well, there's FISA Means We Should Have Nominated Hillary Clinton and FISA. That hasn't got much FISA in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY FISA!

Man: Why can't she read Patriot Act FISA and McCain?

Wife: THAT'S got FISA in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much FISA in it as FISA Means We Should Have Nominated Hillary Clinton and FISA, has it?

Vikings: FISA, FISA, FISA, FISA!

Wife: Could you do the Obama McCain FISA Debate Prediction FISA without the FISA then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like FISA!

Vikings: Lovely FISA! Wonderful FISA!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely FISA! Wonderful FISA!

Waitress: Shut up! Bloody Vikings! You can't very well do Obama McCain FISA Debate Prediction FISA without the FISA!

Wife: I don't like FISA!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your FISA. I love it. I'm having FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA Kucinich FISA FISA and FISA!

Vikings: FISA FISA FISA FISA. Lovely FISA! Wonderful FISA!

Waitress: Shut up!! Kucinich is off.

Man: Well could I have her FISA instead of the Kucinich then?

Waitress: You mean FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA...

Vikings: FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA Wonderful FISA Lovely FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA Lovely FISA Wonderful FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA FISA...

response #15 by jmondine:

      We are the knights who say... FISA!

response #20 by scarletwoman:

      sw: I'd like to have an argument, please.
Skinner: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ahh yes, Try Mr. Bandage; room GD-P.

sw: Thank you. (Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Angry DUer: WHADDAYOU WANT?

sw: Well, Well, I was told outside that...

Angry DUer: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!

sw: What?

Angry DUer: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS TOFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!

sw: Yes, but I came here for an argument!!

Angry DUer: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!

sw: Oh! Oh I see!

Angry DUer: Aha! No, you want room GD, next door.

sw: Oh...Sorry...

Angry DUer: Not at all!
(under his breath) stupid git.

(sw goes into GD. Another man is sitting behind a desk.)

sw: Is this the right room for an argument?

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6483345

OP by rug:

      Now that we've discussed the pros and cons of the Fourth Amendment,
how do you feel about the Fifth Amendment?

response #1 by Elrond Hubbard:

      I fucking hate that one. Let's repeal it immediately.

response #2 by rug:

      Noted.

response #6 by Elrond Hubbard:

      Wait...wasn't that the one about 'all babies must be punched in the head'?

response #8 by rug:

      No, that's still in committee, awaiting the election results.

response #3 by MrCoffee:

      The Third is where I draw the line...
I'll quarter your damn soldiers, but they can sleep in the garage!

response #7 by rug:

      Centrist.

response #4 by NanceGreggs:

      I think I'm going to choose ...
... to remain silent on that one.

response #5 by IanDB1:

      I refuse to answer your question on the grounds it may incriminate me. n/t

response #11 by rug:

      I didn't know you were a clergyman.

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6483887

OP by monomach:

      BARACK OBAMA HAS BEEN A VERY NAUGHTY BOY AND I AM OUTRAGED!
In 1977, Barack Obama convened a secret meeting of his personal friends in a Nazi moon bunker. These friends were George W. Bush, Osama bin Laden, Rev. John Hagee, Rev. Jeremiah White, David Duke, Joe Lieberman, and Adolf Hitler.

In this meeting, they wrote FISA. Obama introduced it into the heavily Democratic Senate the following year. 99 Senators opposed it, because it OMG SHREDDED TEH CONSTITUSHUN! Barack Obama personally waterboarded these 99 brave patriots until they broke and passed the bill. Obama then took his waterboarding ways into the heavily Democratic House, where he "convinced" them to pass it, as well.

Obama and one million bloodthirsty Visigoths marched on the White House to intimidate President Carter into signing it. This is the day America died (thanks to Barack Obama!). Reagan and George Bush the elder gleefully engaged in warrantless wiretapping, because Republicans are BFF with Satan and stuff. President Clinton refused to follow suit...until Barack Obama shoved bamboo shoots under his fingernails.

Other things Barack Obama is responsible for deserving of our righteous outrage:
The fall of Rome
Abe Lincoln's death
The Civil War
9/11
Reality TV
AIDS
Slavery
Creationism
The brutal slaying of Sweet Baby Jesus
Global Warming
Religious bigotry
Bad Toupees
Death of the Dinosaurs
The Spanish Inquisition
Long waits at the DMV
The Alien and Sedition acts
Invention of sexism
He once tore a warning label off of a mattress

Let him have it, brave DUers! Tearing into Barack Obama is the best way to beat John McCain!

response #4 by NattPang:

      What about the War of the Roses?
That had to be him.

response #6 by monomach:

      I see no evidence to support that accusation.
Please don't clutter my historically-factual post with your silly conspiracy theories.

response #24 by muriel_volestrangler:

      The film, or the historical event?
We need a scapegoat for both, I feel.

response #11 by GloriaSmith:

      On the bright side, it appears that the almighty evil Clenis has finally retired
With Clenis out, I can blame Obama for my bad hair days, that annoying hang nail on my right index finger, and my lack of motivation for going to the gym today. The worst offense however is that I have it on good authority that Obama killed Kenny. Bastard.

response #19 by blondeatlast:

      Barack Obama is PERSONALLY responsible for perfumed magazine inserts.
It was his idea and his alone.

Be warned, defenders of freedom.

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6479575

On a thread by NYCGirl:

      Giuliani: Obama's Support Of Bilingualism Reinforces Anti-Americanism
"I have got to tell you: I've been staring at this clip of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani disparaging Barack Obama's contention that Americans should strive to learn foreign languages for about fifteen minutes now, and I've come to believe that the best argument for bilingualism is that I just can't find the English word that captures how perplexingly stupid this man is. I have to imagine that there's some thirteen syllable German word out there that sounds like one's sinuses being forcibly cleared that does this trick...

Giuliani seems to think that Obama, by encouraging people to learn Spanish, is taking away from English: 'English should be the basic language of this country...'

Also, Rudy says that Obama's popular in Europe because he reinforces 'anti-American feelings.' Know what's really reinforced feelings of anti-Americanism? President Bush and his policies! And that guy went to Yale and still speaks our mother tongue like he was Jar Jar Binks. Rudy Giuliani: what a shonde..."

response #3 by Drunken Irishman:

      Giuliani is just pissed because he doesn't know how to say 9/11 in Spanish.

response #14 by blondeatlast:

      He's just mad 'cause he said "nuevo/eleventy" and got called on it. nt

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6481936

OP by Orrex:

A dispatch from the Summit
At the G8 again, when the floor was his
Bush once again aired out his orifice:
He attempted a joke...
Well, let's blame it on coke,
And thank goodness we've just six months more of this.

response #1 by Orrex:

What? Nothing?

A pox on all of you, then!

Though the climate grows ever the drearier,
Bush's forecast just couldn't be cheerier:
But he scarcely is heard,
For he speaks every word
With his head too far up his posterior.

GD, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3597225

On a thread by Ava:

frank sinatra (my kitty cat) is coming into catmanhood
which means we have to get that taken care of asap. tomorrow he's headed to the vet to have his.. erm.. "manhoods" removed...

response #2 by CreekDog:

is Jesse Jackson taking care of this?
:shrug:

The Lounge, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7908693

OP by Swede:

Didn't Kutisnutsov play on the Russian hockey team.
I liked him too.

GD, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3596041

On a thread by Scoobs:

      Cable news anchors choking on Jesse Jackson's "nuts"

response #2 by panader0:

      Well, bush almost choked on a pretzel.................

response #3 by TreasonousBastard:

      Jeez-- the BBC can even say "balls." n/t

response #14 by Eric Condon:

      You are correct, England does indeed allow such ribaldry on their airwaves.
Good thing our health care system is so much better than theirs - otherwise, we'd just look ridiculous next to them.

:sarcasm:

response #12 by guruoo:

      ROTFLMAO! Jessie and BO just had to have planned this!
It's just too good to have happened any other way.

response #15 by grantcart:

      Wouldn't it be the most hilarious thing in the world if this was their
tribute to George Carlin lol

getting all the anchors to trip around one of the forbidden words lol

response #16 by IanDB1:

      Next week, Al Sharpton will call Obama a "Motherfucker."
John McCain already said "The C-Word."

Hillary Clinton's preacher friend already used the word "Tits."

But to be fair, Tits shouldn't even be on the list.

It sounds like a snack food.

Do you think we can get Farrakhan to say "Shit"?

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6485371

On a thread by Hope And Change:

      Gramm about the recession: "I'm not going to retract any of it. Every word I said was true."
"Former Sen. Phil Gramm, standing by Republican presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) in this June, 2007, photo, stood by his some of his controversial comments, too. (Associated Press)...

Former senator Phil Gramm -- under fire for saying the United States has 'become a nation of whiners' -- said in an interview today that he meant the nation's leaders were whiners, not its citizens.

But the top adviser to Sen. John McCain repeated his assertion that the economy is not in recession, and he declined to retract the comments quoted yesterday in the Washington Times..."

response #5 by hobbit709:

      The reason they're wearing ties
is to keep their foreskins from riding up over their chins.

response #17 by SidneyCarton:

      Set up the Guillotine...
Someone needs a haircut.

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread.

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6482582

OP excerpt by grantcart:

McCain Campaign Announces New Economic Czar

In a suprise move the McCain campaign announced today that once elected President McCain would appoint well known mentalist George Kresge also known as The Amazing Kreskin as Economic Czar to cure nation

George Joseph Kresge, Jr. (born January 12, 1935), better known as The Amazing Kreskin, is a mentalist who became popular on North American television in the 1970s. He was inspired by Lee Falk's famous comic strip Mandrake the Magician, which features a crime-fighting stage magician, to become a mentalist himself.

The campaign said that Kreskin's first act will be a "dissassociative national trance" in which people going to the gas station will see transposed numbers. All "4s" will become "2s". Americans will immediatly think that instead of paying $ 4.27 for a gallon of gas they will only be paying $ 2.27 per gallon.

All unemployed people will receive a hypnotic suggestion that they are on 'vacation' and that people who were facing forclosure were actually leaving their homes because of 'asbestos'...

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6482472

OP by Cyrano:

A short report from the top of the world
Having just returned from the North Pole, this intrepid freelance reporter can tell you that Santa is a Democrat to the core. The elves have a union and four of the reindeer are openly gay. (And Prancer confided that Santa doesn't really use a whip when driving the team.)

Mrs. Claus kept warning The Jolly One that she’ll leave him if he decides to produce any Nancy Pelosi dolls.

When I inquired if the White House was on his Christmas Eve route, he looked a bit embarrassed and nodded.

“But what about the ‘naughty and nice thing?’ asked I.

“Well, after all I am Santa and it’s really hard to not give gifts even to those who don’t deserve them,” replied the rotund one.

I think there was a bit of sarcasm in my voice when I remarked that he was caving in on his own “naughty/nice” principles.

“I can’t help it,” he replied. “I’m a Democrat.”

GD, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3597226

On a thread by emilyg:

      Wisconsin Law Bans Sex with Dead
"Wisconsin law bans sex with dead bodies, the state Supreme Court ruled Wednesday in reinstating charges against three men accused of digging up a corpse to have sex with it.

The court waded into the grisly case after lower court judges ruled nothing in state law banned necrophilia. Those decisions prompted public outrage in Wisconsin and on the Internet, where one blogger wrote: 'Doing the dirty with the dead OK in Wisconsin.'

Not anymore, the court ruled in a 5-2 decision..."

response #1 by thecatburgler:

      Oy vey. This is disturbing on so many levels.
One man digging up a corpe to have sex with it is bad enough. But three??

How does that conversation even start? "Say guys, I've got an idea about something that might be fun..." :wtf:

response #5 by MrCoffee:

      There go my summer vacation plans.
These are NON-REFUNDABLE tickets, WI legislature, so thanks for nothing!

response #6 by FarceOfNature:

      aww Cindy McCain's probably scared shitless this kind of law will pass in Arizona!
:scared:

response #13 by gatorboy:

      So two judges still thought sex with the dead is "not so bad?"
Anyone check if they have night jobs? :P

response #14 by kenny blankenship:

      The pornographic sequel to 'Wisconsin Death Trip' will just have to be shot across the border
in Ontario or Manitoba now. Another small minded, restraint-o'-trade law foreclosing on somebody's business opportunity - no wonder the American economy is moribund.

response #23 by Crabby Appleton:

      Well it sure got a lot harder to dig up a date in WI. nt

response #36 by jazzjunkysue:

      "A Hard Man Is Good To Find." but I'm not so sure about hard women.
There really is no limit to this. Carry on.

response #24 by NeedleCast:

      Most Disturbing? The 5-2 Vote!
Who were the two state justices who think necrophilia is okay?

response #28 by malaise:

      Probably two old guys who take heart medication,
don't eat six cups of watermelon daily and whose wives play dead when they come near.

response #25 by ForrestGump:

      How about
Phish or Widespread Panic?

response #37 by morgan2:

      This is an outrage!
what I do in the privacy of my own mortuary is my business!

GD, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3596225

On a thread by Dover:

      Roving Rove reportedly in Stockholm
So what was more important for Karl Rove than Congress?
Karl Rove ignored a a subpoena to testify before Congress, spurring the threat of contempt proceedings.

So what's he doing instead this week?

Well, you can read the Stockholm News to find out he lunched with Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeld's allies and gave them campaign advice...

response #6 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      He's looking to get Bjorn Again. n/t

response #12 by Cleita:

      Now would be the time for the Swedes to take him into custody and
file a complaint with the World Criminal Court at the Hague. Sure it might create an international incident but since the USA doesn't have any available military to threaten Sweden or the Netherlands with, I think we could yawn about it.

GD, July 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3599169

On a thread by qwlauren35:

      Buddhist Yahoo Groupers Over Here!!!
I'm sure that we are a unique minority, and so I thought I'd make a special space for us. I just started it today - hopefully it will soon be full of ideas and reports of action!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ObamasupportersfromtheSGI

Buddhists of all sects are welcome.

response #2 by billyoc:

      I joined, and I didn't join.
:hi:

response #3 by grantcart:

      and in grasping for the DUzy it was taken away from you

And in the taking, was granted. Bodhi-o-do...

GDP, July 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6488535

OP by raccoon:

      Where do deleted subthreads go?
Inquiring minds want to know...

response #1 by mainegreen:

      Skinner actually travels back in time and prevents them from ever having happened.

response #2 by CaliforniaPeggy:

      If I told you...
Then I'd have to kill you...

response #3 by HypnoToad:

      The clearance aisle at Wal-Mart.
Since when is anything taken from that aisle? It's all broken and sticky anyway...

response #4 by DS1:

      GD: Quantum

response #5 by BlueDogDemocratNH:

      Baton Rouge

response #11 by qwertyMike:

      Same place as the missing sock in the dryer.
They turn into hangers in your closet.

Did I just say that out loud?

response #17 by Anarcho-Socialist:

      Irrevelant question
because those subthreads only ever existed within the mind of a swan.

The Lounge, July 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7898054

OP by BurtWorm:

      To all who are telling people to get the fuck out of this forum, get the fuck out of this forum.
D'oh!

:crazy:

response #3 by Gman:

      Yes, I do think it best to go ahead and smother this forum to death
while it is still too young to put up a fight. Burn the body and scatter the ashes in remote areas of 25 states (preferably blue or leaning blue states) to prevent it from every coming back to life again.

response #7 by tblue:

      And if you are reading this post, DAMN YOU! Stop reading this! STOP IT NOW! I'm warning ya!

response #63 by wryter2000:

      Whatever you do

Edited on Fri Jul-11-08 03:32 PM by wryter2000

DO NOT KICK THIS THREAD. I mean it!

And for heaven's sake, if you make a stupid mistake, DO NOT EDIT YOUR POST.

response #60 by sellitman:

Lets all leave at once!
That will getem!

:silly:

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6482862

On a locked thread:

I have a bump on my ass

response #1 by Kerrytravelers

Locking...
... before we're subjected to a visual.

Sincerely,
Kerrytravelers

Your weary DU Lounge Moderator

The Lounge, July 9, 2008

On a thread by n2doc:

      Weekend TOONS Part 3 - The oil economy

response #1 by Swamp Rat

GD, July 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3568957

On a thread by seafan:

      Jeb Inc.

response #36 by HughBeaumont

response #44 by MisterP

GD, July 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3573130

OP by FogerRox:

      So I'm driving thru town, I figured I should get some gas....

response #8 by Dont_Bogart_the_Pretzel

response #15 by lame54

response #30 by HawkeyeX

response #31 by SalmonChantedEvening

response #39 by HughMoran

response #47 by lpbk2713

response #56 by Wednesdays

response #76 by Buzz Clik

response #80 by islandmkl

response #86 by helderheid

response #94 by berni_mccoy

response #100 by Raineyb

response #108 by Neo

response #113 by Historic NY

GD, July 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3573259

OP by newmajority:

      Aw.... did we forget to wish the pResident a Happy Birthday?

response #3 by proud2Blib

GD, July 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3575385

OP by sniffa:

      Once again, I prove that I am the master of MS Paint

response #1 by Southpawkicker

response #6 by sniffa

response #2 by PeaceNikki

The Lounge, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7902674

OP by ChoralScholar:

      McFatherTime Captions

The Lounge, July 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7904537

On a thread by Alter Ego:

      BREAKING ON CNN: OBAMA ANNOUNCES VICE PRESIDENTIAL CHOICE

response #21 by jakem

response #34 by dave29

GDP, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6469369

OP by Aviation Pro:

      As usual, the clueless, brain dead....(Caption please)

response #2 by Lastlaughin08

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3580534

On a thread by IDemo:

      Steamy novel based on Laura Bush stirs controversy

response #18 by davsand

response #19 by MilesColtrane

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3581560

On a thread by FarCenter:

      Bush sorry over Berlusconi insult

response #2 by DJ13

GD, July 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3584767

OP by MiniMe:

      Global Warming

GD, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3595475

OP by Ichingcarpenter:

      A Repentent Rove Bares Soul to the House Subcommittee

response #1 by Common Sense Party

response #2 by Hardhead

response #10 by Common Sense Party

response #5 by DFW

response #6 by Ichingcarpenter

response #7 by DFW

GD, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3596456

On a thread by Hope And Change:

      Gramm about the recession: "I'm not going to retract any of it. Every word I said was true."

response #8 by GloriaSmith

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6482582

On a thread by omega minimo:

      Just checking in and gobsmacked by the passionate newbies being driven out by DU habits

response #10 by rug

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6484677

OP by blogslut:

      It's CAPTION TIME! (((Goofy Hat & Goggles Version)))

response #1 by TomInTib

response #2 by Motown_Johnny

response #3 by sniffa

response #5 by jhuth

response #6 by JenniferZ

response #7 by Jesuswasntafascist

response #9 by blondeatlast

response #10 by Elrond Hubbard

response #13 by 1Hippiechick

response #14 by d_b

GDP, July 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x6484507

OP by PeterU:

      Obligatory self-pity thread.

response #1 by mainegreen

response #2 by turtlensue

The Lounge, July 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7910893

OP by Prisoner_Number_Six:

      Hey, Congress- FISA this.

GD, July 11, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3602337