What do you do when someone uses the N word?

[Cyrano]

So I just got back from having a sandwich and a beer in this blue collar bar that I frequent which makes the best corned beef, and has the toughest barmaid, in South Florida.

Two guys that I’ve never seen before came in, sat down a few stools away from me and began discussing Obama. They weren’t talking too loudly, but loud enough for many sitting at the bar to hear. (It’s one of those oval shaped bars like they had in “Cheers.”) Within a few minutes, one of them used the N word.

A few people glanced at them and a few others, me included, stared at them. I don’t know whether or not they noticed, but within another minute, out popped the N word again.

(I need to mention that Palm Beach County is predominantly liberal and it’s extremely unusual to hear the N word in public, -- even in some of the worst dumps you can find.)

While I’m usually one to steer clear of confrontation, I was pissed and a couple of carpenters, whom I know casually, were looking really pissed.

The situation could have gotten very ugly, but the barmaid put an immediate end to it. Taking away the mugs of beer she’d served them, she told them to leave. They both looked stunned and one of them said, “What the hell you talking about?”

“I’m talking about both of you leaving right now,” she replied. There were a couple of beats of total silence and then they both got up and left.

One guy got up and went to the window to be sure they were driving away. (A lot of people in Florida carry guns.)

It was fortunate that Gail (the barmaid) ended it peacefully. But my real question is, what do you do when you hear someone use the N word? I know that where and when it’s used might influence what you might or might not do. But in what might be called a totally neutral situation (like overhearing someone in a mall food court use it) would you say something?

[slackmaster]

1. Unless it's family, friend, or coworker MYOB is the best policy

Mind Your Own Business.

Someone who uses that kind of language has to deal with the consequences. You are not obligated to be the deliverer of consequences.

[madokie]

7. and if its family, friends or co workers

slap the piss out of them. I don't/won't live in a life where that word is used, maybe others do but not I.

[slackmaster]

24. With a coworker I'd go straight to their supervisor or the HR manager

We have a zero-tolerance policy for that sort of thing here.

[Crazy Dave]

2. I heard a baptist minister say it 15 years ago

With that said, I don't like the word period. In jokes or even if a black person says it.

[sinkingfeeling]

3. I usually glare at the person and sometimes will say something like, "Who the hell told you

you could use language like that in front of decent people?"

[tularetom]

4. It all depends - in a bar I'd probably tell them to STFU

If they were tossing it around repeatedly (N-word this, n-word that) I'd confront them. But just hearing somebody on the street, nah. WTF do i care if some asshole talks like that.

[grantcart]

5. I haven't heard it used in a casual way in decades its hard to say but in this

case I would have given Gail a standing ovation and a big tip


But the best response came from a book that changed my life:

Momma - wherever you are - If every you hear the word "nigger" again, remember they are advertising my book.

[Catherine Vincent]

6. The next time you go to that bar, thank that barmaid for kicking those bums out.

If you haven't already. :)

[Cyrano]

13. Reply to #5 and #6

As I said, Gail is the toughest barmaid in South Florida. Everyone always tips well and I've seen her get rounds of applause on more than one occasion for a variety of reasons.

[RB TexLa]

8. Ignore them from that point on, just walk away. Just like if someone uses too much slang or

improper language. What reason could there be for speaking with them?

[AndyA]

9. With all the crazies running around with guns these days, I think it's best to stay quiet.

Or you run the risk of being tomorrow's statistic.

[katandmoon]

14. Ditto. And it's the supposed non-crazies who keep trying to make it easier for crazies to GET guns.

So I would never ever EVER confront a stranger in public about ANYTHING.

[Warpy]

10. Context is everything, as usual

If it's some belligerent drunk, I just give him a look that would stop an eight day clock and leave the area quickly.

When my parents started to use that ugly word after they moved to Florida, I'd leave the room.

Other people I tell that I don't like it when such an ugly word is used.

However, when Chris Rock uses it in one of his standup routines, I have to laugh. He uses it appropriately and it packs a real wallop once people get done laughing.

I think I'd like Gail.

[Obamanaut]

16. If the word is too offensive to even be spelled completely on a

forum board, I'm not sure I understand "uses it appropriately."

[Warpy]

19. Watch Rock sometime

You'll understand it then.

[Obamanaut]

20. I have watched him, and this still doesn't explain the difference.

I can type n*****, or use the phrase "the n word" as in the OP, and it's ok. I know what letters are missing, as do we all, but woe betide I say or type the entire word. Unless I am a comedian, then it's ok.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

11. On the rare occasions I hear it, I notice something.

Typically, it will be a situation where it's a "captive" audience. The last time I experienced it was when a girlfriend and I had driven from Phoenix to Tucson to visit a friend of hers. We were staying at her house. I didn't know the woman very well but as we were getting acquainted, I realized that it was going to be a long weekend. She knew that I was very politically active and a Democrat. She made it a point to let me know that she and her b/f were repukes and that the Bush tax cuts had been great for them. :eyes: Then she launched into a dissection of her fiance's ex-wife's relationship with a black guy. The "n" word started flowing freely, as if it was perfectly acceptable for her to use it because I was white like her. I must have looked uncomfortable because she didn't use the word again but I didn't confront her. I realize it was kind of cowardly on my part but if I made a big stink about it my friend and I would have had to make other arrangements. My friend and I talked about it on the way home and made a deal that if something like that ever happened again we would back each other up.

[LWolf]

12. Gail handled it correctly.

In that situation, I wouldn't have done anything; if the waitress hadn't intervened, I might have complained to management.

My first reaction would have been to say something, loudly, about limp little dicks needing a little hate to firm them up.

If I really wanted to escalate the situation, rather than shut them up. That's why I'd refuse my first reaction, and allow management to manage it.

[Occam Bandage]

15. Other people's conversations are not my business. End of story, really.

[MadrasT]

17. Put them on "ignore"

The first time I hear anyone use the word as part of everyday speech... that is my cue to put him/her on "ignore". People can use whatever words they want... but from that point forward, I will cease to take anything they say seriously. (And if it's a person I can avoid having any contact with in the future, I will.)

[Inspired]

18. People around me don't use it. Period.

[LanternWaste]

21. Probably not, for a few reasons...

"But in what might be called a totally neutral situation (like overhearing someone in a mall food court use it) would you say something?"

Probably not, for a few reasons-- it's not a nice world: you get the bad combo of a person who doesn't like to be corrected and a person carrying a gun... well-- you get the idea.

Also, I've gotten into the habit of not forcing my morality onto anyone else, and if no one's in a direct pain not of their choosing, then my morality stays just where everyone tells me it should-- at home and in church.

Additionally, if I spent my time correcting the morality of other people, I'd have precious little time to do anything else.

[trof]

23. I agree. I'm not the word police.

Actually, there is no word police.
Except for the proverbial 'FIRE!' in a crowded theater, the 1st Amendment guarantees all citizens the right to free speech.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

If one chooses to say stupid and ignorant words, that's up to them.
If it's someone I know, I may say something, depending on the situation.
Otherwise they're on their own.

[Alexander]

22. My idiot roommate uses that word all the time.

He's also dumb enough to think someone's name is an issue.

I just tune it out and leave the room. But I know most people who come over find it disgusting, as do I.

Unfortunately I have to keep the peace with him, because he pays rent. But I hope he leaves soon.

Arizona is not a friendly state when it comes to black people. Or smart people.

[guitar man]

25. most of the time

most of the time, I'll just ignore it because I know sooner or later they'll slip up and say it in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, I did slap the living piss out of an ignorant little cracker-ass for using it in front of and in reference to children...:grr:

[spin]

26. I've notice some strange things in Florida...

I've heard many natives use the "N word" but have very close friends who are African American. Also their children have close friends who are also African American and they do not discourage the relationships. I know that at least two of these people support Obama for President and definitely will vote for him in the General Election.

Many of these people were raised by racist parents and possibly this causes the confusing disconnect. When they find themselves around other native Southerners they tend to talk and joke like their parents.

Of course, I've asked them how they can call someone a n****r and not be racist.

They answer that the word is similar to "white trash" and not all African Americans are "n*****s", just as all whites are not white trash.

I feel that the next generation will be able to overcome racism for the most part. If Obama becomes President and does a better job than the current administration (an easy task), we should live in a better world.

My congrats to the barmaid Gail.

[Cyrano]

28. North FL and South FL seem to be two different worlds

The little time I've spent in North FL reminded me of the short time I've spent in rural Alabama. But hopefully you're right and the next generation will finally overcome racism.

This is not to say that racism only exists in the South. It's an American disease that just may be nearing it's final death. The very fact that Obama is our candidate is a tremendous move away from a shameful history.

[treestar]

27. I never hear it, only know of one person who uses it

It is shocking to hear and feels useless to say anything to her - just let her look idiotic all by her self.

[Major Hogwash]

29. It depends on their age and the way they said it.

In a restaurant -
If they're younger, I usually give them a stern, disapproving look.
If they're older, I usually say "hey" loud enough to get their attention.

Just because they are out in public doesn't mean I have to listen to that kind of shit.