Cable news as Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

[trof]

It hit me just a while ago.
I was watching CNN (I know...I know :-( ) and they told me about the woman who (allegedly) sliced open the womb of the near term pregnant woman to get her baby. The (alleged) slicer/kidnapper is said to have attended postpartum and newborn classes in 'anticipation' of her soon-to-be-born (but non-existent) child.
Nutcase, but not news.

Ripley's.

Then I heard about salmonella being found on ONE (1), count 'em, ONE, jalapeno pepper.
From Mexico.
Probably.
And the salmonella MAY have got on the pepper in Mexico.
Or may not have.
Maybe it got on here.

So you can go back to eating your tomatoes (sorry, tomato growers, that we pretty much shut down your livelyhood last week), but NOW you should definitely shitcan all your jalapenos.
We're pretty sure.
Unless they came from your own garden and even then you sure can't be TOO careful.
Especially if you have a Mexican landscaping crew mowing your lawn.
Nope, better to just flush them.
(I would argue that you CAN INDEED be too careful, but that's another thread.)

The 2000 census put the U.S. population at 281,421,906.
The number of salmonella cases reported in the latest "out break" is 167.
That's about .0000006% of the population.
Sorry you're under the weather, but not news.

Ripley

Then I saw a guy sitting in a diner, eating his meal, minding his own business, and then WHAM!!! a car crashes into the front wall of the diner and shoves his whole booth across into the counter.
WOW!
(He finished his meal and got a FREE cup of coffee. Has a bandage on his elbow.)
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/07/21/dnt.nc.car.hits.man.in.diner.wxii
Shit happens.
But it's not news when it does.

Ripley.

But you already knew that, right?
:eyes:

[Captain Angry]

1. Look! Shiny!

Don't think, it hurts your head. You need to escape from real life. Watch our soothing shows about people doing things.

I don't miss my TV. You're absolutely right about the news, but you did leave out an important component. Oh, puppies. Aren't they cute?

[warren pease]

2. What would happen if...

America's funniest home videos mated with a cable news network and had spawned little spin-off infotainment subsidiaries informed and inspired solely by Ripley's, the Globe, the Star and the irreplaceable Sun from the UK?

You'd have Fux Nudes and the entire collection of celebrity stalking super stations for shut-in voyeurs, untold millions of sad overstuffed jerkoffs and a variety of assorted unsavory low-lifes.

Makes you feel better about going out in public, knowing these living caricatures are safely indoors somewhere abusing themselves.

Thanks CNN and trash TV for making the streets a better place.

Even though the one thing you won't get is anything that qualifies as "news," but what the hell... That's what the Intertubes are for.


wp

[The Gunslinger]

4. Reminds me of the movie "Idiocracy"

I's a classic comedy, but it's starting to seem more like reality every day.

[ColbertWatcher]

3. Sensationalism! n/t