Our attempts to get Bush a job for after January have run into problems...

[jmowreader]

We, the staff of Spurious News Network, have recently become aware that after next January America's first warlord will be out of a job. We're even more acutely aware that Bush without a job is more dangerous than Bush with one.

We decided to help.

First, we compared Bush's personality to all the companies in America in an attempt to find some that had a corporate culture compatible with Bush's...well, let's just say he's got a unique personality. Although it was a long, hard task we actually found two companies he'd fit into. We then drafted an e-mail to the heads of these two firms. It follows:

- - - - -

Fm: Presidential Outplacement Search Committee, Spurious News Network
To: Chief Executive Officer, Crips Social Organization, Los Angeles
Chief Executive Officer, Bloods Social Organization, Los Angeles

Dear Sirs:
You must be aware that on January 20, 2009, President Bush will be out of a job. We at Spurious News Network invite you to consider allowing Mr. Bush to join your fine organization.

Mr. Bush's positive attributes include a love for unbridled cruelty, large amounts of Hitler's cash and the potential for a criminal record that, if he's ever charged, will make Tookie Williams look law-abiding.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

- - - - -

Strangely enough, we received responses from both organizations.

From the Crips:

Dear Sir:

We, the members of the Crips, respectfully refuse to hire Mr. Bush.

You seem to have a few misconceptions about our organization. Allow us to dispell them. First, the Crips is not a monolithic organization, which is the kind of company Mr. Bush is most comfortable in. Second, the Crips never killed anyone who didn't need it, unlike Mr. Bush. We certainly don't agree with torture. And third, he doesn't like us very much.

We thank you for your interest in the Crips and good luck with your job search for Mr. Bush.

From the Bloods:

You must be shitting us. Bush? That motherfucker's crazy. We will have nothing to do with him.

[NanceGreggs]

1. Isn't US Ambassador to Iraq the obvious choice?

I'm sure the people he liberated would be more than happy to have some up-close-and-personal time with him.

But a big K & R for your thoughtfulness in trying to help a guy out.

[Wilms]

2. How 'bout we tell him he's assigned to the Hague?

;)

[NanceGreggs]

8. Perfect!!!

And he'll brag about the "honor" for months!!!

:rofl:

[Somawas]

3. Nor "US Ambassador to Iraq"--Viceroy of Iraq.

The Emperor needs a presence in the Raj.

[bonito]

4. Pulling legs off daddy long legs on the white house lawn

I think he would be very happy there.

If he hasn't already got them all that is.

[RNdaSilva]

5. "Wanted" here...

within.

[Truth4Justice]

10. Yeap! That would improve his self-image, working in a SF sewage plant named after him!

But he probably has too much brush to cut at his Texas pig ranch }(

[DLnyc]

6. The U.S. Army is looking for recruits.

Apparently they've lowered their standards considerably, due to some labor supply problems. Perhaps this Mr. Bush you speak of would qualify for some entry-level position in one of the overseas enterprises. Grunt in Iraq comes to mind, for instance.

[bonito]

7. Please.. would you want him walking behind you with a loaded gun

[Truth4Justice]

9. No, but I'd like it less if it was "dead-eye" Dick Cheney who had a gun handy!

[DLnyc]

11. good point. he can walk out in front of the armored vehicles.

that way he can check out if there's any IED's coming up, before some valuable troops get hurt.

[Ghost in the Machine]

12. My friend said he'd hire the chimp in the 'detailing' department at his car lot...

he needs someone to suck the old farts out of the used car seats...


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