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I've been thinking a lot lately about Bristol Palin and how she not just has to deal with the tremendous stress of being a pregnant teenager, but also the stress of the entire nation and world knowing her own private, personal business. We all know, and many of us remember, that if there's one thing teenagers, especially girls, fear and hate most it's public humiliation over a private aspect of their lives.
And I got to thinking about how Bristol Palin's mother handled her pregnancy as opposed to my own mother. You see, I was once in a position similar to Bristol. It's true that I was in my mid-twenties, and not a teenager, when I had my unplanned, surprise pregnancy (yes, we thought we were being careful, but no contraceptive is absolutely foolproof). And it's true that I had my college degree, having just graduated a month before discovering I was pregnant. But I also had no job (was still job-hunting in a very depressed area of the state), no money and my fiance whom I'd totally trusted had thrown me out of our house because he "didn't want to deal with it". I sure as hell didn't want to deal with it, either, but, unlike him, I had no choice, as a simple matter of biology.
But there's a similarity in feeling with all unplanned pregnancies that cuts across age, class, position and socioeconomic status. It's an incredible mixture of wonder, fear, excitement, amazement, dread, disbelief, shock and, in many cases, though certainly not all depending on the circumstances, shame. And, if the father is unsupportive or absents himself for his own selfish reasons, there's often tremendous resentment that you're left to deal alone with the situation you BOTH created equally and for which you now bear the brunt of the consequences.
It was difficult enough for me being in that position even at that age and with a degree, and with friends who were established with their own families and careers. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been to have been still a teenager, and how much higher the hill would have seemed and would have been in reality. I would have wanted to have hidden in a hole under the house, with no one knowing, and not come out until forever had passed. And a couple of friends who DID get pregnant in high school and early college years felt exactly that.
My mother, however, was incredible. She and my father both thought that having an abortion would be the best thing for me under the circumstances and given my situation; my father was adamant and kept insisting every single morning before leaving for work that I make an "appointment." And that would be the first thing he'd ask when he returned in the afternoon. But mom knew I didn't want to do it, that I couldn't do it and, although she was more than concerned, and even though it would be difficult for her as well, supported me in that decision and defended me to my father and other family members who agreed with him. But she also knew I couldn't handle everyone knowing at that time and kept quiet about it except to those whom I wanted to know. She didn't even say anything to her friends or certain other family members. She recognized my need for privacy and had no intention of humiliating or shaming me at all by violating it. She provided tremendous emotional and moral support, during the pregnancy and long after my son's birth. And she's been a fantastic grandmother to him all of these years since. She did what a mother is supposed to do, and what I've tried to do with my son, and that is, put her child first.
Which brings me to the other "mother." Yes, I'm talking about Sarah Palin. Who thought nothing of accepting the incredible, improbable, absurd, pandering, blatantly gimmicky, ridiculous veep offer (mayor of a tiny AL town and governor for not even two years-yeah, uh, she's ready all right), knowing that her teenage daughter was five months pregnant and that it would be discovered soon even if she didn't say anything. Knowing that she'd have to endure the public knowledge and humiliation whether she wanted to or not, and chances are, she didn't. Knowing that the laser beam of publicity would be focused on her daughter and not the father, of course, as usual. Knowing that her daughter would desperately need her focused emotional and moral support now more than ever, which simply isn't possible in the grueling grind of a presidential campaign. And knowing that the media would focus on her daughter's pregnancy to the near-exclusion of all of the other truly unfavorable disclosures about her which are too numerous to go into here, and her theocratic leanings and appalling lack of readiness for the highest office in the land. Maybe that was, frankly, why she did it. When your own mother-in-law says she doesn't know what you bring to the ticket or why you're on it and that she might vote for Obama, I guess you gotta do something. Like throw your daughter under the bus in front of the entire country.
My mother was not a hypocrite. She was and remains pro-choice, but she strongly supported and defended me in my decision not to have an abortion and that support never wavered. She spent thirty years teaching juvenile delinquents, going above and beyond the call of duty in advocating for and supporting them and making them feel that at least one adult in their entire life cared about them. She's always done everything and anything she can for children, including her grandson, and children always feel loved around her.
Our friend Ms. Palin, on the other hand, thought nothing of vetoing spending for a program that would help teenage mothers with nowhere to live, as well as being against other services for teenage mothers and children. So typical of those who pose for holy pictures.
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