Jesus Christ quits Christianity after viewing Republican platform

[kpete]

Jesus Christ quits Christianity after viewing Republican platform

For years, Jesus Christ had kept quiet while his “followers” had killed and committed horrendous acts of intolerance in his name. They were the “birth pangs” of a new religion, his surrogates would say. One day he would be accepted by all as a liberator.

But in an announcement that has left his followers shaken, the Christ himself has come forward to announce that he is leaving Christianity, effective immediately. The reasoning: The 2008 Republican Platform. Reached for comment at a West Hollywood coffee shop, Christ said that he couldn’t deal with a world that so misinterpreted his words and actions.

...................

Christ went on to say that he had grown tired of being portrayed as a “marauding archangel of vengeance,” and that he held out little hope that the world would ever accept his message of peace.

.................

“John McCain has made it clear that he will not speak to or about Jesus Christ until Christ shows him the respect he deserves,” said Davis. “John McCain was a POW and deserves respect. Jesus obviously can’t understand the kind of sacrifice John McCain made.”

more at:
http://www.williamkwolfrum.com/2008/09/08/jesus-christ-quits-christianity-after-viewing-republican-platform/

[texastoast]

1. Can't blame him for distancing himself

from the people taking his name in vain for their own evil purposes.

[pleah]

2. K&R

:rofl: and :cry: If he ever really existed, I don't blame him.

[Bob Dobbs]

3. Jesus was never a xian.

He doesn't support any of their bullshit.

The Roman's made all that shit up, anyway.

Jesus was a liberation theologist.

[noonwitch]

10. I always think the "Jesus was a christian" thing to be hilarious

Jesus was a Jew.

[Bob Dobbs]

15. Essene

Jesus' sect.

[texastoast]

16. Actually, based on some "non Christian" gospels

He was Gnostic in his beliefs.

[OneBlueSky]

17. Jesus would be aghast that people worship him rather than "my Father" . . .

and he'd be particularly aghast at how his words are distorted to justify things like war and killing and bigotry and the like . . .

[elizfeelinggreat]

4. I saw a fish on an SUV yesterday

that was made of rhinestones! I'm not kidding, I could not believe it.



"There’s a new breed of Christian out there that seems to think I represent free-for-all capitalism and slaying my enemies,” said Christ, munching on an arugula quiche. “I mean, they made Isaiah into a Cold War-era strategist, for Dad’s sake. Did they even read the New Testament?”

[Mari3333]

12. the fish symbol's origins:

http://www.atheists.org/christianity/fish.html

[Frustratedlady]

5. How clever. I have thought of those same parallels so many times.

They can be so self-righteous and at the same time be violating the very beliefs they are supposed to follow.

They are so far to the extreme, they've fallen off the road.

[Stuart G]

6. K and R

[nichomachus]

7. This would be encouraging news, except that

Jesus has decided to become a Scientologist

[sinkingfeeling]

8. I hope he thinks about this a tad more and decides to sue those who use his name in such political

and inhuman ways.

[fascisthunter]

9. awesome

[ismnotwasm]

11. I just bet he would

I'm an agnostic/atheist but I enjoy reading about religion. Jesus and republicans wouldn't get along at all, from what I can tell.

In fact, I would guess he'd support an anti-racist, anti-sexist platform and would be first in line to marry Gays personally.

He'd be pissed at all the divorces though. And all those Jesus shows on TV. I can see him going in and busting up a studio or two

[Bluenorthwest]

13. In a follow up statement.

Jesus said, "I did not leave the Christian religion, the Christian religion left me."

[Phentex]

14. AND he's leaving images of himself on the butts of Alaskan moose...

who's sorry now?