Army officer takes Chuck Norris to task for saying he did two tours in Iraq

[Wetzelbill]

And it wouldn't be right if I didn't include a joke: Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple -WB

Facts for Chuck Norris
By Robert Bateman

Now, the real fact is that I love the "Chuck Norris Facts" genre as much as anybody. For those unaware, these are a series of jokes about what Chuck Norris (or at least his film-alter-ego) can do. My own personal favorites: "Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean;" and "Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard." But that does not mean that I, or anyone else, actually takes this actor seriously.

Hmmm. Maybe I need to rethink that. Apparently the other day somebody did try to take Chuck Norris seriously. He appeared on CNN's Larry King Live show as a talking head, discussing politics and defense. Now, what an out-of-work former B-grade movie actor is doing on Larry King as anything but an actor is beyond me. I do not understand the phenomenon, whether it is somebody on the Left or somebody on the Right. But this is an entertainment-focused culture I guess, and Chuck Norris is amusing. He is funny, of course, right up until the point when he claims to have done "two tours in Iraq." At that point he just pisses me off.

So, hopefully somebody will forward this to the people behind the Larry King show on CNN, because I am going to lay some facts out. Think of them as a new set of personal "Facts for Chuck Norris." To be clear on the starting point, this is what Norris said last night:

LARRY KING: The question about the money spent on Iraq was a fair question, Chuck. Isn't that a lot of money?

CHUCK NORRIS: It's a lot of money, but we're spending a lot of money everywhere. We're spending a lot of money on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and we're spending a lot of money that we'll probably winnd up paying off the car dealers, the cars, and the airlines. I mean, we're bailing everybody out. And, uh, we can debate the question of whether we should be in Iraq or not, but we are there and we gotta take care of the situation there. I've been there twice, Arianna. I've done two tours over there. I know what's going on over there. You haven't been there.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/inteldump/2008/09/facts_for_chuck_norris.html#more

[Bluebear]

1. I've done two tours at Universal Studios. nt

[Wetzelbill]

2. I can get Telemundo and Univision with my antenna nt

[nichomachus]

18. I once stayed in two Holiday Inns in one night.. n/t

[Hubert Flottz]

3. They tell a lie enough times and it becomes the "Truth" even to

themselves. I've known republicans all my life who do the same thing.

[Wetzelbill]

4. either that or Chuck had a "Delta Force 2 " flashback

Somebody needs to tell the guy that just because he's done a bunch of shitty war movies doesn't mean he's an actual combat vet.

[yodoobo]

5. Chuck Norris CAN judge a book by its cover.

my personal favorite.

[TlalocW]

13. Mine

Chuck Norris actually lives in a round house.

TlalocW

[TahitiNut]

6. A USO 'tour' ain't the same as a 'tour' Chuckie.

Imbeciles.

[Wetzelbill]

9. At least he didn't claim foreign policy experience

because he could see Russia from Alaska, or because he was in a certain country's airport.

[ColbertWatcher]

26. Give him time. n/t

[cui bono]

7. um...

Norris is an actor -- not a soldier or a Marine, an actor. While it is cool that Norris spent a few years in the Air Force back in 1958-1962, that only means that he should know what he is talking about. A Marine "tour" in Iraq is 7 months, an Army "tour" is 15 months or 12 months, depending upon when you got there. For Norris, spending 96 hours in Iraq with the USO, getting complete VIP treatment and flying over the country and staying at secure bases, even if he did it twice, is not the same thing. It does not entitle him to make claims like "I've done two tours over there," nor does it mean that he knows even the very first thing about the military operations in Iraq, or anywhere else for that matter. Indeed, if that were so the military would also be turning to Norris's fellow Texan, the blond ingénue Jessica Simpson, for national security advice, since she has also completed Norris's version of a "tour" in Iraq.

[Wetzelbill]

8. Um what?

[Hubert Flottz]

11. Um this...

If Chuck had done two combat tours in Iraq there wouldn't be anybody left alive to "Liberate"...

[Wetzelbill]

12. ok that one works for me

[cui bono]

14. Just quoting from the article you linked to...

:)

[Wetzelbill]

22. ohhh ok I get it

:)

[NNN0LHI]

10. Its a lot of money so lets keep pissing more away. Yea thats the ticket

Wonder what kind of tax cut this scum bag gets in his income bracket?

Don

[cui bono]

15. Especially since now we're protecting the oil fields for the Chinese.

Not that it's any better to be using our military to protect them for our greedy bastards.

[Solly Mack]

16. I see Chuck Norris has gone to the Sarah Palin School of Experience

[nichomachus]

17. I was having a cocktail the other day

and on the TV in the bar they were discussing Chuck and who he might endorse. I turned to the friend I was with and asked -- "Who really gives a shit about what Chuck Norris thinks?" This shows you how stupid this whole media circus has become. Why would anyone care about Chuck Norris' political leanings?

[erpowers]

19. Republicans and the Military

What is it with Republicans and their desire to avoid military action and then claim they saw military action just because they visited a country for a few minutes that was in the mists of military action. Norris is not the only Republican to do this. O'Reilly claimed to have seen combat in Latin America because he had been in a Latin American country reporting when a military event occured and Geraldo Rivera claim to have seen more combat than John Kerry, by watching the show "Combat". It is just so silly that they always want to claim that they have been in the military when they have never done anything.

[Mesteryo]

20. I never saw him being a neocon...

I thought Norris would be pretty libertarian due to some things he said during the Montana Freemen standoff about the Feds bungling Waco.

I never predicted he'd like Bush so much and be a neocon.

[spanone]

21. is little chuckie padding his resume?

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

[Wetzelbill]

23. What would you guys say if Arianna ended up missing?

Like Chuck was as seriously effed up as his "facts."

[nadinbrzezinski]

24. You asshole, USO is not a tour, you idiot

:mad:

[ColbertWatcher]

25. Looks like Norris got roundhouse kicked in his manhood.