"House of Palin" Finale Breaks Records

[Hissyspit]

http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=18203

SEPTEMBER 15, 2008 1:27PM
"House of Palin" Finale Breaks Records

The season finale of Fox's smash hit "House Of Palin" garnered a record 58 million viewers Thursday evening, becoming the most watched television show in American history. The wildly successful reality program, which chronicles the foibles and follies of Vice President Sara Palin and her whacky family, became an instant sensation when it debuted shortly after Mrs. Palin took office last year.

Last night's episode resolved several cliffhangers and closed with surprise appearances by President McCain and Lindsay Lohan. An overnight New York Times-CBS poll found that 77 percent of viewers were pleased that Bristol Palin quit her job as an Applebee’s waitress and decided to finally pursue her dream of becoming a Formula One racecar driver. Warrior, her rambunctious two-year old son, will make the move to North Carolina with his mother. But his father Levi will continue to live in the Naval Observatory basement. Bristol and her husband have not been on speaking terms since he was caught selling the Vice-President’s undergarments on Ebay.

The poll also found that Track Palin’s approval rating plummeted from 70 to 6 percent overnight. Viewers were outraged that the brooding Iraq War veteran, in a fit of rage, killed a neighbor’s barking dog with a surface to air missile, producing a dangerous, half-acre blaze that took the fire department over 24 hours to extinguish. Police officers arrived at the Naval Observatory to arrest Mr. Palin, but President McCain, citing the Country First Act, immediately exonerated Track and ordered DC police to leave the premises. As the police were leaving, Mr. Palin stood bare-chested in the driveway, raised a middle finger and shouted, “suck this” while clutching his genitals.

Willow Palin embarked on a solo-hunting trip in Alaska, where the 14-year-old continued to impress viewers with her grit and resourcefulness. In a dramatic, tense moment, Ms. Palin climbed an snowy embankment and came face to face with a 700 pound buffalo. When the beast approached, Ms. Palin let out a high-pitched warrior shriek and charged the buffalo, driving a knife made of stone deep into its chest. She then devoured the animal raw, reducing it to bones in less than five minutes.

Vice President Sara Palin has moved her approval rating amongst women from an already stratospheric 88 percent to an unprecedented 100 percent with her decision to file for divorce from her husband Todd. The Sara-Todd saga has captivated and divided viewers ever since Mr. Palin announced his plans to undergo a sex change operation and change his name to Destiny.

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[gateley]

1. Listen - laughing this hard is painful when one already has a stomach full

of jamocha milkshake. I'm sending you my doctor's bill.

[LiberalFighter]

2. Sold the VP undergarments on eBay? Palin's undergarments must not be worth much.

[Arctic Dave]

3. Ouch. That is brutal.

But too, too funny.