Why you can trust Democrats in a fight

[Prophet 451]

I've been listening to Rachel Maddow's TV show a lot this week (do not ask why I am listening to a TV show) and during her interview with Bill Maher, she commented that a lot of the American public seem to not mind being led by stupid people but they hate "weak" and then further qualified it as "someone you couldn't trust in a fight".

Now, in my time, I've been an amateur boxer, wrestler and martial artist, a semi-pro wrestler and for several years, taught self-defence to college girls (real self-defence, not running away or screaming but every dirty trick in the book that you can use to beat the piss out of would-be rapists) so I reckon I know a thing or two about combat and, from my heavily-scarred perspective, the Democratic side is the one I'd want to have at my back. Here's why:

Barack Obama: Now, with a name like that, you know this guy's been in a few throwdowns in his time. He enjoys playing basketball for pleasure so he's a pretty fit guy. In fact, he seems to have virtually no fat on him and he's lanky. Ever been in a fight with a lanky guy? Really annoying because they have the reach to hit you without being in range for you to hit them back. In wrestling, that's not a problem 'cos you just take them out at the knees but in boxing or the striking disciplines, guess which one of you is going to get hit more? Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to have good aerobic conditioning while being a smoker but since Obama seems to have quit, that's not a problem. He even looks a little like The Rock (although I think that's just the ears).

Joe Biden: Tough old bastard. There is nothing worse than fighting a tough old bastard. They have too much pride to stay down and they've been around forever so they've seen every trick you've got. They might be a little slower but, like Terry Pratchett's Cohen the Barbarian, they make up for it with guile, cunning and a positive glee in fighting dirty. The TOB is the guy who'll block every flurry you throw, getting you more and more frustrated, before casually dropping you with a hook you really should have seen coming and then grinning as you mentally kick yourself.


Who have they got on the Republican side?
John McCain: McCain is also old but he's not old in a way that is wise and full of good advice, he is old in the way that is very nearly dead. He's ancient, unfit and loses his train of thought in the middle of a... um, what was I saying? The poor guy's had every form of skin cancer you can get, his mental state is dubious and he seems to have just plain given up. McCain's sole survival trait is the fact that beating up on a confused old man is generally considered unsporting.

Sarah Palin: Now, women can make good fighters, I've taught some of them and I'm proud to say that at least one of them (who now teaches MMA for a living) can kick my ass seven ways to Sunday. Sarah Palin is not one of those women. Sarah Palin is the stereotypical image of a cheerleader: Vaguely pretty but not all that bright and she doesn't even have a cheerleader's athleticism. She may or may not be batshit insane and, while living in an extreme enviroment can instill a certain toughness of mind, spirit and heart are not the same as strength and mass. Hillary Clinton was the female version of a TOB, Sarah Palin is just soft.


In fact, take a look at the high-profile people in both parties. On the Dem side, you've got Bill Clinton (Southern boy who looks like he's been in a fight or two), Hillary Clinton (female TOB), Wes Clark (career military so you know he knows how to fight), Ted Kennedy (two brothers assassinated and his current illness haven't stopped him, this guy will fight until they lay him to rest) and Howard Dean (lanky and just crazy enough to give him an edge). On the Republican side, it's all old and unfit guys with the exception of Chimpy and while Chimpy's very fit, he's also dumb. Cardio and aerobic conditioning are good but dumb cancels out both.

Granted, this is a mixture of tongue-in-cheek and extended metaphor but if it comes to it, I'd trust the Dems at my back, not least because the Repubs would have high-tailed it to Bahrain the second things got ugly.

[pocoloco]

1. LOL

Try turning your back on pelosi!

[shadowknows69]

2. Great post Prophet. I'd want you at my back mate.

Although presently I'd make shitty back up as I can barely walk and am too large to be tactically agile. I'm smart though and I can still kick the shit out of someone's balls. Get them on the ground for me and I'll stomp the fuckin hell out of them.

Nothin but love,
S B-)

[shadowknows69]

3. Kicking, hilarious thread please read. Prophet is good; Prophet is wise.

[Prophet 451]

4. Cheers Shadow! n/t