words will break our hearts...

[Indigo Blue]

One of my mom's favorite books was 'All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten', by Robert Fulghum. She had a copy of the book, the pages and binding torn & taped from reading so many times. I have her copy of the book now, along with a roll of tape.

I'd like to share a passage from the book with you, a passage that meant a lot to her...


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In the Solomon Islands in the South Pacific some villagers practice a unique form of logging. If a tree is too large to be felled with an ax, the natives cut it down by yelling at it. (Can't lay my hands on the article, but I swear I read it.) Woodsmen with special powers creep up on a tree just at dawn and suddenly scream at it at the top of their lungs. They continue this for thirty days. The tree dies and falls over. The theory is that the hollering kills the spirit of the tree. According to the villagers, it always works.

Ah, those poor naive innocents. Such quaintly charming habits of the jungle. Screaming at trees, indeed. How primitive. Too bad they don't have the advantages of modern technology and the scientific mind.

Me? I yell at my wife. And yell at the telephone and the lawnmower. And yell at the TV and the newspaper and my children. I've even been known to shake my fist and yell at the sky at times.

(snip)

Don't know what good it does. Machines and things just sit there. Even kicking doesn't always help. As for people, well, the Solomon Islanders may have a point. Yelling at living things does tend to kill the spirit in them. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts...

[Jamastiene]

1. How well I know that.

I just lost someone I considered a friend before this week because he all of a sudden yelled, "Fuck you, bitch" to me on the phone when my computer was running too slow for his coke addled brain. That went through me in a way that made my entire body feel like it was poisoned all of a sudden. I guess it just shocked me very badly. I'm much better now. I no longer consider him a friend at all. I won't be talked down to in a condescending way and yelled at by someone and still consider them a friend. Words do hurt and over time, those words on a steady basis can leave a person depressed and damaged with severe self esteem issues. It is never worth it to let someone verbally abuse you.

[Sal Minella]

2. Try to think of it as the coke talking, not him.

If he straightens out and tries to amend things with you (days or years from now) I hope you'll welcome him back.

You're right about the long-term verbal abuse. Recovery from being beaten down again and again is a long slow faltering business. Good for you for ending it.

[mdmc]

3. thanks for the post