Yo Terrorists, y'all need to calm down...

[readmoreoften]

REPORT: Anxiety-detecting machines could spot terrorists

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-09-18-bioscanner_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip



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It may seem Orwellian, but on Thursday, the Homeland Security Department showed off an early version of physiological screeners that could spot terrorists. The department's research division is years from using the machines in an airport or an office building — if they even work at all. But officials believe the idea could transform security by doing a bio scan to spot dangerous people.

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The system would be portable and fast, said project manager Robert Burns, who envisions machines that scan people as they walk into airports, train stations or arenas. Those flagged by the machines would be interviewed in front of cameras that measure minute facial movements for signs they are lying.


Okay, I'll bite. And then what do you do with these 'pre-criminals'? But don't worry. It won't be out "for a few years". Pfhew. What a relief!

Tinfoil hat?
Conspiracy theory?
Too paranoid?
Fuck off: not nearly paranoid enough.

Wait, hold on-- a little red light just went off on my computer! It's accusing me of hostility! Holy shit! I gotta get outta here! They're gonna come for me now. I swear I didn't mean it. Visualize American Flags. Think about Puppies. No use!!! I gotta hop on a plane & get outta here...aw wait, shit, right....

How did it come to this?

[dkf]

1. Sounds like that Tom Cruise movie with the psychics.

[readmoreoften]

2. Totally, but no psychics needed. That was the dumb part of the movie anyway.

Why the hell would they need psychics? They have supercomputers. So retro...

[TreasonousBastard]

3. Anxiety detecting at airports? Can't be much there, or...

at office buildings where there might be job interviews, IRS audits, depositions...

(So Grover, how's that bathtub doin'?)

[Turbineguy]

4. Will it catch nervous Wall Street Fat cats

leaving the country with suitcases full of money from the bailout?

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5. Sadly, it will not be ready in time. And they won't be nervous.

[Turbineguy]

6. I'm in Fort Lauderdale

Superyacht capital of the world.

Waiting for the fall of Bautista-like exodus....

[readmoreoften]

7. A kick for the evening folks.