I probably should not find this so funny, but I am laughing my a$$ off.

[Rainbowreflect]

Two women were cited for an altercation at a grocery store Saturday morning.

Jana Volzke, 34, was standing in front of the bananas at Russ’s Market, 2840 S. 70th St., around 10:20 a.m. when Connie Witt, 64, allegedly became upset that she was taking too long and called her an obscene name, said Officer Katie Flood.

-clip-

Volzke told Witt to stay away from her kids, and Witt allegedly hit Volzke in the face with a three-ounce bag of Whisker Lickin’s cat treats, Flood said. Then Volzke allegedly spit on Witt’s chest.

http://www.journalstar.com/news/local/doc490f1ff545746971048719.txt

[BrklynLiberal]

1. This HAS to be on SNL Weekend update this week....

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[drmeow]

2. I didn't realize that there was a law

specifically against it: "Volzke was cited on suspicion of expectorating on another person"

:rofl:

[Rainbowreflect]

6. That is actually a law!

[hootinholler]

10. It likely goes back to the days when chewing tobacco was popular.

Think Josey Wales.

-Hoot

[drmeow]

15. That's what I figured

and certainly spitting on the sidewalk but I found it funny that "expectorating on another person" (not "spitting" on another person) needed its own law rather than using assault or some other less specific law. It just cracked me up!

[Tuvok Obama]

3. I know what you mean. I shouldn't find it so funny either

[jobycom]

4. Were either under the influence?

Of Chick Tracts, I mean. :rofl:

[InternalDialogue]

5. Cat treat fight!!!!

I'm actually a little surprised that the story doesn't end with, "Who threw that ham at me?"

[wtmusic]

7. A three-ounce bag?

Lady, lady...a can of dog food to the head will open up the banana aisle pronto

[Rainbowreflect]

8. LOL

:spray: :rofl:

[TlalocW]

9. Hope you brought your lunch!!!

That's our little catchphrase my siblings use with (against?) one of our sisters who also got into an altercation in a grocery store when she was in her 20s. As she was entering, she passed a car with a five-year-old boy in it cursing at everyone who walked by, and she remarked, "Someone should wash your mouth out with soap!" When she came back out, the kid's mom confronted her about threatening her child and tried to instigate a fight with my sister, at which point she said, "Hope you brought your lunch!" When my sister told me this story, I didn't get the meaning of that so she had to explain it, and we all thought it sounded silly so we've been making fun of her with it for years now. :) Anyway, they just went down to the police station and filed reports on each other.

Two asides: I knew the kid she was talking about - he was a couple of years behind me in school, and he always was a little shit. And that woman got off lucky. My 5'1" sister scared the crap out of her then-fiancee (my brother-in-law), who's a 6'3" good ol' boy, at a party by pulling a 5'10" woman out of a car through an open window and slamming her against the hood to get back the purse the woman had stolen from my sister. :)

TlalocW

[hootinholler]

11. Ok, I'm dense...

:shrug:

-Hoot

[TlalocW]

12. The meaning of Hope You Brought Your Lunch is

My sister was saying, if you think you can beat me up, it's going to be an all-day affair so you're going to need a lunch break.

None of us got it either, which is why now it's so funny to use against her.

TlalocW

[hootinholler]

13. The best I could come up with is

I hope you packed your lunch because I'm about to eat it.

-Hoot

[Ishoutandscream2]

14. I actually find stories like this kind of sad

There is such a low degree of civility. You see it a lot when it comes to emails and such (it's easy to be rude when you are not face-to-face with someone). But then, there are those "adults" who are bold and angry enough to get into it over such a silly thing as buying bananas. It is really a sad and frightening thing.