McCain tells supporters, 'It's close enough for us to steal' (Satire)

[CLG_News]

McCain tells supporters, 'It's close enough for us to steal' --By R J Shulman 03 Nov 2008 (Satire)

CARLISLE, Pennsylvania -- (PTSD News) -- Senator John McCain told a group of about fifteen loyal supporters in a Long John Silver’s Restaurant that, "In two days, victory is ours, my friends. The latest CNN poll shows Obama ahead by only seven points and our operatives tell me we can steal anything under nine points."

"I’m voting for McCain because he is a straight-shooting maverick who has all them tried and true American values like not being afraid of no gooks or colored people," said Rudy Bortz a thirty-seven year old out-of-work handyman from nearby Willits, Pennsylvania.

"I call him honest John," said Bortz’ wife Tinnie. "What other candidate would admit that he has to steal the election to win?"

Not everyone at the rally was thrilled to see McCain. "I just want to get me a Goddamn fish platter," said Sadie Williams, a retired heath care worker, "and the McCain shindig is holding up the line."

"If it’s this close, it’s in the bag," said Will Scumsta, a Republican strategist who studied under Karl Rove. "This year we are even more prepared with our ground game. While the silly Democrats are trying to get out the vote, we are busy purging Democratic voters from the roles, pre-programming black boxes that flip votes to McCain, employing all kinds of sophisticated voter intimidation techniques, making sure there is a lack of machines in Democratic precincts and adding a few new tricks that would make Dick Nixon proud."

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More here.

[rainy]

1. The truth is often spoken in jest.

[L. Coyote]

2. NO JOKE! 6 % better turnout in 5 states, THEY DO STEAL IT!! Legally!

[CLG_News]

3. We won't permit a third GOP coup d'etat. n/t

[kenny blankenship]

4. That's a claim he could be legitimately proud of

Because if it were true it would mean he didn't really do any worse than Shrub!