NeedleCast Reports: Sarah Palin Jubilant to be first woman vice president

[NeedleCast]

Source: Me

Sarah Palin continues to celebrate in Phoenix today despite overwhelming evidence that the Republican ticket which she was a part of lost convincingly in the 2008 election. Handlers for Palin said that she was up all night and "acting like a six year old on Christmas Eve, we couldn't get her to bed until we gave her cookies and warm milk...which contained enough rum to drop a full grown rhino."

Palin began her celebration, turning several cart-wheels and somersaults in the lobby of her hotel, as soon as MSNBC called Tennessee for John McCain shortly after 7:00 PM. Despite the fact that seven of eight "toss up" states went for Obama, including Ohio at about 8:45 PM EAST, Palin continued to celebrate, shouting "We got Arakansas, yeah! while firing several shots from a rifle into the ceiling of the hotel. I asked a McCain staffer for comment and - while requesting anonymity - he said "dude, she has no off switch, please believe. It's best to just let her run wild until she runs out of energy. She's like a kitten on a sugar high. I've had to deal with this shit for the last 60 days. I just want to die." He then put his face in his palm and ordered a 7th gin and tonic from the bar.

Palin finally returned to her room about 3:00 AM after thanking everyone for making her "princess of the world." Before doing so she had been seen wandering the halls, wearing a diamond tiara and beating random staffers with her scepter for offenses like "acting all glum during this historic victory."

I reached Gov. Palin this morning and asked her about the crushing Republican defeat last night. "We won! We won! I knew we would. Jesus came to me in a dream two nights ago, riding a velociraptor and wearing an Exxon-Mobile baseball cap, just like he always does, and said that I would win. Well, actually he said McCain would win, but I knew what he meant. Then he pulled out his nickle plated revolvers, killed several baby seals and rode off into the setting sun." As McCain staffers and Secret Service agents armed with syringes of elephant tranquilizer escorted Gov. Palin into the coach class section of an American Airlines flight back to Anchorage she turned and winked to a non-existent crowd.

Absent from the flight was Todd Palin, who was overheard saying "can I take this suit off now, this shit is itchy!" Then he took a cab to Tempe on rumor that the girls there were "smokin' hot" and would probably be all into a dude who rides snowmobiles.

I also caught up to Senator John McCain at lunch and asked him about Sarah's delusions of victory. He sighed heavily, rolled his eyes and mumbled "man did I fuck that up" before returning to his prune and raisin salad.

[Sebastian Doyle]

1. I wish we could say we're gonna be rid of Moosealini

But somehow the convicted felon in Alaska managed to get re-elected. Obviously he's not going to be seated in the Senate, and I wouldn't be surprised if he resigns by the end of the week.

And who has a higher profile in Alaska right now than the Ice Princess herself?

Can we say "Senator Wolfkiller"?? :scared:

[NeedleCast]

2. Luckily, Sarah is easily distracted by things that rhyme

We have convinced Gov. Palin that a senator is the same thing as a matador. She commented that fighting bulls without guns was crazy talk and wanted no part of it.

[Sebastian Doyle]

3. Let her face the bulls

especially since she likes to wear red so much :evilgrin:

[MrCoffee]

4. K&R

:thumbsup: :rofl:

Well played!

[NeedleCast]

5. Thank you Sir

As one of my favorite DU'ers, this is indeed praise from Ceasar.