Yesterday, the Rude Pundit blew his long held-in load all over the
face of the past eight years. Today, let's wipe off on the current reactions of some of our beloved right wing pundits:
One of the deep pleasures of yesterday and today has been seeing how nutzoid conservatives in the media attempt to deal with Barack Obama's victory. It's like the visceral thrill and hilarity of watching a bunch of skateboarding face-plant videos, where you point and laugh and say, "You stupid douche. Did you really think you could make that kickflip off those steps?" There's a descent into madness happening on the right with breathtaking speed, like they're on a swinging rope bridge over a mountain crevasse and they're scrambling to figure out which side to run to while the ropes unravel.
For instance, here's Rush Limbaugh, kicking out the racist jams, actually
having a conversation with an imaginary black man about Obama's call for people to sacrifice and work for the good of the country: "'What's this, bro, you asking us to join in the work of remaking the nation?' That (sound)bite where he's going on and on and on about sacrifice, gonna take hard work, the crowd, that's when I finally saw some consciousness on their face, they said, 'What?' I mean, the cheering stopped, a little puzzlement, looks of perplexed on these faces, 'Whoa, whoa, what is this sacrifice? We, we gonna sacrifice?'" Beyond the obvious of not knowing what fucking station Limbaugh was watching where the cheering in Grant Park subsided, there's the utterly charmingly quaint degradation of blacks as too lazy to work to make the nation better.
Ann Coulter's cunt is just filled with sour grapes. Already a self-mutilating chode-guzzler of Olympian appetites, you can read Coulter's Joycean urine stream of deranged consciousness dribbled onto the page and actually see her go more and more insane as the column (if by "column," you mean, "a visit to a puppy abattoir") goes on. She scribbles out her usual piquant mixture of bugfuck insane arguments and shitty jokes before turning on her own party. Coulter rips into McCain, going at him for the very mavericky things that got him any attention in the first place and that he turned his back on during the election: "How could we go after Obama for his illegal alien aunt and for supporting driver's licenses for illegal aliens when McCain fanatically pushed amnesty along with his good friend Teddy Kennedy?"
The best is when Coulter actually bends her legs over her head and bites her own clit: "I am now liberated to announce that all I care about is hunting down and punishing every Republican who voted for McCain in the primaries." It's always great when a stripper stands on stage, tells the guys staring at her tits that they're not tipping enough to see her cooter, and then the guys still don't toss any more bills at her. It's democracy at its finest.
Bob "A Lack of a Brain Won't Stop Me" Novak and Jonah "Making the
National Review Even Shittier for Over Half a Decade" Goldberg try to appear relevant to any conversation by asserting how Obama and the Democrats are supposed to behave now. It's sort of like a prison bitch telling the guy who just bought him for two packs of cigarettes and a crusty
Hustler that he thinks it would be so much better if there was no face raping. It's already been well-mocked that
Novak, who said that Bush's 50.7% popular vote victory to Kerry's 48.3% in 2004 was a "mandate" for Bush, says Obama's 52% to McCain's 46% is "no mandate." And
Goldberg? That little fuck tries a more conciliatory tone: "The conservative in me hopes that Obama sees the wisdom in governing as a centrist, if not a center-right, president." The problem with that (and there are so very many) is that a "centrist" for Goldberg is conservative and "center-right" is, for most of us, "crazy."
In other words, Novak and Goldberg want the Democrats, who just won, to act like Republicans, who just lost. Let the face-raping commence.
Finally, to leave you with the image of conservatives sitting in a padded room where they have scrawled unreadable manifestos on the walls with their own shit, here's Sean Hannity from his Fox "news" show last night, regarding Obama's first pick for his administration: "He's picked Rahm Emmanuel, one of the hardest left-wing radicals on the left, as his chief of staff. There's all the evidence that he's going to swing to the hard left. And I think they're going to overreach, and I think we're going to see the person that I think Barack Obama is. I think he is hard, hard left." That's tasty idiocy.
Hannity (and, to a lesser extent, Colmes) was interviewing Joe the Plumber in some kind of summit of retardation. In all his inarticulate glory, Joe answered a question on whether he thinks Obama is "loyal to the United States": "To a democracy, yes. I mean, you know, right back to as far as the socialist issues, spreading the wealth. I mean, you know, Alan, that is right out of Karl Marx. You know, Webster dictionary I had this morning for another show I did. I mean, if you read it, that's exactly pretty much word for word what Obama said earlier. You know, government health care...Yes, he was democratically elected, but he's asking about -- he's proposing a lot of changes that could, you know, change the core of America, don't you think?"
Oh, Joe, Sean, Rush, Ann, Bob, Jonah, and the many, many rest. God, you know they're so fucking pissed that Obama blew McCain away, that they couldn't even try to steal this election or declare it illegitimate. Now they have to actually grapple with a reality, and they can't get their tiny, narrow minds around it. But for we who won? Let's enjoy the sight of the ants swirling and drowning in their own toilet.
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