A proposal for all straight married DUers, of which I am one.

[hippywife]

This post is the last in which you will see me and my husband, DUer 5X, refer to each other as husband, wife, or spouse, both here and in IRL.

In protest of the sad situation in this country that keeps marriage out of the reach of our GLBT brothers and sisters we have agreed to adopt the same terms as they must use, i.e. SO or partner, when referring to each other until such a day as they have the same equal and human rights we have so enjoyed.

I know it's seems a small thing and that this doesn't erase the fact that we are indeed married, I can't go back and change that. But I hope that if we can get this protest rolling through the populace, both here and through the nation, among those of us who support equal civil and human rights so it gains significant ground, it will be of some small way comfort and a tangible support for our GLBT friends.

Okay, so who else is on board? :hi:

ETA: We have been joined for almost 12 years.

[youthere]

1. I'll go for that.

[hippywife]

2. Thank you!

Like I said, it's a small insignificant thing but hopefully we can get it going everywhere in addition to doing the other things we need to do until this is reality for all. :hi:

[nichomachus]

3. Thanks for the support, but think it through

I, for one, don't want anything about my situation to affect your marriage. In fact, that's just what the hate crowd is claiming. We don't need to feed into that. So, please continue to do what you've always done. I understand the sentiment and appreciate it (I can't speak for other people).

The lies spread on the other side were breathtaking in their audacity and mendacity.

This is a quote from a Mormon in our local paper.

“The people that advocate redefining marriage are saying basically that every religious and secular tradition from the recorded history of mankind is immoral."

Where the Christ do you come up with shit like that? But this is what the Mormons were being fed.

[hippywife]

5. I do understand

your point about not feeding into that, and I would hope that by this being a totally voluntarily decision, it wouldn't. But, yeah, I can see the twisted nature of their logic.

We are of the opinion that all "marriages" are truly only civil unions in the sight of the law. The fact that some are anointed by the religious hierarchy is totally by personal choice and totally beside the point that we are joined. Actually, it is more than opinion, it is fact. We could have easily just been joined at city hall and it would have been fine with both of us. We just wanted to be together and he didn't feel it fair to ask me to move half way across the country without making that commitment to me even though I did not require it.

But like anyone else would and has the right to, we wished to share that moment with our family and friends, so I just picked an unknown minister out of the phone book who didn't know us at all and paid him to drive to my sister's house. LOL So the religious aspect meant nothing to us at all, even though I self-identify as a Christian.

[ArrowMan]

35. How do you think Tommy Jefferson felt about his relationship with Sally?

I'm curious about the pillow-talk that must have occurred. What if Sally had been a male? EEEWWWW!

[skygazer]

32. Your situation DOES affect my marriage though

I realized that the day after the election when I felt so terrible about the passing of Prop 8. I seriously feel as if my marriage is made less special, less secure and less sacred than it was before. I hadn't thought about it that way before but I realized that what they were saying truly affects the way I feel.

The idea that civil unions should be "just as good" tells me that my marriage does not have the value I thought it did. If a civil union is just as good, why did I even get married?

And the fact that they find it so easy to deny marriage to you makes me wonder how easily they could take it from me. I cannot, after all, have children, one of the things they cite as the purpose of marriage. Well, what's the purpose of MY marriage then? Suddenly that security that I had felt seemed shakier.

And I cannot help but feel sour and sick that my marriage is a privilege that is denied to others. It makes it far less joyful and sacred to me knowing that others have just had that privilege ripped from them.

I don't think my saying that feeds into their hate at all. I think it counters that hate. And it is something I truly feel, that my own marriage has been lessened by this.

[VWolf]

4. Good idea. I'm in. n/t

[hippywife]

8. After reading nichomachus' post

I'm still in but only if the GLBT community feels that this would not be detrimental to the cause. Let's see what the consensus is. And thank you! :hi:

[marylanddem]

6. From here on in, he's the partner. I'm on board, totally.

Our daughter is a young lesbian & is entitled to every civil right that we have.

[hippywife]

9. Many hugs to you

and your daughter. Hopefully we can all make a difference for her future. :hug:

[marylanddem]

14. Hugs to you, too, hippywife.

You are so right - we are all in this together.

[yardwork]

7. Thank you! That is very kind and forward-thinking of you!

[hippywife]

10. None of us are free

until we all are free. :hi:

[yardwork]

13. That's true, and I say that from a position of mostly-privilege.

Years before I realized that I was a lesbian I was still a strong a advocate for gay rights, because I recognized exactly what you just said.

[Le Taz Hot]

11. We need something more visible.

One DUer suggested black arm bands. Whatever it is, we need to keep this issue front and center until we can get this shit reversed.

[hippywife]

15. I'm not offering this as an alternative

to anything else that needs/can be done. Just in addition, in support and solidarity. :hi:

[kevinbgoode]

12. What a wonderful, kind gesture. . .and thank you.

I had decided yesterday that, from now on, I would not call any "married" person's relationship anything but "partner." They may refer to one as "husband" or "wife" but I will always refer to each as their "partner."

It is going to be interesting to see if anyone gets offended. Just because the STATE assigns them a special right to use "married" doesn't mean WE have to use it - or recognize it. The STATE is not my parent.

[GDAEx2]

16. Love it!

count me and my partner of 20 years in!

[hippywife]

17. ...

:hi: :hug:

[Irishonly]

18. Count me and my partner of 24 years in

[hippywife]

19. Thanks for you support!

:hi:

[cobalt1999]

20. Wouldn't it be better for GLBT to just start referring to their partners as husband, wife, or spouse

Forget the legality, it's getting people used to hearing the terms husband, wife, spouse in reference to a same sex couple.

For many people, it's just a matter of getting conditioned to the concept of gay relationships and adopting marriage terminology is a start. For more people to go back to the term partner, it seems like a way to get even further from the acceptance.

I like your willingness to show solidarity, but I don't agree with the strategy.

[hippywife]

21. I agree that

they have every right to do so, I support that and think they should. It doesn't change the fact that it isn't so in the eyes of the law.

I don't see any reason why this problem can't be attacked similarly from both sides. :hi:

[Rockholm]

22. I already do that.

[cobalt1999]

24. Good for you.

The more people hear it, the less foreign it will sound to them, then the more accepting of the idea.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

41. Yeah...LostinVA is my wife, not my partner

[guitar man]

23. great idea!

just talked to her and we're in! :hi:

Hell, I'm a biker anyway, so it's not uncommon to refer to her as the "'ol lady" and she refers to me as the " 'ol man" already (or just "asshole" when she's not happy with me), so it shouldn't be too hard at all. :hi:

[hippywife]

25. Howdy, neighbor!

Hope all is well with you! :hi:

[guitar man]

26. howdy back atcha

Hope it's all good with you too! :hi:

It sure is noce to have some hope for a change. ;)

[hippywife]

30. Yep...

even if this backassward state had nothing at all to do with it. But damn! We did make a little progress, didn't we?

[guitar man]

31. yes, we did

We might have had every county go red, but I witnessed a true miracle of epic proportions. My big brother not only jumped the fence and voted for Obama, he switched his registration to Democratic and voted a straight ticket! You would just have to know him to truly understand what it means to see him jump the fence like that. :)

[justiceischeap]

27. In the UK the term "partner" is used for ANYONE who is dating

male/female male/male female/female

The Brits are way more evolved than us.

[Howler]

28. Works for me!!!!! N/T

N/T

[LeftHander]

29. all straight married allies should file for divorce...

clog the courts and keep the "marriage protection" idiots waiting for their miserable divorce.

[Left Brain]

33. and so it shall be

in this household. My partner wholeheartedly agrees.

Thanks for the great suggestion.

[depakid]

34. "SO or partner"

In some nations, partner (or life partner) is already the norm.

So much so that Prime Ministers with religious backgrounds and beliefs are cool with it.

Case in point: Kevin Rudd and Therese Rein.

[wryter2000]

36. My partner died a few years ago

I'm sure he'd be with the program, though. So, here we go...my late partner and I salute you.

[hippywife]

37. I am so sorry for your loss.

I appreciate that you would consider this through your sorrow. It's I that salute you. :hug:

[Evoman]

38. Or do what I did. Refuse to get married until everyone has the right.

Luckily for me, gay marriage is legal in Canada....but I was ready to lost my gf for this (ok not really, because she agrees with me).

[eridani]

39. Good idea. Generally comes up only in Cooking and Baking, though. n/t

[hippywife]

40. Around here, that's true for me, too

for the most part. But we are taking it out IRL, too. :hi:

[hippywife]

42. Kick for the weekend crowd.

There have to be more married DUers who are willing to at least make this very small sacrifice. :hi:

[bean fidhleir]

43. I think "spouse" would be a better choice than "partner". For everyone

For one thing, "partner" has the business-relationship connotation. Granted that what many marital relationships are actually all about once you scratch the surface, but still.

Spouse on the other hand comes from Latin "spondere" - to bind oneself solemnly. Which ought to be what it's all about, no? And it's had the connotation of interpersonal intimacy since at least the middle ages.


And on a side note, what people trying to deny that marriage rights are on a par with slavery seem not to understand is that it's not about marriage vs slavery as such, it's about *equal rights*. If some minority group doesn't have the same rights as everyone else, then everything else is a detail. If the majority can deny the right to marry today, they can enslave tomorrow. Unless the law protects all rights, it protects no rights.

[ourbluenation]

44. No. I'm straight and I have a husband. I want my friend James to be able to call his partner husband

too.

sorry.