Next time a Mormon comes to my door, I'm giving them 15 seconds to get the fuck off my front porch

[Obamarama]

before I THROW them off.

I've always been patient and respectful when they have come to my door in the past. I'm a gay, liberal Jew and personally believe their religion is very, very strange, BUT I've always respected that they are fulfilling an inherent commandment of their religion. I've never been crazy about them doing it on my own front porch, but in general I tend to respect others' religious choices even if I diametrically disagree. I've always politely just said no thank you, not interested, I am very comfortable and secure in my own religion.

Now that I'm aware that the Mormon church, which enjoys tax-free status as a religious organization, basically funded the drive against Prop 8 in CA with both money and people, all I can find in my heart is to yell a giant FUCK YOU at them and throw them off my property. Yup...I'm now going to be one of those people who slam the door in their shiny, happy little faces. And while I'm good and pissed I'm going to shout them off my property with a good, loud, hearty "START PAYING TAXES, YOU FUCKERS."

[shadowknows69]

1. I hear that. I had one try to push his way into my door once

All the while telling me I NEEDED to hear his message. He found out I had stronger arms than he did. Hope the door didn't hit you in the nose sir.

[LiberalFighter]

21. Should had had him arrested for trespassing.

[shadowknows69]

24. Ah, it's more fun to slam the door in someone's face.

Besides if he had gotten too far in I have my doubts that his God would have protected him from my dog.

[CountAllVotes]

2. I run them off

they last time they came around here I told them that I did not want to listen to their shit and to get the hell away from my house and to NOT COME BACK!

There is a sign on my window that says NO SOLICITING and I usually point this out to them as they are attempting to sell their two-bit bogus religion.

I guess I did not say how much I hate these damned people! :mad:

[WillParkinson]

3. 15 seconds?

You're way too tolerant.

[arcadian]

4. I ask them where the golden plates are.

It wasn't that long ago, so they should be accounted for. Always throws them for a loop.

[tanyev]

9. I asked them why there weren't any maps in my Book of Mormon

showing where all of the alleged events happened. He asked me if that was necessary to believe and I said, "Uh...yeah," and I noticed the other guy who hadn't said much took over the rest of the conversation until they left.

[heliarc]

14. You mean the golden three ring binder?

http://www.ldsartworks.com/Gold%20Plates%20Replica%20info.htm

[cali]

5. I'm with you- and I'm a straight female

Of course, this isn't a departure for me. I get way too many visits from Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses, and I always dispatch them in due haste- though I confess I don't call them names, simply tell them I'm not interested and shut the door firmly in their faces. Now that the Mormons have funded and lobbied for passage of the hideous prop 8, I intend to tell them that I don't have the time of the day for bigots who oppose civil rights for my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

[shadowknows69]

8. Actually I've let a few in and talked with them if I'm feeling mischevious

I know they can't miss the pentacle hanging on my wall and when I tell them I've read the Bible cover to cover a couple times they don't really know where to go from there.

[ksimons]

6. a little break from the stress of it all

all in good fun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqcgaIhrYus

you could also print this out and ask if they know these two (smile)

[shadowknows69]

12. ROFL

That's so awesome.

[IDemo]

23. edit -misplaced post

[crispini]

30. Baaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!

Awesome! hee.

[MH1]

7. Well, you might consider that the ones who come to your door are often still teachable.

Before you tell them to go away, you might explain very clearly (clearly to them, not just to you) why you don't want anything to do with their religion, and encourage them to think independently about what their religion's message of hatred really means.

I don't think shouting "Fuck you" would accomplish that.

But then, I do understand that would be more satisying. Just my .02.

[Obamarama]

13. I have absolutley no compunction to attempt to teach the unteachable...

If these people could even BEGIN to think for themselves, do you honestly believe they'd be out whoring themselves to perpetuate their "faith?" These people are lost causes, so pretty much all I've got for them is a big, sloppy FUCK YOU.

[rfranklin]

19. In Florida, you can shoot them if you feel threatened....

and apparently even the threat of minor discomfort is justification for shooting to kill.

[Edweird]

58. Dishonest much?

Or are you just stupid?

[StreetKnowledge]

65. Technically

He's right in saying that. It's a bit overboard, but legally its actually alright. Scary as that is. :wow:

[Edweird]

67. As an actual living breathing resident of Florida AND gun owner

I can assure you THAT IS NOT the case. It is an exaggeration pushed by gun grabbers ("there's going to be a bloodbath - oh the humanity!" Which interestingly enough never materialized!) and Florida bashers (of which there are many). No it is NOT correct. 'Technically' or otherwise.

[heliarc]

10. I disagree...

I'm going to lure them into the house and then trap them there while I inform them about what bigots they are. THEN I'm going to run them out of the house.

I'm a married man, and I can't stand this kind of bigotry. I've been fighting for Gay and Lesbian rights since High School and religious self-righteousness really makes me angry.

[peacebird]

11. A couple from the local Baptist church stopped by to invite me to join. I asked them if their church

supported equal rights (did I mention one was black?)? They said "oh yes". And I said - then your church supports same-sex marriage, right? They looked horrified and said "no, no - of course not". I looked at the black woman and said "I guess once YOU got YOUR equal rights, no one else's mattered?"
and then I went back inside and shut the door.

[lunatica]

60. Great tact!

And that's what a lot of people have said should happen. Go to other minority churches and talk about the struggles they've had to get their rights and create the connection between their civil rights struggles and the gay civil rights struggle. Fundamentally it's all about civil rights.

It will work because they understand discrimination. They understand the concept of having to fight for their civil rights.

[goddess40]

15. first, all religions are strange to outsiders but

you a so right to chase them off. No one has any business trying to shove their religion on anyone else. Second, they have shown by their despicable actions regarding prop 8 that they are worthy of any respect.

[Clovis Sangrail]

16. I like to give them something to remember

When I know it's them I've answered the door naked, told them I was satan, told them I was the reincarnation of Joseph Smith and commanded them to kneel, offered to convert if they'd buy a box of candy bars, and basically given them a hard time.

Next time I think I'll just call them soul soliciting pig fuckers and tell them to fuck right off.

[Mari333]

17. there is a small Mormon church on my block

and I have a no preacher sign on my front door, so they dont bother me.
My dog likes to go for walks, and his favorite place to poop is on the Mormon church grounds. I always pick it up.
Nonetheless, my dog loves nothing more then to hear me say
"hey boy! wanna go poop at the Mormon church?'
arf!

p.s. kalamazoo i am only 40 minutes from youuuuu.

[Sal Minella]

22. Where do you get a NO PREACHING sign? Can I print one out from somewhere?

[Mari333]

28. here you go!!!

http://www.northernsun.com/n/s/2218.html

[alphafemale]

32. lol! Oh I love that. I get that catalogue, too.

I'm going to have to check that out.

[snake in the grass]

35. That is an excellent sign.

[pipi_k]

52. Thanks for the link...

there's lots of other really cool stuff on there too

:)

[Sal Minella]

68. Northern Sun. Of course. Duh. Can order my new Darwin Fish too. Thank you!

[Lil Missy]

18. I've never been patient or respectful when they show up. I just close the door in their face.

If I could get an ID on who is at the door like caller ID, I wouldn't answer the door for them in the first place.

[Callalily]

20. I just finished reading

Jon Krakauer's "Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith". The Mormon religion truly is one crazy faith. I can't understand who could support a "religion" that promotes prejudice and considers women property.

The door-to-door solicitors, well, they are required to be missionaries for one or maybe two years. I'd be curious to see how many converts they truly get.

[jonnyblitz]

37. i am glad you posted this. I saw this book mentioned before and

I meant to write the name down and didn't. You saved me the trouble. :hi:

[ellie]

43. It was an excellent book

I highly recommend it!

[jonnyblitz]

47. my local library is online so I just put the book on hold. the copy

at my library is checked out and due back on Nov 12. I love the internet!:D

[IDemo]

25. I live in a place with a very large Mormon population

and haven't once in 30 years had them come to my door. I think they must have put me on their "Do not Proselytize" list. No complaints from me!

The Jehovah's Witness, now that's another story..

[ileus]

26. I've never even seen a Mormon except on TV.

[ProfessorGAC]

27. My Favorite Dimissal Line, Is. . .

. . ."Well, God told me 5 minutes ago you were coming. He told me to tell you that you've got it all wrong!"

That usually has them running at Warp 8.
The Professor

[Canuckistanian]

29. We don't get many Mormons around these parts

Mostly, we get JWs. I usually send them off swiftly and politely.

But if I EVER see a Mormon, I'm definitely going to give them a piece of my mind, even if they're NOT on my property.

TAX THE MORMONS.

[The Real Strawman]

31. Hear, Hear!

I'm basically tired of them Mormons coming around trying to impose their non-belief of Jesus on the rest of us. And the influence that they have on our government is beyond belief. I'm not even sure if they celebrate Christmas. Don't they have a highly influential political action committee? MOPAC or something? They need to be stopped for sure. Just say, "No MO', no MO'".

[roody]

61. They would not miss an orgy of consumerism!

[Bluenorthwest]

33. The last Mormons that came to my door

were very young and cute boys who offered to 'do anything you ask."

Next time, I ask.

[RedLetterRev]

36. .

My husbear and I have very dirty and very creative minds :rofl:

Too bad we live so far out in the country, they'll never show up here to test the theory...

[malaise]

34. The Mormons are afraid of hubby and me

They haven't come back here since the 1990s. They arrived on their cycles after 8.00pm one night and knocked on the gate. I went out with the dog and gave them a tongue lashing about showing up at people's homes and knocking at a locked gate at that hour. I told them we were atheists and they'd better not try that again since the dog has jumped the gate more than once. Those two morons and their friends would look the other way when they saw us after that. Apparently word spread very quickly. :rofl:

[UTUSN]

38. Salvation Army, too. I used to be sheepish in passing their bells. Not anymore. n/t

[JohnnyLib2]

39. Website for reality checking.

--FYI--

Here's a site which has basics of the missionary program. It's worth a look. Note that in the U.S., missionaries are typically young adult males, usually leaving home for the first time.

Years ago, many of my high school and college classmates served their LDS missionary time, then returned to regular life. Some later drifted from their upbringing , just as in any other religious group.

And I imagine some are totally baffled by reactions such as are described on this thread.

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/background-information/missionary-program

[Obamarama]

46. Well, they're going to get an education when they come to my door!

[AnotherMother4Peace]

40. Exactly what I was thinking - I'm usually polite, will ask if they need to use the bathroom, or

want a bottle of water. But not any more. I plan on confronting them with their bigotry. That's all - short & to the point. And then close the door. I won't slam it, though.

[radfringe]

41. I'm going to

hand them a rabid chicken...

then give them 15 seconds to "GET OFF MY LAWN"

[Reader Rabbit]

42. My standard reply:

"Sorry, I've got no interest in a religion that considers me inferior because I was born with ovaries instead of testicles. Buh bye!"

[ksimons]

44. that's great!!!!

I'll have to remember that.

Also, this guy one-ups a couple who think they know it all about the Bible and are given the up-and-down on who knows what about what.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwpRHbWoTRE

enjoyable

[kevinbgoode]

45. I had a pair of them ask at the door asking me if they could do

any work for me. . .I said "Sure...write this dissertation." They declined. I guess even their faith has its limits.

I won't be rude to their missionaries - they don't have any power over the elders in the Church and have no say where the money goes. However, I WILL be asking them why they believe my country should allow religious groups to go door-to-door harassing legal adults about a deeply personal matter like faith. Then again, I don't like it when any other church bothers me, either.

I asked one person (not a Mormon, but a member of a wingnut-loving church) if their church was located underground or something, since I don't understand why adults can't seek out any place of worship they are interested in on their own. I was CURTLY informed that it was their DUTY to convert people into the "truth" - and my response was that it isn't the public's responsibility to be held hostage to their church's directives. I suggested they find a more public way to hold conversations rather than my front door on a Saturday morning.

Of course, telling them I'm gay usually gets rid of any of them fast . . .it's like they've just discovered I'm a leper.

[Fresh_Start]

48. Give them a petition to sign to guarantee equal rights

for everyone including GLBT.

[LoKnLoD]

49. Ask them..

Ask them if they want to Jello wrestle....they just love Jello here in Utah....:evilgrin:

[eagertolearn]

50. I didn't even know that there were Mormons until I moved to Oregon

from CA 15 years ago. But the different religions are very apparent here in small town Oregon. I find it frustrating that there is not a lot of individuality allowed in the religion. It's like there is a program and belief system that they all must follow and it is almost like they are brainwashed. But i have to say the families are close and some of the values they are teaching their kids like hard work and being respectful to others(obviously not gays) are good (maybe a little over done at times because the poor kids are exhausted). A few of my favorite people in this town are Mormon but they are the ones that think outside the box and would do anything for anybody (not just a member of their own church). I think most Mormons are being used by their church to make the church bigger and stronger. They all have at least 5 kids. I believe the Catholic church is still tryng to do this too but somehow their members wised up and made an independent decision and started to use birth control. My husband and I always have conversations with our mormon friends challenging why they believe in something (like having so many kids) and now we'll have to challenge them on this issue. My kids have actually been challenging them in school since they were young. A favorite term used by the kids in the church is "that is so gay". Since our neighbors are gay my kids have always corrected the mormons and "hicks" that say this. My daughter even wrote a paper about the use of slang terms hurting people in the school newspaper. I think we need to take a stance and try to reach them on some basis but saying " fuck you" to them just reinforces their beliefs and doesn't reach them at all. We just need to keep talking and challenging any narrow beliefs. One Mormon told me that suicide among Mormons who are gays is very high (because they are just not "allowed" to be gay) and those men who don't follow the normal path (be successful and have lots of kids) are kind of lost and maybe even go way off the path and use drugs etc.. You don't hear about this in the Mormon church but they are the ones the families don't talk about. We need to reach them from this angle. We need to find Mormon families with gay family members and encourage them to speak out. I think the protests ae good because the Mormons don't like their image tarnished but we have to reach them from a different angle. The anti-gay stance is not just one the Mormons follow. I would say just about every organized religion in my town has that stance (some churchs like the Episcopal, Presbyterian and Methodist have members who think for themselves and do not preach this or folow the pack). As my grandfather told me years ago "religion was invented to control a large body of people" and he was so right!

[givemebackmycountry]

51. Back in the 80's when I was living in a Dallas suburb with my buddy...

We had a couple of young guys that would visit us from time to time, you know the white short sleeved black tie types.
They used to ride bicycles around the neighborhood, and for some reason we took to calling them the "Eldridge Brothers".
Don't ask me why, we just did.

We would invite them in, and they would sit on the couch as we sat there doing bong hits, coughing and hacking and passing the bowl over to them saying "hey man, you want some of this?"

One day, we led them on a bit and they thought they were making some headway with us, until my friend got up and popped a porn tape in the VCR and that was pretty much the last time we saw them.

They had to think we were two of the most vile human beings on the planet, and we reinforced that opinion by yelling at them every time we saw them... "THE ELDRIDGE BROTHERS!" and then laughing our asses off.

We were horrible people.

:smoke: :toast: :beer: :headbang:

[pipi_k]

53. Great idea!!!

the porn tape or dvd, I mean... :rofl:



If you see a bunch of well dressed people with briefcases getting out of a car, just pop the dvd in and turn it up full blast...if the sound doesn't chase them away and they persist in knocking on the door anyway, just yell out to them that you'll only be a few more minutes.

If they do wait, answer the door and shake their hands, then say, "Ooops..I forgot to wash my hands, will you hold on a moment?"

If that still doesn't work, then invite them in to watch the rest of the dvd exactly like you and your friends did...


That address will probably be blacklisted forever


:7

[AlCzervik]

54. my no on 8 sign keeps them away, it's staying my lawn and in my front window.

[The Backlash Cometh]

55. I wonder how many people who fought me on my so called "anti-Christian" sentiments"

before the election because of my concerns that politics was driven by the pulpit, were gay and have changed their positions since the election?

[eridani]

69. There are also Christians who are LGBT allies n/t

[The Backlash Cometh]

70. Me, for instance.

[TankLV]

56. Sorry, not me...I will THROW them off in a NANOSECOND...

with a kick in the pants to boot...

[Cronus Protagonist]

57. The Story of Mormon in a cartoon

Enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy0d1HbItOo

[Edweird]

59. My doggie doesn't like people knocking on 'his' door....

so he provides all the motivation required to get them off my porch.

[roody]

62. But, but, but........

They are elders!!

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

63. Luckily, here in NY I have never had a Mormon on my doorstep. We do get Jehova

Witnesses who scoot of the moment I tell them I'm a Buddhist Jew! I did try to convert one once and had her really listening! It seems she was a spiritual searcher and at the moment was a Witness, but she was captivated with my serene smile! I hope I helped her, I really do! lol!

[TWiley]

64. I am not that generous anymore.

With any religious door knockers, I am rude. I have had all of their Bullshit that I can bear.

[TexasObserver]

66. How about putting up a sign? "Mormons Not Welcome Here"

Maybe if such signs started popping up in businesses, at homes, and on car bumpers, the Mormon Church members would be reminded of the evil their church is doing daily to gays and women in America. Their church is out front on suppression of gay rights.

Gays, women, and progressives need to draw a big metaphoric bulls eye on the Mormon Church, and attack it relentlessly for its backward, ignorant, evil attitudes about gays and women.

They're a hate group, no different than other hate groups.