An open letter to DU's GBLT community who I consider friends and family as I do many on this board

[shadowknows69]

I sort of tried this the other day in a more cynical manner and after some thought it's obvious it was a bad choice on my part, and done in anger. My efforts were deservedly locked in record time so hopefully this one will last a bit longer, with your approval.

If I have offended any of you I am sincerely sorry. If anything I've said on the subject has made it appear that I'm not 100% behind equal rights for you or anyone then it was a lack of clear expression on my part. I won't apologize for trying to look at the problem pragmatically and I don't feel applauding small steps forward means that I don't have a passion to see the struggle won, despite the steps backward that were taken on election day.

I used to be a raging idealist, probably to a fault, and I still retain the same core Democratic values you all do and the desire for complete equality and justice for everyone, but I have seen good causes and good people kicked down too many times to be overly optimistic these days. So I suppose I take what I can get and rejoice in smaller victories and perhaps in this case it is because I have less to lose and maybe I do take my rights for granted at times. However, please believe me when I say I have as many loved ones as anyone who are affected by this most loathsome of wedge issues in our country and I have total empathy for them as I do for you.

I strongly feel the main obstacle to changing peoples' hearts on this matter really is religion and until the churches are shamed for their attempts to steer the very morals of their perspective flocks, people, some still very good at heart, will keep buying the myth that something that has been included in the human condition since its birth, is evil and their very souls are in jeopardy if they support it. Never underestimate the church's power in influencing people particularly in hard times and the last eight years has beat the shit out of all of us. Hatred has been made into religious and political dogma and it's going to take some time to pull a lot of people's heads out of their collective asses. I have great hopes that when the country doesn't instantly implode because of a black President, but actually gets better then maybe the light will hit a few more people.

Back to my original point after that useless tangent, I love all of you as if you were my own family because I belong to the family of humanity, and I empathize with your struggle more than you can know. Perhaps my inability to express myself to the point where I've been called a bigot and homophobe recently, and again, I accept responsibility for that misunderstanding, stems from my frustration of being rather useless to you as a champion for the cause.

As I said I tend to default to a position of trying to see both sides of everything and look for the common ground and it seems we've reached the limit of that quest, and I'm as in the dark as you as how to break that stalemate. I guess we all know the drill, keep protesting, keep donating to the right people and then make sure they're worthy of your support and keep demanding what should be yours. Also, please don't discount, despite their less than desirable rhetoric on the matter, the Obama/Biden Presidency and what a step forward it is as a whole in our country' history. Every victory in the struggle for civil rights is one to be celebrated and of course built upon. I really feel deep in my heart that the end of this road will be in sight soon, and I know it's easy for people to be cheerleaders for something they already have, but please know I am with you all the way to the finish line and I will be as joyful for you as if it were my own victory.

With sincere love and solidarity to all of you,
S

[Glorfindel]

1. Thank you for a thoughtful and courageous post

Here's one gay man who appreciates your love and solidarity and returns it! :pals:

[shadowknows69]

2. Thank you Glorfindel

Does this mean, at least in your eyes, I can now proudly wear the title of "Elf-friend"?B-)

[conscious evolution]

3. Deprogramming takes time.

You are absolutely correct in how the church and religion steers their adherants minds.
Unfortunately,they spent so many years creating that mindset that it is going to take years to deprogramm it.

[Marrah_G]

4. I admire your ability to apologize and grow Shadow.

:hug:

[Time for change]

5. "Trying to see both sides of everything"

I think I know what you mean by that, because I do it too. I even read right wing books once in a while, and I receive Ann Coulter's electronic newsletter (for free -- I wouldn't pay a penny for it).

I don't apologize for that, and in fact often I think that I don't do it enough.

But sometimes when one talks about both sides, some people interpret that as advocating both sides, even though it may not be meant that way. I've gotten in trouble for doing that on occasion.

[yardwork]

6. Hi shadow. Thanks for your kind words. I didn't see your earlier post.

I'm sorry that people have called you names. There has been much too much name-calling going on around here and most of it is generated by a small handful of people.

One thing that might help, and I don't mean this as a criticism but as a suggestion, would be for us all to drop the word "community" for a while. There is no "GLBT community" any more than there is a "black community." Both of these designations are much too broad to carry any real meaning. The mere fact that nobody can even agree on an acronym to describe queer folk is a clue. Is it GLBT or LGBT or BTGLQ or LGBTIQ and who are we leaving out today? Some people like the word "gay" and others feel it is exclusive of anybody who is not a male homosexual. Some gay people despise the term "homosexual" while others are appalled by the term "queer."

Among people in this "community" there are people of all colors, religions, creeds, nationalities, political beliefs, hobbies, careers, etc. This "community" includes men and women and people who are transgendered, transsexual, transvestites, and androgynous. It includes people who identify strongly as one sex or another and those who reject the idea of sexual identity entirely and those who believe that there are third and fourth genders that the male-female binary doesn't touch. There was a terrible fight in the LGBT forum here one day about whether or not "furries" are gay. We have the exact same gender issues and class issues and race issues and religion issues and geographic issues as everybody else - because we are the same as everybody else with the single exception of our sexual identity. We are not immune from all the same issues that face everybody else. If one gay person says something that does not mean that it represents some sort of official "gay" position. If one gay organization or group of gay activists says something that does not mean that they represent some sort of official "gay" position. Log Cabin Republicans are gay but they sure as hell don't speak for me. I disagree with lots of things done and said by some of the major gay activist groups, as do many other gay people. And no, there is no official "gay oversight committee" that sets rules or decides what "the gay community" believes today.

"Gay people" (for lack of a better descriptor - see above) don't agree on much of anything as a "group." We are no more a monolithic "community" than any random group of people you might gather by running a random number generator through an online telephone directory.

So it really hurts when we read that "you gays are bigots for calling out black people!" Or "you gays have been so rude to me I'll never support your rights." Or, worst of all, "you gays are all white upperclass snobs who don't care about black people so screw you!"

This is not helpful. I'm not saying that you've said anything like that, but some here have and it's made a bunch of other people really mad, me included, and then I do start posting rude things.

It's just as wrong to broad brush smear the "gay community" as it is to say something bigoted about another group of people.