A homeless friend of mine died this morning...

[Wetzelbill]

This is from my blog. I should also add that he was an Air Force veteran. And also, Obama wrote the Homes For Heroes Act, which was to help homeless veterans get their own place to stay. It's too late for my friend, but I hope Obama and Biden get to work on this right away. It's important. -WB

A homeless friend of mine died this morning....


I know a few homeless people who always hang around the area where I live. Two, in particular, I have known for years. Bill and Tom.

A few months ago I had interviewed Bill for a short documentary I am making. He's a homeless Vietnam vet, and has a gregarious personality. Bill's an interesting, outgoing character. Well he had some health issues and nearly died around that time himself. Bill spent two months in a hospital, and in that time he was able to sober up. It's given him a new lease on life.

Tom was the smaller of the two, a quiet willow of a man, so painfully skinny it was a wonder even a weak wind didn't blow him away. Tom was extremely timid, he relied heavily on Bill to get things done for him. I once had a dream that I killed Tom. That he tried to steal my bike off of my balcony, and as I went to stop him I accidentally knocked him over the railing and he fell down a story and hit the pavement. He lay dying in my arms and asked me to end his suffering so I smothered him to death and said: "You're at peace now, brother."

It was harrowing to me. I jumped out of slumber agitated. It freaked me out. But I knew Tom had a hard life. He was an alcoholic, homeless and living out on the streets. Once my brother Tim saved Tom from freezing to death one night. He gave him blankets and coats and I think I even made some hot coffee or something for him. So in my dream, I knew that Tom was in a better place. I couldn't understand why he tried to steal my bike or even why I smothered him. I just knew he lived an awful life and all of his pain was over. At least in my dream it was.

Well, this morning my friend, Tom, passed away. He was still living on the streets, sleeping on the hard ground and drinking heavily. It was a horrid existence. His close friend Bill went to see him this morning and found him foaming at the mouth, likely already dead. I got the call this afternoon.

As I said earlier, life was hard for Tom. He was so timid, so quiet, he never hurt anybody at all. I couldn't imagine Tom doing anything bad to anybody or anything. He deserved better than he got out of life here on earth, that's for sure. I know in my heart now, he's at peace. I know that Tom doesn't feel any pain anymore. I know that it's time to say goodbye.

So goodbye Tom, you're at peace now, brother.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

1. This made me cry. It's so unfair. nt

[Wetzelbill]

9. it is

He had his demons though, and I think he gave up on life sometime ago. It was just hard for him, you know? At least his suffering is over. We just need to get to work and help those in need, that's what we can work towards now.

[Raschel]

16. And sometimes those in need aren't homeless either.

It may be a neighbor who still looks okay and is on the brink of financial or emotional disaster.

Every kind word or deed we extend can make a difference and give a person another day to hope.

Stories like Tom's touch our hearts and hopefully encourage others to reach out. Thank you.

[Wetzelbill]

27. definitely

I'm glad it touched you.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

20. You're right. There are many others out there in need

I hope Obama inspires us so much that between him and us many things change for the better

[Wetzelbill]

28. I think it will get better

It took a lot of damage to our country, but I think we all know what we have to do now to make it better.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

31. Yes! Thank goodness. nt

[bobbolink]

84. Obama has mentioned NOTHING about homelessness

and the need for low-income housing.

When I say this to Obama fans, all they talk about is the muddleclass "housing crisis".

No, I see no "hope" that things will change any for us homeless folk. There is no DEMAND for it... it's on none of the lists of priorities that I've seen.

It's up to you folk... what are you going to do about it?

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

2. K&R. So Sorry For Your Loss, And So Sorry To Hear He Had It So Rough.

Yes, he is in a better place right now. And yes, let us all hope that Obama and Biden get to work quickly to help as many others out that are in similar situations as possible.

:hug:

[Wetzelbill]

10. thank you

I am going to be more assertive in getting his friend some help. He's homeless too, and is finally clean. So hopefully I can at least help him have a better life.

[w8liftinglady]

3. Thank you for this.

As a member of the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans,I have seen and heard many tragic stories like this.Shame on America for abandoning those who served.Because of the nation's neglect,they retreated into their drug and alcohol-ridden existance.
Bless Tom.I hope he found peace.

[Wetzelbill]

12. your welcome

It's a shame, it truly is. I hate hearing politicians talk about troops like they're props. They wave a flag, but do nothing to help those literally living in the dirt. Today made me sick, seeing a bunch of Republican phonies sending out their statements on Veteran's Day, knowing not one of them ever tried to do anything that would help a person like Tom. It's awful. You're welcome, and thanks for reading.

[Speciesamused]

109. Hear Hear!!!

Well said.

[old mark]

4. I fellow I knew, once a Marine corporal in Vietnam, died a short time

ago. He was an alcoholic, unemployed, living in a basement only because his family supported him. He died of cancer in his early 50's, but I am sure he died of Vietnam. He gave everything that was asked of him, got nothing when he needed help.

I know this is happening with the new returning vets, and they are just the latest numbers on a long list.


mark

[Wetzelbill]

13. I worry about one of my cousins

He served in Iraq and is going to Afghanistan, he was always such sweet little boy. I heard he's so hardened now, and that the political situation with the wars has really gotten to him. I just know we'll have another generation of young men and women needlessly hurt by an unnecessary war.

[panader0]

5. I know a few around here.

Some druggers, some alcoholics or both. They work when they can at Labor Ready, a temp placement, then take their daily earnings and buy vodka and sleep in the trees. Some have tents and sleeping bags, others just bundle up and sleep near Labor Ready. All need dental work. Their fortunes swing back and forth, occasionally finding a roof with a friend. I have had three here at different times in my shed. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. These people need some kind of safety net.

[Wetzelbill]

7. his parents actually live in Sierra Vista

They're going to have his service there. They definitely need a safety net, it's pitiful, nobody should live like that.

[yellerpup]

6. He would have been honored by your remembrance of him.

His suffering is over. His loneliness and fear is gone. My condolences to you and to all others who cared for him. Peace to Tom and to his compassionate friends.

[Wetzelbill]

8. I hope so

The poor guy, he never hurt anybody. His friend Bill is really hurt over it though, he's suffering.

[yellerpup]

17. We have a homeless outreach right on Main St. here in town.

Mostly they make runs into NYC to deliver bag lunches and clean socks (and other men's clothes as needed) and sometimes they even rescue some and bring them back all the way with low stress jobs and a lot of understanding. Most though are so lost they refuse anything more than the most basic, most fleeting kind of help. I know that you would help Bill if he would let you. He may be open to it in the wake of losing Tom. My heart goes out to you and to Bill. Such tragedy. Stay strong.

[cliffordu]

11. The facts and how we can all help:

It's going to get a lot worse in the near future.

http://www.nchv.org/background.cfm

[Wetzelbill]

14. thanks for the info

:)

[htuttle]

15. I lived on the streets for awhile in the late 1980's

I met WAY too many veterans out there.

I made it back in. I doubt any of them did.

R.I.P. Tim (and all the others that I knew myself)

[Raschel]

19. How in the world did you do it? You must be a very strong person.

[htuttle]

24. It's complicated

Choose one or more of the following pat answers:
1) I found a reason to live
2) I got really lucky, in scores of ways.
3) I thought of all of the billions on this planet who were probably even worse off than me. I thought of my ancestors who endured unimaginable hardships. If they could survive, so could I. Even if I was really fucking cold and hungry. And really, really wanted a cigarette.
4) If you decide that God hates you, hate him back. Thrive in spite of him, even if you don't believe in him anymore.
5) All of the above.

I had nowhere near the amount of trauma that a lot of veterans have to deal with. Even so, the problem wasn't really my trauma, it was that once you fall 'out' of society, it's bloody hell getting back in. Who wants to hire someone who doesn't have an address? (Not to mention the hygiene issues, etc...)

Here's an excellent primer:
http://exiledonline.com/tips-for-new-paupers/

I've been working on a book about it for some time...

[cliffordu]

37. "And really, really wanted a cigarette....."

:rofl:

Yeah....That worked for me, too....

[htuttle]

39. Never underestimate the power of petty addictions!

When I sold my blood plasma a few of times, the first thing I liked to buy at the liquor store across the street was a pack of smokes, a can of Pepsi and a bag of chips. Just because I FUCKING COULD!!

:rofl: :cry:

[cliffordu]

41. Yep....yep......Been there. Glad for the wine, too....

Welcome back......

Thinking about Tim.....There for the grace of God...

[Raschel]

44. Thanks. That was a good article.

And not to sound shallow, but great writing.

[Wetzelbill]

34. wow

Well I'm glad you're not there now. That's rough. I know from seeing people like my friends who live on the streets in the neighborhood that it's a tough life. Thank you for the reply.

[stevedeshazer]

18. Sorry to hear that, brother

May all veterans find peace.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[Wetzelbill]

29. you're welcome

Thanks for replying.

[flvegan]

21. No veteran should be homeless, less die on the street.

Sorry for your loss, Wetzelbill.

[Wetzelbill]

30. thank you flvegan

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. I am so sorry. Sorry that he's gone, and sorry that his life wasn't better.

Peace, Tom. :(

[Wetzelbill]

26. thank you for replying

[ihavenobias]

23. K & R, powerful.

[Wetzelbill]

25. thank you

[HCE SuiGeneris]

32. You are a good soul...

sorry that such suffering afflicts so many. May he RIP.

[Wetzelbill]

35. thank you

I hate to see suffering. I feel so bad for his friend right now. He's just shattered.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[Wetzelbill]

36. thank you for your sensitivity Grovelbot

I appreciate it. :)

[cliffordu]

38. it's always about Grovelbot, inn't it???

[Wetzelbill]

43. he's a touch indelicate

:)

[Cid_B]

40. Very tragic

Very sad that those guys made bad decisions that cost them their lives and their happiness. Hope your new clean friend can pull himself out.

[Wetzelbill]

42. I hope so too

He's doing well now, but I'm sure it would be easy to fall back into the old ways again.

[nomorenomore08]

47. "Bad decisions"? You mean, like enlisting in the military? Or wait, they were probably drafted...

:grr:

[Cid_B]

49. I was referring to the drinking and drugs...

[SammyWinstonJack]

56. What?

:wtf:

[SammyWinstonJack]

74. Here's what's sad. That society made the bad decision to abandon these men and millions more like

them. Do you understand that?

[nomorenomore08]

87. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. I just didn't have the guts to say it outright.

But you and bobbolink did it for me, so thanks. :hi:

[SammyWinstonJack]

104. .

:hi:

[bobbolink]

85. Thank you for posting the RW talking points.

You, of course, have NEVER made any 'bad decisions' ... let alone made any mistakes, right?

Congratulations! :toast:

It must be consoling to be so perfect.

[Cid_B]

113. Of course...

Of course I make mistakes. I just haven't made any serious enough or repeated them enough that the consequences entail being homeless. The newly clean friend has made the choice so far to stay away from what is obviously killing him ( and killed his compatriot ) and I wish him the best of luck.

[bobbolink]

122. And that friend is still homeless, ---- or maybe that is something you'd rather ignore.

One of these days you'll break your arm patting yourself on the back...

Oh, and BTW, rich people make the same mistakes... it's martinis instead of cheap wine, and cocaine instead of crack, etc. You and they just have more money to bail themselves out of the problems. Then they claim to be better people. That's the RW way of life... no matter what they do, they're always better.

Until they have a big fall... like Ted Haggard, et al..... the list goes on.

That's what colossal ego and the sense of superiority does. Welcome to that club.

[Raksha]

45. That is so heartbreaking...

I was friends with a homeless man too, years ago when I still had the house I lost to foreclosure. I like to believe I helped him get off the streets, because I let him sleep in my backyard for a week or so. It was just that much easier than the streets that I think it gave him the courage to finally contact his family after 17 years. They were overjoyed because they believed he was dead. There's much, much more to it than that, but I don't know if I want to tell the whole story now. Maybe another time.

[Wetzelbill]

46. that was nice of you

Yes I'd like to hear it sometime.

[Raksha]

82. I don't have time to say any more about it now,

but I just recommended this thread (something I forgot to do last night) so that will have to do for now.

I can tell you that his name was Isaac, but I never did figure out whether he was Israeli or Palestinian. He was deliberately evasive on that score. He was born in Jerusalem and grew up in Bethlehem, and he claimed to be a Palestinian Christian...sometimes. Other times he would tell me that his mother told him never to admit to being Jewish, which being Jewish myself I tend to believe. He never really volunteered anything about his background. Most of it I figured out on my own through our shared cultural world-view, tiny little clues that might not mean anything to an outsider. I have NEVER met another homeless person before or since with a Semitic background, which is not to say they don't exist. But what specific type of Semitic...I'm still not sure to this day.

But Isaac was also an alcoholic like your friends Bill and Tom. He told me that when he was a child, his father or uncle would send him to a local bar to bring him home a beer (or was it arak, maybe?), and he'd take a sip of it on his way home. He was hooked, right then and there in his childhood or early teens, which makes me believe the tendency to alcoholism ran in his family.

You see that when I get started on this I can't seem to stop writing about it, which is why I was reluctant to go there at all. I knew this would happen. Yes, someday I'd love to tell you and everyone the whole story.

[shireen]

48. i am very sorry for your loss

it's so wrong. heartbreaking.
:hug:

[Wetzelbill]

58. thanks for replying.

:)

[enigmatic]

50. I'm sorry, Bill

:hug:

[Wetzelbill]

59. Thanks enigmatic

To tell you the truth, I am sad, but I am way more worried about his homeless friend Bill, he's absolutely crushed, the poor guy.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

51. Rest well Tom.

Peaceful and painless.

Vibes for you Wetzelbill, and for Tom's spirit.


:hug: :cry: :loveya:

[Wetzelbill]

60. thank you

:)

[I Have A Dream]

52. I'm going to make a donation to a homeless shelter in his name.

Shelters aren't a long-term solution, but they're at least one thing that's available to homeless people until we as a civilization decide to finally end this type of tragic situation once and for all.

RIP, Tom. :patriot:

:cry:

I'm sorry that you lost a friend, Wetzelbill. :hug:

[Wetzelbill]

61. That's wonderful!

I appreciate that, so much. His full name is Tom Dalmer. That's great of you. :)

[I Have A Dream]

126. Done.

:hug:

[bobbolink]

123. That's beautiful. Then I hope you will call and write to make National Housing Trust Fund Bill a

reality, and push to get more low-income housing in other ways!

It would have helped Tom, and will help so many others like him!

[I Have A Dream]

127. Yes, I agree that these issues are really important, bobbolink.

Nobody should be homeless, and nobody should be hungry. There's no excuse for it. x(

[bobbolink]

129. No, there's no excuse at all.

I appreciate your concern. It's not a "sexy" issue, and there are few of us who see the importance of this.

:pals:

[Wetzelbill]

138. you know why it isn't a "sexy" issue

It's because after decades of RW attacks on any humane policy as being "socialism" or "Marxism" or just being plain demonized, people have learned to either not care or to avoid these issues altogether. Any attempt to take even the smallest step in the right direction is viewed as giving money to people who sit around and don't deserve it, or deadbeats etc etc etc.

The Right has so poisoned the debate and demonized the middle class and impoverished that we can't even take care of homeless people who suffer in the dirt every single day. It's horrible. Maybe these people made bad decisions, and maybe they just never had a family support structure. Maybe it could be a million things, alcoholism, mental illness etc. Does that mean we should dehumanize them and allow them to suffer? No, it doesn't. We're ingrained to look at homeless people as if they were lazy or something too. I know that many try to get back into society. It's tough to get hired when you have no clothes or have bad hygiene. It's tough to get a job when you don't have a phone or address. It's hard to stay off of drugs and alcohol when you have no place to go to get away from that life. It's tragic. Few lawmakers care, and the ones who do get attacked for being some kind of nutty whacko who, :: gasp :: wants to help people who live in horrible conditions and suffer greatly. Heaven forbid we care, you know?

[bobbolink]

144. There are *MANY* reasons why poverty and homelessness are ignored by "progressives"

What you state is one of many reasons...

HOWEVER, giving that as a "reason" (and some would say "excuse") doesn't do anything change the situation.

Your friend died because of these very same prejudices that have been allowed to stand. Where do we go from here? Allowing it to continue, and deciding that letting the RW set the agenda is costing lives, and REFUSE TO ALLOW IT?

And you're absolutely right... those who want to help, try to create understanding and are activists to change the situation get attacked.. and that happens right here on DU, as well as other "progressive" venues.

The question SHOULD be, what are we going to do about it now?

Where do we start? Do we just accept the judgment, shrug our shoulders and walk on, listening only to the issues that are more comfortable?

Why isn't there some strategery on this ONE issue?

[WillieW]

53. I am so sorry - my condolences.

[Wetzelbill]

62. thanks for you words

[NanceGreggs]

54. I'm so sorry for your loss, my friend ...

Goodbye, Tom.

[Wetzelbill]

63. Thanks Nance

I appreciate it. :)

[yardwork]

55. Heartbreaking.

I'm so sorry.

Why does this country spend hundreds of billions to go to war and bail out incompetents and ignore the suffering of our people?

[Wetzelbill]

64. that's a great question

We like to send people to war, but not do anything for them otherwise, it's tragic. Thank you for replying.

[bobbolink]

159. $700 billion for the corporations... but we can't afford Low-Income Housing??

When are we "progressives" going to DEMAND it?

[closeupready]

57. Sorry to hear this.

Sending hugs and warm thoughts your way. :hug:

[Wetzelbill]

65. Thank you

[Kajsa]

66. I'm so sorry, Wetzelbill.

:( :cry:

[Wetzelbill]

69. well I just keep thinking

that he is in a better place. His friend Bill is really hurting, the poor guy. So is my brother, who is closer to them than I am. Thanks for the words.

[CraftyGal]

67. Rest in Peace Tom!

You've earned it. (Playing "Taps") It is for the men and women like this we need to remember the sacrifices that they made to serve our countries. At a time when we are all but losing interest in Remembrance Day (Canada) and Veteran's Day (US). It has become just another day to shop, to take off from work, etc.

CraftyGal

[Wetzelbill]

70. it's so trivial, I feel

and trite to release a statement about supporting veterans etc. Yesterday it just made me sick to see a bunch of clowns who consistently vote against helping veteran's out releasing statements and waving the flag. None of them would have given a person like Tom the time of day. Thanks for replying.

[JuniperLea]

68. I'm sorry for your loss, Bill...

RIP Tom.

There are countries in this world where there is little to no homelessness because people have a heart and governments actually care for their citizenry. We need to get our people past the thought that socialism is a bad thing so we can help our rapidly increasing homeless population. I drive through the east side of downtown LA every day on the way to work, and I see literally hundreds of homeless people. There is one lady who sleeps across the street from the Greyhound bus station. She wears a very large t-shirt, and another as a skirt. She is always barefoot, and her feet look like leather. Once in a while, if she is up and around when I pass through, I stop and give her the half cup of coffee I have at that point. Last night I gave her a little piece of chocolate. These simple things make her cry. I wish I could do more. But if we all did a simple thing like this every day, maybe we'd make a difference.

Tom is in a better place, but more importantly, he had a friend like you, Bill.

[Wetzelbill]

71. thanks for sharing that

Thanks for replying too. :)

[redqueen]

72. Aw

:cry:

[Wetzelbill]

73. .

:hug:

[racaulk]

75. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, WB.

Life can be just so fucking hard and unfair to far too many people. I'm sorry that most of the things many of us take for granted were elusive to your friend in this life.

RIP, Tom. Be at peace.

:(

[Wetzelbill]

76. Thank you very much

[eagertolearn]

77. It was nice you saw him as a person and not just a street person.

My brother died on the streets (actually he was in the hospital) almost two years ago at age 44 and he just couldn't deal with the rules of modern society. It started with the accidental death of our sister in high school (she was in between us in age) and he never seemed to recover from that. He also really struggled with learning disabilities in school and dropped out soon after our sisters death when he was 14. He tried the military but was never able to follow authority (they let him out after basic training). He just didn't want to have to follow any rules but he was the nicest guy. He would literally give you the shirt off his back. I would take my kids to see him every year and buy him clothes for the winter (and food) and we would head back to his "camp" (bushes by the freeway or railroad tracks) and he would hand out the clothes to his friends. He said he just needed one of everything. His homeless group was the one in Santa Barbara known as just the drinkers (there was actually a study done about all the different groups) and not involved with other drugs. He drank himself to death though and no matter how hard we tried we couldn't reach him. It's just about killed my dad who is still alive but I think has heart failure because of my brothers death. My brother had so many people who tried to "save" him including his family (my kids even wrote him notes has they were growing up saying how much they loved him and wished he would stop drinking). Tom was probably someone's son and brother and maybe even someone's father and for some reason he ended up dieing alone. There so many things I wish can be changed. My brother spent a lot of time in jail because drinking in public was illegal. If some of the money was spent on mandatory rehab instead of hundreds of days in jail or a total of 33 days in the ICU (3 1/2 different visits just in the last two years of his life) maybe he could of had a chance. The least we can do is supply a place for them to sleep (he refused the church ran ones because he hated religion and couldn't drink there) and maybe medications and rehab. In Norway they just take care of these people. They try and help them and get them trained for a job but if nothing works they take care of them anyway. Seems more humane. We have gotten so used to seeing the homeless, as a society, that we think, on some level, that is okay for these people to be living like this. But deep down we know that this is just not okay.

[renate]

80. your brother sounds like a sweet guy

I'm so sorry. It must be so painful for you to have lost both him and your sister--her suddenly and him after years of seeing him struggle. I'm sure it meant a lot to him to have your kids' love as well as yours, and to know that someone was thinking about him... and his street family must have loved him too. Still, so difficult.... :hug:

[eagertolearn]

83. Thanks. It has been hard but I am raising three wonder kids

who want to go out and help fix the world. I couldn't help my brother but maybe they can go out to help the underserved (my girls want to be lawyers but I don't know if this is the right path). I do what I can. We don't have "homeless" homeless here but we have a lot of families in need and we have always helped. If everyone can reach out to someone in need there wouldn't be as many people in need. For some people like Tom and my brother it may just be giving warm blankets and a meal on a cold night like this poster did. Never give them money though.

[Wetzelbill]

91. thanks for sharing that

and for reading and replying to my post.

Your brother sounds like a wonderful person. Sometimes it's hard to help someone who is homeless, because they often don't want help or at least think they don't, or because of their addictions they aren't able to follow through on certain things they should do. I think Tom's parents tried to help him, I'm not totally sure about that, but I know they are still alive and he had some contact with them. My brother was the one who opened my eyes to Bill and Tom, he befriended them and I grew to like them too.

[eagertolearn]

111. From my experience most family let go because it just hurts too much.

Our mother, who lived only 4 hours away from him, refused to see him the last 8 years. I told my brother, when he was in his 30's, that I felt myself starting to pull away emotionally as a protection mechanism because it hurt me so much to see him suffer. He responded "we each have to do what we have to do". I never pulled away though and cried and cried each time I saw him and each time he was in the hospital and almost died. The last time I saw him was for a week after his 3rd time almost dying in the hospital. We arrived in town and my dad informed me that he was in the hospital (I had been taking my exchange student and three kids on a trip around CA and my dad didn't want to bother us). We went right there and the nurse said he just came out of a coma that day. He knew all of us and even knew our exchange students name who he had never met. By the end of the week we got him over to the beach to sit in a chair for an hour. He could hardly walk and wanted so badly to swim with the kids like he used to but couldn't. I helped him sign DNR (do not resuscitate) papers left by the home health nurse (I'm a nurse and knew he did not want to got through another 10 days in the ICU) while I was there. He actually gave "not drinking" a try for the next three months. He was given a bed at a Hospice and tried it. Our dad was checking on him all the time getting him out for trips etc. But he missed his friends so eventually gave up the bed to go back to the streets. The sad part was that street friends move on when they see you are almost at the end. They know that they will be next and it's too hard to see the reality. I did find some of his old friends at Thanksgiving last year when we went home to remember my brother. They recognized us and came up to say hi. We'll look for them this year when we go home again for Thanksgiving again. My dad always brings them food on the day after and they so very appreciated anything. Maybe thats something we can all do.

[bobbolink]

124. That's your personal experience. Some people end up homeless because they NEVER had family support

NOT because they did something "wrong", but because they never had that support and caring which forms a sense of personal worth.

[eagertolearn]

141. I've already written about this but I'm not saying my brother had support while growing up.

We grew up in a typical dysfunctional CA family. Too many divorces and way too many moves (many times inbetween parents depending on the situation). I survived it but my brother and sister did not. There's not very many families that are actually "dream" families and in my own town here I've seen adults who you would not think should have kids but those kids still love their parents (and the parents love them too) whether they are good parent or not. But the person supplying the sense of self worth to that kid doesn't always have to be the parent. My parents were not good a parenting but I had certain people who I looked up to who I some how used as examples. I personally feel too many people are stuck feeling sorry for themselves without realizing what an anchor that is to getting anywhere. My brother used his upbringing and our sisters death (and many other things that happened to him) as a crutch. There is not a day that goes by where I am not thinking about how I can help other kids. What was the difference in me surviving and my siblings not? It has to do with those few adults paths I crossed who let me know they cared.

[bobbolink]

142. Ah, yes... blame the victim. It's such a good RW talking point.

Walk in my shoes, buddy, and see what you say then.

I'm so sick of this... from "progressives".

Same old RW stuff, clothed in fake "compassion".

"There but for the grace of God go I", which we don't hear anymore. Just like Al Franken, when it's YOU, then talk about it, and have the grace to apologize for your judgements.

I have no doubt you will continue to defend your judgements, and I have NO patience left to deal with this RW shit.

so, bye... have your ugly last word...

[eagertolearn]

145. You said it yourself "Victim". That is the problem. Too many people

see themselves as the "victim" instead of looking at it as a hurdle to figure out how to get over. Some do not have the ability to find a way to get over that hurdle. Some will keep trying until they get over that hurdle. The secret is what gives that second person the ability to get over that hurdle? Right wing I'm not, by the way, I'm about as left as they come. I'm for finding and supplying the tools to help all people get over the hurdle themselves (this is what builds self esteem) and for taking care of those who can't get over the hurdle for what ever reason.

[bobbolink]

146. So, you become a victim of a crime... you didn't "ask" for it.. but it happened to you.

So, being a victim is "BAD", and now you're one.

Too bad for you.

[eagertolearn]

148. I'm not sure where you are going with this but I have been a victim many

times in many ways. I didn't say that being a victim makes you bad. It's not easy to get over being abused (whether physical or emotionally) as a kid and many times people need major help working through this. You can stay angry because something bad happened to you or you can go get help to work through it. Or like I did, in my late teens, where I read every self help book I could get my hands on to try and find a meaning to life.

[bobbolink]

150. Oh, come on. You used "VICTIM" as a perjorative, and you know it.

What's missing from your responses is any sense of COMPASSION.

"I did it, so can you." The typical Oprah and RW response. Totally devoid of any kind of compassion, which is the only thing that leads to understanding.

All you can say is "work harder", the typical RW response.

You have all sorts of prescriptions for others, so I have one for you.... Learn to listen to others. There are many books on it, but the best one is the oldie "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Dr. Thomas Gordon. His chapter on Active Listening is just for you.

Try it.

Using a thread about the death of a homeless friend to call homeless people "victims" in a perjorative way is.... well, insensitive to say the least.

You want others to get "help", it's time for you to do the same. I gave you a great suggestion... follow up on it.

[trashcanistanista]

78. I'm very sorry for your grief today.

You have my condolences.

[Wetzelbill]

92. Thank you very much

[Dystopian]

79. Wetzelbill...

So very sorry that your lost your friend, Tom. You're a beautiful soul..befriending him and giving of yourself. There should be more like you, and more help from our government. I am so touched and saddened by your story, yet thank you for sharing Tom with us....We are all as one...
RIP Tom...


Peace, Wetzelbill...thank you for being you.

[Wetzelbill]

95. you're welcome

and thank you too. I really honestly have to say it was my younger brother who befriended them, he was much closer to Bill and Tom than I am. But I liked both of them, tried to give them some change, something to eat or drink from time to time. I'd let them come up and sit up my balcony until management said people were complaining about homeless people around here. I'd let them inside from time to time. I really haven't seen them around alot this year. I was doing a documentary on Bill, a short one, and he got sick and nearly died too. He's really hurting about it right now. I let him stay last night. Thanks again.

[renate]

81. the story of his life and death makes my heart ache

He sounds so gentle. I'm sorry his life was so hard and that even his death was not as easy or comfortable as it should have been. I'm glad he had your friendship and the friendship of others, but there's no real bright side here, is there, other than the fact that he's at peace now. Which I suppose is a good thing, bittersweet as it is.
:hug: RIP, Tom.

[Wetzelbill]

97. it is a good thing in a way

because he did have such a hard life. He seemed to give up on life a long time ago, the poor guy. He was a very kind and quiet man, never would hurt a soul. I take solace knowing he's at peace.

[bobbolink]

86. Rest in peace, Tom.

:cry:

Thank you for this wonderful story, Wetzilbill!

Every death is a loss, but these are the deaths that are mostly ignored.



I must pick one bone with you, though... it's not just about homeless veterans, although that may be your focus.

ALL HOMELESS PEOPLE NEED HOMES!

When we pull out one group at the expense of others, we are giving "them" the ability to ignore us all.

We really are ALL in this together.

[Wetzelbill]

90. oh yes, that a legit point

I wrote this and pointed that out because he was a homeless veteran who died on Veteran's Day, when all the flag wavers were out making trite statements and pretending that they actually care about people like him.

Thanks for replying. :)

[bobbolink]

105. Very understandable!

Of course Vets are important, and it's a scandal to leave them abandoned on streets. :patriot:

Shame on our country!

Thanks for understanding! :pals:

I haven't served in the military, or done anything outstanding, but I like to think that I'm valuable anyway, and not deserving of living in my car!

[malaise]

88. How sad

And yes he's finally at peace. :cry:

[Wetzelbill]

93. yes I believe that too

I feel sad about Tom, but I know his pain is over at least. His friend is absolutely crushed though. They only had each other, it's heartbreaking. Thanks for replying.

[shadowknows69]

89. So sorry Wetzelbill

Sleep in peace Tom.

[Wetzelbill]

96. thank you

I appreciate it.

[Lyric]

94. Wetzelbill--if you haven't seen this yet, I recommend it.

And keep your tissue box handy. This is from "The West Wing"--Toby and Mrs. Landingham attend the funeral of a homeless Korean War vet. Toby had managed to arrange this funeral for him and burial at Arlington after finding out the the veteran died alone on a park bench near the Korean War Memorial, while wearing a coat that Toby had previously donated to Good Will, which had Toby's name inside on a business card. Metro Police had contacted Toby, thinking he might be a relative, which is how he got involved. The vet had no family, save for one mentally-disabled brother who was also homeless.

This episode really spotlights the tragedy of the way this nation has let down its veterans.

:cry:

In Excelsis Deo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXlPSXuJFDQ

I'm so sorry you lost your friend.

:hug:

[Wetzelbill]

99. oh yeah, I remember that

Thank you for the link and thanks for the reply. :)

[bobbolink]

125. I had forgotten about that episode. That was great....

..and so rare.

Homelessness is forgotten in most media, and that includes the "progressive" media.

I hope that episode made some people THINK.

[babylonsister]

98. So very sad, Bill, and my sympathies on the loss of your friend.

Sadly, we're in the process of creating a whole new crop of homeless vets. I also hope and pray Obama and Biden can put an end to this. :cry:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=4438116

[Wetzelbill]

100. thank you very much

And for the link as well.

[bigtree]

101. this is so very sad. thanks for sharing this

it's a national shame

[Wetzelbill]

102. you're welcome

And thanks for your advocacy for soldiers and all of your work on these issues. You provide a great many links on your page that are very useful.

[lonestarnot]

103. Oh man. You just touched my rock hard heart damn you.

:cry:

[Wetzelbill]

108. .

:hug:

[newamericanpatriot]

106. Hmmmm.....

Call me naive, but it seems to me that if he was truly your friend, you would've helped him to NOT be homeless....

[Wetzelbill]

107. I did

try to help him and his friend, it's not easy to help people who have demons like that, especially since I'm not in a professional position to help them and have my own life and issues to deal with on a day to day basis. But I wouldn't call you naive, just an asshole. That's awful, you're a horrible person, don't reply back.

[Name removed]

114. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[JanMichael]

139. of course you don't think

you are an asshole. Most assholes think of themselves as pretty nice folks.

Reread what you just wrote to a complete stranger on the internet who is dealing with the death of a person he knew.

Then go look in the mirror. There. Now you have at least a mental image to assist you with your updated version of what an asshole looks like.

[eagertolearn]

117. You can't help people who are not willing to help themselves.

There seems to be a point of no return for many in this group. Many are on the path of self destruct. They need to be reached way before they reach this point. Some are never reachable but they still need to be taken care of. I hope we can learn to do something more humane like Norway who tries rehab and retraining and if that doesn't work they give these people a place to live so they can get their medications and food. I think it actually starts way back in school with learning disabilities and lack of self esteem (which also cames from a dysfunctional up bringing, abuse etc) stemming from this. We need to look at the whole picture. In the mean time a warm jacket or blanket (and other clothes), a food card, a shower card a smile and conversation means more than you can imagine to these people. My brother (see story above somewhere)was given many jobs and had so much support from people who tried to "save" him but when ever he looked like he was doing well he would bottom out once again and choose the streets over a place to live and a job. It is very hard to understand but usually involves mental illness. We have so far to go in this area. Not all homeless are in this group like my brother. There are many people now living this way because of the economy and really want a job to get out of this situation.

[grantcart]

110. Tom was lucky to have you as a friend

[Wetzelbill]

131. thank you grantcart

Honestly, as I said before, my younger brother was much closer to them, he was the one who helped me see them differently. I'm glad he did.

[bobbolink]

152. I want to second that emotion....

It's not very often that people will take the time and effort to get to know someone who others reject... The Other.

In a local paper, a columnist, Tina Griego, wrote a column about a death very similar to this. I wish I had saved it...I've been looking for it, because I think it will be of interest to you.

Again, thank you for your compassion!

[Wetzelbill]

154. thank you bobbolink

That means a lot to me that you think that of me.

[AZBlue]

112. I'm so sorry.

Rest in peace, Tom - and in warmth and comfort, full with good food and feeling safe. I only wish you could have found that in this life too.

[Wetzelbill]

132. thank you

[newamericanpatriot]

115. truth is....

Somebody's either your friend or they're homeless. The two words should be mutually exclusive.

If you feel shitty about my telling you this, it's internal issues YOU need to work, not something to attack me over.

Sure, I'm angry a homeless man died. It makes me sad, frustrated and angry.

But you're either paying lip service to being the man's "friend" or you just don't value your friends enough to look out for them.

Deal.

[Name removed]

116. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[eagertolearn]

118. You've obviously never been around someone like Tom.

Go out to a homeless camp and talk to them. Invite them into your house feed them and give them a job. They may empty out your liquor cabinet and one day you'll come home and all their friends will be helping themselves to your food and drinks. A few may be helping themselves to your stuff too. It's not "stealing" to them they always share everything they have. The mindset is completely different. I thought about going to get my brother from CA and bringing him up here to this small town in Oregon so I could "save him". But I knew I couldn't do that to my husband or family or friends. I've watched him take advantage of situations before and burn many bridges (our mom and our dad being two- but my dad never gave up) almost like to feed his lack of self esteem (drink more alcohol to take away more failures). I don't know Tom and Bill's stories but I know my brothers and many of his friends and this is not the group you can reach to "save". But there are many more out there that can be helped to stay off the streets by giving them jobs and shelter so they can do their jobs. The Bill's and Tom's and James's do need a shelter, food and medications though. Before you make comments like this go out and check it out yourself. When my brother was alive you don't know how much these simple gestures meant to him. A jacket, mittens and fresh socks and especially a hot meal were like he had been given a million dollars. You just don't get it.

[Wetzelbill]

130. they haven't that is obvious

I used to let them in my apartment, but I got in trouble for it with the apt complex. Especially when they would try to show up late or early, because we have a noise curfew here. I can't get kicked out and become homeless myself, you know? What good would that do. And one them had hygiene so bad, that I couldn't let him in. He'd literally shit himself, and want to come in and sit on my couch and chairs without changing. You can't have that, it's not healthy. And if you gave him clean clothes it was a battle to get him to even wear them, so even when he had another pair of pants he'd want to come in and sit down with his soiled ones. It's just not easy dealing with things like that.

But I also have little money, was I supposed to buy them their own house or apartment? I can barely afford my own. Am I supposed to give them a ride somewhere when I don't even have a car? The poster is just ridiculous and hateful, I put them on ignore. I gave them information on how to get on different housing programs. Said they could use my phone to call, or if they needed a packet mailed to them, they could send it to my place. I'd give them a few bucks if I had it. Some food if I had it, or something to drink. I'd give them a dollar to ride the bus to a housing appointment if they had needed it. I looked up one of their family's numbers for them, said they could use my phone. Short of going out and grabbing two grown men - and I never really knew where they stayed at night and didn't see them often for months at a time- and dragging them into a shelter or a Section 8 office, what was I supposed to do? It's almost impossible to make somebody do something they don't want to do, or are not capable of following through on.

[eagertolearn]

147. Thats wonderful what you did and I'm sure it was appreciated.

Having a place for family to contact them and for them to call to find out about their loved oned on the street is very helpful. My dad was that place for many of my brothers friends ( and I believe he is still serving that purpose). There are so many people who can't handle their family member living on the streets but still love them and want to know how they are doing and to be able to send them stuff. I know this may sound weird to people but you can't force someone off the streets. The way you described those you tried to help is excactly how my brother and his friends were. One time when I went to get him some new shoes, because he said the ones he had on were a little small, I started to cry when he took his shoes off and his feet were all bloody and the socks rotten and stuck on his feet. Being a nurse I thought I had seen it all but seeing this on my own brother was heart wrenching. My oldest daughter, who was 11 at the time, saw my reaction and took over the conversation with him so I could pull myself together. He actually inherited $10,000 once from his godfather (who hoped this would help him to get his life together). He put that $ down on a very small house so that all his street friends could have a place to live. I'm not sure what his plan was but to make the payments certain people getting government checks were going to pitch in for the monthly payments. What ended up happening was that it was the place everyone went to drink themselves into oblivion and the police would arrive many times finding people passed out all over the place. They never had money to pay the monthly payments (those people who had the checks chose to use it to buy alcohol) so after about three months they were all evicted. I don't know what the answer is. But this is not all homeless people. This is just one group of them... the one I had 25 years experience with.

[bobbolink]

156. You have been VERY generous! More generous than people who have so much more!

"But I also have little money, was I supposed to buy them their own house or apartment? "

Of course not!

The point is, homelessness isn't something that can be changed by CHARITY! It demands SYSTEMIC CHANGE, and maybe that's what you can look into now.

You have been more than personally generous.. and you know, of course, that you are right... there is only so much you can do one-to-one, although you have given more than the rich people I know!

I'd really like to encourage you to work on projects that will bring about what is most desperately needed... More Low-Income Housing! You can't do that alone... and it's high time we made this a priority!

Please tell me this is of interest to you... :hi:

Again, I thank you for your giving and caring spirit.

When I think of that song, "Let There Be Peace, And Let It Begin With Me", I can now put your "picture" with it... because you are CREATING PEACE.

And I'm grateful to you for that.

:pals:

[I Have A Dream]

128. You don't know Wetzelbill, so back off.

If you were familiar with his posts, you'd know that he does care, and he does make a difference where he can.

:thumbsdown:

[Wetzelbill]

133. it's best to ignore that sort of thing

If this person cared so much they wouldn't be on a message board and instead would be out rounding up homeless people and taking them to shelters and getting them homes. Because it's so easy and all.

[CC]

119. My sympathies to you and all that cared

about Tom. Remember that you gave Tom something that many people don't or won't, you saw him and befriended him. :hug:



Ignore the asses that try to say you didn't do anything or enough. They are obviously the type that would look right through the homeless and no way they would befriend someone that was homeless. You can tell because they just don't get it.

[Wetzelbill]

134. thank you very much

I appreciate it.

[siligut]

120. Time for us to remember to give what we can.

Your powerful story is a memorial. I long for a time when people like Tom have a chance. I come from the mindset that early life has a lasting effect on the rest of our lives. At least he had some positives, you, Bill and Tim, in an otherwise tormented life.

[eagertolearn]

121. I totally agree! We need to intervene in childhood as much as we can. n/t

[Wetzelbill]

135. I agree

Thank you for replying.

[bobbolink]

157. Giving of ourselves, yes. But then reaching beyond charity to JUSTICE!

The personal touch is always so welcome, because we homeless people need to know that we matter, and that's we're valuable as people.

BUT... charity itself isn't the answer, and never will be.

The PROGRESSIVE answer is JUSTICE!

That's where we must push the next adminstration!

[Name removed]

136. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[MrsBrady]

137. i hate alcoholism - it's a horrible disease and i wish it were easier for

people to get the medical help they need to at least get dry.
can't get sober if you can't get dry.

I'm so sorry for your loss. At least now he won't HAVE to have a drink.

*hugs*

[Wetzelbill]

140. thank you

Yes, I am not totally sure what Tom's story was, he was so quiet, I don't know much about him personally. But I know his friend, Bill, had a pretty good career and life, a wife and daughter, and he was hit by a car, that ran a red light or a stop sign, while crossing the street. He ended up in the hospital for several weeks and had to go through all kinds of therapy, and in the midst of it all, he became hooked on painkillers. After that he started staying with a friend and started spending more and more time on the street. It started off he'd sleep out every once in a while, then more and more he just eased into street life until he was a totally homeless addict and alcoholic. They all have reasons for it, sometimes I think it could just as easily be myself or somebody I know who ends up like that. If I was hit by a car tomorrow and became addicted to pills, who is to say I wouldn't end up the same way? It's tough to escape those demons.

[Name removed]

143. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[newamericanpatriot]

149. right....

Yeah, Bill.

"Your" loss.

And everything's all better now that you posted about it on a BLOG (instead of helping his friend who's STILL apparently out there).

My hero.

[Raksha]

151. That's a pretty cold thing to say!

How do you know what Wetzelbill is or isn't doing to help Tom's friend Bill? I bet he's doing everything he possibly can.

Besides, someone upthread was inspired to donate to a homeless shelter in Tom's name, so that's ONE concrete thing that got accomplished as a result of this thread. There are also the hundreds of "random acts of kindness" you don't know about and will never know about. Someone gives a homeless man a dollar instead of a quarter, or instead of nothing.

I just don't understand this all-or-nothing attitude when it comes to charity. If you aren't a saint, if you aren't willing to literally give a person the coat off your back, you're supposed to do nothing, and SAY nothing??? WTF???

[bobbolink]

153. Sadly, this attitude towards poverty and homelessness is more common among

"progressives" than you'd think.

It's all very sad.....

[Wetzelbill]

155. I have that person on ignore so I don't know what they said

But I have tried to help Bill, and Tom, sign up for housing programs before. I looked up info and gave them numbers, offered my phone and mailbox too. I'd give them the info and wouldn't see them for months on end, I don't really know where they'd stay. Bill was here a few weeks ago, I gave him the proper info, and now that he's sober, he was able to follow through on it. He wasn't able to get into a program yet, but I'm going to see what else I can come up with.

And I haven't given him the coat off my back, but I have given him different things over the years. A month or two ago, I gave him a few shirts, stuff that I actually liked and wore, and, honestly, I don't have much myself, but he asked if I had something and I did. I certainly have more than he does. I'm not perfect or a saint or anything like that, but I am basically a good guy and I care. Thank you for noticing that.

[Kurovski]

158. I'm very sorry, my Friend.

We can see the possibility for change in these matters, when we see how Obama understands veterans and what the country owes to them .

Tammy Duckworth has done a great deal in Illinois to change the habit of neglect we see in the VA. There's a new surge of activism in the military around demanding care for veterans. The days of the "suck it up" and "hang tough" attitudes are now seen for what they actuallly are, vehicles of neglect and budget cuts.

I trust he'll be taking her to Washington.

Condolences, WB. :hug:

[mdmc]

160. God bless