Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

[BurtWorm]

DAYTON, TN—A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of Charles Darwin—author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern evolutionary movement—made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.

"I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said Darlene Freiberg, one among a growing crowd assembled here to see the mysterious stain, which appeared last Monday on one side of the Rhea County Courthouse. The building was also the location of the famed "Scopes Monkey Trial" and is widely considered one of Darwinism's holiest sites. "Forgive me, O Charles, for ever doubting your Divine Evolution. After seeing this miracle of limestone pigmentation with my own eyes, my faith in empirical reasoning will never again be tested."

Added Freiberg, "Behold the power and glory of the scientific method!"

Since witnesses first reported the unexplained marking—which appears to resemble a 19th-century male figure with a high forehead and large beard—this normally quiet town has become a hotbed of biological zealotry. Thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Berkeley's paleoanthropology department have flocked to the site to lay wreaths of flowers, light devotional candles, read aloud from Darwin's works, and otherwise pay homage to the mysterious blue-green stain.

Capitalizing on the influx of empirical believers, street vendors have sprung up across Dayton, selling evolutionary relics and artwork to the thousands of pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the image. Available for sale are everything from small wooden shards alleged to be fragments of the "One True Beagle"—the research vessel on which Darwin made his legendary voyage to the Galapagos Islands—to lecture notes purportedly touched by English evolutionist Alfred Russel Wallace.

...

[Alter Ego]

1. Hahahahaha.

Oh that's very clever. I love the Onion.

[SidDithers]

2. Brilliant. Thanks for posting...

Though I still prefer the Jesus on Toast. There's money to be made fleecing the gullible :)



Sid

[yellowcanine]

7. Personally the Virgin Mary in the cat litter box was my fave. Sorry no link.

A while back it was up on EBay. I don't know if it sold. It was a pick up only, no delivery.

[benld74]

3. Man I'd LOVE to work for the Onion!

[stray cat]

4. Can most Americans explain the theory and evidence for evolution in any detail?

Or is it accepted on faith with little scientific understanding? I worry that most Americans and people in general don't understand the science or evidence about much that they claim to believe.

[Dogtown]

5. How droll!

'evolution' = 'faith'


Make that up all by yourself?

[BurtWorm]

6. According to the polls, most Americans don't believe in evolution or science.

I worry more about that. On the other hand, I have a feeling most Americans have only a casual interest in the subject of human origins and they view it, as they view most controversies, as a political question.

[rurallib]

8. most Americans more concerned by American Idol than anything else.

[TexasObserver]

9. Bogus argument. Can most Americans explain the theory and evidence for X rays in any detail?

Or how the engine of their car works.

Or how electricity is created and comes through wires into their homes.

Or how to work a simple problem in physics.

Ignorance of how the theory works is not required to make a determination that the theory sounds more rational and reasonable than do its alternatives. Besides, evolution is an observable fact, for those who do understand it.

[Lumpsum]

10. Evolution is not a theory, or a matter of faith.

It is HOW evolution takes place that is debated and theorized. IE - Natural selection, et al.