Lawyers, I need your advice.

[gkdmaths]

So, my problem is humorous, Im sure you'll agree; at the same time it is dire. I am a scientist, not a lawyer; but I have common sense.

I have an ex girlfriend of 10 years whom I terminated my relationship with in February. We are friends and I am fulfilling my duties, extraneous to this conversation.

She has a brother who has always alienated and abandoned us and the rest of the family. He and I were friends before his sister and I got together. He and I were not friends after we got together, this is beyond the point, though.

The facts: My ex girlfriends father passed away from cancer the year before we got together.
My ex girlfriend has severe and demonstrable obsessive compulsive disorder that dominates the decisions she makes, but she is recovering and making progress currently. I left her because I realized that I was more of a facultative enabler than anything else and she needed to learn how to stand on her own two feet. Since we've parted, she's made significant strides and I am proud of her! Only her mother knows that she's got OCD, not her brother. These are her wishes and I respect them. Her brother also doesn't know that we have split up. This is also her wish and I respect it.

I got an email from her brother last week asking to "talk". I told him that he could email me, but he wanted to chat on the phone. I don't have a phone and our conversation ended. He emailed me again tonight saying that he's suing his sister for some property she has that their father left "him" when their father died. I have no idea what it could be, but he said it's worth was such that it constitutes felony theft and that I'd be involved by default (not knowing that we're not together anymore).

I'm most concerned with her recovery and the impedance to such recovery a lawsuit and loss of something valuable to her might entail (whatever she has that their dad left "him").

Is there any privacy law regarding significant and demonstrable mental illness that might halt his attack on his sister?

He really is a hollow republican shell of a person and has always been this way. He's usually just stayed out of our way and not been a problem. She is ill. It is easily demonstrable. Her wishes are that he not know that she is ill nor that we've broken up.

If he sues her it will set her back to the beginning of her recovery, which is something that she just began and is doing so good! I couldn't bear to see her make such progress and have her brother ruin everything because he's a complete dick (which he is).

any info is helpful. I cant afford an attorney unless I need to.

thanks in advance.

[Lil Missy]

1. Can you talk to the ex and find out what property this might be about?

Really, after 10 or so years this really sounds like bullshit. Why is he taking this up with you instead of his sister? I think he is blowing smoke up your ass.

[elleng]

2. Not professional advice here,

but I don't see anything that you might do/say that would help. If he's a jerk, he's acting on his jerkiness. 'Privacy' laws would keep professionals from discussing her conditions with others.

Thanks for your concern and help for your friend, gkd.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Since you are not a party to the pending lawsuit (unless he's suing you, too),

you apparently don't have legal any stake in it (other than your desire to protect your ex), so at this point you probably don't need a lawyer. Whatever property is involved isn't yours "by default" just because of your (former) relationship since you weren't married. At some point, though, your ex-GF will probably need an attorney. But unless you can find out more and maybe persuade the brother not to sue, there doesn't seem to be much you can do, considering that she does not want her brother to know about her illness or that you and she have broken up. I would think that the brother wouldn't have a very good case if their father died ten years ago, because there is generally a pretty short time limit for making claims against an estate. As far as privacy laws are concerned, they apply only to medical providers. Unfortunately the fact that she has a psychological illness will not prevent her brother from suing her. This is clearly a difficult situation, and I hope something can be worked out before it gets that far. Good luck.

[CoffeeCat]

4. I'm not an attorney...

...but I wanted to say that this brother sounds like a real soul killer. Such a shame. He's not
even involved in his sister's life--but he'll be involved to sue her.

People like this just like to spread misery.

I have no legal expertise to back up my opinion. However, I will say that he is full of hot air. He
sounds like a bully. You mentioned that he told you that you would be "involved by default." What in the
hell is that supposed to mean? Is he suggesting that you are somehow involved in, what he defines as, "theft"
because you are dating her (or so he thinks you are dating her)?

Since he sounds like a complete liar and a trouble maker--I am assuming that his characterization of this matter
as "felony theft" is another load of hot air.

His accusations sound suspect. He inherited something. But she has it Their father died ten years ago
ago. Why, all of a sudden is this a serious, criminal matter?

Just the way this person went to you--and not her--is really troubling. He sounds like he's terrorizing her.
Not only is he going to sue her, but he's attempting to destroy a relationship that is very important to her--and
as far as he is concerned, a relationship that is still ongoing.

What a slime.

Given that your ex has OCD and her brother sounds very disturbed--I imagine this entire family is a dysfunctional
mess. I feel sorry for your ex. Her brother might not know she has OCD, but he undoubtedly knows that she
is probably fragile and vulnerable. Yet, he acts this way.

If it were me---I'd record all conversations and document everything. Save emails. If I were his sister, I'd
tell him to bring it on, and I'd also send him a certified letter--documenting my mental issues, and let him
know that false allegations would constitute HARASSMENT, and INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF DISTRESS.

Also, by communicating to you (a third party) that she has supposedly engaged in "felony theft" he could
have libeled her, if the allegation is false.

In my opinion, this guy is a deranged bully and someone needs to stand up to him--and let him know that
terrorizing people has legal and civil consequences.

Best of luck to you and your ex.

[canetoad]

16. And I'd just like to say

that there is no thing on earth more unhelpful than, 'I am not a lawyer but...'


Please stay out until you have something positive to offer.

[CoffeeCat]

19. LOL!

In case this fact has slid by you--not one attorney replied in this thread, but many
did reply.

Thanks for your concern.

You are now free to continue patroling the internet--ridding messageboards of "unhelpful responses."

:eyes:

[shireen]

5. if you want to help,

ask her permission first. I'm sure you'll get a lot of advice from DU'ers, much of it excellent advice. But keep in mind that you are now friends, not romantically involved. There are different boundaries in those two different relationships. It's quite possible that she can handle it herself, or has someone in her life for support. Ten years is a long time; I know you care for her and don't want to see her slip, but a lot of time has passed and she is not the same person she was 10 years ago.

[Truth2Tell]

6. I am also not a lawyer

But I notice you also live in WA and I have dealt with a somewhat similar situation.

In my case I learned that WA has civil statutes of limitation that don't extend beyond eight years, except in really extraordinary situations. The limitation period would almost certainly apply in your ex's case. Here's a link:

http://www.expertlaw.com/library/limitations_by_state/Washington.html

In terms of criminal law, the statutes regarding property related crimes are usually even shorter - likely two years.

My guess is that your ex's brother is bluffing or doesn't really know what he's talking about. If he actually seeks legal help he will likely learn he has no case.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

7. When you ask for legal advice on a message board,

you get what you pay for.

It sounds like a crazy guy talking nonsense. When you get served with the papers, you'll have to hire an attorney. If his sister ripped him off, what's it to you? Nothing.

So, let it go. You're done with the ex, although keeping secrets from her mother sounds a bit immature. She doesn't know you've broken up?

How old are you people?

[drmeow]

8. Why are you so convinced

that a lawsuit from him will set her back to the beginning of her recovery? Is she seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? Is she in a support group for OCD? Is she taking SSRIs?

The reality is that OCD is very difficult to recover from and CBT (often combined with SSRIs) is the only treatment that has been shown to be effective. Even with CBT treatment, she will have relapses (with or without her brother's behavior).

I hate to say this but, while I appreciate your concern, you are still in enabler mode. You can't protect her from her brother nor can you protect her from relapses.

As for the lawsuit, would he even have a claim after more than 10 years?

[gkdmaths]

12. this is the best reply

You are so right. I am still in enabler mode. Absolutely. No doubt. I agree.

That is why I left her. It was the only way I could let her get better. It took ten years of watching her get worse before I realize that the reason she was worse was because I allowed her to get that way. Letting her go was my only completely selfless act in my life. I feel noble for it.

I had to get some balls. I got some. I moved on.

as a friend said to me: "Give her the respect to be able to be in control of her life". I gave her that.

I am still an enabler. I don't deny it one bit. at the same time, her brother doesn't have a clue and is a brutal bastard. His ignorant intervention at this point would really mess her up. But I chose whether I enable or not now.

I know her life is out of my hands, and I'm okay with that. I really am.

I was asking for legal advice.

I have no problem telling you that I have enabled a person to remain in a bad place because I didn,t have a spine.

I will also tell you that I have balls now, that I'm no longer a jellyfish.

Thanks for your thoughts. They are truly appreciated.

The fact that her completely selfish and self absorbed asshole brother who'd sue his own sister for a piece of the pie after ten years is what pisses me off. Trust me, She'll completely relapse. It's just wrong and uncalled for.

By the way, did I say that I'm over it and am happy that I've moved on?

Again, I appreciate your kind, pointed, welcomed and obviously educated thoughts on this matter.

[glowing]

9. Sounds to me like Mr. Republican has some financial problems.

So, like a good little republican tool, he lashes out at even his own family. He probably doesn't have a case; he just wants to use fear to get this property reliquished into his hands. He's probably broke and trying to manipulate the entire situation.

[izzie]

10. Sounds crazy to me but I did end up in a mess that sounded silly

A group of women and I opened a business and we ended up with another women going after us. They did not like our bus, and it never got to count it was so crazy, what these people were saying, but we did have to get a lawyer and some pre-paper work was done before the courts put it out. I have seen other silly things go up to lawyers and get almost to court so I think a lawyer and his fees would be a good thing to think of here.

[Warpy]

11. I would tell her and her mother about the problem

and produce a copy of the email and let them decide what to do about it.

If there was a will, he's SOL. If your ex's mother was married to Dad at the time of his death, he's probably still SOL. In any case, it's really not your problem, it's theirs and they need to deal with it.

The worst form of enabling is trying to protect somebody else from life. Chances are she knows her brother is a dick and how to deal with him.

Just let the two of them have the email. Warn them so they're not completely blindsided and you'll have done the very best you could do for them.

[struggle4progress]

13. Eleven or twelve years later he's getting steamed about an inheritance issue?

Until you actually hear from a lawyer or court official, you don't really know that this might end in court. If you ever suspect this might end up in court, at that time you should consider getting real legal advice from a real lawyer, not from anonymous posters on some internet board

Should this end up in court, you don't have any idea how anything you have said or done might play before a judge. If you haven't said or done anything, there might be less of an interpretation problem. So if you don't know anything about the topic, then be very thankful you don't know anything about it: try to avoid learning about it, and try not to get sucked in. Avoid extensive & emotional responses to accusations. If you really really can't avoid a response, at least keep your response factual and limited. And for heavens sake avoid bad-mouthing him to other people!

Meanwhile, document for yourself in a systematic way his efforts to contact you. Save whatever letters or emails he sends you. If he calls, document the phone call accurately and with zero spin

[TexasObserver]

14. You need NON legal advice. Stay out of it.

You are still trying to manage and assist your ex girlfriend, when you should let her deal with all this. You broke up. It's bad thinking to go along with her request that you "not tell her brother." You need to tell her and her brother to talk to each other, not you, about their problems, and to leave you out. You're in the middle because you allow yourself to be in the middle.

As for the legal issue, you're not liable for anything, but if you LIE to the brother and let him believe you're still with his sister, and if you ARE sued by the brother, you could be accused of helping her commit a fraud or theft. It doesn't have to be true to be sued for it.
You should know that under the fraud statutes of some states, it is the date of the discovery of the fraud which triggers the beginning of the running of the statute of limitations, so the statute doesn't run until (for example) four years after the date of discovery of some evidence there was a fraud.

So, can he sue you? Almost always. But can he make out a good cause of action against you? Not under the facts you stated, but being innocent doesn't stop you from being sued. The only person who can make certain you are not sued is the brother.

You don't really appear to be at much risk of being sued, but if the brother does sue you, lying to him about your relationship with the sister can only hurt you. It reveals you to be a liar, to be weak, and to be easily manipulated.

Bottom line: tell them both to talk to each other, not you, and most of all, stop enabling your ex girlfriend. Leave it alone and stay out of it.

[kerry-is-my-prez]

15. In my experience, 90% of the things that we worry about never come to fruition and you waste a lot

of time worrying about things that never come to them. This sounds like something that is pure bullshit.

If she is living in the property - and it is for that long of a time period - I believe that she now may even own it by now.

What is that saying "possession is 9/10ths of the law??"

[EFerrari]

17. Why is the brother talking to you?

:)

[dajoki]

18. I'm not an attorney...

but I think there must be some statute of limitations, 10 years is a long time to try to claim something was stolen. Also, does he have any proof that he was supposed to get this item? If not, case closed. Good luck!!

[treestar]

20. What is the value of this property?

Courts are expensive. Litigation is very expensive. A person can have a bang up great case where they are completely right, but it's not worth pursuing if the property is of little value. The cost of winning is greater than the value of the property.

I'd guess this is the case here or bro would just have gotten a lawyer and filed a suit. If he is threatening criminal prosecution, bro does not understand the difference between criminal and civil. He can't bring criminal charges himself. He'd have to convince the District Attorney to do it. They aren't going to bother most of the time, on stuff like this.

It all depends on whether Dad had a will, too. If not, again, I would suspect that bro is just talking about a few items none of which are worth the court's time.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

21. The Answer Is Simple: 1. Likely The Statute Of Limitations Has Run Out. 2. If Not, He Can Sue At

will.

If the statute of limitations has not been exceeded, then he has every legal right to sue and it will be up to the courts to decide if the lawsuit has any merit. It really is that direct of an answer.