New wing-nut chain e-mail

[Turbineguy]

Adjusting the Business Plan For the New Regime

Fellow Business Executives:

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have
resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next
President, and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a
BIG way.
To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will
have to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we
cannot increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our
economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This
has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family
here and I didn't know how to choose who will have to go.


So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8
Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these
folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair
way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to
them.



If you have a better idea, let me know...

[EstimatedProphet]

1. How many times do we have to see this posted here?

[iamahaingttta]

3. That's about 14 times...

...according to my cursory count.

[snappyturtle]

7. As much time as I spend reading here on DU, I have not seen this before.

Believe me, I get lots of these e-mails from repuke relatives and friends. Now, I know what to expect next. I don't mean to get snarky but if you've seen this fourteen times, why do you bother to click on it?

[Mnemosyne]

13. I have never seen it before either, snappy.

Thanks to Turbineguy for posting.

[iamahaingttta]

20. I didn't know that's what it was from the title.

Besides, I really liked Cerridwen's response to it!

[Cerridwen]

2. Last time this was posted it was signed by "Ward"

This was what I wrote for that OP. First, "reply all." Next, maybe you can modify this a bit to work with the newly anonymous emailer. If you want to bother, that is.

Dear Ward,

Since you asked for a better idea, I have several for you.

1. Fire your accountant. If the one you have now doesn't know the difference between gross and net you have already been paying too much in taxes. If the one you have now hasn't been taking all the tax breaks and deductions you receive by paying those "increased" fees and taxes, they should not be allowed to do taxes.

2. When you find a new accountant who has some tax knowledge, have them review your prior years taxes as it appears you may have several refunds waiting for you. Make sure they check all the states in which you've paid taxes but did not earn income. That's *earned* income, Ward. Your new knowledgeable accountant should know the difference.

3. Make sure your new accountant is full time and on premises during business hours at is appears you have zero knowledge of business finances and bookkeeping. That reminds me, hire a good bookkeeper while you're at it to help your new accountant track your income, expenses, A/R, and A/P. Oh, A/R stands for accounts receivable and A/P stands for accounts payable. It's pretty obvious you don't know those terms.

4. Hire a lawyer. It appears you may be in violation of federal labor laws if you think you can fire people based on their political party membership or ideals. The lawsuits will cost you quite a bit more than your "increased" fees and taxes, but hey, at least you won't be contributing to the "socialist" government you seem to fear.

5. The Small Business Administration (SBA) offers classes in how to run a business which include finances, labor law, tax law and the like. You are several years behind the curve; sign up now!

6. Remember to take responsibility for the fact that you lose business when you are ignorant enough to wave your political idiocy in front of your customers. Your customers want a good product followed by good customer service. It sounds like you may need to work on that if you're as "knowledgeable" about your business as you are about taxes and business finances.

7. Please, tell me what product you sell and what business you do. I couldn't find "JOOA Corp" in a quick google search. I'd like to avoid such a poorly run business headed by such an ignorant business owner. If your products are of the same quality as your business acumen, I don't care to waste my money.

8. Hire someone to market your business. As noted above, I couldn't find "JOOA Corp" in a quick google search. This is the 21st Century and successful businesses have an internet presence and spend some time promoting their business online. You need someone who knows about internet marketing and search engines.

All in all Ward, I'd say you're a piss poor business man who doesn't know one thing about running a successful business. Do you even have a business, Ward? Or are you like "Joe the Plumber" sitting at home dreaming of the day you'll suddenly wake up with an entrepreneurial spirit and loads of cash to start up a business you don't know how to run?

Good luck with that dream. Those of us in the real world know it takes work and responsibility and knowledge to run a business. It also requires creative thought and the ability to think independently, both of which, based on your willingness to blindly spew ignorance, you are sadly lacking.

Oh, one more thing. Based on your obvious ignorance, hire a good bankruptcy lawyer.

Signed,

{insert name here}

[snappyturtle]

5. Excellent! nt

[Cerridwen]

6. Thank you!

The nice thing about these repeats is all I gotta do is copy and paste. :D

[snappyturtle]

14. Oh, you're most welcome!! May I use parts of it? nt

[Cerridwen]

16. Please, use the whole thing and modify and/or snip as needed.

:hi:

[snappyturtle]

18. Thank you so much!

:hi:

[Brazenly Liberal]

8. Perfect response!

:thumbsup:

[Cerridwen]

9. Thank you!

:D

[Turbineguy]

12. Thanks!

For your constructive suggestion. I obviously missed the OP otherwise, I would not have posted this one. I have copy/pasted your excellent suggestions and sent them out to all those lucky enough to be listed as addressee's who may be in need of such advice. :evilgrin:

[Cerridwen]

15. I hope it helps educate a few.

I wouldn't worry about re-posting. We're not all here 24/7/365 and things get lost in traffic. It seems at least one other person hadn't seen this before either. Besides, you gave me an excuse to re-post my brilliant response. LOL

:evilgrin:

[Brazenly Liberal]

4. Yeah, sure.

An idiot who hires or fires people based on their assumed political views rather than their job skills and value to the company would not likely be able to build a company to 140 employees to begin with. If, somehow, he came into possession of said company by inheriting it or buying it out or whatever, it would soon be run into the ground and all 140 would be out looking for work anyway.

[MiniMe]

10. I have a suggestion for the jerk, pay it out of your huge inflated salary

For starters, the jerk has probably outsourced most of the work overseas so there aren't too many cars in the parking lot. What is there is support staff.

[YOY]

11. If this was written by a CFO then my name is Mortimer.

FReeper with too much time on his hands...another Keyboard Commando with an agenda and no idea actually how to run a business.

[StreetKnowledge]

17. Hope this idiot likes being sued.

Because he's going to be for firing based on political affiliations.

[gollygee]

19. I'd say, "Thanks for putting it in writing - because the lawsuit is worth more than this job anyway"

I hadn't seen it yet either.

[Contrary1]

21. The "CFO" (LMAO) could also increase efficiency and cut costs

by laying off all the whiners and crybabies who gather around the coffeepot for their multiple daily circle-jerks.

This could be accomplished easily by cruising the employee parking lot looking for McCain and or Palin bumper stickers.

[krispos42]

22. Hmmmm... how is he going to meet demand with 8 less employees?

The number of employees he has is based on demand.

[alfredo]

23. I'm loving it. a Toon below

[Catherine Vincent]

24. Freepers are so stupid if they believe that's real.

Most ethical corporations encourage employees to participate in the political process.