the war on yule--by fungus on the family

[niyad]

so. focus (known locally as fungus on the family, or focus on fascism) has published their annual list of christmas-friendly businesses, and those that are not (you know, the ones where the employees say "happy holidays" or something equally inclusive?)

so, in in the spirit of helpfulness, I called them to thank them for the list, since I now know which businesses to avoid (namely, all the ones of which they approve) and I pointed out that since it is OUR holy day they stole, if anyone has a right to be upset, it is the pagans. I also pointed out that the christians have, in essence, taken over every one of our holy days, and all the rituals that go with them.

honestly, these people really need to get hobbies.

[MichaelHarris]

1. I'm doing my part

I just beat the crap out of three elves. Sneaky little bastards.

[Marrah_G]

3. Ummm that might not have been wise........

[MichaelHarris]

5. I know

they do tend to run in gangs. I'll need to watch my back.

[Marrah_G]

2. I giggle when they bitch about "Christmas Trees"

yet have zero clues about the history of their precious Holiday.

To lurking Christian Zealots here is the clue in which to base your quest for knowledge on:

Jesus was not born on December 25th.

Start thinking about why you celebrate it on Dec. 25th, do some research and get back to me.

[shadowknows69]

4. Heh

[TlalocW]

6. I'm still pissed about the War on Halloween

Not that I'm pagan or anything, but I'm sick of seeing Neewollah and Fall Festival celebrations.

A teenager came up to me while I was in my garage to try and give me a flier for his church's Fall Festival celebration. I looked at it and asked him why they didn't call it Halloween. Misunderstanding me, he replied proudly, "That's right, sir! We would never call it Halloween!" I replied, "No, you don't understand... Why don't you call it Halloween? Looking at your flier, you're having costumes, games, treats, hayrides, and even a bonfire - everything that is part of a normal Halloween party. Is your church so stupid to think that by changing the name of the event but still doing everything involved with it will somehow protect you from an 'evil' word like Halloween, which it's not?"

He dejectedly left my property.

TlalocW

[Ilsa]

9. I Love Halloween and love explaining to the religious ones how misguided

their attitudes are about it and "Fall Festivals".

My neighbors have family in Kansas and love going to Neewollah every year. Apparently it is a pretty fun Halloween party.

[TlalocW]

10. I have family around Wichita as well

And I recall as I get back on I-35 to head back to Oklahoma, seeing a big billboard for a Neewollah festival, which seems to me like maybe that's a bigger than normal one. The ones I referred to are normally smaller church parties. What's Kansas' Neewollah?

TlalocW

[Ilsa]

12. Huge, huge festival.

http://www.neewollah.com/

http://www.neewollah.com/Events-217.asp

Bands, parades, races, big carnival, lots of fun stuff, sponsored by the city, Independence.

[TlalocW]

13. Crap! I need to take the Tent of Twisted Terrors there

I'm a balloon twister/magician in Tulsa, and for the past two years, I've been doing what I call the Tent of Twisted Terrors at a local event called BooHaHa, which is Oklahoma's largest free Halloween event, but I think this dwarfs it. Plus, I've been doing it basically for free in hopes that they're find room in the budget for me. I think Independence could afford to pay me - I did see a picture of a clown twisting balloons on there but which would you rather have:

(Shameless promotion coming up)

This


Or this


TlalocW

[Ilsa]

14. Whooooooaaaaa! That is effin awesome! I think that is so cool!

My neighbors and their kids would love to see you that next October! You should definitely check into participating, however they manage it.

Your craft is definitely a thing of "beauty". I have an appreciation for how people see these things in their minds and then create them. I have excellent spatial analysis in my brain, and love how you came up with that. Keep me as a buddy here on DU, and let me know how it turns out for you!

(BTW, my neighbors are great liberals, very much appreciated down here in South Texas. He has an Art History degree from a liberal private college, and his wife is a Public Librarian. The boys have been bad-mouthing Bush to me since they moved here, and of course, I've encouraged it. I got them their Obama yard sign. If they tell me the festival in Kansas is fantastic, I believe them.)

[YOY]

7. Someone got a problem with Mr. Brenner?

His sixgun has some words for that!

[MichaelHarris]

8. not Mr Brenner

just his log

[ColbertWatcher]

11. The Truthiness Encyclopedia has posted the list ...

... so you don't have to go to their site:

http://www.wikiality.com/Focus_On_The_Family

Also, since it's a satirical wiki, you're welcome to add your own jokes.

Be sure to register (it's free) so your IP address isn't seen by everyone.