I Thought I Got the Perfect Roommate

[NeedleCast]

A few weeks ago I thought I got the perfect roommate. I talked to a bunch of people about the room for rent. Some of them were a total no-go. Some of them might have been okay, but I often had several problems with them. Then one came along who was perfect. All her references checked out. She made more than enough money to cover the rent. She had nice, well kept furnishings. Checking with places she had rented from in the past, they had nothing but good things to say.

And for the first few days, everything was fine! I was so happy! I had the perfect roommate. Then, one day I came home and I noticed that my laundry detergent wasn't where I left it and that she had cloths in the washing machine. She used my detergent without asking! A few days later, she was gone for the weekend and left her alarm clock set. I had to get out of bed at 8:00 AM on Saturday and turn her alarm off. Last night I was trying to watch TV and she had her music on. I had to ask her to turn it down.

I mean look, compared to my last roommate, she's still awesome. The last guy started several fires, destroyed my TV set, ate all my food, molested my dog and, I think, killed a few people. I'm not sure about that last one, but there were some terrible smells coming from his room and I occasionally found body parts in the fridge.

Still, that's not going to stop me from ceaselessly complaining about my new roommate because based on her interview I expected total perfection and she's fallen short of that mark. I'm just going to overlook the fact that she's a vast improvement over the previous roommate and instead focus on the little imperfections.

[Bicoastal]

1. Gee, If I didn't know better...

I'd think this was a metaphor or sumphin'.

:rofl:

[NeedleCast]

15. Note to Self:

Work on metaphor subtlety...

[countingbluecars]

2. Good one. n/t

[Coexist]

3. this is damn clever.

good job.

[Midlodemocrat]

4. Awesome!!!! But, if you post it in GD-pissing and moaning, prepare

to get flamed. I posted essentially a similar statement. :rofl:

[no limit]

5. thanks, that made my day.

[Sal Minella]

6. Nicely done.

[kiva]

7. I've also heard that she hangs out with the wrong people. n/t

[Mugweed]

8. I've heard

that your roommate wasn't even born in the USA, associates with terrorists, and embraces socialism.

Point taken.

[NanceGreggs]

9. Oh, yeah ...

:kick: & REC'D!!!

[NeedleCast]

11. I gotta admit that getting a K&R from you makes me kinda tingly

I can't think of a higher form of praise than a NanceGreggs kick.

[NanceGreggs]

13. This piece is magnificent!

:applause:

[mrcheerful]

10. Hey 5 years ago I had the perfect room mate/live in playmate

The first year it was Yes, No, You decide, what can I do for you?, plus 24/7 sex marathons. Now, we are buying a house, sex is when ever, I have to yell at her for leaving panties in the wash basin, where I shave my face, when asked to clean up her sales ads, its ok, then 6 weeks later they get picked up and what can I do for you has turned into, hey your leg broke, get it yourself.

Btw, why is it women freak out if you see their unshaved legs the first 2 years but after 5 they have hairier legs then you do in the winter month's? And what happened to the good old days when you were the only one farting in bed? Am I getting rid of her, nah, at least now I have a reason to be a grouchy old man.

[Pharaoh]

12. Ditto K&R n/t

[ret5hd]

14. Wait till you find out that her and your ex-roomie's best buddy hang out together.

[MrsBrady]

16. so what's your point

:sarcasm:

[NeedleCast]

21. I'm just saying that Craigslist isn't the ideal place to find roommates

Really. That's all. No hidden meaning.

Or is there...

[MrsBrady]

33. craigslist OMG

I LOVE cragslist.

how dare you say that.

[Winterblues]

17. Hmmm.... my dog got molested too

I wonder........

[Mojorabbit]

18. I guess the best thing to do

is lower your standards. Not.

[Nye Bevan]

19. Your last roommate sounds like a real scumbag

I hope he gets his comeuppance.

[BrklynLiberal]

20. ......

:thumbsup:

[lazyriver]

22. If she leaves toothpaste in the sink, impeach her.

[tjwash]

25. Toothpaste statue art.

:thumbsup:

[BlueJazz]

23. I've got some Friends in the Mafi,....Ah...Friends who could ..Ahh...Talk to her ??

[NeedleCast]

24. What's the typical punishment for leaving dirty dishes in the sink?

[BlueJazz]

26. Ouch...Ah...I knew a Guy once that did that...um...Do you remember the scene..

...in "The Terminator" (toward the end) when the Terminator is chasing the Lady through the Machine Plant and the Terminator gets caught in the 500 Ton "Steel Smasher" ??

It was kinda' like that ...but Much, Much worse....

[NeedleCast]

27. Seems harsh, but if them's the rules

Guess that's the price for falling short of perfection.

[Toasterlad]

28. I Thought Your New Roommate Didn't Move In Until Jan?

In any case, you shouldn't get your hopes up too high. Your new roommate has a least one thing in common with your last roommate: they're both professional roommates. ALL roommates lie in the interview and make excuses for their poor behavior while they're living with you.

[chiefofclarinet]

29. Actually, in truth, that sorta resembles my first college roommate and my current one

My first roommate was a total prick. He had no tolerance for any crap that I did, but I would have to let anything slide that he did because he brought 75% of the stuff in the room. I quickly moved out.

My current roommate and I have some issues, but I can't complain. I doubt we will do this again, but it's not total hell.

Still, nice work on that.

[Pastiche423]

30. I don't share your illusion

[Motown_Johnny]

31. She sounds perfect to me. anything less than these little annoyances would be boring

and you don't want a boring roommate

[AAARRRGGGHHH]

32. How do you think I feel?

I donated money to your roommate.

Wait ... now I'm screwing up the metaphor.

Just kidding - very well written.

[treestar]

34. Good one!

:fistbump:

[DeepModem Mom]

35. K&R!