Nebraska's abandoned children - the story from one parent

[Liberal_in_LA]

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-nebraska21-2008nov21,0,2468692.story


First Melyssa Cowburn's 5-year-old child tried to bash in a baby's head with a hammer. Then he set the shower curtain on fire. The next day he plugged all the sinks and toilets in their apartment and flooded the place.

Cowburn and her husband had tried unsuccessfully to get their insurance company to pay for mental health treatment for the boy. The difficulty she had keeping him under control had already helped drive her to attempt suicide last year. Now she felt she had only one option: She flew with her child to Nebraska last week and tearfully left him there.

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About four years ago, a crack addict in a North Carolina Wal-Mart handed her 16-month-old son to Melyssa Cowburn and promised to return after buying diapers. When the woman didn't come back, Cowburn -- herself adopted -- became the boy's guardian.

"I was 24," said Cowburn, who asked that the boy not be named in this article. "I just thought, 'I'm going to love this little guy, and it's just going to make everything better.' "

That wasn't the case. The child screamed for hours on end and kicked at her. As he grew, he learned how to rip molding off doorways in their rented houses and stab Cowburn's cat. He was routinely expelled from day-care programs for violence.

Cowburn said she took him to a hospital after one violent episode, and doctors diagnosed him with reactive attachment disorder, a rare condition that warps a child's personal relationships and stems from early abandonment. She later learned that the boy's birth mother was schizophrenic.

Cowburn's husband, Adam, an ex-Marine, rejoined the military to pay for the child's medications. He was deployed to Afghanistan last year. Melyssa Cowburn returned to Omaha, where her mother lives. At wit's end, she swallowed prescription pills one night and was rushed to the hospital. Her 79-year-old mother was unable to care for the boy while Cowburn recovered. The child was placed into Nebraska foster care for several months.

The state said the child seemed to improve, but Cowburn said he simply returned with a new roster of curse words. Cowburn's husband was deployed to Washington state, where the couple struggled to get insurance to cover medications. Social workers there said they could not take the child unless the parents were abusing him.

In despair after the assault on a friend's infant, the fire and the flood, Cowburn took her boy back to Omaha and drove him to Immanuel Medical Center the night of Nov. 13. She told him she was taking him to the hospital so he could get better.

"Maybe," the child said, according to Cowburn, "you can find a little boy who's better."

"I don't want anyone better," Cowburn said. "I want you."

She cried the entire drive back to her mother's home.

[EFerrari]

1. It took me 2 years to recover from living with a schizophrenic for 12 years

and both of us were committed to getting mental health care for our family. It nearly ended me, just from exhaustion.

There was a poll around here somewhere last week that said more than 2/3s of these kids were psych cases.

Breaks your heart. It's so hard to get good care, and there are a lot of other hours in the week besides the one you spend with the doctor. :(

[elleng]

4. sfexpat,

what do you mean by 'these kids?' Just trying to understand.

[EFerrari]

5. Of the children surrendered as of last week (37?), 2/3s of them

had received mental health treatment of some kind. :(

[elleng]

6. Thanks.

Holding my breath for all.

[EFerrari]

9. Me, too. I hope Nebraska learns the right lesson.

Young mothers, especially, can be so vulnerable to so many stressors -- financial, familial, societal. They need support, rock solid support, in order to deal with a child with these issues. So few of those mothers have that support. :(

[MissMarple]

7. Feeling helpless, you have tried and tried and you fail. And they pull you down with them.

You are drowning and you have to let go, or you die.

It is horrible, and I wish that on no one. It's not my children, it was my siblings. Tragic, fatal flaws, no one's fault... heartbreaking, dark making, no help to be had.


Truth to tell.

[EFerrari]

8. A few years ago, I read in the paper that less than a mile from this table

an elderly mom committed suicide after she killed her son. She was tired. He was in his thirties and unresponsive to treatment of any kind. So sad and so needless.

I believe the reports these parents make of feeling suicidal.

[firedupdem]

2. How sad and horrible for these parents and children. n/t

[enigmatic]

3. I could have easily been one of those kids

I have nothing but compassion to both the kids and the parents; it's heartbreaking.

[deek]

10. Attachment disorder is not rare

And I see more of it each year. Only a few children can be successfully treated, and time is of essence.

Check out Scott Peck's "People of the Lie".

Scary times. Hopefully now our government can really show they value children and provide some supportive services to help prevent it from developing