Converting Dead Mormons Into Homosexuals

[DeSwiss]

Cross-posted from http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=214x188302">R/T:

Converting Dead Mormons into Homosexuals

Daily KOS
by RfrancisR
Thu Nov 20, 2008 at 12:40:13 PM PST

As you know, Mormons have a practice of converting dead people from other religions into Mormons through a practice known as http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posthumous_baptism">posthumous baptism. Ordinarily, this might just seem a silly act of disrespect towards the individual's personal beliefs and convictions.

However, the Mormons have made an overt effort to posthumously baptize Jewish Holocaust victims. That is not merely silly and disrespectful, that is superfluously offensive. An agreement between Jews and Mormons limited the practice thirteen years ago. But the http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/11/baptizing.dead.jews.ap/index.html">Mormons returned to the practice recently.

Well, then of course, many of us rightly took offense for the heavy Mormon influence during the Prop 8 vote in California. Well, I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I am converting dead Mormons into homosexuals.

My first Conversion is Joseph Smith.

Dear God of the Homos,

With your great and everlasting love that blessed the covenants of Achilles and Petroclus, Gilgamesh and Enkidu, and of Jonathon and David, bless then the soul of Joseph Smith of Sharon, Vermont with your divine penis. Let it pierce the anus of his soul, and let you be forever joined to him, since on this oppressive earth, he was denied the pleasure of the male sex.

Forever and ever, our brother Joseph Smith has now joined our family (http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thefullmonty/wearefamily.htm">We Sing the Hymn to Praise God of the Homos!).

Blessed be God of the Homos,

Amen

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/11/20/145340/48/889/664239">LINK

- Okay now, this has gone way too far.

Now how am I supposed to get this mental picture of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young - both in nothing but chaps - out of my head?????
==============================================================================
DeSwiss


http://www.atheisttoolbox.com/">The Atheist Toolbox





"Prayer is just a way of telling god that his divine plan for
you is flawed -- and shockingly stingy" ~ Betty Bowers

[TechBear_Seattle]

1. Kind of gives polygamy an interesting twist n/t

[DeSwiss]

6. Not to mention what it does for the genealogy part.

Who's ya daddy????

hehehehehehe

[AndrewP]

2. That is awesome! LOL

[GodlessBiker]

3. Bwahahahahahahaha....We should now go through the Book of Mormon and do this for them all.

[Donnachaidh]

5. and you can use their own genealogy material to do so

:rofl:

Seriously, I think this is a wonderful idea.

[GodlessBiker]

8. You could seek donations for the No on Prop 8 effort and send postcards of this prayer...

to the Mormon "church."

[DeSwiss]

11. Great marketing strategy.

Next up: key chains, pendants and last but not least for the big donors: A talking Joseph Smith doll!!!

:rofl: - Who talks with a lisp!

[amdezurik]

39. a bobble-head one

:)

[DeSwiss]

12. Best idea I've heard so far.

Well, the legal ones anyways.

[tanyev]

7. And you could do it on the spot for any missionaries that come knocking on your door.

[DeSwiss]

9. The only thing left is....

...a place to store the scroll of names.

- I'm thinkin' SanFran has the lead at this point....

Or maybe there's property available across the street from the Temple in Salt Lake City???

[GodlessBiker]

13. I think the Holy Scroll of Names should be stored in a Salt Lake proctologist's office.

[DeSwiss]

29. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

:rofl:

[Warpy]

4. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I think that sort of posthumous conversion might make those arrogant SOBs rethink their practice of disrespecting people after death.

Beautifully put!

[DeSwiss]

15. Well, you know the saying....

...imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

- And I'm sure they'll be very flattered.

[Soylent Brice]

10. bwahahahahahah!!!

excellent idea!!

i'm in.

edit for K&R

[slackmaster]

14. Sounds like one holy waste of precious time

Life is too short to spend it on such foolery.

[mondo joe]

16. Amusement is a perfectly vald use of time. NT

[slackmaster]

18. To each his or her own

To me this one seems about as amusing as burning ants in the sun with a magnifying glass.

[foxfeet]

30. Funny, I feel the same way about the Mormons' posthumous conversions.

"Black magic," dont'cha know. I wish them upon themselves.

[DeSwiss]

17. Me too!

[slackmaster]

33. As long as they leave Saint John Moses Browning alone, I'm OK with it

[DeSwiss]

36. Personally.

- I wouldn't touch him.

[Donnachaidh]

41. I'm sure there are others with non-Mormon ancestors who were proxied

that would like to be able to say the same thing -- but that doesn't happen without lawsuits.

He's a prominent Mormon -- he should be considered fair game.

[DeSwiss]

19. ..

..

[DeSwiss]

21. Even waste can be "holy" huh?

Well, since everybody gets to choose how to spend their own time, I guess its a judgment call.

[Lerkfish]

20. OMGWTFBBQ! bwahahahahahahaha

ex-cellent, smithers.

[DeSwiss]

23. I kinda think its...

...spot-on too!

[Marrah_G]

22. ummmmmmmmmm

:rofl:

SO


BAD

:rofl:

[DeSwiss]

25. "Hoist by their own petard."

- It doesn't get any better than this.

[yurbud]

24. gives new meaning to their hole-y underwear

[DeSwiss]

27. See? I never would have thought of that.

- This is just one of the many reasons why I love DU so much!!!

[Shiver]

26. Brilliant!

But I have to ask... is there a separate invocation for converting deceased Mormon women into lesbians?

[DeSwiss]

28. I'm sure....

...like all new religions, they hadn't thought of everything before launch.

- But I'm sure we can work Sappho and few others into the holy writ before too long, and it'll be just fine....

[Shiver]

43. I came up with a little something...

...but since it begins with 'Oh Goddess of the Rugmunchers, She Who Bleeds Flannel', I think I might be off on the wrong track...

:hide:

[RedLetterRev]

31. If we dood it, we dit a wippin!

Otay, we dood it!

It was the chaps that did it. Well, that and Betty Bowers. :rofl:

For every hundred conversions, maybe we should send them a free tub of Elbow Grease. Just blue-skyin' here :evilgrin:

[foxfeet]

34. And they have to listen to Billy Mays for all eternity.

See, there is cosmic justice. :P

[DeSwiss]

35. Elbow Grease???

- Damn. These mental pictures of mine are starting to get out of control!!!!

[RedLetterRev]

40. I know. I'm so bad

and pretty good at it :D

[Deep13]

32. We should to the elders of the church next. nt

[DeSwiss]

38. Yes.

And thanks to their abhorrence for birth control, the list could be endless.

- This thing could get out of control real quick. Maybe we should consider an IPO...

[GrpCaptMandrake]

37. The Mor(m)ons already have something similar

It's called the "Ordinance of Adoption," in which men are "sealed" to one another through all eternity. "Sealed?" Is that like when a pair of dogs humping in the front yard over by the azaleas get "knotted" and Granny has to get after 'em with the garden hose? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I think I'll pass this idea on to some of our gay listeners and see what we can come up with in the way of a ritual. I'll see if we can get some participation on tonight's show.


Get On The H.O.R.N.!
www.headonradionetwork.com
America's Liberal Voice

[DeSwiss]

42. My granny used hot greasy dishwater...

...but its same principle!



But hey now, that would be great to get this ball rolling. Maybe we could eventually even get KO to do a spot on his show to take the place of the election comments void.

[foxfeet]

44. I wouldn't mind throwing a skillet full of hot grease on 'em.

It's a time-honored method of self-defense against abuse.

[DeSwiss]

45. Well, that might seem a bit harsh...

...but on the other hand they do say that their magic underwear will protect them.

[foxfeet]

46. Pity.

:7

[GrpCaptMandrake]

49. "Hey,Grampa! What's fer supper!"

Fried magick skivvies and boiled bigot!


Get On The H.O.R.N.!
www.headonradionetwork.com
America's Liberal Voice

[WeDidIt]

47. Will Brigham Young's wives be converted into Lesbians?

:evilgrin:

[Arugula Latte]

48. Dear Dead Mormons,

We now pronounce you all "Fabulous!"