A post about love/politics-please K/give input on this topic (and others)- Finally gonna post it all

[The Straight Story]

4 years here and 10 years in a relationship with my wife. I have seen it all, been through so many things I cannot even begin to describe it all.

I have spent nights alone with my little girl building fires out back, watching her ride her bike with training wheels, all the while my wife was sitting alone in bed sick. Lost my house and my jobs (worked two jobs for a spell-got laid off of both in one month).

I gave up my career to take care of the woman I love and my baby girl, and yet somehow in it all I failed my wife. We live with a friend of mine at his house and he is able to be there for her on levels I could not. She is in love with two men (me and him), which I can grasp as I will always be in love with X GF out in CA (we have a daughter together, she won't know who I am until she is 18 - just wanted her to have a normal life unlike my 3 boys....that is another story). I GET being in love with more than one person, so I understand what she is going through right now.

My wife has Parkinson's and is on a lot of meds, which mess with her mind. She forgets things, she shakes a lot, and is bed ridden more than she is up. She needs a security I cannot give her a lot of times (even though I did for a spell, from a house and 2 cars to what we have now which is nothing - I can't even get a good job because I am over qualified, a term I am tired of hearing about).

I live here in another man's house who helps me take care of her and my daughter, a man who could not help but to fall in love with her because she is a beautiful and intelligent woman. One of a kind.

Through all this though I have spent many nights alone thinking about life and the many people out there in 'weird' or 'odd' situations, folks like the lady I gave a dollar to the other day who was begging for change.

What is love? I love my wife and want to see her happy, I want to see her last few years be happy - even if it hurts me. I love other people too and want to see them have a happy and good life - and how hard is that for us to accomplish?

Health care, food, jobs, etc. We have the power in our hands to make the lives of other people better, we bail out huge companies because we worry about how those companies failing will impact us all - and yet there are people out there all over the US just trying to pay rent/mortgages and make ends meet. We have people needing medications, mental health assistance, general health and Dr appointments, we have folks just needing the basics and our government is failing them. We are failing them as well in some ways.

I'll watch my wife slowly fall into the abyss of this disease, as others watch the ones they love die from a variety of things. Some fight stem cell research, some fight against the obese who cannot help where they are at because of a variety reasons (genetic, mental, etc), we still see people telling people to just to buck it up and try harder - when they don't have the mental capacity to deal with their issues.

Compassion and love, to me, means we see beyond ourselves and have some empathy. I can work hard and get my life back on track. I might be dirt poor and begging for money here and there, but I will rise again because I can - but there are many others who have issues that get in their way, that does not make them bad people.

So many people need our help right now, and it is only going to get worse I think for so many. Little kids going without food, moms/dads crying and not able to sleep because their kids are missing out on the basics. Sleeping in the cold or in cars, shelters, etc.

This is our time to shine and show what we are made of, to show people what liberals truly are - that we love others and want to take care of them and help them out. While the RW is busy bailing out those big companies it is people like US who want to help out the people that need it the most.

We don't care if you are gay, straight, in a weird relationship like I am, we don't care if you got pregnant from a one night stand, etc and so on - we love you all and want to see you happy, we want to see a smile on the face of moms and dads and kids. We want you to have the most basic things in life.

Security, food, and a place where your dreams can come true.

Love means sacrifice at times, not condemnation.

Several folks have helped me out here recently, and it means the world to me. From talking to me to other things, and I have seen real love here on this web site. I thank you for all you have done and I hope some day I do you proud.

Don't judge me or my wife because of how things are, she is a good woman - but she is in a bad place and I will stand by her through it all. And all that I ask is that we liberals stand by the many people out there who need us - and not judge them but be there for them in their time of need.

Judgment is for the fundies. For us progressives there is something I call love and understanding. Sadly the RW only cares about it all when it comes to money.

Rant off - TSS/Todd

[Horse with no Name]

1. Wow. Some times you read things that just give you pause.

I am also in a strange relationship--however, very unlike yours and most definitely not one I will put out for public perusal.
I applaud the fact that you are able to put this out here...but somehow I can't help to think that there is something about tonight in particular that made you feel the need to share it.
Sending you lots of hugs across the miles. Take care and through it all...don't let YOU get lost in the process of saving someone else.:hug:

[The Straight Story]

2. My old friend

Not even sure what to say tonight. I think this will be one of the last things I post here on DU.

I guess some will just see this as another post and such, but for me it took all I had to write this.

I need to go away for a spell and think about life and such. So much I have not posted here. But DU has been my outlet. Some folks are musicians, me I am just a writer (and I don't want to go into what all that means but it is relevant to my current life situation).

I have always enjoyed seeing you here, and maybe if life changes I can spend more time with you here :)

[Horse with no Name]

3. Don't go too far

You are valuable to many of us and we need you.
But...take care of YOU.
I saw the struggle in the post--it was heart wrenching and honestly--it was obvious in the way you put your words together that you were struggling with your emotions.:hug:
I don't post too terribly much anymore--I take spells--but I generally log in 2-3 times a week and it is always gratifying to see your name and read your posts.
"That that doesn't kill us makes us stronger...and it makes us better writers too".
I read that somewhere.
I know this isn't "just another post".
Thank you for sharing with us.
:hug:

[shanine]

4. I know that was not easy

People care . . and some of us do understand . . no judgement here . .
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[lostnfound]

5. Inner depth

sometimes comes from learning to accept a certain inner tension.

Jung: "All opposites are of God, therefore man must bend to this burden; and in so doing he finds that God in his "oppositeness" has taken possession of him, incarnated himself in him. He becomes a vessel filled with divine conflict."
Jung also says, "the birth of the Self is always a defeat for the ego."

I ran across these quotes in a short essay at www.newconnexion.net/article/05-99/tension.html

I see a nie parallel between these ideas which relate to the soul or the heart; and the idea that "intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function" which relates to the mind.

Another Jung quote that may relate to your present life is this one: "Show me where a man's pain is today, and I will show where his growth will be tomorrow."

Of course, there are problems that you need to walk away from, and there are other problems that you do not need to walk away from, but it is not up to others to make judgments about which are which or what you should or shouldn't do. That is the art of life.

Peace to you and yours.

[readmoreoften]

6. You're a good guy. Your wife is lucky to have someone so loving and considerate.

It's nice to see people in realistic, loving, and complicated relationships. My partner and I are monogamous, but I know that she is going to need to live long-distance from me for awhile. We have an agreement that we don't hold one another back in life no matter what, even if that means we have to be apart. She may go to school full-time as a resident in another state and I'll rent half our house to someone else and stay here. She knows that I might need to take a job overseas for a year or two--and if I take one in an Islamic nation, I may not be able to communicate more than through vague letters, ambiguously crafted as to be 'modest' for an unmarried woman. (Being out is not an option if I'm working in a nation operating under Sharia law.)

But we are in love and committed regardless of the obstacles we face. That's what a marriage is all about.

[illuminaughty]

7. Hey, don't go...

I always see your user name and think of David Lynch, so I pay attention to your posts.

So much of what you said I can relate to. I feel like I post this daily now, but I have MS and there is no way to explain how a disease like that (or your wife's) affects one's relationship. I'm not sure anyone could be enough of a hero on a white horse to satisfy me. For me, I deal with it by
avoiding romantic relationships completely and quite frankly, I don't like the weight my illness puts on friends either.

I have never married and have loved more than one person at one time (that was before MS) Frankly, I think it's weird that people cling to the traditional idea of a relationship anyway. It's stifling.
And I really am not focusing on the physical aspect of it.

It says so much about your character that you are still by your wife's side. As a person with MS, I can tell you the stats of partners that dump their loved ones when they realize how difficult life will be with the illness.

I was someone who lived a rather extravagant lifestyle (through my business), but I am watching that fade. Somehow though, the bigger picture has become clearer. It IS about ALL of us making it through life. It shouldn't be a race to see who gets to the lifeboats first. When everyone wants to hold on to what is "theirs" so tightly and loses their compassion for their fellow man....everyone loses.

It's strange you mentioned empathy. I've always said this is one of the most important emotions.
In fact, at a friend's house last night I said that I always wished there was a magic button we could push, and for just a few seconds, it would allow you to feel what that person was feeling.
Things would be so different. Hell, I'm guilty of forgetting how bad things can be when I'm having one of my "good" periods. How quickly I forget the pain, the difficulty to do the simplest things and the mindset that puts one in. So, hope this made sense. It's late and my sleepy meds are kicking in, but I appreciated and learned from your post. Thanks for sharing.
:pals:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

8. My Dear Fellow

:hug: :hug: :hug:

May this only be goodbye until then.

We do what we must do. From my heart, all of my love and best wishes that things come around for you and Misty.

Yours is a great soul TSS, I will be forever honored to call you friend.

:loveya: :pals:

[Horse with no Name]

9. kick. n/t

[tpsbmam]

10. Proud to be the 5th K&R. I always stop to read what you have to say,

StraightStory. Thanks for the wisdom you posted here. :hug:

[rhett o rick]

11. 6th K&R. Don't go, it's good for all of us if you continue posting. nm

[tavalon]

12. I sent you a PM

This is just my way of kicking this thread and sending caring vibes.

[1776Forever]

13. I wonder if you are like me and wonder out loud why some of us carry more burdens over and over.

I do it with love and compassion the best I can, but I thought I had paid my dues when as a young woman I married a man who became totally disabled at 40, and left taking care of our 5 sons to me. Then my second husband had a stroke and developed diabetes that took his life and I had to go to bat for him when the nursing home gave him terrible treatment. Then my middle son developed chronic MS and had no insurance and I had to go to bat for him and he almost took his life twice because of malpractice from the so-called Dr's he had. The lawyers wouldn't touch it because the Florida county we lived in was so corrupt they said they knew they wouldn't win the case in the Republican good ole boy network.

Along the way I also had a step-daughter-in-law that shot herself and her 5 year-old son because of mental issues that weren't addressed. By the way I had tried to get her help and I stepped in to help my step-son and husband through this tragedy. Some of us human's seem to be placed in situations where our needs are second and we are asked to step up and be there for others. We either do it or run away. I just hope someday when I need someone they will be there for me.

Blessings and hugs! I have walked in your shoes.

[The Straight Story]

14. Indeed I understand what you are saying

and your second paragraph just hit home with me.

Thank you for understanding.

[Festivito]

15. In the end, faith and hope pale when compared to love.

Love is what you relate to me. Patient, kind, not envious, ... It's what Republicans think they could find if they just owned a little more, but, if they owned every form of ownership in the whole world they would not have one tiny second's worth of love.

If that is all the time they might let me have, one second, to trade complete lives in their long dark world of selfishness followed by more selfishness, it would not be worth that one second of love.

No matter how far you go, how long you leave, when you feel that one second, all of us will be there with you.

[The Straight Story]

16. Very beautifully put my friend

I think though that I may be ranting a lot more instead of leaving it all in my head, writing is how I express myself - I just feel at times maybe folks are a little sick of me playing my life out on line like I do, but for me it is therapy.

Most all of my friends have died, and the two best ones I have left live far away and we rarely talk.

At least here I have people to discuss life with. At times i just want to go away into solitude and think, but hands refuse to be still when my keyboard is near.

I owe a thread of thanks to so many here, and perhaps tonight I will write it - a thanks for putting up with rants all these years.

This thanksgiving I am truly thankful to you all here for just letting me speak my mind, you have given me a place to share my pain and joy and thoughts. Sometimes I feel like a freak for sharing so much about my life, but in doing so I have connected with people in ways I have never connected to anyone else in life.

Thank you.