So, the people at the rapture ready boards have flipped (even more so)

[galaxy21]

Wow, this group have the same comedy value as FR..some of this is actually surreal....


Is Obama the Anti-Christ?
(in response)


"I did just google earth the zip of 60606 and it was Chicago Ill.. That is just .. just wow..
I try to not get all uptight and go off... ya know.. it's just.. head shaking wow."

"I believe Obama will hold some high office in the Anti Christ's government. I truly think he is a forerunner to the evil one."

"I don't believe Obama is the AC, but he's definitely AC friendly and I could see him being one of the AC's closest confidants. Obama would never have to be talked into giving up America's sovereignity to the AC, we'll be lucky if he doesn't give it away to the United Nothing within the first couple of weeks he's in office."

"The thing is....
Obama came from just about nowhere. Bush, Clinton,Bush Sr, Regan all were known people. Have been around for many years.
Obama came from where? I wished I had a good memory to quote from the bible but if I remember correctly the AC comes from nowhere.. Was a unknown and suddenly comes to be in the seat of the most powerful country in the world." (Note to self: the state of Hawaii is now called 'nowhere')


"I've always wondered: what happens if you get raptured in the shower? Very embarressing, isn't it?"


"As Christians, I wonder about this...Do we go buy ammo, canned foods and stock up... or does that mean that we dont trust the Lord when it comes to the end times. I kinda think that if I go out and start 'survivalism' I might get left behind because God will see that I was trying to protect myself instead of relying on the Lord as my protector and provider. So, I have not purchased anything, because I dont want the opportunity to use that stuff, I would rather be raptured."

"I am wanting to stockpile, just have been procrastinating, I also do not know what items to get (and how much).Can someone who has gathered items tell me how much and what they bought?"

"I truly believe angels of the lord are communicating with us in a variety of ways. They may even be on these boards."


"We've started buying extra canned foods, and other things that won't spoil right away...just to have on hand! And when we can afford to buy extra (that's not every week!). But we're just looking to have enough supplies to last us at least a month, JUST IN CASE we need it. I feel like the Lord is telling us to do this!"

"My wife and I have been stockpiling food for awhile now. I look at it as if we won't need it, but our unsaved children may". (this comment creeped me out a little, just the idea that you would look foward to the day you could abandon your kids...)

"I keep feeling very led to stockpile food. I've been buying freezedried food online. Only a can here, a can there. The vegetables are amazingly fresh, they just need a little water to rehydrate. Funny, I don't feel like I will be using this food, but it is saved for a future 'someone'. It's such a pleasure to be able to help someone who will need this in the future. Hmm, maybe I've read too much Left Behind." (Reading too much 'left behind'? Shouldn't that be this forums tagline?)


"We all assume at that special moment, we will sucked right out of our Nike's and whisked away. Has anyone considered that maybe just our spirits fly to meet the Lord, and our earthly bodies just kind of fall over seemingly "dead"? Doesn't it say we won't receive our resurrection bodies until after the war of Armageddon? Just a thought to ponder. Imagine now X-number of people just falling over "dead". That would surely be "explained" as some kind of chemical terrorist attack. Anyway, just curious what some of your thoughts are."
(in response)
"It sounds like our whole bodies will be changed, just like the Lord's when He arose from the dead."
"This is kind of a silly question/statement but if the dead in Christ will be reunited with their bodies at the rapture. It kind of makes you wonder what they've been using up until that point. Are they in spirit form? Do they have temporary bodies? Just one of my more crazy thoughts".


"Question for all of you to respond to. I'd like to know all of your opinions. Do you believe there are celebrities that have literally, actually sold their souls to achieve their fame and/or fortune?"

[yardwork]

1. This is fairly typical of them. They're really crazy.

I've read threads there discussing how to leave enough food and water so that their pets survive. People worrying about their plants. One woman has her craft table in an east-facing window so that she can see Jesus coming.

[crispini]

2. "I've always wondered: what happens if you get rapured in the shower? Very embarressing, isn't it?"

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Thank you so much to you and people like you who go and find this stuff so I don't have to. Sheer comedy gold.

[Lubernaut]

12. My greatest fear!

I'm definitely waiting to bathe until after the next rapture.

[NoSheep]

42. That person will be requiring many pairs of clean underwear in heaven.

I hear there's no Wal-Mart there. Only Family Dollar.

[dkf]

3. Don't they want this stuff to happen?

I thought it was the point of the "Jesus Coming Soon" crowd.

[sixmile]

4. You'd think they would be happy

If heaven is so much better than life on Earth why not be ecstatic the end is near?

[HopeFor2006]

7. Deep down inside they are truly afraid of the rapture

My brother and his wife are part of the Left Behind crowd. They claim to be concerned for those they will be leaving behind, but if you talk to them long enough you will find that many of them feel unworthy and worry about being left behind themselves. Several posts in the RaptureReady thread reveal this.

[sixmile]

21. Then they should work at being better, more deserving believers

If religious folk always practiced what they preached the world might be a better place.
The philosophy of Jesus Christ was a simple and loving message, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you..."
I actually prefer the philosopher Andy Partridge of XTC who said, "Don't hurt nobody. Unless, of course, they ask you..."

[sofa king]

5. I'd sell my soul right now for a vacation to Jamaica.

Anyone? Anyone?

[Recursion]

6. 2000 years later and there is STILL no "antichrist" in the bible

The word "Antichrist" doesn't appear at all in Revelation; it appears in John's letters and, when it does it's plural -- people who are not Christian are "anti-Christs".

Why finding one particular "the Antichrist" has been such an obsession in the Anglo-Saxon world is beyond me, particularly among those who allegedly know scripture.

[roseBudd]

8. They were ecstatic with anticipation when Israel was shelling Lebanon n/t

[Greyhound]

9. Zombies!!1!1 n/t

[Vickers]

10. "I would rather be raptured."

Ahhhhh, common ground.

[alphafemale]

11. I'm NOT going to tell you SPECIFICALLY the ways I used to torment such WACKOS

...when they were in my daily life.

But I will say that the dummazzes would fall for the stupidest of my made up "The Rapture Just Happened And You Weren't In IT!" ruse ...EVERY-SINGLE-TIME.

These are the most pitiful, insecure people ever.

[donco6]

43. Ha! That's evil. And hilarious.

Gotta remember that. I'm sure I could think of something. "Look! Halley's Comet!"

[alphafemale]

46. PT Barnum made a fortune out of conning the gullible.

I sometimes think I was born in the wrong century.

:evilgrin:

[walldude]

13. So when I get my new body can it be Hugh Jackmans? n/t

[StreetKnowledge]

14. Have any of those guys

Found God yet? No? Then what in the world are they doing posting about it?

Ya know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly expecting a different result. ;)

[Aviation Pro]

15. "Ooh, ooh look at me.....

...I don't have to worry about anything because I believe in magic!"

[Leftist Agitator]

34. And my magical being is so powerful that anyone who doesn't believe it is doomed!

DOOOOOOOMED!

:hide:

[pscot]

16. These folks are splashing around

in the shallow end of the gene pool. They must have a hard time coping with the real world. It would be interesting to see some socio-economic data on these folks. I've got to believe many of them are just scraping by. It all seems rather sad.

[TomInTib]

17. "They may even be on these boards."

Ohhh, Dog...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

That would be
6
6
6

[tsuki]

18. The only reply to this:

"I truly believe angels of the lord are communicating with us in a variety of ways. They may even be on these boards."

is Good Grief.

[elocs]

19. The main problem with "The Rapture" from a Christian aspect is that it is unscriptural.

It is required that verses from the Old and New Testament be tortured and twisted together to come up with this "doctrine" that is less than 200 years old. I studied this pretty exhaustively some 30 years ago, including checking the original languages, and came to the conclusion that the doctrine was false within the context of the Bible.

A true story: in another lifetime I attended a very strict Pentecostal church that believed strongly and fervently in the Rapture. They looked forward to being "raptured", but their real fear was being "left behind". They had, and I am certain still have, a long, long list of personal behavioral no-noes and if you were engaged in any of them and Jesus returned to rapture his believers, then you would be left behind.

I have a friend who is a comedian in the Twin Cities and he just turned 42, but he was a member of the Pentecostal church when he was 10. One Saturday he snuck away to see a movie (worldly entertainment that could cost you your rapture ticket) with some of his worldly friends. When he got home with his guilty conscience for having sinned he found that neither of his parents were home. He anxiously began trying to call other members of the church, but couldn't reach any. He was now in a panic because he believed that the Rapture had occurred and he had been, GASP!, "LEFT BEHIND"! His church stories have made good fodder for his comic act over the years though.

[Vinca]

20. I guess the Lord has alot of time on his hands if he's telling them

to buy canned peas. It's hard to believe these are people who walk among us.

[old mark]

29. Many years ago, a neighbor of mine was convinced that god

had hidden her hairbrush.

These folks really are a little funny....


mark

[Vinca]

36. Maybe god was trying to tell her she needed dreadlocks. LOL. nt

[old mark]

41. She needed something, but it was not dreadlocks.....nt

[Turbineguy]

22. Those summers in DC

are pretty hard to take without AC.

As the saying goes, never let them see you sweat.

[Ishoutandscream2]

23. Bat shit crazy.

And I work with folks like this. Their worldview is truly frightening.

[provis99]

24. Ronald Wilson Reagan = 666

That ship has already come and gone. They can't figure out that they've missed the rapture.

[SmileyRose]

38. I had a little fun with one on Nov 5th. - told them Illinois lottery pick 3 Election day was 666.

they repeated it all over the office all wide eyed. Probably emailed it all over the globe too. I'm still laughing on that one.

:)

[treestar]

25. Please Lord

Don't rapture us when these fundies are in the shower!

:rofl:

[rainbow4321]

26. My favorite rapture comment/thought has always been

Think of all the cars/houses I'll get to pick from when the raptured ones are finally gone!

[Name removed]

27. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[TankLV]

28. Umm - aside from the religious fairy tale aspect to begin with, you do all know this is BLASPHEMY

don't you - I mean all this phoney "rapture" crap was JUST INVENTED IN THE LATE 1800'S by some hack phoney preacher...

it has no basis in religion at all..

[NMMNG]

30. "We all assume at that special moment

we'll be sucked right our of our Nike's and whisked away..."


Sounds rather familiar.

[Ghost in the Machine]

31. DUer Mythsaje wrote a small hand guide for them

Since the Muddle East has yet again exploded into its own particular version of insanity, it seems all too likely that the time of the Rapture is almost upon us, and all those godly folks will be taking their leave of this mortal coil by being sucked up into heaven to leave us sinners in the foulness of the time of Tribulation.

This being the case, I thought I'd provide a handy guide for the heretics, pagans, and other non-believers to say goodbye to their soon-to-be-departing loved ones.

1. Pack warm clothing. It gets cold up there on the clouds, and your loved ones will need extra sweaters and a good winter coat.

2. Include no worldly entertainment. The rest of their eternal existence will be spent groveling before God, so they will no longer need their favorite novels (probably written by unrepentant sinners who won't be in heaven anyway) or DVDs. And, yes, this does include their extensive porn collections.

3. Include extra underwear. The process of being sucked into heaven will most likely cause some people to release their bladders and/or bowels, and therefore it's a good idea to include as many pairs of underwear as physically possible, considering the room required by winter clothing.

4. Pictures of loved ones. A group photo of all members of the family NOT considered likely candidates for Rapture would be a wonderful going away present.

(read more)http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1582482

[NikolaC]

32. Sad

I think that maybe they have seen this series too many times :crazy:.

[JimWis]

33. OMG, there could be angels of the lord right here on DU. Posting

stuff.

[Joe Fields]

35. do these people all have angel decorations on the front of their houses?

I ask, because I see the identical decoration on houses, here and there where I live, and the decorations are up year 'round. I think they are rapture ready, but maybe not.

[depakid]

37. "...but he's definitely AC friendly"

:rofl:

[galaxy21]

39. Barack and the Anti christ hang around in the same social circle

Sometimes the antichrist goes over to Barack's house to watch football. And eat waffles.

[DireStrike]

45. mmmm..... sacrelicious...

[Ilsa]

40. .Should we have a big party before we're raptured?

"Maybe really wild since it is for the last time? my church friend's husband sure is cute. I could wear a really Gomorrah-ish outfit. And since we don't know exactly when, then we should keep up our drinking and the orgy every day until we're sucked upp into Heaven."

These people believe the Left Behind books are prophecy, not fiction.

[ljm2002]

44. Utterly insane babble...

...by people who are closer to "the AC" than Barack Obama will ever be.

Certifiable lunatics. As for the one who is worried about being in the shower, first, WHY do they always assume that they will be raptured? Second, do they lack even enough imagination to think about being on the crapper when the rapture occurs? Seems that would be a notch up on the embarrasso-meter. Third, these people probably are embarrassed that they were born naked. All I know is, their parents *should* be embarrassed...