Massive Increase Toward Belief in God Noticed All Over the World

[Jamastiene]

Source: The Deep Recesses of My Addled Brain

Massive Increase Toward Belief in God Noticed All Over the World
Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:00am EST

RALEIGH, NC (The Deep Recesses of My Addled Brain) - After the recent news that lying, blathering right wing idiot, Ann Coulter, not only has a broken jaw but also that said jaw has been wired shut, belief in God has skyrocketed across the world. For believers who believe in a forgiving, loving God, as opposed to a hateful, vengeful God, faith has been bolstered in the wake of this news, while many former nonbelievers have found themselves walking around in a rather unique state of shock.

Florida attorney, Alice Doubtfire, said, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." whilst shaking her head. She had a huge grin on her face as she pondered this unlikely Thanksgiving miracle. "God really does answer prayers. I was skeptical, I'll admit. When I prayed for this day, I had no idea it would be answered so beautifully as this. I'm so happy." Atheist, Joe Jones, noted, "I've been doing a lot of thinking for the last couple of days." Agnostic James McGillicutty said, "This prayer thing seems to pretty effective from what people are saying. I had never noticed that before. I think I'll pray to win the lottery tonight. I mean, if God finally shut the Coultergeist up, that means ANYTHING is possible now. Right?"

Leading religious officials are still scratching their heads over this amazing conversion noting, "The Lord really does work in mysterious ways." After hearing news of Coulter's closed mouth, Seattle's very own Father Jimmy Smith added, "This is truly delightful news to hear." When asked about the high conversion rate, he added, "If I had known all I had to do to convert people was gag that vile, wretched woman, I would have prepared that exorcism years ago. The bonus to this wonderful Thanksgiving miracle is that people are turning to God. "

Alan Colmes, the co-host on Fox News Channel's political debate program, Hannity & Colmes, added, "I really will miss grinning and nodding silently to whatever Ann Coulter has to say. I will continue to wish for her speedy recovery." He also added, "I will be so much happier when I can get back to barely ever disagreeing with Ann Coulter. When she recovers, I will be sure to invite her to my radio show and let her talk a full hour, uninterrupted, to hawk her new book." It has already been predicted that listeners will begin to wonder if Colmes' radio show has been taken over by Coulter, as they will not be able to see Colmes' trademark nodding and grinning over the radio. News anchor and political commentator, Chris Matthews, known for his nightly hour-long talk show, Hardball with Chris Matthews, noted a tingle in his leg at this news. It was on Matthews' show that Coulter said some of her most memorable wild, outlandish, unproven, rabid, right wing quotes. Matthews also added that he cannot wait, http://mediamatters.org/items/200607280001">"to have her back."

-snip-

:evilgrin: :P

In case there is anyone who cannot figure out that this is totally made up satire, I just made this up for fun.

[malaise]

1. Very good

:rofl:

[Jamastiene]

4. Thank you.

I just had to do something to commemorate this moment. :evilgrin:

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

2. +1 for the Colmes shot.

[Jamastiene]

6. I couldn't resist the Colmes shot.

:evilgrin:

[izzie]

3. Thank God for people like you. I love this stuff.

To be on the safe side we will have to see that every religion seems to have these crazies that take it all to far. And I mean every God loving group in the world seem to produce these crazies at the fringe. It is a wonder so many get so powerful but all one needs to do is read history to see this. Any one for hanging Quakers as my forefather's did? One they even hung twice!!!:yourock:

[Jamastiene]

8. There must have been some forbidden love in my family tree.

Some of my ancestors led the Salem witch trials and others were burned. Some of my ancestors were slaves and some kept slaves.

It's strange what people will do sometimes and at other times will not.

[izzie]

14. There were slaves in the Bay and I had a ancestor that was called

a witch but she was not killed. I grew up in a very GOP family and was always told that one must not let any church rule the mind and by the way that it takes a village to have a town etc. Where is that old GOP party any how?

[malaise]

11. Kick because I love good humor n/t

[izzie]

15. They really did hang one women twice. Even the King of

England was a little up tight about it. Seems she came back into the 'City on the Hill' after the first time did not take, when they did her in. Best not to be a Quaker in dear old Bay Colony at that time. When you grew up with that stuff in your back ground you learn that churches are a thing to not trust. Reason is a little better.

[Auggie]

5. Recommended

Well done

:applause:

[Jamastiene]

7. Thank you.

:evilgrin:

[Kazak]

9. Must've been all those answered prayers in early November...

:shrug:

[Jamastiene]

10. Ann Coulter had her jaw broken and wired shut.

Double bonus. :thumbsup:

[Ichingcarpenter]

12. Babe Bush's Stomach wall agrees that there must be a god

Her beautiful mind however doesn't listen to god.

[Zhade]

13. Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were serious.

Very funny!