Colbert ‘Top Candidate’ for Next Archbishop of New York

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(Satire)

'Color Blindness’ Key Factor

As reported in recent days by Newsmax, Pope Benedict XVI will shortly announce his choice for the next Archbishop of New York. According to the report, an anonymous Vatican source says that, “the Pope has chosen an archbishop who is ‘dynamic, conservative and orthodox’.” That quote has led to widespread speculation among Vatican watchers centering primarily around two top contenders: Archbishop Timothy Dolan of Milwaukee and prominent television personality Stephen Colbert.

Colbert, 44, an Emmy-winning Bill O’Reilly protege and New Jersey Sunday school teacher, has, according to insiders, emerged as a strong contender on the strength of his New York ties and his self-described ‘color blindness’, a term used to describe his ability to ignore skin color in his dealings with others.

‘His Holiness believes it is important to send a clear message that the Church is moving forward and will remain in-step with the times,” according to an anonymous source close to the process, “And embracing high level leadership that goes so far as to not even acknowledge race will probably create a more positive image of the Church than embracing those who deny the Holocaust has done.”

What some consider an indication that Colbert may in fact be the Pontiff’s choice are reports that have surfaced where witnesses have described seeing the Pope “practicing his finger wag in the mirror”. Pope Benedict, long a fan of the regular ‘Colbert Report’ segment ‘Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger’ is said to have long admired Colbert’s admonishing finger wag technique.

Rest of this story: http://thedesperateblogger.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/colbert-%E2%80%98top-candidate%E2%80%99-for-next-archbishop-of-new-york/

[whistle]

1. It's fascism!

[rurallib]

2. I'd heard that Caroline Kennedy had expressed interest ........

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4. Mentioned at end of story...

Also understand now that Daschle's out, Blagojevich is someone who had expressed interest in HHS post, at least according to the FBI.

[kwassa]

3. more likely O'Reilly would be Archbishop and Grand Inquisitor.

anyone with liberal leanings gets sent to the rack.

Then, burned at the stake.

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

5. more like the Dark Knight and Grand Inquisitor n/t