servants retaliating against Wall St. scammers

[yurbud]

When Wells Fargo execs canceled their retreat in Vegas, it was assumed that they had been shamed by bad publicity about partying on taxpayers' bail out dime. But federal investigators revealed it was because they feared being the latest victims of retaliation for Wall Street's heartless financial abuse of average Americans. And the revenge is being dealt by people with intimate access to them who they usually ignore: servants.

The lowest level of harassment comes from food servers, according to FBI agent Pete Gadamo, who has been tracking the crimes. "I've seen all the old favorites, from bodily fluids in drinks to feces in ice cream and frappacinnos to household cleaners in umbrella drinks. If that Drano martini had been handed to an innocent person by mistake, it could have led to a real tragedy."

Valets and maids who have access to untended laptops, blackberries, and cell phones, and have erased data, changed phone numbers by one digit, and changed their wives' birthdays. In one case, a valet called all the contacts in a cell phone and said it's owner was cooperating with an SEC investigation and named them as co-conspirators. In another case, a valet gave a bank exec the keys to someone else's black BMW identical to his own then reported the car stolen at gun point. The exec died in a hail of bullets after a high speed chase. Then the valet did the same thing with that execs keys.

Those with access to their rooms have put snakes and scorpions in their beds, and in one incident, the water jet in a bidet was replaced with an acetylene torch. "That poor bastard burned his balls off before he knew what hit him, and the doctor literally had to rip him a new asshole," Gadamo said.

Sex workers have gotten into the act too, putting Ben Gay on butt plugs, leaving clients handcuffed, naked, and ball-gagged for the maid to find, and secretly videotaping their clients sexual perversions and sending them to their board of directors and wives.

Gadamo said the perpetrators do these acts spontaneously and have no contact with each other. "It's really a shame since each person pretty much has to re-invent the wheel instead borrowing what someone else has done and improving on it."

By bringing this trend to light, Gadamo hopes to change this. He also says he sees little prospect of catching the culprits.

"However, if we do catch anyone, we will punish their crimes as severely as Wall Street's crimes have been punished," Gadamo said.

[underseasurveyor]

1. Gosh I'm torn on this one

Really:dilemma:

[SmileyRose]

2. Even agent Pete seems to find it a bit amusing.

I'm pretty mad at the little fuckers and would love to see them spend life in orange jumpsuits but I certainly don't wish them mutilated or killified.

[underseasurveyor]

5. Certainly not killed

but to mess with their blackberries and such, yea I find that quite amusing myself.

[dflprincess]

52. I liked calling everyone and telling them about a SEC investigation

:rofl:

[mitchum]

53. On the other hand...dead men do no more mischief

[Why Syzygy]

3. Unless things have changed..

Vegas has the worst food service ever. The casino workers are unionized, including restaurant staff.

"However, if we do catch anyone, we will punish their crimes as severely as Wall Street's crimes have been punished," Gadamo said.
We can only hope.

Do you have a source link? This is great stuff. Though I am sorry to hear about the shooting.

[yurbud]

6. me

[Why Syzygy]

20. post 16 is for you.

doy

[glitch]

34. You should write for The Onion, this is too good.

And I'd like to think true.

[yurbud]

35. yeah, why haven't they asked me those bastards?

[yurbud]

36. I added some more paragraphs to the blog version, but it was past editing time, so here's additions:

...a real tragedy."

Wall Street executives have quietly had to give up ordering flambe dishes altogether after a server tripped and "accidentally" threw a flaming dessert in a hedge fund managers face. Since his dinner companions and the other patrons were unaccustomed to rendering aid to others, they either ignored him or took cameraphone photos to send to their friends as he ran around the dining room screaming before jumping in a decorative fountain. No one would have thought anything of it if it hadn't happened to someone else later that day, and then again the next day, and the next.

***

...catching the culprits.

"I'm not getting enough sleep to do a good job lately," Gadamo yawned. "My house got foreclosed, and I had to move into my mother in law's garage with my wife, two kids, and three dogs. Somebody's always stepping on me or making noise when I'm trying to sleep."

[Bake]

41. Excellent!! You definitely had me!!

ZING!!

I especially liked the part about the bidet with the acetylene torch smokin' that guy's balls off.

YOW!

Bake

[Why Syzygy]

16. Zing! Got me.

Which is entirely okay because that means it really is the power of the People.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=4976477&mesg_id=4976477

[tavalon]

26. I ithink that was a direct linkup with yurbuds brain

[yurbud]

49. No, I haven't figured out how to do that Matrix thing yet. I still have to type with my fingers

[JVS]

4. There was even some maniac who used a highlighter to scrawl obscenities of briefcases.

[cherish44]

7. So do you write for Robot Chicken?

Actually sounds like a great idea for a video game :nuke:

[aquart]

12. It really does, actually.

[yurbud]

42. that would sell like mortgage based derivatives!

[billyoc]

8. You really had me there for a minute.

Acetelyne bidets! :rofl:

[The Doctor.]

22. Me too... up to the 'hail of bullets'.

[yurbud]

43. here in LA that's on the news every night.

[The Doctor.]

44. Wall street moguls gunned down?!?

Or just mid-level management?

[yurbud]

48. no, usually it's working class person picked at random. But if we could convince local news ratings

would improve if it was Wall St. execs...

[ColbertWatcher]

9. Is there a link? n/t

[aquart]

11. I'd really like a link, too.

[Morning Dew]

37. link

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4984507

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[NutmegYankee]

10. I wish this was true and not Onion material.

It would serve them right.

[CJCRANE]

13. Was this written by Chuck Palahniuk?

:shrug:

[Greyhound]

14. Tyler has the right idea. n/t

[Seldona]

18. 'Do not fuck with us!'

LOL

Mmmm, that's some good satire.

[Greyhound]

15. LOL! K&R

:rofl:

Thanks Bud.
:fistbump:

[cherish44]

19. Me too

"That poor bastard burned his balls off before he knew what hit him, and the doctor literally had to rip him a new asshole," Gadamo said.
:rofl:

[Hannah Bell]

17. they've never caught anyone, but they know it's servants doing it?

what, do the servants poop in the drinks, change the car keys, & immediately abscond to south america under assumed identities?

i don't quite buy it. i buy a bit of covert sabotage - but most of these examples sound pretty overt. as in, they'd never work again.

has the whiff of upper-class urban legends in a time of overt class warfare - "Our slaves mean to do us harm!"

Possible projection alert...


& on edit, i see it's a story...too bad, eh? wish they *were* scared.

[eridani]

21. Linky linky? n/t

[Manifestor_of_Light]

23. professorsmartass.blogspot.com

Also at buzzflash.

[KillCapitalism]

24. Nice post!

I liked the one about Ben Gay on butt plugs. :rofl:

[silverojo]

25. I love your fiendish way of thinking

But my bullshit meter just overloaded. Good one!

[smokey nj]

27. Nice job!

[Festivito]

28. Sounds like more fun than it should be.

But, it sure is funny. Thanks.

[LaydeeBug]

29. I call bullshit. nt

[yurbud]

39. I just gave you some. If you want more, go to my blog and search for satire.

[snot]

30. any way we can make this true?

[havocmom]

45. Life DOES sometime imitate art, and this is art at it's most instructional

Some of the stunts suggested in OP seem easy enough to pull off... }(

More of us need to face the reality that there has been a class war going on for 40+ years, and the guys on top have been killing us peons in all manner of ways. We so need to get over playing nice by rules they decree for us but don't observe themselves.

[yurbud]

50. I was trying to figure out where to post it to get that effect

[Blue_Tires]

31. Operation Mayhem wasn't a pipe dream after all!

[Ganja Ninja]

32. "we will punish their crimes as severely as Wall Street's crimes have been punished"

Yeah that ought to make'em quiver. What's the penalty, 40 lashes with a wet noodle? :eyes:

[lonestarnot]

33. Oh sure sure sure.

:eyes:

[earth mom]

38. Karma is a b*tch as they say....

I hope it doesn't get me for thinking this is as funny as hell! :rofl: :spank:

[NashVegas]

40. self-delete

sorry

[anonymous171]

46. "it could have led to a real tragedy"

:spray: :rofl: Nice one.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

47. The REVOLUTION will NOT be Televised.

I think it's bull.

Clue: Real FBI agents do not cuss in public, especially when giving statements to the press.

:rofl:

Those quotes would be priceless if they were true.

:rofl:

[Generic Brad]

51. B-b-b-b-but this must be true

It's on the internet!

:argh: