What I learned today: If you have a loved one who is suffering with pain

[Mike 03]

I have an experience to share.

I'm quite shy, not really a very assertive person. Someone close to me had pain that was not being controlled at all, and in desperation, without approving it with him, I went ahead an wrote to his doctors. I felt guilty at the time for doing this, for going behind his back, in a sense.

But his doctors wrote back within two hours. They told me they agreed with my assessment that this person was too "tough" to admit how bad the pain was, and that they were relieved to hear from someone who could confirm what they suspected, that the pain was bad and uncontrolled.

They subsequently hospitalized him, and today I talked to him and his pain is being controlled. He is sleeping well for the first time in months. He sounds so much happier.

There is this stigma about treating pain lately, and I just want people to know that most doctors really do care and will do what they have to do to treat pain.

Don't give up if you have a loved one in pain, and please don't feel embarrassed or anxious or shy about contacting his or her doctor.

ON EDIT

And there are so many options, more than I knew existed. And there are new medications coming down the pipeline practically every month.

If one thing doesn't work, there is ALWAYS something else.

[renate]

1. good for you!

I was just this minute wondering about you and your loved one. I'm so glad that he's getting some pain relief.

Bless your heart. :loveya:

[Callalily]

2. What a wonderful thing

you did for your friend. Also, those who have been in pain for a long time, truly have a hard time coping being pain free. Crazy but true.

Glad you intervened.

[Sequoia]

3. What a good friend you are.

[shari]

4. Mike, so sorry for what you're going through with your Dad.

So glad that he's getting relief. If he's getting chemo sometimes it makes it hard to sleep and you can request sleeping pills also, the Doc will decide if it's compatible with the meds. Made a world of difference for my hubby.

[EFerrari]

5. Great job, Mike.

:hug:

[rwheeler31]

6. Thank you

[Tangerine LaBamba]

7. Risky behavior, but with a good outcome -

If you have this person's Health Care Power Of Attorney, your actions were completely proper, and I'm glad it worked out for the person about whom you were concerned.

But, if you didn't, the physicians were taking a risk in communicating with you about their patient. It's a privileged and confidential relationship, the doctor-patient, and, while I think they did the morally correct thing here, they also put themselves in a kind of legal jeopardy by discussing a patient with someone who did not have the legal authority to speak for the patient.

A Health Care Power of Attorney is a vital document for everyone to have. I put one up on my website a long time ago, and the downloads were hugh!111!!!

I'm glad it worked out for you and the person.

[EFerrari]

9. I'm going to lay this out, not for Tangerine, but for anyone who has to communicate

with a doctor when you don't have all the paper and when you have an urgent situation:

YOU DO NOT NEED A RELEASE TO GIVE INFORMATION. It's the doctor that needs a release to give information.

So, you can call the doctor and GIVE information, e.g., "This person's condition needs immediate care for the following reasons".

Once getting your information, the doctor needs to act on that information or they are liable for the consequences.

And once again, so very well done, Mike!

[Tangerine LaBamba]

11. But,

the doctor cannot - without a release, which would be included in the caller's possession of a Health Care Power Of Attorney - discuss the patient with anyone.

[EFerrari]

14. See above. n/t

[Tangerine LaBamba]

18. See below

You're back, and still trying. That's great.

Kudos.

[EFerrari]

19. I've been a member of DU since 11/2004 and have never left

so I can hardly "be back".

And as someone who dealt with an adult who was frequently incapacitated, I have shared, over the years, successful strategies with DU.

I didn't and haven't tried at all. :)

[Tangerine LaBamba]

20. No,

I meant from yesterday.

Short term memory loss. Watch that.

Congratulations.

You're hanging in just fine.

[EFerrari]

22. There problem here is, that same adult I was responsible for

projected all over me like a Cineplex so, I'm very sorry, TL, but am going to just refer you back to whatever holds you together.

My memory is just fine. :)

[Tangerine LaBamba]

23. It's about a Health Care Power of Attorney,

or a release properly executed so that a treating physician can discuss a patient's condition and care with someone other than the patient.

Fairly basic stuff.

The good thing is that the OP got a good result and relief is attained. The medications available for pain relief today are astonishing in their efficacy, and the physicians who still maintain that "don't want to get them addicted" nonsense are becoming rarer and rarer, which is a good thing.

[elizfeelinggreat]

33. YOU DO NOT NEED A RELEASE TO GIVE INFORMATION

Thanks for this reminder, EFerrari.

[EFerrari]

37. My pleasure!

:hi:

[rwheeler31]

10. They ask on the privacy statement who can share that

information. Are You telling us that is not legal?

[Tangerine LaBamba]

12. Did the patient sign the statement,

designating with whom the doctor can share the information? If so, that's good, and all is well.

I'm assuming that was already in the file, since the OP has been on this matter for quite a while, it seems to me.

[elizfeelinggreat]

8. How wonderful of you to be so thoughtful

I was taught to be 'strong' and not complain about pain - I understand the mindset and it's hard to overcome.

[bonito]

13. K&R n/t !!!

[slackmaster]

15. I often wish I had a friend like you

Very few people have even the slightest understanding of what it's like to live with pain.

[FedUpWithIt All]

16. What a loving thing to do.

:hug:

[dembotoz]

17. god bless you

you just made someone you care about have a better life.

don't get much better than that.

congrats

[Jeanette in FL]

21. These are the hardest days of your life

Do not feel guilty. You are doing what is right.

A few years ago, my mother-in-law, in the last stages of Alzheimer's, was going through horrible pain. She wasn't really with us at all, but she was thrashing and grimacing in the bed. They had to tie her arms down to stop her from pulling out the IV's. My husband and his family couldn't deal with it at all.

I asked the head nurse if pain medication had been prescribed for her, that I knew my mother-in-law was in pain and that it was equally painful for her sons and husband to witness this. The nurse told me that morphine had been prescribe as needed, but that no one in the family had requested on her behalf. At that moment I requested.

Even though I knew this would now be the end, I still feel I did the best for my mother-in-law and her family. Everyone relaxed once she relaxed. I can still remember the peace that filled her face at the end.

Just know that you are doing the best that you can. No one can prepare you for this.

You did great for your Dad.

[Oak2004]

24. Hurray for you!

I have severe chronic pain -- or rather, would have severe chronic pain were my meds to magically disappear in a moment. What I actually have is a boxful of medications and pain that falls more in the nuisance to annoying range than the debilitating range, most of the time.

It's easy, especially if severe pain comes on gradually, to get to thinking that what is happening to oneself is trivial. Before I ended up in pain management, I had convinced myself there was nothing odd about taking 45 minutes to get out of bed, or crawling on the floor for about 30 minutes afterward, to inch my way to a kitchen chair. If I hadn't had an unrelated health issue that brought the VNA into my home, maybe I'd still be doing that and worse, and thinking it wasn't all that weird.

Anyone impaired by pain needs their pain treated, not toughed out.

[pacalo]

31. Oak, you've expressed to a "t" what my husband says his pain is like.

Until he got his meds increased to 3 pills a day for his very severe back pain, he was suffering terribly in between the two doses per day. The pain affects his entire nervous system & it's really unbearable to witness. For months I begged him to ask for a third pill, but he kept refusing, afraid that he'd get addicted or, worse, that his body would develop an intolerance to the medication he couldn't survive without.

I'm so glad Mike started this thread because I've read so many helpful tips. It's especially good to know that there are many other pain medications available to those in chronic pain, with no medical alternatives.

[skygazer]

25. I'm very glad to hear it

I remember your thread the other day in which you wondered if you'd done the right thing. I'm relieved to hear you had a positive outcome and that the pain is now better controlled. Chronic pain is horribly wearing, both physically and mentally, and it is tough to see someone you love suffering.

Good job. :fistbump:

[DevonRex]

26. That's a good thing you did. Sometimes chronic pain sufferers don't even realize

just how much worse they are, because pain can come on gradually. Another thing is that it can really make the person depressed to the point that they feel like nobody can help them. Pain can also make it so that the person can hardly think straight. And yes, there are many people who can't admit how bad it is because it makes them feel weak to admit it. Add that to the fact that there is so much misinformation out there about different drugs and their addictive properties that it's no wonder folks don't speak up.

You did a brave thing to help another human being. I am SO proud of you, especially since you are rather shy. Thank you for sharing this with us. It's stories like these that give me the greatest hope. :hi: and :hug:

[closeupready]

27. That's a wonderful story!

:hug: I personally think there are a lot of people, esp. healthy young people, who have never suffered chronic pain, and don't understand how debilitating it is. It's nice to know there are effective pain relievers out there. :) Thanks for posting.

[tblue37]

28. I am on meds for chronic pain.

Without my meds, I would not be able to work. I also would not be able to sleep or do anything else!

[OneBlueSky]

36. ditto here . . . I have a very unusual condition . . .

that is the result of a huge herniated disk impacting a bundle of nerves that extend off the spinal cord . . . the condition is called "cauda equina syndrome," and among its many symptoms are several different kinds of chronic and intermittent pain . . .

I've been on pain meds for many years, and can state categorically that I could not function without the relief they provide . . . I'm never 100% pain free, but well enough to work part-time (from home) and function on a day-to-day basis . . .

for a long time there's been a stigma about pain meds, mainly because they can be (and often are) abused . . . but used as intended, and as prescribed by competent pain specialists, these medications are literal life savers for many millions of chronic pain sufferers . . .

[1776Forever]

29. Pain led a loved one to want to stop living it was so bad & no Dr. would help!

The way it is in Florida you have to be dying in order for them to believe you are in excruciating pain. There are so many people there who are drug attics that the Hospitals are afraid to treat a middle aged person who says they are in pain because of it. We had to go for almost 2 years to 7 different Hospitals and 8 different Dr's until we got them help! It was awful, for them and us! It is a shame that it takes so much time and effort to get someone in pain the help they need now more then ever!

Glad your friend got the help they needed! Thanks for being there!

[Mike 03]

30. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your responses.

You have no idea how much your responses mean. Public and private.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much your advice, suggestions and just being nice thoughts have meant to me.

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I can never repay you for your kindness.

[tom_paine]

32. You made a tough call, and it could have backfired on you, but it didn't. I am happy for you

and especially for your loved one.

[Odin2005]

34. We have this stupid notion that you are a "wuss" if you don't "grin and bear it".

I've even head stories about doctors refusing to prescribe pain meds because they assume the person is a druggie addicted to narcotics and is lying about the pain.

I'm fortunate in that I have a unusually high pain threshold, but most people aren't so lucky.

[Wiley50]

35. painfoundation.org would be a great resource for you right now

American pain foundation is a great org.

They will support and go to bat for you. They've helped me immensely.

The website has a forum, like DU so don't miss it.

painfoundation.org