what's strength? (a survivor's op-ed )

[Ghost in the Machine]

what's strength? (a survivor's op-ed)

hi, kids--

I'm climbin back on my rocker today, and I want y'all to gather 'round and listen.

Someone I used to date...someone I could have possibly loved, given time...once said, "Strong only gets you lonely..." and it was because he refused to invest his heart in any relationship...his wife left him for someone she found on the internet after 16 years, you see...and he punishes the whole world with coldness, which he takes for strength. But it's not.

What's strong? Strong is when you come out of hellfire and brimstone still breathing, with your brains still functioning, and your soul intact...able to put your feet on the floor every morning, even when everything inside you is screaming for you to just pull the blankets back over your head and hide from the shitheads of the world...

Strong is the ability to look yourself in the eye, and say, "ok, I had to do this, and this, and this, but by the Gods, I made it through..." and not be ashamed.

Strong is the ability to continue to give of yourself, at any given moment, for any reason, or no reason at all.

Strong is the ability to realize that just because one asshole hurt you, or two of them, or five of them, it DOES NOT make the entire gender a race of assholes out to hurt you.

Strong is the ability to continue to love...yes, even romantically.

Strong is the ability to take a chance...on yourself.

He was wrong, for so many reasons, but he's become cocky, vain, and an asshole who gets preachy when he drinks...and mistakes all of that for true Strength.

Strong, my angels, is what YOU do every day of your lives. Strong is the ability to LIVE, and not hide behind an iceberg where your heart ought to be.

I'm so proud of you. All of you. And you should be too.
And remember--SMILE, it makes people wonder what you've been up to ;)

Love, Wolfie

http://lummoxpress.com/newlp.htm
Bare Feet, Broken Glass by Anita Wynn - available from Lummox Press $6 ppd.

Written in memory of Rose, and all, who have suffered or died at the hands of abusers. Don't let their memories die...and give hope to those who think there's no way out...

For more background on this, see this post: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=5006402&mesg_id=5006402

Peace,

Ghost

[FirstLight]

1. Thanks again for sharing...

SOOO many people don't understand the need to remove oneself and the children from the situation. and while I know we are healing in dozens of ways and every day is better...there are stil times that I just can't muster forgiveness or compassion for the men who are on the other side of the abuse.

Can't feel sorry for someone who refused to heal their demons and chose to take them out on me or the babies...

and I won't say sorry for wishing him misery for his arrogance
yep, he used to tell me I as weak and he was stronger than me, that's why he could hold me down and yell in my face, because he thought he was strong.

I know that the strength I have cultivated over the past five years is immeasurably beter, because my kids are happy and healthy and ble to know more about love than fear.

:hug:

[Ghost in the Machine]

2. Forgiveness towards your abuser is NOT something you *have* to do...

Wolfie (Anita) took a lot of flack for stating this to one group she was involved with. She says it's not your place to forgive them, but you can if *you* feel like it. It's all up to each individual, whatever helps *you* and makes *you* feel better and able to move forward.

What matters the most is that you keep moving forward in your life, doing what's best for you and your children. It is entirely normal and natural to feel resentment towards your abuser. The best revenge you can get is to live well and do things that they told you you couldn't do... like make it on your own without them.

Peace to you & yours, FirstLight

:hug:

[Ghost in the Machine]

3. evening kick

:kick: