Geithner Warns His Talking Could Cause Depression

[Ichingcarpenter]

In testimony before Congress today, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner warned that by continuing to talk he might plunge the nation into a depression.


"The nation's economy is in a crisis that could easily turn into a catastrophe," the Treasury Secretary said. "In this precarious state, it is highly vulnerable to my talking."


Mr. Geithner pointed to the Dow Jones Industrial Average's 300-point drop during his previous day of Congressional testimony as proof that his amorphous policy statements posed a serious threat to the nation's economy.


"What further damage could my vague remarks do?" he asked. "The truth is, I don't know."


Overseas markets plunged on the news that Mr. Geithner was talking again, with both the NIKKEI and the FTSE shedding over eight percent of their value.


At a town hall meeting in Indiana, President Barack Obama heard from a housewife, Carol Foyler, 47, who pleaded with the President to make Mr. Geithner stop talking.


"Every time he opens his mouth, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my house," she said.


President Obama hugged Mrs. Foyler and said he would "see what I can do" about the Geithner problem.


"I will do everything in my power to get Tim to stop talking," the President said. "Quite honestly, I already have my hands full with Biden."

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

[Donnachaidh]

1. Wake up call Geithner you f*ckwit -- we ARE in a DEPRESSION.

So I guess we're going to have NO TRANSPARENCY from the Treasury Department? Yeah, that's the sort of CHANGE we voted for. NOT. :grr:

[Ichingcarpenter]

4. Borowitz

is like the Onion.

[Romulox]

2. Right. He is handing out US taxpayer funded obligations like a thief in the night for our own good

What a fucking crook this Geithner is--a Wall Street insider looking out for his own.

Mark my words: he'll be lobbying on behalf of a private firm within 2 years.

[hlthe2b]

3. This is comedy, though reality may be closer (Borowitz Report)

[Myrina]

5. He just really needs to SFTU until there's a solid plan.

I realize this is satire but there was no need for his half-assed appearance the other day other than to show that his head's not in the game yet and that Team Obama does not have the plan worked out.

One of the talking heads said yesterday - and I agree totally - that they've only been in office 3 weeks, and this is a GYNORMOUS problem, so there is absolutely no reason for us to think they could present us with a comprehensive and well-thought out plan at this early point, so don't push them to.

He needs to head back to his office and close the door 'til he's got this shit figured out from all angles.

[tuckessee]

6. Then resign, Timmy.

Maybe Mr. Geithner could spend the extra time learning the tax code.

[Donnachaidh]

7. or doing the tutorial for Turbo tax

:eyes:

[amborin]

8. it's more vulnerable to his NOT talking!

[Warpy]

9. Hey, Tim, you're not that powerful

and the economy will continue to go down the pan for the next two years no matter what you say or do. There is just no way to stop it other than by stripping the wealthy of all but subsistence and chopping the Pentagon's budget in half and using the boodle to provide seed money for the complete restructuring of this country's industry from the bottom up, based on non petroleum sources.

And we know no one in Congress is prepared to do that, so we had better become resigned to the fact that we're all going to be in a world of major suck for the foreseeable future.

[Connie_Corleone]

10. IT'S SATIRE!!!!

Good grief! It's a joke, people.

[Systematic Chaos]

11. One of my favorite reasons for coming here lately is observing the hordes

who "just don't get it".

Shame on you for spoiling my fun! :evilgrin:

[tuckessee]

12. Satire is only good when it's close to the truth.

In this case the OP is REALLY, REALLY GOOD satire.

[RedEarth]

13. I was just going to say the same thing ....

actually, it was fairly obvious