The giving a heart for the fund drive reminds me so much of grade school

[elocs]

where it was a measure of popularity with some kids getting none. I didn't give it much thought then, but I feel bad about it now and for those kids. Back then I was pretty much in the middle, but I wish now that I could apologize to the kids to whom I was cruel. Little cuts can leave lasting scars.

I understand the point of doing it here, I just don't like the concept. I got one and I appreciate the thought, but I wish it had been given to someone who really wanted one. I realize that most everyone will disagree with my point of view, but that's just how I feel about it.

[Robbien]

1. It isn't very often that any DUer runs around here heartless for very long

So don't feel too bad about it. Those without hearts will be hearted soon enough.

[girl gone mad]

18. Actually,

last year was the first year I got a heart, and it was only after I whined about it (in jest). Sometimes people are left out.

ETA: For some reason, I didn't have to beg this year. lol.. someone here doesn't hate me :)

[emilyg]

2. I couldn't stand not being loved so

hearted myself.
ed. and one other unhearted du'er.

[peace13]

3. Speaking as a young woman in high school who never got the flower

delivered to home room. I try to make sure that folks here have at least one heart. I think you will see before this is all said and done that everyone will have a heart. Not to worry. Peace and love to you. Kim

[petronius]

19. Oh, thanks. I was happy to get a heart, but now I feel like crap 'cause it must be pity...

:cry:






:P

[peace13]

41. Too funny!

Never fear...it's all good!

[leftchick]

4. I think back on those middle school days

and feel like an asshat for anything derogatory I may have said to anyone. I totally agree with you.

[Solly Mack]

5. In grade school I gave everyone in my class a valentine

and I wish I could afford to do the same now. I don't like anyone feeling left out. You're right..."Little cuts can leave lasting scars"

[liberalmuse]

6. I understand that those with a lot of hearts...

are DUers who contribute a lot (articles, intelligent commentary, lovely pictures). I'm one of those who just posts stupid little comments. I'm shocked I even have some hearts, being rather shy, introverted and not one of the really social DUers who reaches out to people. It speaks to the unconditional kindness and giving of many of the people belonging to this forum.

[Skittles]

25. maybe you just underestimate yourself, liberalmuse

some of us think you are awesome :thumbsup:

[seabeyond]

42. could also mean a person donated and gave themselves a bunch of hearts

it isnt indicative of worth.

[TBF]

7. I often express pretty far left views on here and thought there was no

way anyone would heart me, but sure enough I found one this morning when I signed on. I got in the spirit and bought a bunch to donate as well. Some to friends, but most to others who didn't have one yet. I think it's been nice to see a friendlier atmosphere on here all weekend. Or maybe I just need to hang in the lounge more often :)

[Strong Atheist]

9. It is always like this on V-Day. Of course, the Lounge

rocks!

[classof56]

8. Oy, you just brought back some painful memories.

Like the kids who pass out birthday party invitations but only to "special classmates", and the rest of us--them--could sit there feeling well, just plain awful. Always made sure my kids did not do that, recalling those little cuts that left lasting scars. You deserve your heart and all the hearts you receive, elocs. 'Cause clearly you have a good heart, and you're a caring and compassionate person. You make a difference to all of us, and I'm glad you're a part of DU.

Blessings and Happy Valentines Day.

[SammyWinstonJack]

10. .

:hug:

[The Straight Story]

11. you bring an interesting discussion up, my view:

My view is from the other side of the coin. I like to give out hearts to make folks feel a little better and more appreciated, and as a way of saying 'hey, I have read your posts here - thanks for being here'.

The only problem is each person has only so many to give (and I could only give 2 this time and that was thanks to someone else even).

A solution that could please all: Let people give as many hearts as they want for free, but the free ones are limited to a few various sayings on the hearts. To get a wider variety you have to donate (maybe even more sayings, some animated gifs, etc and so on). We could save space by using a subscript to show many of a particular heart saying someone has as well - or we could assign a small random number of hearts to be given to each person, so you would never know if someone gave you one or not :)

For me it is the joy of being able to give something so I welcome it, others see it similar to you. Neither is right or wrong.

It always hurts being left out, and as someone recently single I know that pain all too much - and I dreaded today. But I felt better getting some hearts and being able to give some.

A good thread on a day like today imho.

[Dappleganger]

12. If I could have given everyone here a heart

I would have done so, but could only afford two so gave them to people who hadn't one.
They're all beautiful and it's a nice gesture, but I hope no one gets their feelings hurt because of it.

:loveya:

[elocs]

13. I just remembered this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClgfwBMsB1w

[demodonkey]

22. How about this one?

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
Guess I'll go eat worms.
Great big fat ones, little wee skinny ones
Oh how they do squirm!

[seabeyond]

14. but the really nifty i have seen is most all get one. cause we are adult and cause

we do think this thru and dont want ANYONE to feel bad but a part of the whole, you will find most all get them. i havent been on the board much today, and it is just starting so i dont know that it is appearent just yet....

but it is a good bonding time of giving without people doing without

we are dems after all

[seabeyond]

15. for example, i just checked your thread and ALL posters had hearts and each poster

got a little good feeling when they posted and had seen some anonymous someone had thought about them

[Two Americas]

16. couldn't agree with you more

Especially with the cliques and schoolyard bully behavior that goes on all too frequently here, the hearts popularity contest is very misguided at best, in my opinion.

But see, there I go again - expressing an unpopular opinion. Can't get any hearts that way lol.

I think the hearts project reinforces the very worst behavior and attitudes here. The contrast between the lovey-dovey illusion about this, and the mean-spirited, "cool kids" exclusionary attitudes that underpin it is quite stark, in my view.

As I have experienced first hand at other "progressive" sites, when those expressing left wing views develop a popular following, and they start getting a lot of recs or karma or whatever, the admins change the rules because THEN we start hearing people complain about popularity contests. Not all "cool kids" are equal, it seems.

Popularity contests are intended to reinforce and promote conventional views. When they are not serving that purpose, they are quickly dumped. It is one of the many ways that Internet boards reinforce conventional views, disproportionate to the actual numbers.

Also, poor people are less able to give out hearts, so the whole thing is susceptible to being skewed to the more affluent members and those who support them in their opinions.

If the hearts are truly for the purpose of letting a member know they have a secret admirer, then why do they appear in people's posts? So everyone can see who is "more loved" and who is not?

One dollar one vote schemes are always inherently regressive and contrary to the principles we supposedly share here.

[Irish Girl]

23. I love your contributions to this board, Two Americas

I joined last year and am pretty late to the party, but your posts have always been a joy to click on and read. The vibe on DU is different tonight because of the hearts and its nice to see people spreading the love. And I know these little hearts don't come cheap!

Lately it seems as if postings have become more tense (and understandably, so given economic conditions), but unfortunately also resulting in people being at each other's throats more. It's nice to honor and cherish others with a small gesture today, even if we don't always agree with every opinion.

DU'ers may come from different backgrounds and philosophies but ultimately we all wish to see a brighter future for our beloved country and for our children and families.

[Two Americas]

45. agreed

Thanks for the kind words - you made my day Irish Girl. :hug:

I think that the hearts are great, but displaying them so we can all see who are and who are not the most popular kids negates any good feelings that were the point of the hearts to begin with. I have been pm-ing people asking them to not give me hearts, but to give them to those who have few or none. Some buy themselves hearts. Think about that.

We were all in middle school, and know what is happening. In the schoolyard, the same people are always trying to build a clique around themselves, are always grandstanding, are always rallying and leading the pack, are the dominant ones. Many more are left out than are included, and the dominant group is aggressive and bullying, and as Democrats we should be resistant to that whenever and wherever we see it happening.

My hearts go to the left behind and the left out; to those without a job or a roof over their heads; to the mocked and ridiculed; to those suffering from persecution and abuse; to those with the courage to speak out and express unpopular opinions here; to those who stand against the bullies and the cliques.

[Carni]

17. I was in highschool during the punk era...

We just pretended that being obnoxious and unloved was a fashionable thing LOL
(kind of like today's repuke spin!)

[Arugula Latte]

20. I still feel bad about third grade.

I didn't give valentines to a few of the boys I didn't like (I was in a "I HATE BOYS!" period of my life). I don't know if they even noticed, and I'm sure they don't remember, but it's one of those things I wish I had not done...I think nowadays the teachers and parents stress inclusion more.

[XemaSab]

21. I've been totally ignored in previous years

and I have to say I feel a little odd about getting hearts this year.

I suppose I am happy that so many people thought to give to DU on my behalf, but I am sad that some of the best people here have no hearts, or only one or two. :(

[Control-Z]

24. I'm laughing about it now,

but I made my daughter (my first born) invite her entire 1st grade class to her birthday party, out of kindness to those kids who get left out.

We held the party at Bullwinkle's Pizza (with arcade and rides). 31 of her classmates showed up. :wtf: I figured at least a few of them would be sick or not want to attend. Ugh. I think we ordered something like 10 large pizzas, and my husband literally handed rolls of tokens out to each kid for the games and rides. Some of them even came back for more. But it was only about 5 - 6 girls who were arm locked, skipping and giggling with my daughter, so...anyway, I was freaked out and in a dead panic as I calculated each roll my husband gave out. Kept asking him if he was sure he wanted be so generous. But he was loving every minute of being the "cool dad" with all those kids.

Later I find out my husband was good friends with the manager and that we were only charged for the pizzas. Tokens were on the house. :rofl:

So the party was a hit. Everyone had a great time. And my daughter got more presents than she knew what to do with.

The truth is, though, it is expensive to be generous and fair. I've always tried but we really lucked out on that party.

[LibDemAlways]

26. That sort of exclusion doesn't end in grade school.

It certainly lives on in middle and high school, and is all too common among adults. I don't think it's any less painful being on the receiving end of a snub at 7 or 47.

[BlooInBloo]

27. Are you also against rec-ing posts then, by the exact same logic?

[Raine]

28. I remember one time in grade school

I got a valentine from a boy in class when I opend it the valentine said "I hate you" on the inside. :-( I was devastated then I found out he wrote that in all the valentines that he gave to the girls so then I laughed because I felt I was in good company. :7

[Irish Girl]

30. Too funny, Raine! Have a similar story

I received a Valentines from a naughty boy in grade school. The front said "You're pretty.." and inside, "pretty UGLY!" I burst into tears except I wasn't the only one weeping that day! That little rascal had distributed a whole bunch to every girl in class.

My day became much brighter when my best friend Collin (the boy who lived across the street) gave me a tiny Cracker Jack box ring with a blue and red heart intertwined and asked if I would marry him. We were five years old but it was my first kiss. (well, err, on the cheek anyway!) O8)

[KitSileya]

29. I totally see your point.

We didn't celebrate Valentine's day when I was in grade school, but it is creeping in more and more in advertising these days (in Norway.) To extend it to kids, who shouldn't know anything about romantic love anyway (I shudder when I hear parents talk about their kid's kindergarten girlfriend etc) is ridiculous in my opinion. Just another weapon to exclude and include.

As for the hearts here on DU, I don't really care that much. I donated last year, and got my donor star but not the hearts to give away because I donated over Amazon. This year, I have the excuse of having been to the dentist on Friday (no cavities, but I had to change a filling, so it was expensive.)

[DeepBlueC]

31. no one has to go without hearts

If you donate over and over, as I did, you get a hearts without ever having been given one. In the end you can go to bed without feeling like the class reject even if no one has actually given you a heart. It's still fun giving them out and just being at the party.

[DeepBlueC]

33. Jesus ,I actually got one!

Yeah, that does feel nice. Thank you Secret Admirer

[hfojvt]

34. getting one from yourself may cover a void

but you still know you haven't received anything. In the past I have usually only gotten one, but I do have fun giving them. Even if nobody likes me, or has me in their top ten friends (since their own heart supply is not infinite) there are lots of people that I like and so I would seek out the ones who didn't have very many hearts.

[DeepBlueC]

40. put it in perspective

First: it's a fund-raising drive. Second: it's not life.

[Evoman]

32. Meh, it's how life is.

You either sit in a corner and pout, or you get out there and meet people. Nobody ever became popular sulking.

Besides, on DU it's pretty easy to be popular....just keep writing mostly recycled, ostentatious threads that tug at heartstrings, or start a couple of cat-threads.

Ha!

:P

[hfojvt]

35. in my grade school everyone gave to everyone else

so I never experienced the whole exclusion thing. Which is not to say that there were no outcasts. But even outcasts usually had friends in other outcasts.

[devilgrrl]

36. In grade school we gave everyone in our class a valentine.

Many people here don't post a lot, there are a lot of people here to begin with - it's hard to get everyone. :shrug:

[tavalon]

37. I got 25 because I'm a monthly donor so I gave three to my hubby

and for the other 22, I found people who hadn't yet gotten one and gave them one. I feel a little uncomfortable with it, too, but I also like it. It's childlike fun. So, I'm conflicted.

[surrealAmerican]

38. This is slightly off topic, but ...

... speaking as one of those kids who got very few valentines (I only got them from the kids whose parents insisted they exclude no one), it's nice to know that the more popular kids grow up to regret leaving out kids like me. Yes, at the time it was very painful. Most valentine's days, I went home crying, but eventually I came to realize that being popular is not a goal of mine, and I'm happy with who I am.

[Buns_of_Fire]

39. The popular kids came to regret it because those of us unvalentined...

grew up, after making lists year after year, detailing who was on the "atomic wedgie" list.

And now we spend our days hunting them down, one by one. And people thought thong underwear was just a fashion statement. Heh heh heh... :evilgrin:

[seabeyond]

43. even in my time three decades ago, got them for whole class. today sons

had a list of class and the children did one for all.

sad you were actually in an environment where this wasnt a given. there is not even a thought to exclude children

[ensho]

44. I was in grade school in the 40s where we had to make valentines

for classmates and put them in a box.

some kids got more and some less and a few none.

I thought it was a totally unfair thing to do.

as an adult I always thought it was a wonderful way for some companies to make money. with ads playing on emotions.

[CrispyQ]

46. I like the hearts campaign.

I give hearts to good friends & those who don't have hearts. I also look for those without a 'star upon thar' & donate in their name. I can only afford to do it for three people, but it's fun to know that they now have a star & a few hearts to bestow on whomever they want.

When I was a kid, I would give a Valentine to everyone - even those I didn't like. Of course, I would give them the Valentines I didn't like so well! I couldn't bring myself to exclude anyone. There was this one boy that was very unpopular - no one liked him. When my friend found out that I gave him a Valentine she laughed & told our other friends. I had to endure my friends teasing me that I was in love with Paul. When I told my Mom, she asked me, "What's more important, Crispy? That your friends, who are still your friends, are teasing you about something they know is not true? Or that Paul, who probably hates Valentine's Day because he's always left out, was not left out?" She told me I should never be ashamed of being compassionate.