How would you handle right-wing parents who are constantly dropping bait for arguments?

[dem629]

They know my political views, and it has literally been years since I have raised any political issue with either of them.

Ever since the election, though, I have noticed that they fall into the group that seems beyond frustrated that they've lost, and they are always laying out the stinky bait. I rarely take it. The few times that I have, I have been criticized as disagreeing with them because (direct quote) "you think you're smarter than us."

:shrug:

My mom has sent me emails to join prayer vigils to stop the Freedom of Choice Act, told me I should pray to the holy spirit that we don't have socialism, raised the issue of Bill Ayers twice and when I finally asked her what specifically she was worried about, she accused me of being argumentative.

Just today, my dad sent me an email with a pretty cool video in it, where a guy was doing a magic trick. I couldn't figure it out, so I wrote back and said so, and asked if he knew how it was done. His reply: "Mirrors. Sort of like saving the San Francisco marsh rat (millions) will create jobs."

I wrote back: "I'm trying to avoid political confrontations, but the marsh mouse story is explained here:" and provided the Politifact.com link where they explain why it's false.

I know this seems stupid to many of you, but it REALLY REALLY bothers me. I hate getting the bullshit emails. I don't have the ability to deal with stress very well, and it's very stressful walking on eggshells. I know I can't be the only one here in a position like this.

Would you:

- ignore the political stuff
- talk to them about it and ask that they stop completely

I just have no idea. I want to put an end to this AND I want to keep the high road. That's important to me.

Thanks for any input.

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

1. Show them this:

[remoulade]

2. I would write them this: "Folks, I love you dearly and I want to help. Here's the name and address

of a really good doctor who treats Alzheimer's"

Probably won't work for you though...

[baldguy]

3. Manipulative passive-aggressive bullshit isn't just a conservative characteristic.

[dem629]

5. Who said it was?

[bunkerbuster1]

7. Indeed, I had to be fairly upfront with a dear friend who used to forward paranoid liberal stuff.

I got really tired of reading crap that had been debunked in Snopes; however, once I'd replied with a few debunking emails, this person caught on and stopped.

[dem629]

18. Hopefully I'll be as lucky. Thanks. n/t

[2Design]

4. I can not be around them at all - I find their brainwashed brains don't allow for intelligence n/t

[bunkerbuster1]

6. Since it bothers you, you should ask them to stop completely.

They'll probably want to know why. Tell them.

They'll probably not understand that there is a whole, loathsome industry devoted to generating crap emails to be forwarded from one gullible conservo to another.

If that doesn't work, just tell them that if you see an email that smells even remotely political, you're deleting it unread.

[dem629]

37. Thanks. n/t

[90-percent]

8. Have family discussions about Frank Zappa

Ask mom and dad what he meant when he said; "If your children ever find out how lame you really are they'll murder you in your sleep."

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

-90% Jimmy

[cliffordu]

69. "His father's a NAZI in congress, today....

His mother's a hooker, somewhere in LA....

The idiot bastard son...."


I miss Frank.

[EFerrari]

9. I'd block their email and stop responding.

It's okay to love your parents AND not respond to this stuff. In a way, you're doing them a favor by not helping them act out all over you. Good luck!

[dem629]

13. Thank you. n/t

[ladywnch]

70. that's my advice too. I have one dear friend here in CO and as

much as it pained me to cut her off, I had no other choice. she kept sending me shit like before the election that Obama wasn't a citizen, rapture videos with subject titles like "powerful stuff", "evidence" that prayer fixes EVERYTHING, etc. I just couldn't take it anymore and I didn't want to keep arguing with her and showing up all her "facts". I've written a rule in Outlook that just sends her mail to the trash. If you don't use Outlook, just put them as blocked.

[dem629]

78. Thanks. I just put a new filter on my gmail acct. that goes to Outlook. n/t

[Generic Brad]

48. And don't forget to block all instant messages and change your phone number

Maybe that will help them realize they have pushed too far.

[blue cat]

10. I've ignored my sisters

who are still angry as hell about the election. Tell them that you prefer to never discuss politics and that you hope that they won't.

[ColbertWatcher]

11. Laugh. That's really all you can do. Laugh and laugh and laugh! n/t

[dem629]

21. Speaking of laughs...is Colbert new tonight or does he have President's Day off?

I know that sounds like a dumb question but I have noticed sometimes that the talk shows are reruns on minor holidays.

[ColbertWatcher]

50. It is my understanding that The Good Doctor is ...

... taking The Greatest Presidential Holiday Ever off this week.

[sandnsea]

12. Mom - Dad - I'm Hooked On Heroin!!!

Or at least I'm going to be if you don't stop sending me this crazy email.

[dem629]

17. LOL n/t

[jeepnstein]

90. And I get to choose your rest home...

[drmeow]

14. This does not seem stupid to me at all!

You are in a very difficult and challenging position and I certainly would be bothered by it if I was in the same position.

Unfortunately it sounds like they don't even let you ignore the political stuff cause they embed it into innocuous messages. For that reason, I don't know that ignoring it is a viable option.

One thing you could try would be to write them a very respectful letter. In it make it clear that you love them and that you recognize that you have different political views than they do. Write that you would prefer to agree to avoid discussions about political issues both out of respect for them and to avoid conflict.

[dem629]

16. Excellent idea. Thank you. n/t

[drmeow]

22. If it doesn't work

stop reading their e-mails and tell them why.

[dem629]

29. Thanks again. I really like your ideas.

Just don't send me a bill. ;)

[drmeow]

45. Curses! Foiled again.

How will I ever become a rich psychologist if I continue to give away my advice for free. :)

[Ladyhawk]

98. My turn!

How can I move to the coast if I'm so sick I still need help from my Republican family members. Some people have told me that I might get better if I actually move: less stress from living in a Republican environment, access to better doctors, etc. I'm on disability, so money is tight, too.

It's a catch-22.

[drmeow]

99. Where do you live,

where do you want to move to, do you live with said Repuke relatives?

[Ladyhawk]

102. I live in the foothills of California. I want to move to the coast.

No, I don't live with them anymore. At least that much is taken care of.

I'd like to take a trip to coastal areas, but my illnesses get in the way.

[drmeow]

104. First, change one aspect of your mindset

Orient your thinking as if you did not have living parents who could or would help you. Then, with that mindset, go to the SSI Admin office and explain that your doctors have recommended that you move for your health but that you need in order to be able to do so. Maintain the "I have no parents" mindset ... I think it will make it easier to ask/demand.

Alternatively - explain to your parents that that their political comments are very stressful and your MDs have suggested that they are preventing your recovery (if you can do this when you are having a particularly bad day, even better). If your parents don't know about your political preferences, imply that its just too upsetting because you agree with them. If they do know your political preferences, explain that you respect that they do not have the same views as you and that it would be better for your health if you just agree to disagree and not talk about politics at all.

[BDW1964]

15. Politics is like religion.....

People tend to form unassailable positions on both. In my experience with my elders, the only way to not fall into the trap is to not take the bait, ever. You might ask them why they think it is necessary to always bring up heir political views, especially when you have asked them to not do so.

[dem629]

19. Good insights. Thanks. n/t

[blaze]

20. Not sure how I would deal with this

I am fortunate that both my folks are lifelong Democrats and supported Obama in this election.

I love my folks and can't imagine trying to navigate the rough waters you are in right now.

Hope someone in a similar situation, who also wants to keep the peace, will be able to offer some helpful suggestions. :hug:

[dem629]

24. Thank you very much, and I'm sure you know this but you are very lucky. n/t

[yellowdogintexas]

23. how about this: ask them to put an alert in the subject line for REAL FAMILY business

about which you NEED to know..

new babies, engagements, marriages, family dinners, vacation plans, health matters, community news if you no longer live in the same place etc.

Then if they ask you why, tell them you don't want to have to open and reject all the drivel and that IF THEY DON'T stop, you are going to autodelete everything they send you without reading it.

Then when you miss an occasion or two and they ask you why, just tell them that you told them what you were going to do about their nasty emails and they obviously didn't believe you..

Sort of a reverse on the old parental "if you are not ready by 7 pm you will NOT go to the movies with the rest of us." type of discipline.

If they get mad about the fact that you ignored all their emails, just remind them of any similar punishment or treat withheld (like in the sentence above), and tell them you learned good discipline from them.

then let us know how it works.

[dem629]

25. Thanks. I like most of that.

I wouldn't go as far as the "I told you" part. That's just me. But I do appreciate your input. Thank you again.

[yellowdogintexas]

oh the I told you would only be if they nagged you a lot about why you missed

events, etc. They would have to lead you to that, not the other way around.

I do wish you luck with this issue. For the entire Clinton administration, my poor mother repeatedly begged her only sibling to STOP WITH THIS CRAP already. My uncle only sent her more..because he KNEW he was aggravating her and getting under her skin. He never grew up in that respect, and he did love to needle people. There never was a kinder gentler man but he had that one character flaw....

[BlooInBloo]

26. Why do you hate America?

:P

[dem629]

27. AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Thank you for the laugh. Seriously. :)

[BlooInBloo]

52. :)

[roody]

28. Refuse to discuss their issues.

Do not open their emails. Tell them to stop and that you want cordial relations without political discussion. I have right wing parents and we do not discuss ANYTHING of importance. I used to tell my dad my beliefs, but no longer. My lips are sealed. Whatever he says, I say, "uh, huh." He wants me to say I believe again. But he taught me not to lie! I just say, "Please pass the cookies."

[dem629]

30. Good advice. Thanks.

[silverweb]

31. I empathize.

I know a few people like that and it never really ends well. The last time I declined to debate a family member by email, I was called a smartass and told I'd be "bitch slapped" if I repeated my refusal in person.

I no longer respond to provocative emails at all, but just delete them as soon as I see what they are. For emails that have mixed content, I respond to what I want and DELETE the parts I don't like from their original email in my reply. That not-so-subtle hint has actually helped.

I've had to drop a couple of "friends" who persisted in sending me their crap after I nicely asked them to quit, and that included blocking their email.

As for the snide, baiting remarks, like your dad's about the marsh mouse, you answered the only way you really could. I don't know what your relationship with him is like otherwise, so I can't really give you any useful suggestions. Maybe saying, "You know, I'm trying to be nice, but you really do act like a dick sometimes," would help; then again, maybe it wouldn't.

As for walking on eggshells, I know exactly what that's like and you have my heartfelt empathy. Maybe just going silent on them for a while -- and telling them why if/when they ask -- is worth trying. Good luck. :hug:

[dem629]

34. Thank you.

I couldn't/wouldn't say that to my dad. I don't mean this anything against you AT ALL, but it's important to me that I remain the civilized one in this exchange.

I really do appreciate your response, though.

[silverweb]

41. (I was joking.)

I picked up from your OP that you wouldn't say something like that to your dad.

Who knows, though -- maybe it's a line that would work with someone else... (j/k!) :D

[scarletwoman]

32. Well, if you're not living with them it seems pretty simple. Just delete all their emails unread.

If they ask you what you think about their latest emailed crap, just calmly state that you didn't read it, you deleted it.

They can send all the shit they want, but YOU have the choice whether to read it or not. Deleting it instead of reading it = nothing to argue about.

sw

[dem629]

35. Thanks n/t

[DKRC]

33. I have a folder set up

to route all mail from my RWnut folks into for later consumption. Pretty much anything with FWD in the subject is RW crap. They don't have original thoughts on anything political.

Sometimes I don't get around to it for weeks. :evilgrin:

[dem629]

36. Good idea, thanks. n/t

[dem629]

38. *** I would like to thank all of you for your input! Time for dinner. Thanks again to everyone! ***

[peace13]

39. I feel your pain! We need our own forum for people with politically insane relatives!

I can not give you any good advice but will tell you that after the election my mother seems to have gone over the edge. Referring to me as You Liberals and claiming that she has to walk on eggshell around me because of my awful political ways. Just last week, in a very calm voice, I finally told her that is was OK if I were dead to her. It sounds awful but that is the only way that I can handle this. Eight years of horror living under * and now this. I put my sister on ignore on my email and I am done. I always felt sorry for the folks in the nursing home, the ones whose children don't visit. Well I can see how things could come to that and it's not always the kids fault. Good luck with your folks. Peace, love, and energy your way, Kim PS: If I had a heart left I would send one to you.

[dem629]

74. Thank you very much.

I really appreciate it.

[Ladyhawk]

88. That's a good idea for a forum.

I can't tell you how much I've suffered because of this.

Things are better now, but only because I suffered first.

[peace13]

95. I am so happy that things are better for you!

What was the trick? I will try to pursue the forum. There is a lot of suffering out there. It feels like a Civil War to me. I actually have done better since I cut the communications, but even so, it is still sad. Peace, Kim

[Ladyhawk]

97. It is sad.

When I cut off communications, it gave me leverage because my mother realized I was capable of cutting of communications. She told me later she was "afraid of me." I think maybe it was a form of respect. It allowed me to enforce boundaries. FINALLY!

What a painful way to go about it. :(

Later, I was able to let go of the anger and that helped, too. Letting go of the anger is a daily process, especially since my nephew is turning into a non-thinker, too.

I've decided that changing my family isn't my job. It's fraught with too much emotion. Maybe I can help change the minds of other people and in turn, they can try to positively affect family.

[Garbo 2004]

40. I'd talk to them and since you don't raise politics, ask them to do the same for the sake of good

feelings all round. If they have regard for your relationship and respect for you they may consider it. If they don't respect you enough to stop apparently acting like ass-s (sorry if it offends), tune it out, act like you didn't hear or see it and don't respond to those comments.

If they're sending you emails I take it you're not having to have a lot of up close and personal interaction? If it's primarily by email, don't stress over that shit. Ignore the crap and only respond to the substantive emails. Or even tell them if they keep sending you political stuff you won't be responding.

Don't let them push your buttons and perhaps they'll not get a kick out of pushing them or at least you'll not let them get to you.

Act like a grownup, let them be the childish ones if they insist. But you don't have to put up with it. Set boundaries just as with any other relationship. Easier said than done but it can be done. But more importantly, just put the issue in a place where you have perspective and you see that it's their problem, not yours. May not make things all hunky dory, but the best you can do is not let them get to you with that crap.

And if you're an only child and they're along in years, start measuring them for diapers. I can tell you from experience, parental incontinence is a great leveler.

[NNN0LHI]

42. If they have money humor them until you collect your share of the dough

I found myself saying, yes, OK and a bunch of other agreeable things to my parents as they got older.

Then after they are gone you can party like its 1999.

Don

[Pookster]

43. Parents and Politics

I think I'd just ignore the political stuff. I have had this issue with family and I just don't say anything, then as soon as possible, I change the subject to something more neutral.
Purrs,
Pookster

[nebenaube]

44. here's what I did

I asked them when they became fascists then ignored them for a few years...

[Inkyfuzzbottom]

46. Call me harsh...

but I'd quit opening their emails. When speaking on the phone if they start up with any of their crap you simply say "I have to go now" and hang up. If you are visiting and they start in you simply tell them you have to go and leave immediately. They will learn there are consequences to baiting you...or they won't see or hear from you. I had to put my own mother in check and found this works well. Our political views are similar but she is an expert on everything and couldn't help telling me how I should run my life. I finally had my fill and put her in check. Our contact is limited but she now knows where the line is and doesn't step over it any more.

[donco6]

47. I would never, ever take the bait.

Not even to send a clarifying story. If it was obviously one of those viral RW emails, I'd delete it without opening. I don't know if you can put an end to it without their changing their mind a bit, and that doesn't appear to be possible right now.

But then, I wasn't that close to my parents - so take that into account.

[Warpy]

49. Tell them you consider it abuse because it is

Tell them you will block all emails from them if they send you more right wing trash. Then do it. If they want to talk to you, there's a wonderful thing called a telephone. If they start to rant, hang up. Wait five minutes and call back, changing the subject to whatever you wanted to talk to them about.

In person, when they start to rant, walk out of the room. Take a walk, go for a drive, take a shower, whatever. Come back 15 minutes or so later and ask, "Are you done?" My parents picked up on this one in record time and shut up.

Limit setting with parents isn't impossible. It can be done. Just don't take the bait and insist on your right not to be a punching bag.

You are reacting to the needling because it is emotional abuse.

[dkofos]

51. Me, I'd argue with them. Until I made them feel as stupid as they are.

Of course they would probably never talk to me again.

[theoldman]

53. He or she who argues with a fool is the greater fool.

I think the bible says to avoid fools.

[Demoiselle]

54. A simple proposal:

Tell them:
1. You love them very much.
2. Of course you don't think you're smarter than they are.
3. They are FAMILY and that's much more important than politics so let's not waste anymore time on such stuff...
4. Next subject: How was their day/vacation/trip to the doctor/whatever.

If you didn't love them, they wouldn't get under your skin. Tell them you love them, and ask them to lay off. (Kindly.)

[Maru Kitteh]

55. Why not try being very nice to them and saying "I realize we have very different views about

politics, and I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated, but I don't want us to get into fights over things like this when there are so many other things we can talk about. Staying away from political discussion has been working really well for a while now between us, and I'm really happy with the way things have been going. Life is too short."

[BR_Parkway]

56. Just keep replying Jesus was a socialist - it worked with my Mom

My Dad on the other hand keeps sending me crap. At one point I got frustrated enough to email back something along the lines of "why do you give a shit, you don't have any money in the bank" over some stupid Dems are going to tax your capital gains crap. He stopped for a couple weeks then started up again.

I finally had enough and emailed him back to say:

Stop depositing your 'socialist' Social Security check, I'm sick of paying for it.

Stop going to the Dr and getting your heart medicine through your 'socialist' Medicare program, I'm sick of paying for it.

Call the 'socialist' police and fire departments and tell them not to show up at your house if there's a problem - I'm sick and tired of my tax dollars going to take care of people who can't afford to buy services all on their own.

When you get sick, don't have the 'socialist' ambulance take you to the 'socialist' local hospital for treatment - in this country, if you can't pay for it yourself - you have no right to tax me to support you because you didn't pull your bootstraps high enough - I'm sick of paying for it.

Until they make all roads require a toll - sit at home and don't drive on those 'socialist' roads - I'm tired of my hard earned dollars being taken to pay for other people to use. Oh yeah, if you didn't grow any food, don't buy any from the grocery store because all that stuff had to be shipped there on trucks on the roads I'm paying for

The Nurse or assistant who's going to wipe your ass in the nursing home is currently being trained in a 'socialist' state run college - half her tuition is paid by tax dollars and I'm sick of it - if they'd quit taking all my money, I'll have enough to pay for my own nursing care when I get older.

It's been a week - we'll see

[fudge stripe cookays]

57. Cut em off.

Tell them if they continue to treat you so disrespectfully after you've explained your views, you will no longer communicate with them. Seriously.

If they continue to do it, stop calling, stop e-mailing, stop visiting. They'll get the message. When they start complaining, tell them "I told you to respect the fact that we had differing opinions on this, but that wasn't important enough for you to care about. So I'm not going to speak to you until you can understand that."

It worked for me trying to teach my mother (an unrepentant racist) about not using the word "nigger" in my presence.

It sounds harsh, but it is a version of tough love.

[JerseygirlCT]

58. First your second choice, followed by the first

I'd say to them that I love them, and don't wish to argue with them, so it's best they stop attempting to engage me on these topics. That they're well aware I have different opinions, and out of respect for me, they really need to stop pushing theirs.

If they don't, you might just have to build a few blockers into your email...

I totally know what you mean - my dad will do this - usually to me and my husband, but he feels the need to take the bait (as if he's going to persuade my dad of anything!) and it gets very heated and ugly. We've both taken my mom gently to task a few times when she's made statements (for instance about how Joe Biden is pro-abortion... when I explained exactly what his position was she said - "oh, that's my position on it, too". Yeah mom).

There's a lack of respect in them continuing to engage you in this. But it's usually best to just try explaining that sometimes it's not good to look for fights with people you love - you have to simply love them for what they are, and just agree to disagree.

I hope that works for you - because the ignore part is hard!

[Stevenmarc]

59. Remind them you'll be the one responsible for putting them in a home.

[leftyclimber]

60. I've had this problem with both my dad and my grandmother.

With my dad, a few reply-all "Snopes is your friend" emails got me off his list pretty quickly. We're back down to college football and other innocuous topics (small talk is important here, if you *can* keep it to small talk). All is well.

With my grandmother, I had to stop responding to her emails. I feel terrible because she's quite elderly and her health is not good, but I just couldn't take any more of her racist claptrap. I live 2,500 miles away, so I did not do this lightly.

My mom has taken a completely different route, choosing to eschew having an email account at all until her mother dies (she used to have one but got sick of the BS).

Good luck. It's hard dealing with this crap when people you love are involved.

[Greyhound]

61. Patiently explain to them that you are smarter than they and that's why they should defer

to you in these matters as these issues are far too important to be left up to people like them.

You might also explain that we are in this mess because they failed to do this earlier.
:D

[mitchum]

62. Tell them you are gonna give their stuff to the homeless when they die

[Tangerine LaBamba]

63. Oh, honey..........

I have some years (decades?) on you, and an advantage in that I've been someone's child and someone's parent. So I see the problem a bit more widely than you do.

You have the answer in your post, but I know you don't see it, and I also suspect you don't want to admit it.

The truth - and I'll go out on a limb here, without too much fear of falling - is that you are smarter than they are. Judging by your post, you're smarter than most people in this world.

The only thing we don't want to confess to ourselves as we grow up is that we are better people than our parents. It's not what we grew up believing, when they magically knew everything.

But, part of the growing up process (and, believe me, it takes a lifetime) is coming to terms with who you are in relation to your parents. In your case, you are smarter and you are more compassionate and you are better informed, and, in my world, anyway, that makes you a better person than they are.

So you use this newfound knowledge as a cloak, as a shield, and you learn to duck and evade, to shine them on, to smile and change the subject, and, if need be, to stand up and declare that you're going to wash the dishes or wash the car or walk the dog or sweep the sidewalk or vacuum the living room or take a shower, just to make them stop.

Gradually, it gets easier and easier, and you'll discover that they've run out of steam. They're only human (another shocking revelation about our parents!), and when they fail to get even the hint of a rise out of you, they'll quit. Your only job now is to hold it together.

You can always PM me and scream. I've got a great big set of ears, and an even bigger set of highly absorbent shoulders.

I know all this because I had to do it with my parents, and it was agonizing.

You're a good kid, regardless of your age.

Good luck.

[Greyhound]

66. Copy cat.

Nicer version 1.1
:rofl:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

68. Sorry. What?

I didn't mean my post to be funny.

What does your post mean? I don't understand.

[Greyhound]

71. Look two replies above yours. n/t

[Tangerine LaBamba]

80. Oh, man.............

Great minds. You must have posted that while I was writing mine, because I read all the responses before starting to write mine.

I just checked the time. Yeah, you were there two minutes earlier.

My apologies if you thought I was copycatting you. Not at all. But, we're both right.

Hats off to you!

:toast:

[Greyhound]

84. No, no, no, I knew it was coincidence, I just thought it was pretty funny.

You were much more thoughtful in your reply, I was being a smartass. It just gives me a chuckle when this happens and it also gives me some hope(?) that there are other people that see these kinds of things.

We are so often inundated with artificial complexity and manufactured ignorance just so that the obvious answers can remain obscured. This person's parents seem to be prime examples and the "you think your smarter than us" line got to me a bit.

Cheers:toast:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

89. Like you, I find it encouraging

is that we both hit the same line as the heart of the matter.

We're not alone, no. They're not fooling us, and when we have the chance to pass that kind of insight along, it just creates another one of us, and another, and another.

We did good, Grayhound................... :)

[dem629]

73. Thank you. n/t

[mitchum]

64. Start dropping hints about "recovered memory" and trauma

that will scare the fuck out of them

[dem629]

77. Yikes. n/t

[L. Coyote]

65. Tell them you and your hot Latina are moving to Venezuela to work in the revolution!

They deserve it!

[foxfeet]

67. "Shady Pines, Ma, Shady Pines."

'nuff said.

[gratuitous]

72. Short and simple

"I know you don't like my peaches. Why are you shaking my tree?" Followed the next time with a load of peaches. Fair warning.

[dem629]

76. I love this one. Thanks! n/t

[salguine]

75. .

[dem629]

79. ***Another big THANK YOU to everyone. I read all the responses but didn't want to

clutter up with dozens of "thank you" posts. So consider yourself thanked!

[Greyhound]

91. Consider yourself welcomed. Kick. n/t

:kick:

[CitizenPatriot]

81. If it's in person, you can smile and say

"Now, you know I was raised better than that!"

It compliments them as parents and reminds them that it isn't good manners to argue about politics. I also agree that you are perhaps more evolved in some ways, and so as hard as it is to deal with what seems like a lack of respect, it's in your best interest to remember what you love about your parents and focus on that.

Another tactic I use is to come up with a list of topics, so I can drive the conversation rather than allowing The Pause, wherein the family member inserts their conservative talking points.

I try to protect myself by staying really positive (only with family do I put this kind of effort, by the way) and if they bring up the President, I smile a huge smile and say "Isn't it wonderful how he's saved blah blah...I know how proud you must be, loving this country as you do!" You know, I don't give them a chance to get too crappy.

As for the emails, I would delete them without comment. You could send one email asking them to not send political stuff or to send it separately -- but I think you're better off not leaving anything in their control. You have the power to delete, and it causes no drama.

That's my 2cents; I"m sure you'll find what feels right for you.

Good luck-- you've got a great heart and I applaud how you want to keep things civil. edited to add: I know how upsetting this must be. I think the hardest thing is accepting that you won't see eye to eye with these people whom you love very much. At least for me, I found it was easier to deal with after I accepted this.

[AZBlue]

82. Completely ignore it and it will stop.

If they don't get a response, it won't be fun and they'll stop doing it.

[MajorChode]

86. I doubt it will stop even if it's ignored

The reason they do it is because they need to continually validate their ideas by bouncing them off someone with opposing ideas because deep down inside they know they are wrong.

Even if they don't get a reaction they know it bothers their target and that's all the satisfaction they need.

[riderinthestorm]

83. I limit our convos to once/week and keep them very, very light.

My mother's had some particularly nasty verbal discussions with me so I know there's no middle ground for us.

If she tries to start something I tell her she's a "low informatin" voter when she brings up the latest Rush Limbaugh/Faux news bulletins. I don't debate her, or argue with her, or anything. I just move on. She always sputters about how she (also) reads the Chicago Tribune every day! Anything she brings up, it's always from the most far right info sources so I'm not being dishonest.

And I just repeat that phrase - "low information voter".

Sounds cruel? It has stopped political conversations from erupting for the past year - after 25+ years of crap. She's a bigoted, narrow, religious fundy. I know our conversations will end badly if we get going so I've gone all tough love.

I'd delete emails unread also after fair warning that you're going to do that.

I regret that our relationship has come to this point but at least we're civil now when we talk to one another.

Good luck.

[MajorChode]

85. Life is too short to put up with that

What it sounds like to me is that your parents are under the impression that you owe them something eternally and as such they can be disrespectful towards you and you have no business standing up for yourself.

I went through this with my mother and I had to set her straight. Basically I told her that I owed her nothing and that since I'm now an adult she will either treat my wife, my kids, and myself with respect, or she will not be a part of my life. She stayed pissed off for a while, but I had put myself in a position where I will NOT be treated disrespectfully and eventually she acknowledged that.

Do not take shit off relatives just to keep the peace. It's not worth it. It's usually pretty hard for parents to break that parenting role and treat their kids as equals. It's up to you to tell them the way it's going to be.

[Ladyhawk]

87. My mother has been doing the same thing lately.

I told her straight out I don't want to talk about the following:

1. The economy
2. Politics
3. Religion

There's a good chance she will listen this time because I've proven to her that I can and will cut her out of my life if she doesn't respect my boundaries. Before I did that, she just ignored my requests.

I don't have the energy to argue with her. I don't even have the energy to keep up with politics. I'm disabled. Besides, it's not my job to change others. She doesn't want to change and I can't make her. Maybe someone else can fight this fight on my behalf, but I just can't.

So, here it is again, in a nutshell:

1. Establish boundaries (this may be heartrendingly hard)
2. Enforce boundaries

That's what works for me.

I just made this request tonight, so we'll see how she does at keeping her mouth shut.

[AngryAmish]

92. I friend of mine uses the phrase "dropping bait" as a euphemism for pooping

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

93. "I am (N) years old. It's perfectly possible that I actually AM smarter than you folks. So what?"

[Ezlivin]

94. Return subject line: Please don't send any more child pornography to me

That should result in interesting times for everyone.

[treestar]

96. Kid around with them:

Right winger: Obama is going to make us socialists!
Rational person: Yes, it's going to be weird to be living in a Marxist country.

Right winger: Obama was not born in the U.S.!!!
Rational person: True, it's odd to have a Kenyan president.

Right winger: Obama's going to close the churches and lock up the Christians!
Rational person: That will be horrible.

Don't know why it works, but maybe it is because they know deep down how ridiculous they are being.

[Kashka-Kat]

101. Interesting. Sort of a verbal "ju jitsu" approach

[TBF]

100. We don't see our conservative family members very often but when we

do we look away and/or change the subject if anyone makes any political comments. We don't correct them because they're old, but we don't reply to them either. Thankfully my mom is an aging hippie so we can at least talk to her. :)

The BS emails are the easiest - "delete". It's harder to have to deal with them in person.

[Ladyhawk]

103. One more thing:

I've discovered that the more I read liberal sites, the more I think of possibly engaging my family, which is an exercise in futility. I take breaks from all news periodically.

I think now would be a good time because I've worked up a bit of anger that isn't doing anyone any good.