"This conversation is over."

[Ladyhawk]

My mother had me pinned in the passenger seat when she started bitching about Sean Penn calling her a bigot for supporting Prop H8. At first I tried to reason with her by saying it was OK for Sean Penn to be intolerant of intolerance.

She said, "That doesn't make any sense."

Before I started explaining that it was OK to be intolerant of, say, racism, I realized that none of what I said would EVER change her mind. She has told me so often enough.

So instead, I said, "This conversation is over." I had to say it a few times emphatically, then change the subject, but I won. :)

:toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast:

This calls for a celebration. It took years of drastic measures to establish boundaries, but I've finally succeeded! This gives me the freedom to remain on good terms with my mother because I know I have the power to stop right-wing crap before it gets out of hand.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Yea for Ladyhawk!

[bottomtheweaver]

1. LOL.

You go! :beer:

[EFerrari]

2. Very well done!

:hug:

:toast:

[Cerridwen]

3. :D

Congratulations!

:D

[maxsolomon]

4. and it only took 3 years of therapy for me to get to the same insight!

don't wrestle with the pig!

[Ladyhawk]

9. I've been in therapy, but I think it was a stand-up comedian who got through to me first.

My therapists wanted me to talk about my feelings...blah, blah, blah.

I think it was Gabriel Iglesias who said, "You can either be right or you can be happy."

That made me wonder if all the family fights were worth the trouble. The answer is, "No fucking way!" I can't change who my parents / family are. The best I can do is set up boundaries, maintain them and love my family as they are, even though we disagree on some very important things.

As an aside, I think cutting off communications (which required some real anger) might have enabled me to actually set up boundaries in the first place, so perhaps there is a time and place for anger. But as a way of life, it totally sucks!

Edited: punctuation and clarity

[BuyingThyme]

5. Because Ladyhawk said so!

[stillcool]

6. Good for you! I find it really hard...

to not get sucked in to the same old tired shit. In my case, I swear the person's mind is on a continuous loop. She uses the same words, in the same sequence, with the same incomprehensible logic..all the while being so damn smug. And I play along right in tune. But with your Mom? What a feat! :toast:

[silverweb]

7. Good job!

My standard response now is, "I don't care that you __(fill in the bigoted opinion)__." Then I change the subject.

Repeat as necessary.

It's been shutting down the family bigots quite nicely since before the election.

[Warpy]

8. You can do minimal potty training with parents

and set limits so that they won't use you as a punching bag, but that's as far as you're ever going to get.

Good for you for taking an important step!

[Ladyhawk]

10. Thanks. :) nt

[Hepburn]

11. Two phrases to use when you feel pinned:

1. Why do you ask.

2. Sorry you feel that way.

Either or both pretty much will work as a response to just about anything and both can be said with an inflection all the way from sweet and innocent style to a fuck you style.

IMO, if you are always prepared, then you get less backed into a corner when confronted.

Hope they help you as much as they have helped me when someone will NOT take it from me when I say, "I don't wish to talk about that."

:hi:

[sutz12]

12. Congratulations....and let me get Biblical on you...

There is a reason that the first story in the Bible is about disobeying God. If you think about it, none of us will ever grow into being our own person with our own distinct personality until we learn to move beyond (read: disobey) our parents. Apologies to the lurking fundies out there, but :shrug:. Truth is truth.

Welcome to growth. It only hurts for a while. :)