Jeezus Luvs Yew

[david13]

Help me out and give me a come back/retort for it.
We have all suffered some glassy eyed idiot wandering the streets, high on dope or communion wafers or 'rapture' whining to any and all 'jeezis lovs yew'.
My last one was Ashland Oregon, and all I could do, like another lady was chuckle.
Someone told me George Carlin had the response "god hates you!".
Good, but there must be some classy response, something with savoir faire, and I don't mean "go bang yourself with a cactus plant."
Help me out if you will.
dc

[ColbertWatcher]

1. "You don't speak for Jesus" ??? n/t

[ColbertWatcher]

2. "I thought Jesus hated commies" ??? n/t

[Warpy]

3. ".... but he can't stand YEW!"

but only if I'm cranky. Otherwise I just go about my business.

One of my favorite songs is "Jesus Loves Me but He Can't Stand You" by the Austin Lounge Lizards.

[cloudbase]

4. I know.

And he told me you're going to burn in hell.

For me, that would be considered classy.

[rrneck]

5. How about

"next time you see him have him tell me that himself".

[smokey nj]

6. You could sing: "Jesus luvs me, this I know cause that person told me so"

[Rincewind]

7. Jesus loves me,

this I know, 'cause the voices tell me so.

[Naturyl]

8. Tell them "Jesus loves you too"

But everybody else thinks you're a prick.

[leftyclimber]

9. In Ashland I think chuckling was probably the right response.

As long as they're not spouting hellfire and brimstone, I don't think much more is required.

[The_Commonist]

10. I usually just say...

"thank you" and move on.
Sometimes I say "Thanks, and Bob loves you!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_SubGenius

[gratuitous]

11. What?

You just don't really interact with the person and move on? What kind of attitude is that to be fomenting on DU? You're supposed to get all up in the poor schmuck's grill. With drugs, if possible.

Will I need to say this is sarcasm? Inquiring minds desperately need to know!

[burning rain]

12. "No He doesn't; He just says that 'cause He wants to fu*k me."

^

[Taverner]

13. Say "Cthulhu won't eat you"

[Igel]

14. I like yew, too.

Nice plants.

When I lived in Oregon people were stripping yews for tamoxifen production. Near Ashland, if I recall a-right.

[Dr_Willie_Feelgood]

15. Wouldn't it be awesome if...

...people respected and learned from the teachings of Jesus, instead of using him as the focus of supersticious power tripping and oppression?

I'm just saying - don't blame Jesus, blame the morons who (supposedly) follow him!

[Calliope Aquamarine]

17. Right.

Wasn't it Ghandi who said, "I like your Christ but not Christians; Christians are so unlike Christ." These "Christians" are driving people AWAY from Christ by their antics, why not try loving and helping others(especially the poor) as Jesus commanded?

[Calliope Aquamarine]

16. Jesus may love you, but...

...many of his followers hate your guts. "Witnessing" they call it, ha, they need to keep it to themselves.