How Fox News Would Have Covered World History

[marmar]

from HuffPost:





David Kronke
Posted: June 11, 2009

How Fox News Would Have Covered World History


Sadly, Fox News Channel has been on the air since launching on Oct. 7, 1996, with the declared intention of destroying Bill Clinton and dragging his corpse through the streets of Washington. I say "sadly," not because it's a pity the cable-news network exists (get your mind out of the gutter, you dirty hippies!), but because I believe that deprives so many historical events that truly could have benefited from the kind of incisive perspective that Fox is celebrated for providing. For example:

The Crucifixion of Jesus

Gretchen Carlson: Sad news today from the Holy Land, where Jesus, the Son of God and Mankind's savior, died from wounds suffered during his crucifixion at the hands of the Jews.

Steve Doocy: Sad news indeed, Gretchen, but I think the big question here: Did Jesus suffer enough to absolve liberals of their sins?

Brian Kilmeade: Steve, I wonder if liberals will even be willing to accept the gift of eternal life that God has offered through the death of His Only Son. After all, it's right there in their name - godless liberals.

The Spanish Inquisition

Neil Cavuto: The Spanish Inquisition is back in the news today, with reports that 36 non-believers were burned to death in an Auto de fé in Seville. To offer perspective on this latest incident is Ann Coulter - welcome, Ann. Now, some have been critical of the methods of this group that seeks out and punishes non-Catholics and false converts, a group established by Pope Sixtus IV himself. What's your take?

Ann Coulter: I'm all for it, Neil, and I'm surprised anyone would question the Pope's intentions. They should invade the heretics' countries, kill their leaders, sodomize their women, remove their fingernails, bludgeon their housepets, fire-brand their genitals and convert them to Christianity. ...........(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kronke/how-fox-news-would-have-c_b_214285.html

[CJCRANE]

1. Fox News: Is Crucifixion Torture Or Just Enhanced Punishment?

[bicentennial_baby]

2. There was an AWESOME Fark thread on this a few years back...

The photoshops were hilarious. :rofl:

[backscatter712]

3. I think a lot of them are here...

http://jokes.squirrelgate.com/foxnews/index.html

[Cresent City Kid]

4. The Great Depression

Epidemic of Laziness:
Nearly 25% of Americans have quit their jobs, and are seeking handouts from government. Upper class turncoat, Franklin Roosevelt is happy to oblige, rewarding the lazy behavior with survival from starvation. The economic policies that Herbert Hoover worked so hard to perfect are being dismantled in the course of this tragedy.