Sanford Steals Show at Jackson Memorial

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

(Satire from www.TheDesperateBlogger.com)

While luminaries from all areas of public life gathered to pay their respects, share their memories, and mourn the passing of Michael Jackson, the entire world seemingly held its collective breath during one of the most unexpected and poignant of moments, when a surprise visitor inspired perhaps the largest spontaneous group-hug in the history of American infotainment.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford took the Staples Center stage at approximately 11:58 a.m. local time, and tearfully apologized to Jackson, his family, and the thousands gathered, for having failed to apologize for his indiscretions personally before the ‘King of Pop’s’ passing on June 25th. He then held the mesmerized crowd in his grip as he tearfully recounted, in graphic yet respectful detail over the ensuing hour and thirteen minutes, precisely what those indiscretions were.

The embattled Governor and Horizontal Tango master, who in recent weeks has revolutionized the use of cameras, microphones, and enabling reporters to enhance the ‘group therapy experience’, then proceeded to hug and further apologize to the bereaved family and as many of the approximately 18,000 in attendance as he could before throwing himself, weeping uncontrollably, onto the deceased’s casket as the surviving Jackson brothers performed their number one 1970 single “The Love You Save”.

At a post-memorial interview, family patriarch Joe Jackson was effusive in his praise of Sanford, thanking him for “his candor in a situation so many of us have found ourselves in” and taking the opportunity to announce that Sanford has tentatively agreed to contract terms with his new record label.

When reached for comment, members of the Governor’s staff as well as South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Bauer declined to make any statements, saying that they were neither aware nor informed of any plans by the Governor to leave the state.

[Turbineguy]

1. Somehow,

that doesn't seem all that far fetched.

[undeterred]

2. I left the room while he was describing the magnificient

"parts" and tan lines. Not in front of the children.

[RagAss]

3. Brilliant !