The TLC channel: "I can't believe I'm pregnant" and "Obese and Pregnant". Here's the good news!

[CTyankee]

OK, so I am watching TLC when the first show goes on (after "What Not to Wear"). My daughter and her 3 daughters (my granddaughters) are in the room. I was prepared to be appalled.

Here is what happened: we had a 3 generational discussion about SO many issues relating to these programs, which I thought would be exploitational beyond all respect.

I was wrong. The teachable moments were numerous! We discussed 1) lack of health insurance (the lady who delivered her baby on her bedroom floor, clueless because she couldn't afford prenatal care), 2) denial that you could be pregnant after a relationship was ended, (second lady) 3) WTF with giving yourself hormone shots to keep a pregnancy when you are 53 years old! (3rd and British lady).

My granddaughters are 13, 11 and 8 so this was a very interesting evening! We also talked about proper use of contraceptives and about pain relief in childbirth.

With "Obese and Pregnant" we had a different problem. The oldest grandchild showed a bias against heavy women early on. I countered with my opinion that people should not be judged on their weight. That was my constant reinforcement.

Overall, I think the shows really tried to offer a medically accurate counterbalance to the sensationalism of the programs. I loved that we had 3 generations of women and girls participating in its showing.

Use these moments!

[Tangerine LaBamba]

1. They turned you upside down, huh?

And isn't that the greatest feeling in the world?

I am JEALOUS! I wanted to be in that room with you, taking part in that brilliant conversation. You realize those kids are going to remember all of this for the rest of their lives, because that's how their little minds work. They are at the perfect age - even the 8-year-old whose main job is keeping up with her big sisters - to get all this out on the table, to have it discussed openly and honestly, and to be free to state their opinions, ask their questions, hear the answers from someone they trust and love.

Take a bow, CT. I've always enjoyed your posts, and our exchanges have been events of joy for me because we might not always share the same take on things, but our conversations have been enlightening and noteworthy, and this post of yours is just another jewel on an already-sparkling necklaces of gems you're stringing together.

Thank you for letting me go on this ride with you, and to you and all your girls, I send my very best, and a picture of how your tale made me feel........................

[CTyankee]

11. Hey, Tangerine! I feel the same toward your posts.

You are one of the most original, creative thinkers on DU (amidst LOTS of original, creative people). I still remember your observations on the thread I posted about short story writing. I'd never written one before and hadn't shared it with anyone because I didn't know what to expect. You offered insights and your wisdom for which I am always grateful.

Thank you. I value your friendship and your esteem!

[CoffeeCat]

2. Wow, that is amazing...

I think it's so cool that you had those three generations in the room together--and that it was like a discussion group.

I think it's so important for women to TALK. Whether you join a book club or have a close group of friends who meet--it's
just so important to stay connected and to share life stories. In addition to the interesting information these kids gleaned,
you are teaching them the importance of connection and interaction.

I have two girls--ages 8 and 9. We talk a lot and I listen a lot! However, I have to tell you--they don't know about
sex or contraception. I hope I'm not "behind" in what I should be talking to them about. Your post is also a good reminder
to me that I need to be thinking about how my husband and I will approach this...

So thanks for sharing a cool story and for the "reminder".

What a good daughter and grandmother you are! :applause:

[JerseygirlCT]

3. I think so long as you're willing to listen and listen

(even when it gets near unbearable... you know, the "and then I said, and then she goes, and then he like, said...") they'll keep talking. And the conversations about things like sex and contraception won't have to be planned, they'll just organically happen. Probably in some bits and pieces. It seems to end up just being a long conversation, held as needed over the years. Or such was my experience!

[pipi_k]

4. Good for you for doing that....

I myself am still reeling a bit in amazement over the total ignorance and lack of curiosity of a friend who is 66 years old.

Last weekend our religious friends come to visit. We're sitting around talking about the baby geese that had hatched just the day before after many unsuccessful attempts on the part of our two adults. Can't remember the entire conversation but Mr Pip somehow ended up talking about unfertilized goose eggs and women and the eggs in their ovaries...

Oh no, she says...women don't have eggs!

Uh....excuse me? Yes they do...

Well. It appears all this time...even after giving birth to 4 children of her own, she didn't know that women had all the eggs they'll ever produce, right there in their own ovaries.

What did she believe?

She believed that men had BOTH the sperm and eggs in their own bodies and somehow fertilized them and when they did that, then they implanted the result in the woman.

OH MY GOD

nobody ever told this woman the truth.

Of course, I can't blame her for not knowing what she didn't know. She thanks me for telling her without making her feel ashamed...I tell her no problem, that years ago when I was young I knew a woman of about 35 who didn't know that women had three "holes".

OOOOOOKayyyy

my friend says, there are THREE?

I say, yep...how many did you think there were?

Two, she says, and names them...I tell her that the third one is the urethra where the urine comes from.

She is amazed.

She asked me how did I find out all that stuff, and I said, because I read a lot...ironic since just an hour before that she had remarked in a discussion on books that she didn't like to read. That figures....


So all this time she's thought that the MAN held all the "power", so to speak. Which sort of made sense to me once I thought about her (and her husband's) attitude on abortion. They think it's MURDER, naturally, being so religious and all. Anyway, what I thought may or may not be true, but what if scores of women are running around with the same belief? Wouldn't it then make sense to THEM that to have an abortion is a crime against one's husband if HE is the one to put the whole kit 'n kaboodle inside her? I mean, none of it would be "hers", would it?

We're talking basic tenth grade biology here, too, you know?

Anyway, I thought about giving her my copy of "Women: Our Bodies, Ourselves", but the chapters on birth control and lesbianism (my copy is pre abortion days) alone would probably freak both of them out so much they'd end up trashing the whole book.

Sad...very very sad...that women in this day and age can be so ignorant about their own bodies.

What's really sad is that I doubt very much my friend will be curious enough to research this whole thing further....

[Odin2005]

5. OMFG!

That is unreal, pathetic and sad.

[BlooInBloo]

6. I assume you're kidding.

[pipi_k]

10. No...I'm honest to goodness serious...

I wish I could have taped the whole discussion and saved it to show people the results of gross ignorance and lack of intellectual curiosity.

:(

[Berry Cool]

7. This is frightening.

That woman is like something out of medieval days...you know, when some "experts" thought the head of every sperm cell had a little teeny-tiny curled-up baby inside it, and when a man released the sperm inside a woman, she became pregnant because one of the little teeny-tiny sperm babies had taken root in her.

And then she didn't know that women have three holes...ouch.

That's just painful. It's like she got told some bad version of the facts of life when she was six and never learned better.

[TheDebbieDee]

8. I learned a long time ago that one shouls never assume

that the person you are talking to knows what you know about the subject - WHATEVER the subject is. I'm always prepared to explain every facet of the subject in case there are questions.

Also, don't be surprised if someone accuses you of being condescending when you try to explain things.

[Duke Newcombe]

9. "Last weekend our religious friends come to visit."

Is there some nexus between the above and the biological ignorance?

[pipi_k]

12. I seriously don't know, to tell the truth

Although if I had to guess, I would say that the ignorance has always been there for years and she just fell into a pattern of not paying attention to certain things. Then when she got married (twice) she just turned her whole emotional and mental self over to her husbands. For example, she spouts off a lot of RW conservative bullshit, but it's basically the same crap she gets from her husband, and I honestly don't know if she has a CLUE as to what she's "believing" or why. It's one of those, "If my husband thinks it, then I do too", you know?

That, I believe, is a result of religion, as they've both stated many times that, according to the Bible, the husband is supposed to be the mental, emotional, and spiritual "leader" of the family. You know...the BOSS. :eyes:

There's nothing wrong with her mentally, although at times she is sort of like a mental child without the curiosity children have.


I would like to think that she's just pulling my leg about not knowing this stuff, but I saw the look of complete puzzlement and confusion on her face....it's real...

scary

[CTyankee]

13. I gave both my daughters a copy of "Our Bodies, ourselves" when

they were 12 and 13. It became pretty well worn!

Full disclosure: I worked for a women's clinic for 7 years and at Planned Parenthood's state headquarters for 4 years, raising money in both jobs. PP had a great course in those days about being approachable parents and we ran little workshops entitled "How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex." They were well attended!

I don't know why we insist that kids get drivers training before getting their licenses and yet think sex ed is a "no no." It doesn't make sense to me...

[ensho]

14. that book is a great gift for young girls and boys too because

it teaches them the truth about women and how their bodies work. instead of boys learning all kinds of misleading and wrong crap.

[CTyankee]

15. Excellent point! Sometimes, even kids with great relationships with their parents

can be shy about their own bodies and want some privacy when they ask questions. If a parent gives them the info they can read on their own, they are more likely to trust that parent and feel more secure...

[AngryOldDem]

16. Check out MTV's "16 and Pregnant".

If you can get past the "Juno" knockoff feel, it's maybe one of the best reality series MTV has done.

[ensho]

17. yes! talk about reality

most of the boys and girls can't see past their own noses. and most of the parents are so misinformed and/or religiously brainwashed that it is sad.

watch and learn about real americans.

[Jazzgirl]

18. I am in my mid-fifties. My grandmother always

talked to my mother and sister and they passed that knowledge on to me and my cousin. They pulled no punches. If we asked a question we were never told we were too young to know an answer because if we asked we needed a good answer. I never had any children but my cousin (7 years older) had 3. She tells me the funniest stories about talking to her kids about sex the same way Grandmama and our mothers talked to us. Needless to say there are no unwanted children in my Mom's side of the family.